IR0201
VIP Member
Police knock on door
Police officer - Are you Shan McCarney?
Shan - No, I am Shan McCarney underscore OFFICIAL
Police officer - Ok, Shan McCarney underscore OFFICIAL you are under arrest on suspicion of murder
Shan - Exceewwse me? I was ACTING and I played you all! Don’t yewww know I was born to be on the stage???
Police officer - Acting? Three people who you threatened to murder are now dead
Shan - (changes wig) sometimes you’ve got to be a little bit naughty
Police officer - what?
Shan - from Matilda… I am the real life Matilda don’t you know
Police officer - right ok… you’re still under arrest
Shan - are yewwww reactive abusing me right now??
Police officer - no….
Shan - actually… can cats be arrested?
Police officer - no they can’t but I don’t see what that has to do with anything
Shan - (changes wig). I AM a cat so you can’t arrest me thank yewwww. So if yewww’d like to leave, I’d appreciate that
Police officer - I don’t care if you say you’re a cat, you are still under arrest
Shan - just because you’re in authority, doesn’t mean you’re right! People in authority are cunts! Just like my kids are
Police officer - ok…. Please turn around so I can put the hand cuffs on
Shan - I have two witnesses to prove I’ve been in all day and so I can’t have committed murder!
Police officer - who are these witnesses, we need to speak to them and get a statement
Shan - *points* yewww see that tree outside? There’s two magpies who can tell yewww I’ve been in all day
Police officer - magpies? Erm they can’t talk so can’t be your witnesses
Shan - yewww are such a narcissist! Just because yewwww aren’t magic and can’t talk to magpies
Police officer - put your hands behind your back or we will have to get the cheese strings out
Shan - ohhh nooooo not the cheese strings . I’ll comply but I still think you’re a see yewww next tewwwwsday. Also, before we go, can yewww please pick up that shit Lennys just done on my wigs?
Police officer - Are you Shan McCarney?
Shan - No, I am Shan McCarney underscore OFFICIAL
Police officer - Ok, Shan McCarney underscore OFFICIAL you are under arrest on suspicion of murder
Shan - Exceewwse me? I was ACTING and I played you all! Don’t yewww know I was born to be on the stage???
Police officer - Acting? Three people who you threatened to murder are now dead
Shan - (changes wig) sometimes you’ve got to be a little bit naughty
Police officer - what?
Shan - from Matilda… I am the real life Matilda don’t you know
Police officer - right ok… you’re still under arrest
Shan - are yewwww reactive abusing me right now??
Police officer - no….
Shan - actually… can cats be arrested?
Police officer - no they can’t but I don’t see what that has to do with anything
Shan - (changes wig). I AM a cat so you can’t arrest me thank yewwww. So if yewww’d like to leave, I’d appreciate that
Police officer - I don’t care if you say you’re a cat, you are still under arrest
Shan - just because you’re in authority, doesn’t mean you’re right! People in authority are cunts! Just like my kids are
Police officer - ok…. Please turn around so I can put the hand cuffs on
Shan - I have two witnesses to prove I’ve been in all day and so I can’t have committed murder!
Police officer - who are these witnesses, we need to speak to them and get a statement
Shan - *points* yewww see that tree outside? There’s two magpies who can tell yewww I’ve been in all day
Police officer - magpies? Erm they can’t talk so can’t be your witnesses
Shan - yewww are such a narcissist! Just because yewwww aren’t magic and can’t talk to magpies
Police officer - put your hands behind your back or we will have to get the cheese strings out
Shan - ohhh nooooo not the cheese strings . I’ll comply but I still think you’re a see yewww next tewwwwsday. Also, before we go, can yewww please pick up that shit Lennys just done on my wigs?
Last edited: