SaconeJolys #11 The Chronicles of Botoxia: the liar, the witch and the Wardo

[abcdabcd]

In Anna's stories from yesterday, she says: "Emilia took a look at the cookies and said 'why are they so ugly?', I said 'because they were made by small children' Emilia was like '*ewww* they don't look very nice' and I told her 'well you guys made them, what did you expect?'".

What a royal piece of work this "mother" is. Talking like this about her own children's efforts is disgusting in itself, but also saddening how their kids are all about appearance already. First we had Eduardo calling the sheets ugly because it was the first time in his life he saw them not ironed and now Emilia calling cookies ugly. I would've told her how rude it was to say something like this and used the opportunity to teach her about seeing the beauty in everything and that the first impression isn't everything.

I find it sad how they're never involving the kids just because it takes a bit of an effort. The two older ones definitely could've helped making the dough and learned a thing or two about cooking by now if Anna would involve them instead of shutting them out of the kitchen. And Eduardo would know about ironing, what it does and how much effort it takes if he ever saw Anna or Jonathan doing it, it's very obvious the housekeeper does it in the utility/dog room.

 

[Theydid/saidwhaaaaat?!?!]

In my last hours on this earth the last thing I would want is my partners annoying problem child and his miserable wife and their rowdy disrepectful kids destroying my peaceful exit and precious time with my actual loved ones.
I literally cannot think of anything more selfish and abhorrent than those twats highjacking someones ( that they are not even close to) last days and death for views.

 

[lemonandlime]

I'll preface this with saying if you wanna know why the witch of Botoxia is the the worst, you might wanna watch some of that yourself because she's so tragically stupid and selfish... I mean, this almost like best of witch. Anyway.
I HAD TO QUIT MY JOB VLOG RECRAP.

First of all, before I even click on it... what job might you be referring to? Anna's job of being a stay-at-home-witch? His job of pimping out his kids? I don't think so. But let's see what lies tonight's offerings will include.

We start with them in the car, taking Anna to the station and Jonathan remarks how beautiful Anna is with her hair up....he thinks she looks like a stunning model with a ratty bun. Okay then. I'd say she looks even more like a witch but you do you. Anna's carrying a LV tote and a weekender and is wondering IF SHE HAS ENOUGH ARMS TO CARRY IT ALL. Yes, witch, you don't need a slave to carry two medium sized bags.

Jonathan takes Andrea to soft play, which may well have been his first outing ever. He loves it and even Jonathan says they don't go often. Guess it must be hard when you have a witch to tend to at home. They pick up Alessia from school and she's a bit whiny cause she's hungry. So Jonathan offers her... leftover pasta. And leftover risotto. WHAT. Two different kinds of leftover? How old are they? I would never keep rice.... But you know, cute Lessi is so bright that she refuses both and gets a sandwich or a wrap instead. So the gnarly old leftovers are fed to Andrea instead, cause why not. How about another round of food poisoning for the whole fam? Jonathan lies to Alessia and says her wrap contains tuna and sweetcorn which she loves, but it's actually salmon and cheese which she doesn't. She doesn't want it! She ends up getting just sweetcorn, Andrea's food is haphazardly thrown on the table again, yup, sweetcorn straight off the table. Jonathan also claims Alessia beat him with her jacket and was mean because she didn't want his rank pasta. I wonder why that is.

The next scene is the family outing at Nando's... so...the things that happen here... Emilia licks her LOL doll and then asks that people comment down below if they think Andrea will have blonde or ORANGE hair. I'm a bit sad Anna doesn't offer rose gold as an option again. Man, those kids are weird. After dinner, they all get chocolates from the shops.

Good lord. The next scene is Anna in her car, wearing ginormous sunglasses and acting like diva. "well hello there, it's been a while..." not nearly long enough, witch. Oh. she actually goes nowhere. Or we never find out, cause the next scene is Anna in her kitchen saying she stopped working. OMG. WITCH. YOU CAN'T QUIT A JOB YOU NEVER HAD! She also says she doesn't know how people do both, be a stay-at-home-mom and working at the same time. Umm.... read those words Anna and think real hard. They are sort of mutually exclusive. Yeah, I know some people work from home... but you know...that's just not the point. It's such a dumb thing to say. She goes on to stay, "the stay-at-home-mom-thing is basically a full-time job, so i stopped working for the month because we don't have childcare." She says she hasn't worked in month because being a mother is so hard - then she goes on to show us her nails she just had done. Yeah. Being a MOM is hard. Then she whines that she couldn't go to London with him for work meetings. !I AM PART OF OUR BUSINESS!..." Then points out how frustrated she is that she couldn't come because she had to look after her children. Oh my god. That poor witch. Jonathan even told her she doesn't need to cook because apparently has a million other things to do... meaning getting a wax? Her hair done? Selfies? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO?! But she insists on cooking anyway because she's a perfectionist AND IT WAS ON HER MENU/MEAL PLAN. "Every time I cook something, Jonathan and I agree that it tastes better than takeout." This vlog is such a treat. The poor witch also has a headache because she only drank water with her workout and not since. As she's prodding her chicken in the pan she hates on her outfit "I don't really have a lot of clothes..." UM, what?! WHAT?! "Everything is either too small or too big" *drumroll* Let's hear it for the fans of her ED! Here we go! Last winter's clothes are too tight! Her pregnancy clothes are too big! Her post-pregnancy clothes are too big! Her body isn't adjusted to...whatever her ridiculous standard is. "This time last year I was smaller because I was breastfeeding... I get really small really quick when I breastfeed...and as soon as I stop, I get a bit bigger." She's cooking the whole time...and spoons a ton of mustard into the food... "Jonathan doesn't like mustard..." LOL.

In the next scene Anna says it's a nightmare having four kids in the car..."you guys be on best behaviour while I cook." For fuck's sake. You just cooked that before you got the kids. Reheating food is not cooking.

The end of the vlog rant is done by Eduardo and Jonathan.They're mostly just making faces at the camera and it's disturbing as always. Jonathan teases about what they are doing this week...it's all mysterious and he might turn into a hour long special. Ugh. Recrapping a whole hour of this sounds fun... not. Their secret project thing is them going somewhere off the grid for... fuck knows what. Guess we'll see.

 

[Lisaaaa]

really nice to see Anna marinading her chicken in the vomit bowl from a few weeks ago isn’t it[emoji1785]

 

[abcdabcd]

I'm literally too embarrassed for her to comment anything at this point

 

[lemonandlime]

A DRAMATIC END TO OUR ROAD TRIP VLOG RECRAP

I've done this a bit differently today to show how terribly boring their vlogs are. And spoiler alert - NOTHING dramatic happens.

SCENE 1 - Driving through the night. Nothing happens.

SCENE 2 - It's a bit brighter. Nothing happens. Mrs. and Mrs. Witch blab a bit and describe the countryside.

SCENE 3 - "It's a little bit brighter." It's 6 am. Anna put her makeup on courtesy of her plugin makeup mirror. More description of scenery. Emilia looks 50 shades of done with it all. Eduardo is still enjoying it.

SCENE 4 - "The best thing about this trip has been the signs about feral goats." is Anna's conclusion.

SCENE 5 - They're at a rest stop. Nothing happens. Maybe they got junk food.

SCENE 6 - They are back in the camper van, the kids are hyperactive and Anna groans in the background.

SCENE 7 - They've made it to Liverpool and are getting Subway. The kids are running around the restaurant. Anna orders sweetcorn on all the Sandwiches. Nothing happens.

SCENE 8 - They are back in the camper van and at yet another rest stop. Andrea isn't strapped in properly. Anna says he looks cute. She regrets that she didn't bring disinfective wipes because the van gets super grubby. Maybe she expected Ocado to deliver to the camper van door. The floor is filthy. Gas is 2 pounds cheaper there. Anna demands a decaf latte. With foam. Non-dairy if possible. Stupid diva. It's a gas station not Starbucks.

SCENE 9 - Another rest stop. The girls play with one of these plastic cars you can sit in there. Nobody needs to go to the loo. Nothing happens.

SCENE 10 - Jonathan says "For our last meal on the road, we've come to tossed. We got tired of switching between McDonalds, Burger King and Starbucks." Why the fuck did the not go to other places? Jonathan tasks Emilia with... looking after her siblings.

SCENE 11 - They are eating their tossed back in the camper van. To me it looks like they got the worst food you can get at tossed, Nachos and maybe chilli.

SCENE 12 - It's night again, they talk about how there have been a few mishaps on the trip, clothes needed to be changed (cold camper van showers anyone?) but everyone survived. To be fair, I really thought Anna would need to be sectioned 4 hours into their journey. Anna said she brought her yoga mat, the plugin makeup mirror, trainers, 15 bags of toiletries (I honestly don't think it was an exaggeration). Anna says she enjoyed the camper van toilet. WHAT THE HELL. She claims it was a positive experience. Anna wants to do an Italian language course 'when we sort out our child care situation' because she wants to be fluent. "This is what I wanted to do after I stopped breastfeeding." How is that related at all???? It's a freaking online course, too! I mean, fair enough, I do think it's nice she's brushing up her Italian skills, that's so much better than pretending to be super Italian all the time not even speak the language properly or make any of the dishes properly.

SCENE 13 - End of vlog rant. A minion said they camped by Loch Ness and Jonathan claims he didn't even know. Well, I've never been so I can't say they were or weren't but my guess is, if they had been by or near fucking Loch Ness they would've known. There would've been so many signs!!!! The dramatic end is... that the camera broke? LOL! This is the worst clickbait of all time. NOTHING happened in this entire vlog! NOTHING.

 

[karenjet]

What I would really love to see from Anna is a lot more appreciation of how well off she is, and less moaning. She really doesn’t seem to realise how privileged she is.

They all have their health for a start. I have a little niece with Down’s syndrome and if she saw all the operation etc she’s had to have it would make her appreciate her own kids’ health.

Even the lack of money worries would be such a big thing. I’m not in poverty by any means but I can’t afford waxes and manicures. I bet for Christmas she’ll just go on Amazon, find stuff the kids will like and click buy without a thought. Or raid the PO Box for Santa presents.

Meanwhile a lot of us have to beg, borrow and steal to give our kids nice presents, and then they watch YouTube and feel hard done by with the amount of stuff kids like the Sjs get.

To give credit where it’s due Jonathan does really seem to enjoy his kids and have fun with them (how much of it is for the cameras I’m not sure) whereas Anna seems irritated by them a lot of the time.

I’m sure she’ll regret it in years to come. I so wish I’d played more with mine and worried less about the mess. It goes so quick and you don’t get the time back. Although in my case I was a single mum so every mess was mine to clean. I never had a housekeeper

Even with the quitting my job thing. If she’d even said something like I realise I’m lucky to have the choice to work or not. An awful lot of mothers would kill to be in that position. But it’s always just acting hard done by.

I’m really eager to see how these new YouTube rules will affect the sjs and Inghams.

Something just tells me when Eduardo hits 11/12 he’s gonna have just had enough of the cameras. Emilia I can see becoming another Mia Fizz with the performance all the time.

I don’t believe for one second J and A would be fine with the kids saying they don’t want to be on camera. A completely contradicted herself in the documentary anyway. On one hand she said it would be fine, then In the next breath she essentially said she would tell the kids they couldn’t go to their school or have nice things if they weren’t on camera.

Im sorry I’ve written an essay, but I’ve been up all night and watched a few sj videos so needed a rant!

 

[Eileen_2019]

It would be a completely different situation if they actually knew the poor man. They don't. The E's have seen him maybe a few times in their lives, but they don't remember him. They barely know Grandma, and Jonathan can't even remember if the kids have ever been to Scotland or not!

This is all for the vlog, and for him to score points with his audience. His poor mum started the conversation saying "Well, it's not going to work Jonathan, because he's just.. he's just... laid down and just exhausted unfortunately.. so... um... sorry about that. " Does that sound like someone who wants the whole SacconeJoly gang to bulldozer into her house while she is trying to say goodbye to her partner of 20-odd years??
But he was already filming, the kids were right there, and he had already rented the camper van, so she couldn't say no...

