littlewonder
Chatty Member
honestly Emma reminds me of my own upbringing - they love and care for me and I had a happy, safe childhood but sometimes they have a strange way of showing it (aka very much ‘tough love’)
We’ve never been cuddly/affectionate as a family. small inconveniences are a big deal. very overprotective. unrealistic expectations of my behaviour as a child. diet culture and calorie counting - we never had snacks in the house. would get personally offended when they would make a nice tea and I, a mere 2 year old, didn’t want it. I remember being given the silent treatment for several days after an argument and I still am reminded of the one time I behaved badly on holiday in public in 1993. Everything was catastrophised (eg if you go out drinking you’ll get arrested, end up in hospital and then we’ll have to clean up your mess and you’ll never get a decent job) and everything was seen as personal attack on them and their parenting, to the point where I know I can never, ever talk about this and how it affected me with them. They’d be in total denial. I’m even scared to post this because what if they somehow read it?? I’m a grown ass adult in my 30s for goodness sake and I’m still so scared of what my parents think, it feels pathetic
I can confirm that whilst I love them and have a much better relationship with them now, it breeds resentment, deep rooted anxiety, an obsession with people pleasing and unhealthy boundaries in adulthood. But when I realised that other people’s families weren’t like that, I went off the rails as a teenager/in my 20s and became very good at lying
I think it’s why Emma’s stories annoy me so much, she needs to engage in just the slightest bit of reflection and realise that in the long term, this is going to really damage her relationship with her children. But then she will just blame J&H for being ungrateful and act like she’s a saint.
We’ve never been cuddly/affectionate as a family. small inconveniences are a big deal. very overprotective. unrealistic expectations of my behaviour as a child. diet culture and calorie counting - we never had snacks in the house. would get personally offended when they would make a nice tea and I, a mere 2 year old, didn’t want it. I remember being given the silent treatment for several days after an argument and I still am reminded of the one time I behaved badly on holiday in public in 1993. Everything was catastrophised (eg if you go out drinking you’ll get arrested, end up in hospital and then we’ll have to clean up your mess and you’ll never get a decent job) and everything was seen as personal attack on them and their parenting, to the point where I know I can never, ever talk about this and how it affected me with them. They’d be in total denial. I’m even scared to post this because what if they somehow read it?? I’m a grown ass adult in my 30s for goodness sake and I’m still so scared of what my parents think, it feels pathetic
I can confirm that whilst I love them and have a much better relationship with them now, it breeds resentment, deep rooted anxiety, an obsession with people pleasing and unhealthy boundaries in adulthood. But when I realised that other people’s families weren’t like that, I went off the rails as a teenager/in my 20s and became very good at lying
I think it’s why Emma’s stories annoy me so much, she needs to engage in just the slightest bit of reflection and realise that in the long term, this is going to really damage her relationship with her children. But then she will just blame J&H for being ungrateful and act like she’s a saint.
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