SaconeJolys #11 The Chronicles of Botoxia: the liar, the witch and the Wardo

[Bon Qui Qui]

Jonathan on IG claiming he's finally having fun making videos again blah blah blah.

Doesnt he do this same bs spiel several times a year? How many times can the minions eat up the same garbage he's feeding them before they realize he's just manipulating them again and aginband again!?

 

[Clairie]

Just checked her stats on Instagram according to social blade, and she is losing on average 1320 followers a month.
It's all going down hill on social media, it will be a while before the rot sets in but it will come in the end unless they turn things around and I don't see how they are going to do that. Them minions are growing up so they need to attract a new batch.

 

[lemonandlime]

Last night her brows looked like that....

Today she had a lady over to dye them black. Because she wants to look... more Italian?! They are soooooo dark now!!! It's hilarious, on her browbone her natural, rosy complexion peaks through in the bottom picture. People have commented on it a few days ago how her actual skin color looks nothing like the Estée Lauder Double Wear she cakes on... It's even funnier when you see how pink she is around her brows where the makeup was wiped off to apply the dye.

 

[underthesun]

Jonathan on IG claiming he's finally having fun making videos again blah blah blah.

Doesnt he do this same bs spiel several times a year? How many times can the minions eat up the same garbage he's feeding them before they realize he's just manipulating them again and aginband again!?

He does. Every time things start to go bad, he does this to put blame on some other person or group of people for the failure. It's never, ever his fault the ratings are bad.

 

[Quack20]

I mean if their content wasn't so disgustingly boring maybe they'd actually bring in subs. They don't do anything. Literally nothing. Why the hell would you even film that? I mean they could make their vlogs more interesting, stop using clickbait, stop embarassing their children etc but noooooooo they have to keep showing anna cooking tiny batches of food poisoning and jonathans narcissistic bed time stories ( I say bed time stories because it's so bleeping boring it puts me to sleep). Like surely if you're gonna be pimping out your kids to millions of strangers at least take them out something nice and do something fun??? Take them to a water park, a zoo, farms, soft plays, horse riding, volunteer somewhere with them, teach them to cook (actual food not the tit A makes). There is literally a thousand things I could do with those kids and make it super interesting. If they are earning you some nice dosh at least make sure they feel it!

 

[Eileen_2019]

That's what annoys me so much, they have the time and the money to take the kids to all kinds of interesting places, yet they never do, unless it's an AD or sponsored deal for which the kids have to work. I thought it was quite sad that they live so close to London and the first time they go to the Natural history museum is to go ice skating with LOL dolls.... not to visit the actual museum. Eduardo would LOVE that massive dinosaur skeleton. Do they even watch slightly educational shows with their kids or is it just Peppa Pig and Disney princesses? So sad....

And yes, Jonathan has been complaining a lot about Youtube not being 'fun' anymore. Probably because the stakes are real now. With a mortgage and kids in private school, it's no longer a hobby that earns you freebies every now and then, but it has to keep a roof over your head and your children fed.

Who knows, maybe he'll go back to that 'reality show' type of filming, with the weird transitions and the 'Welcome to Reigate' every vlog to advertise where they live.

 

[underthesun]

Like surely if you're gonna be pimping out your kids to millions of strangers at least take them out something nice and do something fun??? Take them to a water park, a zoo, farms, soft plays, horse riding, volunteer somewhere with them, teach them to cook (actual food not the tit A makes). There is literally a thousand things I could do with those kids and make it super interesting. If they are earning you some nice dosh at least make sure they feel it!

They should be doing this stuff with their children, even if they weren't pimping them out!

 

[Eileen_2019]

Other than 'holiday club' , which was not for their benefit really but just to get them out of the house for a few weeks, they did nothing with their kids all summer, other than a few trips to the cinema in London that they got free tickets for. And there were even two weeks left after Anna stopped breastfeeding, so she could not even use that as an excuse.

 

[cherry198]

Last night her brows looked like that....View attachment 54261


Today she had a lady over to dye them black. Because she wants to look... more Italian?! They are soooooo dark now!!! It's hilarious, on her browbone her natural, rosy complexion peaks through in the bottom picture. People have commented on it a few days ago how her actual skin color looks nothing like the Estée Lauder Double Wear she cakes on... It's even funnier when you see how pink she is around her brows where the makeup was wiped off to apply the dye.

View attachment 54262

Anna has this really weird obsession about being (half) Italian and her kids being Italian, giving them Italian names etc.Its just so strange like nobody cares.

 

[Sophie80]

That's what annoys me so much, they have the time and the money to take the kids to all kinds of interesting places, yet they never do, unless it's an AD or sponsored deal for which the kids have to work. I thought it was quite sad that they live so close to London and the first time they go to the Natural history museum is to go ice skating with LOL dolls.... not to visit the actual museum. Eduardo would LOVE that massive dinosaur skeleton. Do they even watch slightly educational shows with their kids or is it just Peppa Pig and Disney princesses? So sad....

