Jack Monroe #63 I tend to move in circles of cookery and politics rather than outrage and vitriol

[Harrybosch]

Hey guys. Just a quick heads up. Some of you may not know, some may have forgotten, but please remember, regardless of what you can see, read or hear with your very own eyes and ears, dear Jackie is always right.

She hates exercise, never exercises, but has abs from sleeping 22 hours a day, whilst working 20 hours a day. She is able to do this because she's the happiest she's ever been whilst being in the darkest pit of hell, living sober on a chemical rollercoaster. Her son and her are hooting and fizzing with delight as he's always with her, in the landlord's bungalow or the landlord's garden.

Please don't be confused when you see pictures that seemingly show she isn't socially distancing or Ruby Rose. She is in fact both socially distancing AND Ruby Rose.

Please accept that you are just too stupid to get it. Now fuck off and bake a vegan mayo cake. It's what Viv would have wanted.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Montrachet]

Picking up on the "Ha! Funny you should say that - I randomly stood in for her in a music video some years ago!!" Let us dig a little deeper.

Now the prison scenes were filmed in HM Prison Kingston in Portsmouth in 2016. Ruby Rose did not appear in the video, was not referred to in the video, and appears to have had absolutely nothing to do with it. If someone states that they "stood in" for someone - they are surely seeking to give an impression that the other person was involved to some significant degree, and maybe post-production needed a back or head shot retaken in their absence. This is not the case here - it is from the body of work of a serial fantasist. The basis of this latest lie is simply that Ruby Rose (IMDb) had appeared in 'Orange Is The New Black' prior to this video, and only in Jack's mind had she "stood in" for this person when they had no involvement.

Ruby also went on to star in 'Batwoman' - maybe Jack is now standing in for her as Bat "ShitCrazy' Woman but only she knows this. Just a theory.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

8 people Tattlers viewed this in the last few hours.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

That cats face! FFS put me down woman!

 

[Pantomimehorse]

Can someone add Harvester to the list of jobs ffs

 

[Veronicaaa]

"It's important to support small businesses" she writes, on the way back from a Harvester.

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[HarderFaster]

Just been doing some Jack maths, in which I think I've been extremely conservative, and I've come to the conclusion that she's a profligate spender:

Hammock - £399
Hanging chairs (2) - £300 (£150 each)
Dyson fan - £339
Dyson hair dryer - gift from Louisa
Smeg - £2500 (conservative estimate)
Viv westwood dress - £150 (assume sale)
Nike VaporMax (x 2 minimum) - £360
Cotswold catalogue - £3000 (conservative estimate)
Sweaty Betty leggings - £75
Lumie alarm clock - £170
R&P bras (x 2 minimum) - c. £200
Airpods - £199
Airpods pro - £249
Apple Watch (assume series 3) - £199
Sleeper to Edinburgh - min. £250 last min on a Friday
3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh - £309
Last minute train home on a Monday morning - £170 minimum
Vets bills - £700

TOTAL - £9569

Let's be generous and assume that, despite living in Essex, Jack pays herself the London Living Wage, which is £19,890 per year. She's spunked nearly half of it on absolutely pointless luxuries. Except that doesn't matter, because she's evidently making bank and just lying to her audience's faces.

The thing is, none of us would give a shit about this if she was honest, but shaking the tip jar and crying that she had a gig cancelled due to Covid and making her followers think that she's in dire straits is just unforgivable, isn't it.

She makes me siiiiiiiiiiick.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Well I think you’re all cruel I hope Jackie Jeff and the Fresh Prince have a lovely time at the ‘restaurants’

 

[blurstoftimes]

Of all the forms that a weird troll could have taken, that was a particularly dreary one. Couldn't they have thought of something a bit sexier and more exciting than Eamonn Holmes and Michael Gove?

 

[HarderFaster]

Goodness, we took a bit of a "thread #31" turn last night, didn't we? Some very amusing shade, though, I salute the funny fraus for soldiering on in the face of utter humourlessness in return.

 

[Pocahontas]

I was a Civil Servant. Where on earth did you get the idea that I worked with Sarah Vine? Also, I have apologised for the gloatfest comment.

Oh, right. So when you said ‘I’m sorry’, was it for calling these threads a ‘gloatfest’ - which you said you felt dirty and disgusting for being a part of, yet here you are tonight in full flow and seeming to enjoy the participation?

