teflonpanda
Chatty Member
I'm just gonna go ahead and suggest "Ruby Granger is a Bad Writer" as the next thread title...
- Notice
springstudy
Active member
Mud puddles? She must be Peppa pig...
Ruby: Oh hi Blakeney! I'm just at my parents. We got our dissertation marks back! I got a 71.
Blakeney: Oh that's great Ruby! Well done!
Ruby: I got a 71. Do you know what that means? It means all my hard work has paid off!
Blakeney: Well, yes-
Ruby: You just submit a really, really good piece of work and get a first! Do you know our grades are out?
Blakeney: Yes-
Ruby: You just go into your email and check! I got a first. I can't believe it. Can you believe it? I got such a good mark.
Blakeney: I got an 80!
Ruby:
Blakeney: Ruby?
Blakeney: Hello?
"But everything changed when Lottie's best friend, Flakeley, a tea-loving bookworm just like her, misteriously disappeared during one of her morning field-twirling sessions"
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
"Lottie Parton is a straight-A student who loves tea, children's literature and spinning in fields. Her sister, Shaz, is a university drop-out who dyes her hair and drinks ethanol. Lottie felt the pressure to remain perfect in her parent's eyes despite the familial failure."
emeraldcat
New member
From The Bookseller, the publishing industry's magazine.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
I think the only time she's honestly seemed happy lately is when she's been within arm's reach of her mummy. Every other time it's been her Hide The Pain Harold grimace or Patrick Bateman glares.
The Four Expressions of Rooey-Buss.
Expression 1: Sponsored by Some Shit She Doesn't Like or Use.
Expression 2: Having Lots of Fun Studying/Writing.
Expression 3: Something Inconsequential and Easily Preventable Went Wrong.
Expression 4: Mummy and Daddy Are Here!
Last edited:
gossip_guy
VIP Member
God, this video made my fucking brain hurt.
It opens with the obnoxiously loud crack of her gas lighter. She films herself using this multiple times because she's so bereft of ideas that filler has become the whole video now. And if that assault on the eardrums weren't enough, we're then audibly attacked by the same loud, ill-fitting music that Ruby plays in every video she ever makes.
After she's done setting the tone for the rehashed crap to come, she jumps right into the lies and incompetence.
See if you can spot the first major lie.
Ruby claims she started the day by planning some morning dissertation work, and shows herself scribbling down the day's entries:
It's Wednesday 9th March, apparently.
Her list is almost entirely nonsense, and it's such a short and vague list that it begs the question, "Why do you need a to-do list for that shit?" Or perhaps, "What the fuck is 'acrojtricn'?".
She also continues her bizarre obsession with "inside jokes", but never seems to understand what an inside joke is. Whether it's gift ideas, random planner reminders, or the records of information on her acquaintances that she compiles like a serial killer, she always fixates on the idea of "inside jokes".
Someone told her once that human beings share these with friends, and now she's desperately trying to adopt the concept. But inside jokes come naturally. They're called inside jokes for a reason: because the people inside that social circle of two or more are the people who will instantly remember and understand the joke where other people wouldn't and naturally drop it into conversation at an organic moment.
Inside jokes aren't jotting down something someone said and then instantly forgot, so that you can remind them of the date and time they said it months later. If people have to be reminded of it, or have it explained to them, it's not an inside joke.
She's apparently trying to focus a chapter of her dissertation on dedicatory poems, acrostics and Lewis Carroll's inside jokes, I guess, into her dissertation. Every time we see more of it, it looks more like a disaster.
Anyway, after some random timelapse footage of clocks again and Ruby chugging water, she then cuts to a shot of her putting on the throw/blanket/cape she was already wearing:
She just slaps footage together blindly, without a second glance, resulting in a visually incoherent, non-linear mess like this.
Ruby informs us that this 'day in my life' video will be focused on her doing some writing for one of her two final modules. She starts this glimpse into her writing process by taking the English language out behind a shed to beat it beyond recognition.
"If you didn't knyow, I'm dyooing ayy writing for childrens module this yaahr," she says, pluralising the already plural.
Reminder: Ruby is in her final year of an English Literature degree. She recently signed with a literary agent with the intent of writing things in English as a profession.
If you ever had a moment's doubt whether you were good enough, talented enough or smart enough for something, just remember that Ruby does not have a functioning brain and still managed to somehow make it this far at university not getting booted out or caught for relying almost entirely on other people's work.
The lesson to learn is this: If Ruby can make it this far in an English degree with zero understanding or command of the English language, then you can be a fucking astronaut if you want to. That and the grading bar at Exeter University is so low you can moonwalk over it.
Ruby rambles about the creative writing module and raves that it's so great to have an excuse to just write. I mean, she's had a wide open schedule for essentially her entire life and nothing stopping her from just writing instead of filling her days with redundant busywork. And I'm pretty sure a creative writing module isn't just a free ticket to write whatever incomprehensible bullshit you want.
Ruby says she's going to sit down and write a "tyoo-dyoo list" of things she wants to do, because she can't decide which public place she wants to force herself to study in for some reason, and supposedly this will help.