 

[paolo]

Yesterday's vlog makes me sad for everyone except Jon and Anna. It's clear that Jon has never been to his mom's house. He and Anna are constantly shocked by all the amazing scenery they see on their way to her house and shocked by the weather. They've never been there before or they would know all these things.

The castle visit is sad. Jon says it was a quick tour because they don't allow filming in the castle and the kids weren't interested. Nothing is interesting if they can't film it and the kids learn nothing of history or culture. Not ever.

Jon aimed the camera at his mom checking her zipper, Allesia's lower parts while he rubbed her leg, and the German lady's bum. You must understand that he films looking at the screen, Meaning he films where his eyes are looking. He is a pig.

None of them slept in the van overnight. In the getting ready to leave vlog you see a box at the door with a travel crib in it. The intention was always to stay in hotel. Also when jon says "this is where Emelia slept", Edward says "Did not" and jon giggles. That entire scene felt staged and fake.

Also sad is that they visit poor mom for only a few hours in one day. Basically they take her to lunch, where he chooses to sit far away from his mom, and she shows them her friend's bakery where Anna pretends she has to stay in the van.

The saddest part though is when his mom is leaving. Everyone is already strapped in their seats. His mom has an awkward energy leaving by herself. He is filming her and she saying goody bye and how wonderful he and Anna are and Anna says "you didn't have to say that". Anna and Jon just looking over their shoulder at her and the kids have little interest in her leaving at all. Then mom walks out the door by herself. All very sad.

 

[Sophie80]

That's what annoys me so much, they have the time and the money to take the kids to all kinds of interesting places, yet they never do, unless it's an AD or sponsored deal for which the kids have to work. I thought it was quite sad that they live so close to London and the first time they go to the Natural history museum is to go ice skating with LOL dolls.... not to visit the actual museum. Eduardo would LOVE that massive dinosaur skeleton. Do they even watch slightly educational shows with their kids or is it just Peppa Pig and Disney princesses? So sad....

And yes, Jonathan has been complaining a lot about Youtube not being 'fun' anymore. Probably because the stakes are real now. With a mortgage and kids in private school, it's no longer a hobby that earns you freebies every now and then, but it has to keep a roof over your head and your children fed.

Who knows, maybe he'll go back to that 'reality show' type of filming, with the weird transitions and the 'Welcome to Reigate' every vlog to advertise where they live.

This! They don’t enjoy their children at all. They make no effort to educate or inspire their curiosity and they don’t encourage them to learn about the world separate from a classroom. In their eyes the lovely expensive private school is enough. It’s disgraceful! When they take them on holiday they dump them in holiday clubs, no effort to teach them about different cultures, or show them different architecture, or nature. Their lives are so dull.

I am by no means a perfect parent but I love teaching my kids the simple things, like picking blackberries and cooking them, climbing hills/mountains, And when they have school projects, like the Great Fire of London, we try and take them to the landmarks to see it for themselves or read oops/watch films about it.

We live 90 minutes away from London and we have been to the Natural History Museum at least ten times. My Son is OBSESSED with the place...

Those kids are nothing more than accessories.

 

[abcdabcd]

I thought it was so sad that nobody gave her a hug, or walked her out.... It really was what he said, a distraction, not support.
I live in a different country to my family and we see each other regularly, but take turns in who visits. He clearly had never been to his mum's house or he would not be so amazed at the scenery and how small her village is.

Exactly, also, when his mum wanted to show Emilia the cassette tapes (Emilia really wanted to learn about them) and she wanted to get an old player because the one in the living room wasn't working, Jonathan said "she doesn't need to see it" and then his mum said "Your daddy sets the rules" or something. I thought that was so rude, it was something they could've bonded over and Emilia would've learned something. But it shows how Jonathan isn't all that off camera, he always wants to looks so involved and up for fun and adventures, but in reality, he's just as lazy as Anna. His voice also changes completely when he's "off camera" or doesn't know he's being filmed.

 

[PurpleGorilla]

nah this whole situation has made me so angry you have no idea. I’ve never been this pissed at them before. Taking advantage of a dying man. Fuck you guys.

