Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title words courtesy of @OwlRightsReserved nominated by @StringyMango. I've saved some nice prune and bean sucky snacks for you both to cool down in the heat.

Newbies please read the wiki (pink button) and when nominating thread titles please use the words 'thread title'. Swearing is not allowed.

In the previous thread:

Jack has written a not at all bitter dedications section for her next slop manual in which she credits the original evil trolls Jenny, Peter and Borbora with her success although to add another layer to the spite trifle, she misspelled one of their names. TOOT TOOT!

She claimed to have launched a pencil case missile at Kelvin Mackenzie and shouted that it was for the victims of the Hillsborough disaster. Fortunately this didn't happen or it would have been one of the most ghoulish things she's ever done.

@OwlRightsReserved attempted to make stretchy hummus and was met with dubious and predictably sloppy results. Read the glowing review here here.

 

[StatusWoe]

Sorry this is OT, but I didn't have time to post before the previous thread was locked.

To @DisgruntledGoat who loves stories of petty grudges - have you heard about the Spite House in Boston? It's actually gorgeous inside & out and I would totally live there, but the term 'spite house' never fails to crack me up.

''The legend is that two brothers shared land but one built on more than his share, so the other built a skinny house to block access and views.''

Pssst, no one tell Jack about this! She'd probably try to build one next to Borbora's house. Crowdfunded Spite House is 100% Jack's niche.

 

[enhanced forest]

i don't imagine this is the most popular wikipedia page, but i'm glad this is here as proof she's not done anything. if editing it didn't make me easy toi'd put 'as of [month year] it is yet to be produced' at the end.

Sam Vimes - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[HansThatDoDishes]

I know it's 35 pages too early but we are all agreed that the next thread title should be Jack Monroe 344 % right? (And can we get smart price rice hats?)

 

[jenny2603]

Sorry this is OT, but I didn't have time to post before the previous thread was locked.

To @DisgruntledGoat who loves stories of petty grudges - have you heard about the Spite House in Boston? It's actually gorgeous inside & out and I would totally live there, but the term 'spite house' never fails to crack me up.

''The legend is that two brothers shared land but one built on more than his share, so the other built a skinny house to block access and views.''

View attachment 1432026

Pssst, no one tell Jack about this! She'd probably try to build one next to Borbora's house. Crowdfunded Spite House is 100% Jack's niche.

I'm just getting in quick to say she is also barred from buying The Wedge as a forever home because everyone in Scotland hates her and thinks she smells.

 

[PottySquatty]

Hey ninnies! I have been here since around DKL, and had a brief period recently in the posting sun under the alias SquattyPotty. I deleted my account because I just couldn't anymore with Jack's antics, but I carried on lurking

I had to delurk again to offer this absolute banger in response to @StatusWoe 's post in the last thread about nursery While it 9s conceptually v relevant to Jack, unfortunately it falls down when it comes to details as Jack does not yet eat solid food, and doesn't go to work every day to make some 'dollar bills".



Also, I know you aren't really allowed to talk about walruses anymore, but wtf, if not a chunk of walrus does she have on the pan in the back of this pic???

 

[Amanda Lin]

Sorry this is OT, but I didn't have time to post before the previous thread was locked.

To @DisgruntledGoat who loves stories of petty grudges - have you heard about the Spite House in Boston? It's actually gorgeous inside & out and I would totally live there, but the term 'spite house' never fails to crack me up.

''The legend is that two brothers shared land but one built on more than his share, so the other built a skinny house to block access and views.''

View attachment 1432026

Pssst, no one tell Jack about this! She'd probably try to build one next to Borbora's house. Crowdfunded Spite House is 100% Jack's niche.

You can’t spite Bobora unfortunately, I’ve tried but she said “not my ducking problem”

That’s why her enemies don't quit.

 

[Fenella]

Please can someone explain like I’m 5 how the vimes boots index actually works?

I can’t make head nor tail of it. Thé idea I have in my head means that as soon as anything is finished it’ll need doing all over again which would make it like a full time job (almost like things like that is for the ONS).

so I’m thinking my grasp of it must be wrong.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

@Ostapbender I am quite LITERALLY absolutely loving the excerpts from Jack’s Diary. It may well be the best work she has ever done so I do hope Jack is going to keep it up.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Oh thanks very much for the thread title, ninnies, I'm going to celebrate with edible food and a glass of rosé.

I can't cope with her sending a book to Borbora. Borb just wants to live her life, Jack!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

NEW THREAD!!!

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Sorry this is OT, but I didn't have time to post before the previous thread was locked.

To @DisgruntledGoat who loves stories of petty grudges - have you heard about the Spite House in Boston? It's actually gorgeous inside & out and I would totally live there, but the term 'spite house' never fails to crack me up.

''The legend is that two brothers shared land but one built on more than his share, so the other built a skinny house to block access and views.''

View attachment 1432026

Pssst, no one tell Jack about this! She'd probably try to build one next to Borbora's house. Crowdfunded Spite House is 100% Jack's niche.

Closing my laptop for the evening. Thesis can wait: Wiki wormhole into spite houses it is. Thank you for bringing this into my life.

Every time I think about “Borbora” I lose it.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Please can someone explain like I’m 5 how the vimes boots index actually works?

I can’t make head nor tail of it. Thé idea I have in my head means that as soon as anything is finished it’ll need doing all over again which would make it like a full time job (almost like things like that is for the ONS).

so I’m thinking my grasp of it must be wrong.