Did you spot the massive lie?
Somehow the morning of Wednesday 9th March has magically become the morning of Thursday 10th March. How'd that happen?
But for Ruby, lies are like Pringles, and once she's popped, she just can't stop.
She says she's going to read 'Loveless' by Alice Oseman. It's a YA contemporary book that is completely outside Ruby's wheelhouse and she's absolutely not going to read. But that's just one layer of the multi-tiered gateaux of lies she's served up.
Ruby says this book is "one of the books that was recommended". By who? Her Instagram followers? A lecturer? A random librarian? The staff at Waterstones? A passing stranger? Ruby doesn't say.
She does, however, slap this passive-aggressive, defensive title (complete with EXCLAMATION POINT!) in the timeline chapter for the video.
She stresses that it's for her module, either because she believes any pretend reading for pleasure is a waste of time, or because she knows it's obvious that she's only skim-reading this book to strip-mine it for ideas for her own YA book which treads similar ground.
Funny how she logged it on her Goodreads back around when she first started writing her own book, and is now picking it up again when it's time to do a massive from-scratch revision of her novel.
Ruby has zero experience living a normal teenage live, doing everyday student things. She's shut herself off from that entirely and refused to socialise, certainly not with anyone who's not identical to her. So it's definitely suspicious that she only picks up YA books when it's time to write her own, and I'd wager she's definitely just cribbing ideas, themes, relationship examples, tropes, etc., from them because she won't be able to write realistic, diverse characters or general teenage situations of her own.
Also note that she didn't start reading the book until March 13th on Goodreads, even though this "day" happened on 9th and/or 10th March.
She shows multiple clips of her flipping through the book, backwards and forwards, as though she's never opened a book before and is trying to figure out how they work and what all those black squiggly things in them are.
Ruby instantly gets bored of pretending she knows how to read and films some gross, sloshing footage of her making more tea. She perches the mug precariously on the arm of her sofa even though there's an ottoman/side table right there, because she's an unquantifiable fuckwit.
Because she needs to pretend to be doing lots of different activities to get maximum fake productivity out of this whole fabricated 'day in my life' that's really multiple days stitched together, she tosses in some footage of her "illustrating". I'm pretty sure she's said before that this project was due weeks ago, so who knows how old this footage actually is.
And because you're not being productive if you don't have an audience, Ruby gets ready to go into town to study for the peasants to see.
She makes the ill-advised choice to film from floor level, providing a close-up view of the filth and debris littering her carpet. I know that student housing slumlords usually furnish the homes with the cheapest, most low-quality carpets possible and there's only so much life in them, but that doesn't explain why everything else in the house (and Ruby's other house) looks like shit, too, including the crumb-covered tiles.
Also her outfit magically changes, and she's wearing her beret like a beanie again.
She places her camera on a random wall in a populated street just to film herself walking yet again. Terminal stupidity.
Ruby interrupts the video for an ad break, complete with ominous, black title card and ellipses (but no capital letters, because Ruby is deathly allergic to literacy).
I feel like that's a dangerous precedent to set, though. Is she gonna put this title card before all her ads? If so, 76% of the video is going to be that and the rest will be footage of snack bars.
I'm kidding, of course; there's no way Ruby will declare even 10% of the gifted products she shoehorns into her content.
Of course, she's studying in a café, so this video is sponsored by "Nord V.P. Anne" - another service she never uses unless she's being paid to. Ruby spouts some half-remembered corporate blurb that shows she forgot the script and has no idea what a VPN is or does. According to Ruby, you should sign up if you're looking to "change your V.P. Anne addrass or if you're looking for something loiyke that.".
She shows off familiar, likely recycled footage of her grimy, disgusting laptop screen (which she ALWAYS disinFACTS AVVERY DAY!) as she pretends to use Nord VPN.
Concluding the ad, Ruby says, "let's get back tyooo the video and JANUINELY the LOVELIEST writing SASSION at...The Explyoding Bakereee". So she clearly didn't enjoy it and got nothing done.
She gets there, and it's clearly quite a small café, but Ruby starts unloading all her shit to syphon WiFi and electricity and take up seating while ordering just a small pot of tea.
Ruby blurs out one staff member's face, but leaves every other face of the customers and staff unblurred.
"I got a pu'er tea, which I'd navver tried before!" Ruby says, as she either lies again or malnutrion-induced dementia grips her brain.
Ruby, just because you pronounce the names of things differently every time, doesn't actually make them a different thing. You've tried pu'er tea before. You're a "tea enthusiast", you should remember these things, right?
"Syooo, I wasss wahrking on TYOO things HYARR...I wryote a CHAP-TARR of...theee...middle-grade BOK that I'm...writing forrrr...myyy...MO--[AWKWARD EDIT]--CHILDREN'SWRITINGMODYOOOLL-[AWKWARD CUT]"
The fake posh cadence and awkward, belaboured pauses after every word make it seem like her brain is simply melting.
And then there's just an uncomfortable long shot of Ruby pouring and sipping tea before she finally, after what seems like an hour, tells us what the second thing she's supposedly working on is.
"And then aaahfter that...I was...WAHHKING...onnn...a BOOK that I'm restructuring and rewroiyting at the moment...UHH...[audible smiling]...FOR MOIY LITERARY AGENT."
Just listing to her mush-brained drawl as she struggles to connect words to finish sentences is enough to make you feel drunk. It's so bizarre.
Ruby only managed to rewrite three of the chapters before her laptop apparently "ran out of charge". It wasn't her fault she couldn't get any more work done! It definitely had nothing to do with her NOT having her VARRY OWN TABLE or because other people had the audacity to sit and order actual food at the same table as her in a public café...
Ruby occupies space in the café for ages as many customers arrive and leave in the background.
She starts out sour-faced from the get-go, but she gets visibly more frustrated throughout her time there. There's many possible reasons why, but knowing Ruby, this might be the main one:
The person who was sat at the same table was also there to work. And also uses a MacBook. And was likely getting more done, on a less filthed-up laptop.
Ruby only wants to "study" or "work" in public to be special - to be the self-proclaimed "gifted child" in a café full of mindless, uncultured peons who will gaze in wonder at her intelligence and diligent hard work. It's why she never studies in the uni library - because everyone there is studying, and they're all smarter than Ruby.
When she realises she's not unique and special, suddenly she conjures up a reason to leave.
She cuts to a weird shot of her pointedly showing her watch and adjusting it for the camera.
It's meant to be a casual shot, but it feels so deliberate and awkwardly cut in that Ruby clearly did this intentionally to try to prove to people that she was in the café for hours. But since watches can easily be adjusted and she's already fucked up and left in mistakes that showed she's lying about the timescales of this video, it's just embarrassing.
Ruby heads to M&S to buy some "rooey-busstea". Translation: "Roibos tea."
The packaging even has the English translation on it, to save ol' Rooey-Buss the embarrassment of trying to pronounce it. But nope, Ruby had to try, and couldn't be bothered to expend the tiny amount of effort and Googling it'd take to learn how to pronounce it.
After embarrassing herself yet again, she heads to the library to "return some books and get out some YA books".
"And oiy say it's for my module, but...LAT'SBEE REAL...oiy MAINLY CHAYZZ--CHOSE these books...[audible fake smiling]...BEECAUSE THEY LOOKED VARRY, VARRY GOOD."
And let's really be real...
Again, Ruby hates YA books. Hates books with teen relationships. Hates books that aren't about wealthy girls aged 13 or younger. Hates books in general, really, judging by the fact that she does anything she can to avoid reading them while claiming to be a massive bookworm.
A quick reminder of what Ruby thinks of YA books and how she reacts to plots which contain any teen relationships or depictions of teen life, even when they're integral to the character and plot:
She gets bored and skips them.
So no, Ruby, nobody believes you're "JANUINELY" picking up these books because you have an actual interest in them.
Let's take a look at the books she expresses an interest in:
YA books, including two teen mystery-thrillers, one of which is about a girl named Hettie trying to find a missing student at an all-girl's boarding school...
Reminder: Ruby's unpublished book is about a girl named Lottie trying to find a missing student at university (and guaranteed, it'll be an all-girl's boarding school, because Ruby won't want to have gross, icky boy characters messing up her book with their cooties, blegghh!)
Hmm...The name similarity is an odd coincidence, but the sudden interest in YA mystery thrillers is textbook Ruby. She went through the same phase of reading lots of middle-grade bullying books when she decided to write her own middle-grade bullying book, and the end result was a self-insert mess and borrowed stereotypes and clichés. She writes her essays with the same cannibalistic approach to other literature and writers. She's incapable of summoning any passion, originality or creativity of her own, so she just steals it from other people.
She's 1,000% looking for more ideas to steal and grabbing books similar to the one she's already been borrowing heavily from One of Us Is Lying, Good Girl's Guide to Murder and others for, and it's no coincidence that it happened at the exact time her literary agent asked her to do a full rewrite from the ground up.
Rooey-Buss is Rooey-Busted.
Writers take inspiration. That's a natural part of the process. But Ruby usually goes far beyond that to avoid doing any work of her own. And writers usually tend to take inspiration from and write in genres that they enjoy. It says so much about Ruby that despite never showing any interest in YA lit, suddenly that's what she apparently wants to write. I'm sure it has nothing to do with that being one of the highest-selling, easily-marketable genres and Ruby's not just trying to chase money...
She shows her "return trip" from the library, but it was obviously filmed at the same time as the earlier shot of her first heading out:
Note the guy leaving the building and the car waiting at the traffic light. Same dude. Same car. Same fucking clouds. She didn't even try.
Ruby did her usual 'put the camera down, film myself walking ten feet, turn around, walk past the camera, turn back, collect camera and use it as two separate shots' thing. It's not like we'd be confused how she got back home without a recycled establishing shot, so the end result is that she just looks like a lazy idiot to viewers and the general public who saw her filming.
She gets home and does a 'library book haul'.
It's mainly an excuse to protest tyoo moch about how she's reading them all for her module, JANUINELY! The dead giveaway that she's lying is that she says that they all look "SYO GOOD", which is her trademark line when bullshitting about how much she likes the gifted products she hates or has never tried.
And then she does a "dramatic reading" of the back cover blurbs, complete with her usual eyebrow-waggling, forehead-furrowing emphasis on random words.
I was joking earlier about the librarian recommending books to her, but it turns out that actually happened.
Her school librarian recommended this, apparently, but it's also her twin friends' collective favourite book (by "friends", she means the children of her mummy and daddy's friends who get forced to go on a playdate with Ruby occasionally).
Ruby claims she's wanted to read this ever since the movie came out. Since Ruby doesn't watch movies, I don't see how that's true. But also, that movie came out nine fucking years ago. What's been stopping Miss 'I READ HUNDREDS OF BOOKS A YAHHR' from reading this before now?
Ruby says she doesn't really find the plot blurb to this interesting. That's the most she actually reads of most books she marks as 'complete', but this time she'll have to skim through some of it to find stuff to steal, so she's resigned to "give it a gyo".
She's back to pretending to write "SYO MOCH" of the middle-grade book for uni. Her nails once again looks encrusted in filth.
She interrupts herself and her narration amateurishly overlaps itself as she announces that she's now "re-SAARCHING" and struggling to find out how much stand mixers cost "at the time" her book is set because she can't "find any adverts", and that's apparently vital to her middle-grade book...
Ruby's clearly a moron. She also keeps claiming she has tonnes of "reSAARCH" skills and experience, to the point where she thought that might be a viable career. And here she is, with no research or basic problem-solving skills. And her dissertation sits unfinished.
And then she hurtles forward in time several days.
This "day" in Ruby's life now includes:
Unsurprisingly, her outfit has changed again.
She says she's working on her own novel now, as much as a book compiled from stolen material can be considered "hers". She wants to rewrite a chapter and add in two more chapers. "Syo I got started on dyoing that...NOW." She says "now" so abruptly and aggressively. It's bizarre. She also can't keep her past and present tense straight, which bodes well for a prospective author.
Ruby forces Blakeney to appear on camera for the first time in forever.
Ruby mispronounces "roibos" again, and Blakeney immediately raises an eyebrow and is mystified by it.
"How do you pronounce that?" Blakeney asks. "'Rooey-boss'...I can't say 'rooey-boss', I say 'roy-buss'..."
She politely tries to coax the correct pronunciation from Ruby, and then gives up, leaving Ruby with the slim hope that maybe she's saying it right and it's Blakeney who's wrong.
"That's why you say 'redbush'," Blakeney adds, applying the basic common sense that will forever elude Ruby.
It's a brief, but interesting glimpse into the house dynamic: Ruby constantly saying things wrong, Blakeney politely refusing to point out how wrong she is.
"BOTH OF US...love...redbush," Ruby says.
"Mmhmm," Blakeney says, not at all convincingly.
Ruby rambles about how much fun she's having writing "SYO MUCH", even though she couldn't look any more fucking miserable.
She rants about how "children's literature is the myost important literature there is PARSONALLY because the books that we read when we were young really shape us, they change the PUH people we become, they hep-help us see new things, they inform our opinions and how we see the world--(And then she immediately goes into her outro without pause, like one giant run-on sentence.)"
As she says "really shape", there's a weird ghostly gasp of air that's not from Ruby. I can't tell if it's from the generic piano music tracks she's slapped on, or if it's the ghost of Charles Dickens come to enact revenge for her crimes against the English language. Either way, it doesn't make her impromptu rant seem any more normal.
Ruby only actually reads the books she read when she was younger and she hasn't changed mentally since she was in primary school, so I'm not sure what point she's trying to make, other than she's a complete fucking moron, which is the ultimate conclusion of this and all her content: What a lazy, lying dimwit.
It opens with the obnoxiously loud crack of her gas lighter. She films herself using this multiple times because she's so bereft of ideas that filler has become the whole video now. And if that assault on the eardrums weren't enough, we're then audibly attacked by the same loud, ill-fitting music that Ruby plays in every video she ever makes.
After she's done setting the tone for the rehashed crap to come, she jumps right into the lies and incompetence.
See if you can spot the first major lie.
Ruby claims she started the day by planning some morning dissertation work, and shows herself scribbling down the day's entries:
It's Wednesday 9th March, apparently.
Her list is almost entirely nonsense, and it's such a short and vague list that it begs the question, "Why do you need a to-do list for that shit?" Or perhaps, "What the fuck is 'acrojtricn'?".
She also continues her bizarre obsession with "inside jokes", but never seems to understand what an inside joke is. Whether it's gift ideas, random planner reminders, or the records of information on her acquaintances that she compiles like a serial killer, she always fixates on the idea of "inside jokes".
Someone told her once that human beings share these with friends, and now she's desperately trying to adopt the concept. But inside jokes come naturally. They're called inside jokes for a reason: because the people inside that social circle of two or more are the people who will instantly remember and understand the joke where other people wouldn't and naturally drop it into conversation at an organic moment.
Inside jokes aren't jotting down something someone said and then instantly forgot, so that you can remind them of the date and time they said it months later. If people have to be reminded of it, or have it explained to them, it's not an inside joke.
She's apparently trying to focus a chapter of her dissertation on dedicatory poems, acrostics and Lewis Carroll's inside jokes, I guess, into her dissertation. Every time we see more of it, it looks more like a disaster.
Anyway, after some random timelapse footage of clocks again and Ruby chugging water, she then cuts to a shot of her putting on the throw/blanket/cape she was already wearing:
She just slaps footage together blindly, without a second glance, resulting in a visually incoherent, non-linear mess like this.
Ruby informs us that this 'day in my life' video will be focused on her doing some writing for one of her two final modules. She starts this glimpse into her writing process by taking the English language out behind a shed to beat it beyond recognition.
"If you didn't knyow, I'm dyooing ayy writing for childrens module this yaahr," she says, pluralising the already plural.
Reminder: Ruby is in her final year of an English Literature degree. She recently signed with a literary agent with the intent of writing things in English as a profession.
If you ever had a moment's doubt whether you were good enough, talented enough or smart enough for something, just remember that Ruby does not have a functioning brain and still managed to somehow make it this far at university not getting booted out or caught for relying almost entirely on other people's work.
The lesson to learn is this: If Ruby can make it this far in an English degree with zero understanding or command of the English language, then you can be a fucking astronaut if you want to. That and the grading bar at Exeter University is so low you can moonwalk over it.
Ruby rambles about the creative writing module and raves that it's so great to have an excuse to just write. I mean, she's had a wide open schedule for essentially her entire life and nothing stopping her from just writing instead of filling her days with redundant busywork. And I'm pretty sure a creative writing module isn't just a free ticket to write whatever incomprehensible bullshit you want.
Ruby says she's going to sit down and write a "tyoo-dyoo list" of things she wants to do, because she can't decide which public place she wants to force herself to study in for some reason, and supposedly this will help.
Did you spot the massive lie?
Somehow the morning of Wednesday 9th March has magically become the morning of Thursday 10th March. How'd that happen?
But for Ruby, lies are like Pringles, and once she's popped, she just can't stop.
She says she's going to read 'Loveless' by Alice Oseman. It's a YA contemporary book that is completely outside Ruby's wheelhouse and she's absolutely not going to read. But that's just one layer of the multi-tiered gateaux of lies she's served up.
Ruby says this book is "one of the books that was recommended". By who? Her Instagram followers? A lecturer? A random librarian? The staff at Waterstones? A passing stranger? Ruby doesn't say.
She does, however, slap this passive-aggressive, defensive title (complete with EXCLAMATION POINT!) in the timeline chapter for the video.
She stresses that it's for her module, either because she believes any pretend reading for pleasure is a waste of time, or because she knows it's obvious that she's only skim-reading this book to strip-mine it for ideas for her own YA book which treads similar ground.
Funny how she logged it on her Goodreads back around when she first started writing her own book, and is now picking it up again when it's time to do a massive from-scratch revision of her novel.
Ruby has zero experience living a normal teenage live, doing everyday student things. She's shut herself off from that entirely and refused to socialise, certainly not with anyone who's not identical to her. So it's definitely suspicious that she only picks up YA books when it's time to write her own, and I'd wager she's definitely just cribbing ideas, themes, relationship examples, tropes, etc., from them because she won't be able to write realistic, diverse characters or general teenage situations of her own.
Also note that she didn't start reading the book until March 13th on Goodreads, even though this "day" happened on 9th and/or 10th March.
She shows multiple clips of her flipping through the book, backwards and forwards, as though she's never opened a book before and is trying to figure out how they work and what all those black squiggly things in them are.
Ruby instantly gets bored of pretending she knows how to read and films some gross, sloshing footage of her making more tea. She perches the mug precariously on the arm of her sofa even though there's an ottoman/side table right there, because she's an unquantifiable fuckwit.
Because she needs to pretend to be doing lots of different activities to get maximum fake productivity out of this whole fabricated 'day in my life' that's really multiple days stitched together, she tosses in some footage of her "illustrating". I'm pretty sure she's said before that this project was due weeks ago, so who knows how old this footage actually is.
And because you're not being productive if you don't have an audience, Ruby gets ready to go into town to study for the peasants to see.
She makes the ill-advised choice to film from floor level, providing a close-up view of the filth and debris littering her carpet. I know that student housing slumlords usually furnish the homes with the cheapest, most low-quality carpets possible and there's only so much life in them, but that doesn't explain why everything else in the house (and Ruby's other house) looks like shit, too, including the crumb-covered tiles.
Also her outfit magically changes, and she's wearing her beret like a beanie again.
She places her camera on a random wall in a populated street just to film herself walking yet again. Terminal stupidity.
Ruby interrupts the video for an ad break, complete with ominous, black title card and ellipses (but no capital letters, because Ruby is deathly allergic to literacy).
I feel like that's a dangerous precedent to set, though. Is she gonna put this title card before all her ads? If so, 76% of the video is going to be that and the rest will be footage of snack bars.
