Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[colouredlines]

Here you go, dear heart - I'm sure you'll agree it was worth the wait x

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Amazing.

We've all been there - you're eating some baked beans and you think, "Hmm, if this had a few chunks of undercooked onion in it, it'd really hit the spot." Thankyou, Jack, for all you do x

 

[traumatised sideboard]

If she makes reference to her mad head one more time I'm going to post her one of those cans of peanuts with snakes inside. I can't think straight long enough to explain why this is offensive so I'm just going to call her a ~bleep~ and be done with it.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

 

[Grizzlybear]

Does anyone own Tin Can Cook? Because I can only see the ingredients list for this recipe online, not the method, and I am dying to read it all.

Remember the soup made from a tin of soup? We have something even better:

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HOW ARE THEY 3?!!?!! Of your 5 a day. How? Onion isn’t. Beans - yes. The tinned toms, 0.5 at a push? You’re presumably diluting one with t’other so still 1

Does she know you can just get plain pulses yes?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Oh my god. Imagine printing a recipe that warns you not to eat it if there's a possibility you could tit yourself on the train.

 

[kachoochoo]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

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lovely. get this down ya and you'll tit yerself

how aspirational nigella could never

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Reply to squig:
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Wow she really sells herself doesn’t she? Can’t for the life of me think why tv execs aren’t blowing up one of her phones?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Jack does not understand her own country's voting system, which is really upsetting because it suggests that Jude Law was forced to sit down for no good reason.

If BIB is not the next thread title, there is LITERALLY ~NO JUSTICE~ IN THE WORLD.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

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I too like to get my copy of TCC out once in a while and look through the awful recipes, you find a new horror each time. It's like a form of self-punishment and a time to reflect on any bad decisions - buying this book being the main one.

 

[colouredlines]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

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OMG thanks! I can't stop laughing at this - the recipe that she proudly claims will have an immediate powerful laxative effect, but also the epic tip "Blenders are pretty handy to have in the kitchen." That's why we need literal food experts, I had no idea...

 

[Froggies]

Politics Jack is one of my least favourite Jacks.

 

[Moon Face]

It does seem strange for a budget recipe to take two tins to make one meal, surely it makes more sense to use two tins for, well, two meals.

 

[Hollaaa]

I didn't realise she left school at 16, that makes so much sense now regarding her poor writing skills. She just stopped and never progressed. No wonder she uses words she doesn't understand. She is still the toddler that's trying to talk like a grown up.


Where did she live at 16? Was it with Slumdad and did he or another family member own the chippy?

Note to self: bring back Slumdad Millionaire for the next-but-one thread title nomination, please.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

There’s so much wrong with this… whoever commissioned, edited, gave the go ahead to this bilge needs to have a long hard look at themselves. It’s baffling

Agree. Ditto anyone and everyone at The Guardian and elsewhere who had a hand in creating this monster and then continuing to enable her.

Much as it’s grim to watch as a bystander, it’s also done Jack herself no favours whatsoever, other than enabling the grift.

It’s hardly an endearing character trait to be totally insufferable, or a compulsive liar, no matter how much money for nothing you get thrown at you on a monthly basis.

 

[auntylil]

What evidence is there that Jack actually moved out at 16? Surely this would have been hard to afford for a smol pixie, and she probably wouldn't have been entitled to any help. Unless she's counting staying in one of her grandad's properties as "moving out"?

Perhaps this is part of the missing "2 years living rough" that she mentions?

Still grunking. So far today I've concluded she's a boring, immature, spoilt brat. With lots of missing teeth, which must have somehow re-grown because her mouth still looks full.

Spoiler: Me-rail

Off topic, I also left school (Grammar) at 16 with only 4 GCE's (I'm that old!), can't swim, and have a fairly high IQ. Does this mean I'm yet another incarnation of Jack? (I've also had some great jobs and a fabulous career, because I didn't use leaving school with so few qualifications as an excuse not to work hard and apply myself. That, and I didn't have a huge chip on my shoulder.)

 

[MooBelle]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

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Ah yes, I really enjoy a mid morning bowel evacuation of epic proportions to set me up for the day ahead.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I also feel like I need to share this, from the "Breakfast" section:

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Oh dear Lord, my bowels have gone on strike!

 

[Captainmouse]

The article also contains the truest sentence ever written about Jack by a journalist:

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That, at some point, must be #thread title

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

I can't decide if this squig is fake/a sock or just deluded and stupid. Concerning the Youth Parliament dispute.

There was more but it ended with this:

 

[Grizzlybear]

I can't decide if this squig is fake/a sock or just deluded and stupid. Concerning the Youth Parliament dispute.

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There was more but it ended with this:

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I am now reading these in the style of overblown backstage wrestlers trash talking to the camera