 

[lemonandlime]

BIRTHDAY SURPRISE HOLIDAY AWAY VLOG RECRAP

We open with it being Sina's birthday and I swear Anna makes more of of a fuss over that dog than she ever does with any of her children. The doggos make Alessia cry but Anna couldn't care less. The Witch says that they watch a tv show or a movie once a night, and the night before, they binged....and Anna brags that she stayed up until 11pm. Probably unheard of for her. LOL. In the background, Alessia says "I don't want weetabix" to which the Witch replies, "oh, it's Saturday, you can have something else.... look...it's chocolate croissant day." As if they only get them on the weekends. Anna then imitates Albi's parking and complains that the poor dogs were parking...and that Albi peed in the house and she had to clean it up. OMG. The kids were just given chocolate croissants, yeah? This is followed up by a bowl of chocolate cereal. Wonderful.

Jonathan talks to the camera and tells us that they're going to a Spa as Anna's birthday surprise. They have to go away, because he can't 'get out of parent mode' when he's in the same town as the kids. I don't have kids so I don't relate, but I'd argue that most parents are even more concerned when they leave the kids with a new nanny?

Poor Alessia is scolded for going up the stairs with a bottle of nail polish and spilling it. Anna is whining that she didn't want THAT for her birthday. I really hope Alessia isn't getting a cold while Anna talks to Eduardo. Anna keeps talking about the carpet - I mean, honestly, you have four kids and six dogs - there will be stains! Accept it already that you don't live in fucking Elle Decoration.

For some reason Anna dictates Eduardo how to spell the message on her birthday card... surely, Jonathan could have helped? It makes it seem like she's making her child write whatever she wants to hear! LOL.

Jonathan then tells Anna to pack a bag for their surprise. She's immediately having a meltdown because he makes it sound like they are going on a boat and she "doesn't like boats." So she's reluctant to even pack, that ungrateful witch.

Jonathan tells the camera how he picked a hotel with an outdoor spa. Smart choice in November, right? "You need to turn off Mom mode." Aw. Bless. This woman has no Mom Mode. There's a Witch Mode. And there's a Princess Mode. Emilia is crying when they are leaving and Alessia wanted to com. Anna's laughing off. That's your Mom mode right there. Jonathan asks "are all the postcodes in Germany the same?" What kind of moronic question is that? Obviously not!!! They talk about an old trip with a nudist spa. I'm tuning out because, yeah. What I did catch was Anna saying "I let my kids see me naked all the time." Umm....WHY?! I mean, surely, it can happen, but... 'all the time'? Eww. Then Jonathan chimes in "I've seen you naked a few times." To which she replies "You don't as much." Okay. That settles that. I didn't think she'd let him mount her all that often but... if the kids get to see her naked more... I mean...what...?! Why? Where? HOW? Jonathan says "a man's body can be quite scary to a child." WHAT? Seriously what?! Anna "I remember vividly taking baths with my Mom...and then sometimes taking showers with my dad and for some reason...the male form...is kinda scary. Maybe only for girls...?" I'm so grossed out by this entire conversation. I'm sure my dad bathed me when I was a child, but we certainly weren't in the shower together at the same time. If you do it with a baby as a matter of convenience, maybe... but with a child that is old enough to remember it? And remembers being scared of the naked dad? WHAT THE FUCK.

Their destination is Pennyhill Park, a 5* Resort Hotel. They do a room tour, there's a awkward couple scene where Jonathan pretends to bite Anna's shoulder because he's hungry. I'm just grossed out and so is Anna. Then they're lounging by the pool and Anna is on her phone the entire time. Jonathan is looking forward to his 40s cause his 30s were so great. There's a super dumb conversation about ageing, then we see Jonathan with his robe oben and I need some bleach for my eyes. Jonathan opens some Champagne for Anna's birthday... but...the Mrs doesn't even drink any. She however gets very excited about the cups at the Hotel. Afterwards they are off to to dinner and Jonathan creeps on the kids via spy cam on their walk to dinner.

In the next scene they are in bed and Anna has taken her make-up off... it always makes me laugh - her pale, rosy face...that is a complete different color than her foundation. And the final scene is them waking up...I guess...it's the next day, Anna has makeup on and says "I'm not ovulating" and it's somehow teased that she forgot her mini pill or something? God help us all.

