Jack Monroe #65 Green gages and ham

[I steal names]

As a self proclaimed connoisseur of tatties, "a potato is a potato" has given me rage!

Jack, I'm going to speak to you in language you will understand. If you can't appreciate the differences between a lovely floury tattie, perfect for roasting to a golden nugget of heaven, or for making fluffy, buttery mashed clouds of carbs; and waxy, firm little parcels of bite, strewn with abandon in salads, garnished with herbs or spices, or smothered in mayo. Well, if you can't appreciate the difference between these things, you have no place giving Top Tips or bits of advice on them.

Sincerely,

A tattie lover.

 

[Pocahontas]

She melts the halloumi into the sauce. Hun....how?! Maybe it's just me, but I thought halloumi famously doesn't melt.View attachment 226937

Halloumi does not melt, you melt!
She is a crime to food.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

There a slight difference between someone suggesting a book you already own and saying 'Yes, I have that one, it's wonderful/thought provoking/beautifully illustrated, isn't it?' and barking 'GOT' like they're fucking stickers from the Euro '98 Panini Collection.

But that seems to be the narrative running throughout.

House in nice area by the sea - GOT
Detached property - GOT
Garage - GOT
Summerhouse/shed - GOT
Wilderness area at back of garden - GOT
Cat of debatable parentage - GOT
Cotswold sideboard - GOT
Cotswold Dresser - GOT
SMEG - GOT
Westwood (Gawd Bless 'Er Soul) Dress - GOT
Art by super famous modern artist - GOT
Water Rower - GOT
Ridiculously oversized table - GOT
Expensive sofa - GOT
Giant bed - GOT
Fake wood wallpaper shit - GOT
Pizza oven (only used once) - GOT
Expensive knives - GOT
Nutribullet - GOT
(I suspect there's a Vitamix hidden somewhere)
Le Crueset - GOT
Most expensive slow cooker - GOT
Fortnightly flower delivery - GOT
Expensive Christmas Tree and decorations - GOT
Wrapping paper from Paperchase in their own Cotswold Storage Unit - GOT
Colour Coded books as per Instagram/Ben Fogle - GOT
Performative/Worthy Book Display - GOT
Fancy crockery - GOT
Ironically cheap IKEA shelving - GOT
Every trendy ingredient, spice or preserve - GOT
Complete disinterest in potato types and the fundamentals of cooking - GOT


I think the howling rage comes when she can't tick off a Middle Class Signifier. Like a dog, a house paid off, etc, etc.

 

[Pocahontas]

All of her stupid disciples that are suggesting she ‘team up’ with Marcus Rashford are stupid, ignorant bastards. How dare they?! He has done amazing work - why on earth would he need or want to be dragged down by this aggressive poverty imposter in her detached house with the heating on August?

And for her to be all simpering, and ‘fingers crossed we can can make something work’ is soooooooo dizgusting. I wish she’d have the dignity and humility to say, ‘He doesn’t need me, he’s doing amazingly on his own without me.’

 

[HarderFaster]

Let me get this straight... her doctor prescribed a "chemical rollercoaster" and insisted that she take some time off work else there would be a disaster less than 4 weeks ago (I checked... it was 03 Aug) but now she's back writing not one but two books, one of which is deeply triggering because she's having to remember all the lies she made up about being poor?

Totally consistent with burnout, you guys. Many ill, much sympathy.

 

[Silver Linings]

Apologies in advance for long post, but this whole thing was just a boasting opportunity.

She twice mentions having 3 copies of things which made me

 

[Silver Linings]

Jack Monroe #66 A Potato is a Potato.

 

[Emmapism]

I've done that. I've made that. Had that job. Seen that film.

Oh THAT book? I actually have the first chapter tattooed on my butt cheeks!

Honestly she makes me want to smash my face into my phone until it breaks into a thousand pieces.

I would do but she'd probably claim she'd already done exactly the same to ALL THREE of her phones earlier today....