I'm kidding, of course; there's no way Ruby will declare even 10% of the gifted products she shoehorns into her content.
Of course, she's studying in a café, so this video is sponsored by "Nord V.P. Anne" - another service she never uses unless she's being paid to. Ruby spouts some half-remembered corporate blurb that shows she forgot the script and has no idea what a VPN is or does. According to Ruby, you should sign up if you're looking to "change your V.P. Anne addrass or if you're looking for something loiyke that.".
She shows off familiar, likely recycled footage of her grimy, disgusting laptop screen (which she ALWAYS disinFACTS AVVERY DAY!) as she pretends to use Nord VPN.
Concluding the ad, Ruby says, "let's get back tyooo the video and JANUINELY the LOVELIEST writing SASSION at...The Explyoding Bakereee". So she clearly didn't enjoy it and got nothing done.
She gets there, and it's clearly quite a small café, but Ruby starts unloading all her shit to syphon WiFi and electricity and take up seating while ordering just a small pot of tea.
Ruby blurs out one staff member's face, but leaves every other face of the customers and staff unblurred.
"I got a pu'er tea, which I'd navver tried before!" Ruby says, as she either lies again or malnutrion-induced dementia grips her brain.
Ruby, just because you pronounce the names of things differently every time, doesn't actually make them a different thing. You've tried pu'er tea before. You're a "tea enthusiast", you should remember these things, right?
"Syooo, I wasss wahrking on TYOO things HYARR...I wryote a CHAP-TARR of...theee...middle-grade BOK that I'm...writing forrrr...myyy...MO--[AWKWARD EDIT]--CHILDREN'SWRITINGMODYOOOLL-[AWKWARD CUT]"
The fake posh cadence and awkward, belaboured pauses after every word make it seem like her brain is simply melting.
And then there's just an uncomfortable long shot of Ruby pouring and sipping tea before she finally, after what seems like an hour, tells us what the second thing she's supposedly working on is.
"And then aaahfter that...I was...WAHHKING...onnn...a BOOK that I'm restructuring and rewroiyting at the moment...UHH...[audible smiling]...FOR MOIY LITERARY AGENT."
Just listing to her mush-brained drawl as she struggles to connect words to finish sentences is enough to make you feel drunk. It's so bizarre.
Ruby only managed to rewrite three of the chapters before her laptop apparently "ran out of charge". It wasn't her fault she couldn't get any more work done! It definitely had nothing to do with her NOT having her VARRY OWN TABLE or because other people had the audacity to sit and order actual food at the same table as her in a public café...
Ruby occupies space in the café for ages as many customers arrive and leave in the background.
She starts out sour-faced from the get-go, but she gets visibly more frustrated throughout her time there. There's many possible reasons why, but knowing Ruby, this might be the main one:
The person who was sat at the same table was also there to work. And also uses a MacBook. And was likely getting more done, on a less filthed-up laptop.
Ruby only wants to "study" or "work" in public to be special - to be the self-proclaimed "gifted child" in a café full of mindless, uncultured peons who will gaze in wonder at her intelligence and diligent hard work. It's why she never studies in the uni library - because everyone there is studying, and they're all smarter than Ruby.
When she realises she's not unique and special, suddenly she conjures up a reason to leave.
She cuts to a weird shot of her pointedly showing her watch and adjusting it for the camera.
It's meant to be a casual shot, but it feels so deliberate and awkwardly cut in that Ruby clearly did this intentionally to try to prove to people that she was in the café for hours. But since watches can easily be adjusted and she's already fucked up and left in mistakes that showed she's lying about the timescales of this video, it's just embarrassing.
Ruby heads to M&S to buy some "rooey-busstea". Translation: "Roibos tea."
The packaging even has the English translation on it, to save ol' Rooey-Buss the embarrassment of trying to pronounce it. But nope, Ruby had to try, and couldn't be bothered to expend the tiny amount of effort and Googling it'd take to learn how to pronounce it.
After embarrassing herself yet again, she heads to the library to "return some books and get out some YA books".
"And oiy say it's for my module, but...LAT'SBEE REAL...oiy MAINLY CHAYZZ--CHOSE these books...[audible fake smiling]...BEECAUSE THEY LOOKED VARRY, VARRY GOOD."
And let's really be real...
Again, Ruby hates YA books. Hates books with teen relationships. Hates books that aren't about wealthy girls aged 13 or younger. Hates books in general, really, judging by the fact that she does anything she can to avoid reading them while claiming to be a massive bookworm.
A quick reminder of what Ruby thinks of YA books and how she reacts to plots which contain any teen relationships or depictions of teen life, even when they're integral to the character and plot:
She gets bored and skips them.
So no, Ruby, nobody believes you're "JANUINELY" picking up these books because you have an actual interest in them.
Let's take a look at the books she expresses an interest in:
YA books, including two teen mystery-thrillers, one of which is about a girl named Hettie trying to find a missing student at an all-girl's boarding school...
