Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[jenny2603]

Uh oh! Looks like the long arm of the law has caught up with Jack. Essex Live is going wild.

SLOP BAY THORPE GIBBON JAILED ON STALKING RAP.


A notorious local nuisance has been detained for 18 months for stalking a former teacher in the first case of its kind in Southend.
The judge in summing up said the substantial custodial sentence given to Jack Monroe, 34, from Thorpe Bay, Southend, was designed to deter others and protect potential victims of such offences.

The NEU, the country's largest teaching union, welcomed the sentence, saying it would give teachers more protection at a time when threatening incidents by parents and pupils against teaching staff are on the increase.

However, the Twitter Squigs said the sentence represented ''a significant failure in the criminal justice system'' and called for Monroe's immediate release as well as the return of the death penalty for Borbora Tutelage for an offence they describe as "upsetting Jack". Several Squigs are believed to be organising a series of protests with one threatening to eat nothing but Jack recipes until she is released, something nutritionists have warned is "literal suicide"

Monroe was under a court order banning her from contacting Mrs Borbora Tutelage, a retired teacher from Southend, when she sent her a threatening letter last September. A judge had earlier imposed the non-harassment order banning the crazed slopgibbon from going within 500 metres of Mrs Tutelage or contacting her by telephone, letter or any other means.

When the creepy stalker breached the order, the court ruled that a substantial jail sentence be imposed for the offence and other charges linked to Monroe's continuing obsession with her former teacher. Monroe was also convicted of breaching bail conditions six times.
The bail offences involved Monroe being seen loitering at places where she knew Borbora would have to pass on the way home. The ticking time bomb would stare at her as she passed and told police when called in: ''I just wanted her to know I make incredible burgers and am wildly successful TOOT TOOT''

The court heard that Monroe had attended Westcliff High School for Girls as a pupil but was eventually excluded from the school because of emitting an "unpleasant honk that defied belief", "constant lying and being annoying" and "an inability to pass even the most basic exam". She was ordered to be detained for 15 months for sending the letter in defiance of the non-harassment order and a further nine months for the other offences. As she was being taken down Monroe shouted "MY GRANDFATHER IS DEAD". Borbora could not be reached for comment.

 

[colouredlines]

I'm not quite sure what the Twitter spat is actually about. Clueless as ever.

Is she upset that there's not an election for the new Tory leader spot? If someone could give me the rough gist of this fight, I'd be so grateful!

Jack just wanted to pick a fight with an easy target and get some sweet sweet likes from her fans (disappointingly, no one has been calling the dog tag phone number and trolling Jack, so she needed a Plan B for engagement).

Jack thinks that the phrase "the British people" means any subsection of a group that is both British and people. Conservative Party members do not meet this criteria, dunno if it's because they are not British or not people.

Jack does not understand her own country's voting system, which is really upsetting because it suggests that Jude Law was forced to sit down for no good reason.

 

[EllaEm87]

For those who don't know. Carole is not only a publisher but a therapist.

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Queen of promoting healthy coping strategies and teaching people to let go right there.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Ninnies, I’ve become a VIP! I’d like to thank Jack Monroe, without whom this would never have been possible, and an honorable mention to Patron Saint of Tattle Sali Hughes for sending me here in the first place.

I’d most of all like to thank all you mitherers for being the funniest, cleverest, most interesting, creative, empathetic and glorious bunch of people in the best corner of the internet ever. Even when Jack is being insufferable (ie almost daily), being here is such a joy.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Her teeth sound absolutely fucking foul the shit she’s constantly writing about them

View attachment 1433083

WHY DOES SHE NEVER CONTENT WARN THIS SHIT?

Sorry, excuse the caps, but I'm sick to the back teeth (no pun intended) of her wantonly chucking suicide into any random tweet like it's a fucking punctuation mark.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Terrible]

Worst Connect 4 game evaaaah.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Her teeth sound absolutely fucking foul the shit she’s constantly writing about them

TW / suicide

Spoiler: TW

 

[colouredlines]

For those who think the dog isn't hers due to timing of photos - she has had the dog a month, and posted photos/videos on the following days:

21/6 (Tue)
22/6 (Wed)
23/6 (Thu)
30/6 (Thu)
3/7 (Sun)
5/7 (Tue)
14/7 (Thu)
17/7 (Sun)
21/7 (Thu)

There has been a grand total of ONE video involving both SB and the dog, the ball-throwing on the very first day. There have been no photos of the two together.