 

[Emmapism]

I know we aren't allowed to and I'm not going to do it but I would love a parody Jack account to exist on Twitter.

Mack Jonroe, who has had every job, thought or experience that you have had and knows more about it than you ever could.

To be fair Jack could sue for intellectual property infringement or something because you'd essentially be stealing her entire personality but it would make me laugh

She'd just be one upping everyone on Twitter.

You've got a PHD mate? I've got twelve. Completed them all last year whilst I was filming one of 5 TV pilots and writing a million books, all of which are coming out next month on the same day.

 

[lilamay]

View attachment 227191View attachment 227192
Any chance someone may have read this mornings guardian?
View attachment 227194

The comparison made me think of this:

(Left - original, Right - JM's version)

Her followers are so OTT aren't they?

Yes absolutely x

 

[Silver Linings]

Once a thread!

 

[MrsOgre]

She's here!

 

[Pocahontas]

Someone's in the comments telling her she's talking pish about the potatoes.

So, according to Jack, ‘potatoes are potatoes are potatoes’.

By that rationale, a self-indulgent blog post full of inconsistencies is a self-indulgent blog post full of inconsistencies is a self-indulgent blog post full of inconsistencies.

Right, Jack?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[colouredlines]

There's this very strange reverse snobbery about dishes - particularly dishes from other European countries. It's weird and disrespectful to go "ah well I'LL call it carbonara because what do Italians know anyway?" It's revelling in ignorance, and it reminds me of when someone goes "hi I'm Jorge" and the response is "oh well I'll call you George then" (I've had colleagues do this...).

I mentioned earlier that if you ordered fish and chips, and I gave you steamed salmon, you'd probably complain. Well, a Spanish person would complain about Jack's "tortilla". An Italian would complain about her carbonara, risotto, funeral pasta (remember that one?), mushroom and chocolate pasta sauce...

And it's not about being a snob or a purist. It's just that words have fucking meanings. Again, you ask for shepherd's pie. I give you a dish with shredded chicken instead of minced lamb. Go ahead and say you were *inspired* by another country's cuisine, sure. But don't rob words of their meaning, and then be proud of it.

 

[Cabbagestew]

She said recently that all her relationships failed due to her PTSD. I assume from her being on benefits and how it affected her relationships.

I struggle to understand this to be honest. I’ve been skint more or less for the last decade. Both in and out of work. Yes it’s crap but you get on with it, what else can you do. I’m a bit better off now but jack made her name and her living out of being broke and cooking cheap meals.

On some level she is choosing to relive her moments that make her struggle mentally. Over and over again and again.

If she needs to let that all go or at least put it in its place then it’s time to do something new for a career. She really has dined out on hunger hurts for long enough.

As for her being a political activist don’t make me laugh. I’ve done more politically than she has in the last 6 years and there are far more people out there much more politically engaged than I am.

Also. I totally agree with the narrative of why should poor people eat slop? Why all the mad substitutes? Give over. I’d rather eat beans on toast 7 days a week than some of the idiotic stuff she cooks.

 

[Fiddledeedee]

Jack, not sure if you've noticed but this plague has been here since March. You've not given a shit about your immune system all year, unless it suited you. You've been to supermarkets, restaurants and pubs. You even fucked off on holiday halfway through.

1. Sees bandwagon
2. Backs up for a running start
3. Leaps on it with the manic desperation of the terminally irrelevant

 

[FrumpyCat]

View attachment 227035

Translation ; he is ignoring me.

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Someone suggested she put a jumper on...

She wouldn't last long in winter in her beloved Edinburgh if she's cold wearing all that in Southend in August!

 

[blurstoftimes]

View attachment 228797View attachment 228799View attachment 228800

Ah so the point of this whole chain of tweets is to brag about coming 86 out of 5000...suddenly its all so clear! Also is she saying that if you don’t send your kid to a selective school they are doomed to only follow a vocational career path?!