 

[Just-opinion]

So instead of flying about 2 hours and driving 3, they chose to drive 10? And we all know Anna isn't getting behind the wheel so Jonnos driving 10 hours solo, not accounting for breaks, that's a long drive.
Seems like (from reading here) Jonno couldn't really care less about his mums partner, I mean from the "he's not my dad, he's not my step dad" talk, who cares he's been with your mum obviously for a long time, why not accept him into your life a bit more. He's just going to "distract his mum", why not go and comfort your mum, help her out a bit around the house rather than distract her from her partner dying - death is distressing enough when you don't have your man child of a son, his bitchy wife and their feral kids around, I feel maybe Jonno should've gone alone to Scotland, his mum needs to be with her partner, not distracted.

I swear to god if I hear from lemonandlimes recraps that he filmed his mother or her partner in the hospital or their house without their permission I'm going to flip. IF HE FILMS A TIME LAPSE OF THE KIDS "SAYING GOODBYE" I'M GOING TO KNOW HE REALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIM AND JUST WANTS THE CLICKS AND SYMPATHY

 

[CringesFringes]

Sina gets twice as much love as her actual baby.


For Lessi, she even missed the date...!

Did you read Jonathan's comment below Sina's post? 'i put babies inside you, while you took babies out of her'

 

[Eileen_2019]

Wait, so Anna is worried about looking like a slut and she dresses her 7 year old like THIS??

 

[abcdabcd]

I'm sorry but leaving a broken toilet seat like this for a year is just disgusting when you have the money to call a handyman. Maybe I'm slightly OCD, but the fact that they at least not align the seat with the bowl drives me nuts! Sanitary installations are a priority and should get fixed ASAP, not after Jonathan buys himself the ancient olive tree for £3500, a £150'000 Ferrari and GWagon within months of each other and Anna a £1000 LV phone case. But that's how you know they're nouveau riche, the things other people can see and are status symbols are more important to them. The cictern is also broken btw.
But this is OCD Anna, she let's her children eat from a table where Jonathan put Alessia on in her muddy shoes the day before (to get a better shot of her for his vlog) without bringing any cloths or sanitary wipes...

This morning, when Alessia in her witch costume came crying that Eduardo hit her again, Jonathan is just busy filming her and when she sobs "he did it again" he just says "are you a witch? Yaa?". Then you see Eduardo doing something so Andrea that makes him cry and the story cuts off. Can't have the viewers see their real life. This is what I mean when I say that he's not an involved or loving father at all. Jonathan is always looking at the viewfinder of the camera, making doughy eyes and pouts while pretending to listen to what the kids say, but you quickly realise, he's not listening at all. Remember when Jonathan made the kids hyper once again while Andrea and Alessia were napping, so they jumped, Anna came in raging and the first thing Jonathan says is "it was them, it wasn't me!". He's still a little child, throwing his own kids under the bus to get away scot-free from Anna.

 

[Eileen_2019]

I was talking to my husband about this, and he said that they're on to something here. Might be a great new business idea:

Rent-a-SacconeJoly.

We even came up with a little song for the AD:

If you have someone dying
Don't just sit there crying
Rent a SacconeJoly

If you are full of sadness
Add a little madness
Rent a SacconeJoly

If you worry about mortality
We'll turn it into banality
Rent a SacconeJoly

When you are busy mourning
We'll be there in the morning
Rent a SacconeJoly


* Rent-a-Sacconejoly comes with 2 adults and 4 children. Don't worry about putting us up, we have our own motorhome that we can park on your drive way!
** Extra distraction in the form of not 1, not 2, but SIX filthy dogs can be added at extra cost

 

[Fatima]

Anna and Jonathan telling us that she went to bed at 11 p.m. Yes, she just turned 32.

We finally got to see what Anna is doing all day long.

And the cherry on top :
Jonathan giving me Dominique Strauss kahn* in the Sofitel hotel vibes

* referring to

 

[Eileen_2019]

I love how Jonathan 'I grew up poor' Joly went on 4 week boating holidays, skiing trips, a family trip to New York, an exchange program in Germany, a motorbike holiday through Europe....