- Notice
Pixieboots
Chatty Member
Congrats to @AmTellinYa for the winning title!
It's been a suspiciously chaos-free full moon so far, dear frauen und herren. What horrors lie ahead on this Halloween night?
In our last thread...
- Jack briefly toyed with Judaism. Shalom, Jack. Shalom.
- Also on the menu - a return to Jack's FORENSIC interest in politics.
- We learned some of Jack's many nicknames! Oddly enough, none of the things she gets called in this thread made it onto the list.
- Jack wrote an extremely bumlicky ode to "Mom". Hey guys, did you know Jack didn't go to culinary school??
- Some grifty Christmas ideas were floated and abandoned.
- Several more eggs were subjected to JM style traumas.
- Talking about weed is so funny and naughty!
- #LockdownLarder will be making a triumphant(?) return on Monday. WHAT ABOUT THE CHIP SHOP CHIPS, JACK?
- Eggy crisps.
- Fried ice cream? HAVEN'T completed it, mate.
It's been a suspiciously chaos-free full moon so far, dear frauen und herren. What horrors lie ahead on this Halloween night?
In our last thread...
- Jack briefly toyed with Judaism. Shalom, Jack. Shalom.
- Also on the menu - a return to Jack's FORENSIC interest in politics.
- We learned some of Jack's many nicknames! Oddly enough, none of the things she gets called in this thread made it onto the list.
- Jack wrote an extremely bumlicky ode to "Mom". Hey guys, did you know Jack didn't go to culinary school??
- Some grifty Christmas ideas were floated and abandoned.
- Several more eggs were subjected to JM style traumas.
- Talking about weed is so funny and naughty!
- #LockdownLarder will be making a triumphant(?) return on Monday. WHAT ABOUT THE CHIP SHOP CHIPS, JACK?
- Eggy crisps.
- Fried ice cream? HAVEN'T completed it, mate.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Last edited:
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Good morning everyone!
Bobtheknob
Chatty Member
Scarletfever
VIP Member
Time travelling backwards and discovered Brenda's bangers have competition! (Apologies in advance)
LennyBriscoe
VIP Member
Dear Admin
I respectfully request an update on our request to have an eye-roll reaction added. Things are now becoming quite urgent.
Yours
Everyone
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
She's tagged Mom into her devilled eggs recipe
lilamay
VIP Member
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Sorry to quote myself but the pics include a VERY fancy looking cocktail and several screenshots of BBC food recipes.
Attachments
HarderFaster
VIP Member
Waiting for the poster who worked with Jack to tell us every gory detail like
Also if she doesn’t stop saying that a supermarket checkout is some kind of back-up option that she’s vastly overqualified for I’m going to have an aneurysm. She is just the worst. God forbid she should talk to barbers or checkout assistants like they’re human beings and not mere drones in minimum wage jobs. Cunt.
She’d be fired from a checkout in about 12 minutes for being an aggro prick to someone who dared to buy a fresh lemon. “FANCY, are we? I work on a checkout. Can only afford bottled”.
Also if she doesn’t stop saying that a supermarket checkout is some kind of back-up option that she’s vastly overqualified for I’m going to have an aneurysm. She is just the worst. God forbid she should talk to barbers or checkout assistants like they’re human beings and not mere drones in minimum wage jobs. Cunt.
She’d be fired from a checkout in about 12 minutes for being an aggro prick to someone who dared to buy a fresh lemon. “FANCY, are we? I work on a checkout. Can only afford bottled”.
‘I’m taken aback that you can stand up right on a big kitchen table wow’
I’m taken aback that you have two legs and you can use them, seriously that is amazing. Someone call the Guinness Book of Records, this person here is using her two working legs to stand up on. Wut?!
DinosaurSenior
VIP Member
Jack you've taken those filters too far!!!!
JoyceDivision
Chatty Member
I said it before but it bears repeating...
Also apparently had a fling with a councillor - despite claiming to hate both men and Tories - and broke up his marriage
GoLando
VIP Member
Don’t know if this will sound insensitive but it’s not ok to do the things she says are ok. People need to recognise that regularly doing nothing, not cleaning, washing or tidying are signs of bigger problems. I don’t like the “it’s ok to...” side of “self-care”.
What we should be saying is “hey, if you’re starting to feel like that, reach out to someone, anyone and see if you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger issue”. It’s like a warning light on a dashboard but obviously if you’re the person it can be hard to realise- particularly if some prat on the internet is acting like that’s normal behaviour.
What we should be saying is “hey, if you’re starting to feel like that, reach out to someone, anyone and see if you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger issue”. It’s like a warning light on a dashboard but obviously if you’re the person it can be hard to realise- particularly if some prat on the internet is acting like that’s normal behaviour.