And yes, Jonathan has been complaining a lot about Youtube not being 'fun' anymore. Probably because the stakes are real now. With a mortgage and kids in private school, it's no longer a hobby that earns you freebies every now and then, but it has to keep a roof over your head and your children fed.

Who knows, maybe he'll go back to that 'reality show' type of filming, with the weird transitions and the 'Welcome to Reigate' every vlog to advertise where they live.

This! They don’t enjoy their children at all. They make no effort to educate or inspire their curiosity and they don’t encourage them to learn about the world separate from a classroom. In their eyes the lovely expensive private school is enough. It’s disgraceful! When they take them on holiday they dump them in holiday clubs, no effort to teach them about different cultures, or show them different architecture, or nature. Their lives are so dull.

I am by no means a perfect parent but I love teaching my kids the simple things, like picking blackberries and cooking them, climbing hills/mountains, And when they have school projects, like the Great Fire of London, we try and take them to the landmarks to see it for themselves or read oops/watch films about it.

We live 90 minutes away from London and we have been to the Natural History Museum at least ten times. My Son is OBSESSED with the place...

Those kids are nothing more than accessories.

 

[Eileen_2019]

Even their trip to Scotland could have been so much better if they had planned it and prepared for it. Like others have suggested here, they could have had videos lined up, colouring pages, games. But nope. The kids constantly hear how it's such hard work having 4, and that Eduardo and Alessia are 'difficult', and how it's soooo hard to not have child care. But somehow they think nothing of leaving all 4 with one nanny, even if she is brand new and doesn't really know the kids yet.

 

[OliviaPope]

Anna has this really weird obsession about being (half) Italian and her kids being Italian, giving them Italian names etc.Its just so strange like nobody cares.

But she’s not 100% Italian so how are the kids 1/2??

 

[Clairie]

I mean if their content wasn't so disgustingly boring maybe they'd actually bring in subs. They don't do anything. Literally nothing. Why the hell would you even film that? I mean they could make their vlogs more interesting, stop using clickbait, stop embarassing their children etc but noooooooo they have to keep showing anna cooking tiny batches of food poisoning and jonathans narcissistic bed time stories ( I say bed time stories because it's so bleeping boring it puts me to sleep). Like surely if you're gonna be pimping out your kids to millions of strangers at least take them out something nice and do something fun??? Take them to a water park, a zoo, farms, soft plays, horse riding, volunteer somewhere with them, teach them to cook (actual food not the tit A makes). There is literally a thousand things I could do with those kids and make it super interesting. If they are earning you some nice dosh at least make sure they feel it!

Exactly this.
They do duck all, no days out unless it's a freebie, no challenges not even a trip to the local supermarket like normal people. Hell as boring as it sounds its one of those things we all do, good chance to have a rant at the camera of how you bring up 6 dogs, 4 sprogs and manage a mansion, so so relatable. NOT!

 

[megh1995]

This! They don’t enjoy their children at all. They make no effort to educate or inspire their curiosity and they don’t encourage them to learn about the world separate from a classroom. In their eyes the lovely expensive private school is enough. It’s disgraceful! When they take them on holiday they dump them in holiday clubs, no effort to teach them about different cultures, or show them different architecture, or nature. Their lives are so dull.

I am by no means a perfect parent but I love teaching my kids the simple things, like picking blackberries and cooking them, climbing hills/mountains, And when they have school projects, like the Great Fire of London, we try and take them to the landmarks to see it for themselves or read oops/watch films about it.

We live 90 minutes away from London and we have been to the Natural History Museum at least ten times. My Son is OBSESSED with the place...

Those kids are nothing more than accessories.

Cooking your children?!

 

[poppyflower]

they honestly regret their children, it shows sooo much. definately recently thats for sure, based on the fact that they constantly talk and remind themselves how they loved when it was just them two *best friends* and no kids. or when they interact with the children its like a job not with love. when they talk about the kids its so robotic and the tired faces and distance between him and anna and the kids cant even be faked on screen. they are just another example of a couple on two different wave lenghts and ideas of the future that they forced themselves into a life they were not made for out of this dream version of themselves. no your both unfit to be parents and your marriage is falling apart because jonathan clearly pushed a life that the other didnt want and no your both miserable. they can post photos together saying their best friends, but we all know here that you both want to strangle one another lol

 

[lemonandlime]

BIRTHDAY SURPRISE HOLIDAY AWAY VLOG RECRAP

We open with it being Sina's birthday and I swear Anna makes more of of a fuss over that dog than she ever does with any of her children. The doggos make Alessia cry but Anna couldn't care less. The Witch says that they watch a tv show or a movie once a night, and the night before, they binged....and Anna brags that she stayed up until 11pm. Probably unheard of for her. LOL. In the background, Alessia says "I don't want weetabix" to which the Witch replies, "oh, it's Saturday, you can have something else.... look...it's chocolate croissant day." As if they only get them on the weekends. Anna then imitates Albi's parking and complains that the poor dogs were parking...and that Albi peed in the house and she had to clean it up. OMG. The kids were just given chocolate croissants, yeah? This is followed up by a bowl of chocolate cereal. Wonderful.