Reminder: Ruby's unpublished book is about a girl named Lottie trying to find a missing student at university (and guaranteed, it'll be an all-girl's boarding school, because Ruby won't want to have gross, icky boy characters messing up her book with their cooties, blegghh!)
Hmm...The name similarity is an odd coincidence, but the sudden interest in YA mystery thrillers is textbook Ruby. She went through the same phase of reading lots of middle-grade bullying books when she decided to write her own middle-grade bullying book, and the end result was a self-insert mess and borrowed stereotypes and clichés. She writes her essays with the same cannibalistic approach to other literature and writers. She's incapable of summoning any passion, originality or creativity of her own, so she just steals it from other people.
She's 1,000% looking for more ideas to steal and grabbing books similar to the one she's already been borrowing heavily from One of Us Is Lying, Good Girl's Guide to Murder and others for, and it's no coincidence that it happened at the exact time her literary agent asked her to do a full rewrite from the ground up.
Rooey-Buss is Rooey-Busted.
Writers take inspiration. That's a natural part of the process. But Ruby usually goes far beyond that to avoid doing any work of her own. And writers usually tend to take inspiration from and write in genres that they enjoy. It says so much about Ruby that despite never showing any interest in YA lit, suddenly that's what she apparently wants to write. I'm sure it has nothing to do with that being one of the highest-selling, easily-marketable genres and Ruby's not just trying to chase money...
She shows her "return trip" from the library, but it was obviously filmed at the same time as the earlier shot of her first heading out:
Note the guy leaving the building and the car waiting at the traffic light. Same dude. Same car. Same fucking clouds. She didn't even try.
Ruby did her usual 'put the camera down, film myself walking ten feet, turn around, walk past the camera, turn back, collect camera and use it as two separate shots' thing. It's not like we'd be confused how she got back home without a recycled establishing shot, so the end result is that she just looks like a lazy idiot to viewers and the general public who saw her filming.
She gets home and does a 'library book haul'.
It's mainly an excuse to protest tyoo moch about how she's reading them all for her module, JANUINELY! The dead giveaway that she's lying is that she says that they all look "SYO GOOD", which is her trademark line when bullshitting about how much she likes the gifted products she hates or has never tried.
And then she does a "dramatic reading" of the back cover blurbs, complete with her usual eyebrow-waggling, forehead-furrowing emphasis on random words.
I was joking earlier about the librarian recommending books to her, but it turns out that actually happened.
Her school librarian recommended this, apparently, but it's also her twin friends' collective favourite book (by "friends", she means the children of her mummy and daddy's friends who get forced to go on a playdate with Ruby occasionally).
Ruby claims she's wanted to read this ever since the movie came out. Since Ruby doesn't watch movies, I don't see how that's true. But also, that movie came out nine fucking years ago. What's been stopping Miss 'I READ HUNDREDS OF BOOKS A YAHHR' from reading this before now?
Ruby says she doesn't really find the plot blurb to this interesting. That's the most she actually reads of most books she marks as 'complete', but this time she'll have to skim through some of it to find stuff to steal, so she's resigned to "give it a gyo".
She's back to pretending to write "SYO MOCH" of the middle-grade book for uni. Her nails once again looks encrusted in filth.
She interrupts herself and her narration amateurishly overlaps itself as she announces that she's now "re-SAARCHING" and struggling to find out how much stand mixers cost "at the time" her book is set because she can't "find any adverts", and that's apparently vital to her middle-grade book...
Ruby's clearly a moron. She also keeps claiming she has tonnes of "reSAARCH" skills and experience, to the point where she thought that might be a viable career. And here she is, with no research or basic problem-solving skills. And her dissertation sits unfinished.
And then she hurtles forward in time several days.
This "day" in Ruby's life now includes:
- Wednesday 9th March.
- Thursday 10th March.
- Sunday 13th March.
Unsurprisingly, her outfit has changed again.
She says she's working on her own novel now, as much as a book compiled from stolen material can be considered "hers". She wants to rewrite a chapter and add in two more chapers. "Syo I got started on dyoing that...NOW." She says "now" so abruptly and aggressively. It's bizarre. She also can't keep her past and present tense straight, which bodes well for a prospective author.
Ruby forces Blakeney to appear on camera for the first time in forever.
Ruby mispronounces "roibos" again, and Blakeney immediately raises an eyebrow and is mystified by it.
"How do you pronounce that?" Blakeney asks. "'Rooey-boss'...I can't say 'rooey-boss', I say 'roy-buss'..."
She politely tries to coax the correct pronunciation from Ruby, and then gives up, leaving Ruby with the slim hope that maybe she's saying it right and it's Blakeney who's wrong.
"That's why you say 'redbush'," Blakeney adds, applying the basic common sense that will forever elude Ruby.
It's a brief, but interesting glimpse into the house dynamic: Ruby constantly saying things wrong, Blakeney politely refusing to point out how wrong she is.
"BOTH OF US...love...redbush," Ruby says.
"Mmhmm," Blakeney says, not at all convincingly.
Ruby rambles about how much fun she's having writing "SYO MUCH", even though she couldn't look any more fucking miserable.