I had previously thought you were apologising for calling Silver Linings a ‘particularly nasty person’ for her fairly innocuous post about Jack’s dirty nails. Perhaps I was mistaken.

 

[Boyo]

Please don't be confused when you see pictures that seemingly show she isn't socially distancing or Ruby Rose. She is in fact both socially distancing AND Ruby Rose.

Hi all. Loooong time lurker, first post. Been here since DKL and never looked back. I laughed so much at this Harry. She is everything.....and yet, at the same time, isn’t. Jackie M - Schrodinger‘s Twat.
Thankyou. I will now fuck off.

 

[NP]

Why is it always, “This happened and I’ve got a photo/evidence of it somewhere but I can‘t be bothered to find it”

No-one cares.

 

[Montrachet]

Is that actually Jack?

Or is it Ruby Rose standing in for her?

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I dislike her but she was right to be angry with Edwina Currie. She did NOT come from a wealthy background, as many of you claim. To me, her accent sounds very working class/lower middle class, which fits her upbringing.

Bollocks didn't she.

She had two parents, one in a good job.

They owned a house.

The inlaws owned property.

They had enough space and income to be approved for fostering (which comes with an additional allowance).

They had at least one vehicle, if not two, both being expensive in different ways (the cost of a van and the cost of a Land/Range Rover).


Compare that to being a kid brought up on just benefits, in overcrowded and practically derelict accommodation. No aspiration. No education post 16 (or earlier). Single parent family. That means no car, no ballet, no music lessons, no pianos, no own room, no grammar school (because the uniform was expensive and you'd always be bullied for being the Poor Kid - or because Grammar Schools had been banned in the area, no chance of a private scholarship for exactly the same reasons and no need to choose anything other than the nearest school, where you'll get beaten up for being the poorest in the school, for being smart and the piss ripped out of you by the others walking past to the canteen because you had to queue up with the other Poor Kids to get your free lunch token, no decent food at home or school because the free school meal value wasn't enough to get more than half a meal. No future, no hope of improvement. The best career move was to find somebody willing to marry you if female, get a job in a factory if male, because at least you'd be inside. And hopefully, once the kids came along, he wouldn't drink his wage packet before he came home on the Friday night and/or beat you up. Somebody who didn't use a weapon or a clenched fist was 'Well, it's not as if he gave you a black eye now, is it?'.


To those of us on here that grew up in real poverty --and in some cases would have quite happily have become one of those foster children she complains about for taking attention away from her-- , JM was fucking minted. Her real voice shows this. Her tales of aunts with big houses and ballet training and pianos and everything else shows this. Even her tastes in furnishings and brands shows this - a grand for a couple of sideboards? Chest of drawers for fifty quid would be pushing the boat out. Three grand for another fridge? Beko do ones that fit in normal social housing kitchens for a couple of hundred, and they'd be the posher choice.


If you think for one moment that JM wasn't immensely privileged compared to the people she thinks she speaks for, you grew up with far more than a hell of a lot of us did.

ETA: read your subsequent post. Yes, you did.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I've just given my magic Jack ball a shake and asked if we can expect any more shitty salad content in the near future

Oh my I've made a typo, Vlad will not be happy

 

[Veronicaaa]

That just underlines the utter mediocrity of harvester, doesn't it. The one person that could be bothered to engage had 'hunters chicken'.

Theres nothing wrong with harvester but for a supposed foodie, it's not a good optic, in the parlance of the times.

I'm not sure I can really comment on Harvester as a whole because I've never been to one, but I did look up the Southend place on Trip Adviser for research purposes and some of the customer's photos are quite revealing. A couple of examples - the first one is captioned "raw chicken" and the second is captioned "Looking at the prawns gave me IBS". There's also a photo of an onion stuck to the ceiling. I think it might be fair to say this is where Jack learned her craft.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

At least she’s bringing out some intelligent debate on Harvester meals tonight from the general public. Basically the Jackolytes are just as boring and basic as she is.

I am FIZZING thinking about Jack, sat wide eyed darting her eyes from the Samsung on the left to the Apple on the right for notifications. One arm draped over the back of her sofa, the other furiously pressing refresh for more notifications.
AND THEN...
What she’s been waiting for all night, someone saying the salad bar is manky and she can go to town on this one. The arm moves from the back of the sofa, she sits upright, a manic grin explodes....there is only one thing in the world that is better than a Twitter spat. The selfie light and lipstick comes out. It’s time guys.