Buying cheap boots is a false economy. You have to replace them often therefore spending more.
Rich people who can afford the initial 150 quid lay out for good boots don't spend so much on them in the long run.
Something like that.
ANNNND it was Robert Tressell not Pratchett who pointed this out in 'The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists'.

ETA.. How this applies to Smart Price rice, duck knows.

 

[jenny2603]

Uh oh! Looks like the long arm of the law has caught up with Jack. Essex Live is going wild.

SLOP BAY THORPE GIBBON JAILED ON STALKING RAP.


A notorious local nuisance has been detained for 18 months for stalking a former teacher in the first case of its kind in Southend.
The judge in summing up said the substantial custodial sentence given to Jack Monroe, 34, from Thorpe Bay, Southend, was designed to deter others and protect potential victims of such offences.

The NEU, the country's largest teaching union, welcomed the sentence, saying it would give teachers more protection at a time when threatening incidents by parents and pupils against teaching staff are on the increase.

However, the Twitter Squigs said the sentence represented ''a significant failure in the criminal justice system'' and called for Monroe's immediate release as well as the return of the death penalty for Borbora Tutelage for an offence they describe as "upsetting Jack". Several Squigs are believed to be organising a series of protests with one threatening to eat nothing but Jack recipes until she is released, something nutritionists have warned is "literal suicide"

Monroe was under a court order banning her from contacting Mrs Borbora Tutelage, a retired teacher from Southend, when she sent her a threatening letter last September. A judge had earlier imposed the non-harassment order banning the crazed slopgibbon from going within 500 metres of Mrs Tutelage or contacting her by telephone, letter or any other means.

When the creepy stalker breached the order, the court ruled that a substantial jail sentence be imposed for the offence and other charges linked to Monroe's continuing obsession with her former teacher. Monroe was also convicted of breaching bail conditions six times.
The bail offences involved Monroe being seen loitering at places where she knew Borbora would have to pass on the way home. The ticking time bomb would stare at her as she passed and told police when called in: ''I just wanted her to know I make incredible burgers and am wildly successful TOOT TOOT''

The court heard that Monroe had attended Westcliff High School for Girls as a pupil but was eventually excluded from the school because of emitting an "unpleasant honk that defied belief", "constant lying and being annoying" and "an inability to pass even the most basic exam". She was ordered to be detained for 15 months for sending the letter in defiance of the non-harassment order and a further nine months for the other offences. As she was being taken down Monroe shouted "MY GRANDFATHER IS DEAD". Borbora could not be reached for comment.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Every time I think about “Borbora” I lose it.

Bo-Bo-Bo-Bo-Bobora Ann

 

[Krudler]

Buying cheap boots is a false economy. You have to replace them often therefore spending more.
Rich people who can afford the initial 150 quid lay out for good boots don't spend so much on them in the long run.
Something like that.
ANNNND it was Robert Tressell not Pratchett who pointed this out in 'The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists'.

ETA.. How this applies to Smart Price rice, duck knows.

I think it is something to do with the cheapest staples (9p tin of beans etc) in supermarkets and how much they have gone up by? As some doubled in price recently which is ridiculous. I'm not sure how much it has been put into practice yet, not seen much about it apart from initial announcements?

 

[StringyMango]

Oh thanks very much for the thread title, ninnies, I'm going to celebrate with edible food and a glass of rosé.

I can't cope with her sending a book to Borbora. Borb just wants to live her life, Jack!

@Owly RR. Inspirational! Bottle of cider chilling for later.
Blending on, boats against the current also sublime.
Cable. Insert you like me! You really like me gif

 

[SmillieKylie]

i don't imagine this is the most popular wikipedia page, but i'm glad this is here as proof she's not done anything. if editing it didn't make me easy toi'd put 'as of [month year] it is yet to be produced' at the end.

Sam Vimes - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

View attachment 1432049

Squigs correcting the Twitter people on Inflation day, accordingly VBI is being referenced in speeches now…Squigs ready to inform others of the the bad news, with receipts.

Jack not getting involved …

 

[StatusWoe]

Buying cheap boots is a false economy. You have to replace them often therefore spending more.
Rich people who can afford the initial 150 quid lay out for good boots don't spend so much on them in the long run.
Something like that.
ANNNND it was Robert Tressell not Pratchett who pointed this out in 'The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists'.

ETA.. How this applies to Smart Price rice, duck knows.

This is still confusing though. Say Parallel Universe Jack creates an 'index to document the inflation in the prices of basic necessities' (because the one in this universe will never),
1. Is this information not currently available?
2. Inflation in prices is subject to change, so the index will never be finished. Literally, it'll be NEVER COMPLETED IT, MATE.
3. How is this info meant to help in a practical sense? If you say, for example, ''Look, house prices in this area have risen by --% since 2008'' that's just sharing a statistic. It's not a proposed solution to the problem of rising house prices.

Am I being dense? I just don't understand the point.

 

[Fenella]

Buying cheap boots is a false economy. You have to replace them often therefore spending more.
Rich people who can afford the initial 150 quid lay out for good boots don't spend so much on them in the long run.
Something like that.
ANNNND it was Robert Tressell not Pratchett who pointed this out in 'The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists'.

ETA.. How this applies to Smart Price rice, duck knows.

oh no sorry, I understand that bit. It’s what Jack’s trying to do I don’t understand.