Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[Marmalade Atkins]

I made a nice grid collage of a time when the lights were on.

 

[Limetree]

My husband is an insolvency Herr and I’ve asked him to take a deep dive on the whole tax thing and prepare a report with chronological timeline complete with explanations that even a ninny would understand. He’s just ONE MAN and he’s TIRED so I’ll have it for you within the year.
True story, the first thing he sent me on beginning his investigation was a link to thread 220!

ETA I hadn’t mentioned tattle at all

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Oh my god. Imagine printing a recipe that warns you not to eat it if there's a possibility you could shit yourself on the train.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack's mentions right now

 

[jenny2603]

Some people take a dim view of couples having wedding lists. I don't. Look what happens when people are left to their own devices.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Jack's mentions right now

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Oh Squig, you've missed a few chapters

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Carole has spoken.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Looks like someone's aware of her work.

 

[SmillieKylie]

i don't imagine this is the most popular wikipedia page, but i'm glad this is here as proof she's not done anything. if editing it didn't make me easy toi'd put 'as of [month year] it is yet to be produced' at the end.

Sam Vimes - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

View attachment 1432049

Squigs correcting the Twitter people on Inflation day, accordingly VBI is being referenced in speeches now…Squigs ready to inform others of the the bad news, with receipts.

Jack not getting involved …

 

[Jelly Bean]

'People are unkind - overrule it with kindness'
'People are imperfect - forgive them'.
So what about publicly lambasting people for vague comments made over 20 years ago? Where does that fit in?
Jack sees tolerance and kindness as very much a one way street - she expects it always but is quite happy to dish out the opposite.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Lol

 

[Mr Krabs]

She’s claiming she was a big whiskey drinker again. Of course, back in 2016 she claimed it was a bottle of gin a night. (Receipts from an old Tattle thread).

And of course, once I went looking for that, I found Jack talking about how she never ever drank gin ever. Not even on those insta photos of the gin tasting. This was in the nasty trifle thread.

 

[jenny2603]

Jack has magic teeth, they crumble to dust frequently only to keep growing back.

Veterans of the short lived Vonny LeClerc threads may recall that our Vons once left a job claiming that she'd lost a hand in an accident. Despite this she still appears to have two functioning hands, so presumably the lost one grew back. I have faith that one day our Jack will replicate this extraordinary feat.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Oh my god. It has taken me a train ride the length of the country to fully grunk. But what are thumbprint cookies??? Are they a thing?? Why do they look so bloody awful?? How does she have a cookery related book deal? Why am I using so many exclamation marks? I can’t cope Borbora

This is what they should look like -

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

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It's not possible to develop periarthritic calcification by eating too much calcium. That's total bollocks. Christ she just makes this shit up, doesn't she?

 

[Ostapbender]

Evergreen tweet right here

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title words courtesy of @OwlRightsReserved nominated by @StringyMango. I've saved some nice prune and bean sucky snacks for you both to cool down in the heat.

Newbies please read the wiki (pink button) and when nominating thread titles please use the words 'thread title'. Swearing is not allowed.

In the previous thread:

Jack has written a not at all bitter dedications section for her next slop manual in which she credits the original evil trolls Jenny, Peter and Borbora with her success although to add another layer to the spite trifle, she misspelled one of their names. TOOT TOOT!

She claimed to have launched a pencil case missile at Kelvin Mackenzie and shouted that it was for the victims of the Hillsborough disaster. Fortunately this didn't happen or it would have been one of the most ghoulish things she's ever done.

@OwlRightsReserved attempted to make stretchy hummus and was met with dubious and predictably sloppy results. Read the glowing review here here.

 

[colouredlines]

I guess the moral of the tooth story is that maybe we shouldn't be blending tins of mandarins in syrup to make "instant orange juice" after all...

 

[Phillipa78]

Lads, we've got squig on squig action...