In the "Jack bought a dog" column, we have:

* Jack's longterm habit of irresponsibility in acquiring pets at inappropriate times (eg two kittens mid-Poverty, the disabled kitten while in the throes of a post-LJC breakdown)
* Jack's longterm habit of ignoring pets once they are part of her household
* Jack's track record of acquiring pets that are purely Jack's, and have little/nothing to do with SB (most notably the disabled kitten)
* photo of a very young puppy on public transport, indicative of a) incredible irresponsibility and b) lack of car - Jack fits both criteria
* dog's stupid name, unlikely to have been chosen by a child or indeed anyone normal
* Spaniel Friend, who knows Jack IRL, leaving comments that indicate Jack is the dog's owner
* Jack constantly sharing dog tag phone number on Twitter. If the phone number belonged to another person, they would be furious
* SB's father is known to breed cats, suggesting that it's less likely he would buy a large puppy

To add, for anyone who believes Jack bought the dog for SB, remember Jack's renowned selfishness - does anyone honestly think a woman who gives her son a pre-nibbled biscuit as a treat would buy him a puppy?

As far as I can see, any belief that the dog doesn't belong to Jack is purely wishful thinking with nothing to back it up. This is a woman who left her rabbit in a shed and locked an extremely sick kitten in the bathroom at night, do people honestly think she'd hesitate before shutting the dog in a confined space and heading out to get her hair braided?

 

[colouredlines]

I love the idea that Carole has been egging Jack on in her performative spite for years. Imagine telling your therapist that you've had an argument with your landlord, and she replies, "Why not leave bags of shit all over the house? It's a healthy coping mechanism!"

 

[LennyBriscoe]

So she was drinking whiskey heavily for a decade, which would be... 2011 to 2021? So where does that leave the not drinking during the Poverty (or, depending on which article you read, the drinking Sainsbury's pisswater lager over Christmas one year?)

I took a screenshot of this a few days ago but didn’t post it:

Just my opinion, but I reckon that not a single addict in the history of addiction, stopped drinking/using *just* because they had no money. I’ve met people who have stole, undertaken sex work or even white knuckled through however long it took to get money.

And I would even go so far as to say, I’m afraid I don’t think she would put SB over herself, ever. Thank god it’s not true!

There was a segment on our local news the other night about how Scotland raised the price per unit of alcohol (to 50p), however it has only resulted in people spending more on alcohol. It hasn’t massively impacted on alcohol-related health issues…because if you are addicted to something, you will do what you can to get money for it.

 

[Captainmouse]

That and she claimed she couldn't get Furlough for Caroline because she filed her tax return late and so had to pay her 'out of her own pocket '.
This is also not possible as well as being a complete lie. It was a happy day in the cabal when someone found the receipts that Jack was indeed granted Furlough.

Here she is wingeing home schooling my arse

 

[traumatised sideboard]

She really needs some new material. It's always stepping on glass, falling down the spiral stairs or a crumbling tooth. I want to see an electrocution or a head injury sustained from an errant tennis ball that causes her to become entangled in her hammock and blinded by her own tits.

Also she made 34 cookies. You're too early for thread 344 unless you're planning a supreme chaos for later on.

 

[Ostapbender]

Intelligence testing is a fake standard which only measures the ability to do a test, but don't let that stop you big J

 

[moldwarp]

She’s claiming she was a big whiskey drinker again. Of course, back in 2016 she claimed it was a bottle of gin a night. (Receipts from an old Tattle thread).

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And of course, once I went looking for that, I found Jack talking about how she never ever drank gin ever. Not even on those insta photos of the gin tasting. This was in the nasty trifle thread.

This blog post is disgusting. So insulting to both struggling and recovering alcoholics and addicts, to suggest that you can go from a bottle of spirits a day drinker to 'don't need it' in 2 weeks. Able to sip red wine and casually toss it away. That's not the way the disease works. And then immediately to ask for money! She is a ghoul and I do not believe she has ever been or is now in real recovery as a true AA member would recognise.

I believe she goes to AA purely because AA is a paradise for narcs....people have no choice but to listen to you talk about yourself and show you love and support back. I also don't believe she's ever been a true alcoholic or addict (although she may have abused substances, prescribed, legally bought or otherwise, either now or in the past).

A real addict in recovery would simply not be this arrogant and wrong.

 

[jenny2603]

I'm fairly certain we've been here before with Jack's teef being broken on an unsuspecting bread roll .

Given everything Jack has done to food over the years, it was only a matter of time before it started fighting back. Expect more of this.

 

[Captainmouse]

While searching for something, I found this

 

[colouredlines]

"Hi Harold, I can't see your profile pic on Whatsapp anymore and I'm just getting one grey tick when I message you. I suppose you must have lost your phone and all the numbers you had saved? Well, I'll just leave my number here in the open. Just in case you ever want to chat. You know. If you want. No pressure. Go well x"

 

[Ostapbender]

Lads, we've got squig on squig action...

View attachment 1435846

It's all kicking off in Kindness Club

 

[Mr Krabs]

I always imagine Jack has a big wheel of fortune type spinner in her house which helps her decide which chaos to milk for attention next. It’s labelled with subjects like ‘teeth’, ‘stairs’, ‘hair loss’, ‘shoulder’ etc and she spins it every morning to help her decide what to post about that day.