Jonathan talks to the camera and tells us that they're going to a Spa as Anna's birthday surprise. They have to go away, because he can't 'get out of parent mode' when he's in the same town as the kids. I don't have kids so I don't relate, but I'd argue that most parents are even more concerned when they leave the kids with a new nanny?

Poor Alessia is scolded for going up the stairs with a bottle of nail polish and spilling it. Anna is whining that she didn't want THAT for her birthday. I really hope Alessia isn't getting a cold while Anna talks to Eduardo. Anna keeps talking about the carpet - I mean, honestly, you have four kids and six dogs - there will be stains! Accept it already that you don't live in bleeping Elle Decoration.

For some reason Anna dictates Eduardo how to spell the message on her birthday card... surely, Jonathan could have helped? It makes it seem like she's making her child write whatever she wants to hear! LOL.

Jonathan then tells Anna to pack a bag for their surprise. She's immediately having a meltdown because he makes it sound like they are going on a boat and she "doesn't like boats." So she's reluctant to even pack, that ungrateful witch.

Jonathan tells the camera how he picked a hotel with an outdoor spa. Smart choice in November, right? "You need to turn off Mom mode." Aw. Bless. This woman has no Mom Mode. There's a Witch Mode. And there's a Princess Mode. Emilia is crying when they are leaving and Alessia wanted to com. Anna's laughing off. That's your Mom mode right there. Jonathan asks "are all the postcodes in Germany the same?" What kind of moronic question is that? Obviously not!!! They talk about an old trip with a nudist spa. I'm tuning out because, yeah. What I did catch was Anna saying "I let my kids see me naked all the time." Umm....WHY?! I mean, surely, it can happen, but... 'all the time'? Eww. Then Jonathan chimes in "I've seen you naked a few times." To which she replies "You don't as much." Okay. That settles that. I didn't think she'd let him mount her all that often but... if the kids get to see her naked more... I mean...what...?! Why? Where? HOW? Jonathan says "a man's body can be quite scary to a child." WHAT? Seriously what?! Anna "I remember vividly taking baths with my Mom...and then sometimes taking showers with my dad and for some reason...the male form...is kinda scary. Maybe only for girls...?" I'm so grossed out by this entire conversation. I'm sure my dad bathed me when I was a child, but we certainly weren't in the shower together at the same time. If you do it with a baby as a matter of convenience, maybe... but with a child that is old enough to remember it? And remembers being scared of the naked dad? WHAT THE duck.

Their destination is Pennyhill Park, a 5* Resort Hotel. They do a room tour, there's a awkward couple scene where Jonathan pretends to bite Anna's shoulder because he's hungry. I'm just grossed out and so is Anna. Then they're lounging by the pool and Anna is on her phone the entire time. Jonathan is looking forward to his 40s cause his 30s were so great. There's a super dumb conversation about ageing, then we see Jonathan with his robe oben and I need some bleach for my eyes. Jonathan opens some Champagne for Anna's birthday... but...the Mrs doesn't even drink any. She however gets very excited about the cups at the Hotel. Afterwards they are off to to dinner and Jonathan creeps on the kids via spy cam on their walk to dinner.

In the next scene they are in bed and Anna has taken her make-up off... it always makes me laugh - her pale, rosy face...that is a complete different color than her foundation. And the final scene is them waking up...I guess...it's the next day, Anna has makeup on and says "I'm not ovulating" and it's somehow teased that she forgot her mini pill or something? God help us all.

 

[abcdabcd]

I can count five make up bags... Did they stay one night or one month?

 

[whatamess123]

This is actually the saddest thing, left her children with a stranger for 24 hours and can barely hug her daughter.
She's so excited to her Anna and Anna could literally not give a tit
View attachment 54180

Look at that adorable little face and how excited she is to show mummy her present.How could she not swoop her up and cuddle her is beyond me.Anna ,your insta stories tell one thing ,and show another.Cold hearted *itch!

 

[Fizmozoo]

We did a oopsie!!! Really, you're going to lead on all your teenie boppers for weeks to believe a baby is on the way for views?! Why would you even share that with an audience under 16? Sick freak!
They know babies are their only way to keep relevant, how about you pay attention to the four you already have.

 

[MsMadamSecretary]

Cooking your children?!

That's an interesting subject/object confusion to be on this forum because last year the SJ blogs had a song intro that a teenage fan recorded for them. It had the ambiguous line 'they've got six dogs and they make vlogs'.