She rants about how "children's literature is the myost important literature there is PARSONALLY because the books that we read when we were young really shape us, they change the PUH people we become, they hep-help us see new things, they inform our opinions and how we see the world--(And then she immediately goes into her outro without pause, like one giant run-on sentence.)"
As she says "really shape", there's a weird ghostly gasp of air that's not from Ruby. I can't tell if it's from the generic piano music tracks she's slapped on, or if it's the ghost of Charles Dickens come to enact revenge for her crimes against the English language. Either way, it doesn't make her impromptu rant seem any more normal.
Ruby only actually reads the books she read when she was younger and she hasn't changed mentally since she was in primary school, so I'm not sure what point she's trying to make, other than she's a complete fucking moron, which is the ultimate conclusion of this and all her content: What a lazy, lying dimwit.
Last edited:
You can interact with men without being interested in dating them loltbh i’m probably in the minority here but i think a lack of male interaction is like the least weird thing about hersome people just have no interest in dating and she doesn’t seem to be particularly insecure about it given that she never makes posts trying to justify that aspect of her life like she does about going home etc. i don’t think she’s uncomfortable with them.
plus i don’t blame her- uni isn’t exactly the place where you’re going to find men worth spending your time around lol (and speaking from experience humanities courses also tend to be majority women)
Griftwood
VIP Member
She’s incapable of going beyond herself when it comes to characters, she might as well have called the character Noobee Danger.
Scapier88
VIP Member
Horrible bullies sorry I've been quiet second time pregnancy has been tough but am happy to announce I'm having a little girl....
On the topic of Ruby Is anyone else looking forward to the my landlord bullied me after they charge Ruby a extra cleaning charge when she moves out leaving behind piles of dust dirt old new yorker newspaper and half eaten protein bars
On the topic of Ruby Is anyone else looking forward to the my landlord bullied me after they charge Ruby a extra cleaning charge when she moves out leaving behind piles of dust dirt old new yorker newspaper and half eaten protein bars
wastelandbaby
Well-known member
Yes, H&M isn't a sustainable brand (and neither is Miss Patina - the only difference is that they're charging extortionate amounts for polyester) but I wish Ruby would acknowledge that shopping sustainably also includes not consuming unnecessarily. Remember that video she did a while ago where she had a whole second wardrobe in the house full to the brim of clothes? That's not the mention the endless gifted clothes she receives. I know she sells bits on Depop but compared to the amount she has, that's basically a drop in the ocean. There's no need for anyone to own the amount of clothes Ruby does.
I have a pair of jeans from Zara, for example, but these are the only jeans I own and need and they will last me years. Is is more sustainable to buy five pairs of jeans from expensive brands (we know you wear them Ruby!) or one pair in five years that I repair from an unsustainable brand because unfortunately I can't afford to shop from truly sustainable brands atm? Apologies for the ramble, but I just wish Ruby would consider sustainability in less of a 'black and white' manner, especially when she is fortunate enough to be able to afford to shop selectively.
I have a pair of jeans from Zara, for example, but these are the only jeans I own and need and they will last me years. Is is more sustainable to buy five pairs of jeans from expensive brands (we know you wear them Ruby!) or one pair in five years that I repair from an unsustainable brand because unfortunately I can't afford to shop from truly sustainable brands atm? Apologies for the ramble, but I just wish Ruby would consider sustainability in less of a 'black and white' manner, especially when she is fortunate enough to be able to afford to shop selectively.
Last edited:
teflonpanda
Chatty Member
List of reasons why Dog Granger would make a better studytuber than Ruby:
- calming, sweet demeanour
- excellent sense of fashion
- fun-loving
- genuine, natural curiosity about the world (as evidenced by him sniffing things)
- eats at regular intervals and has a healthy relationship with food
- does not promote toxic productivity
- beautiful, thick coat of hair
- drinks water rather than weird overpriced Birdshit and Blend tea
- does not make overly loud slurping noises
- is attached to the Granger family but not in an unhealthy way
- enjoys going on walks just for the sake of it but doesn't overdo it with exercise either
- knows that taking breaks and resting is important
- makes no pronounciation errors when barking
- has (to my knowledge) never tried to profit off of a Holocaust remembrance charity
Scapier88
VIP Member
I can imagine rubus weekly letter to mother Granger
Dearest mother
Hope you keeping well and haven't fallen down anymore stairs.
My management company told me I had to do a live and donate the money to some war thing that is happening surely I would be better of just sending a strongly worded letter to the people arguing and suggest they should met and discuss there issues over a cup of tea.
See you tomorrow morning at 5.33am.
Your loving daughter
Ruby
Ps who's this Martha person people keep talking about have you got me a new puppy
Dearest mother
Hope you keeping well and haven't fallen down anymore stairs.
My management company told me I had to do a live and donate the money to some war thing that is happening surely I would be better of just sending a strongly worded letter to the people arguing and suggest they should met and discuss there issues over a cup of tea.
See you tomorrow morning at 5.33am.
Your loving daughter
Ruby
Ps who's this Martha person people keep talking about have you got me a new puppy