Jack Monroe #63 I tend to move in circles of cookery and politics rather than outrage and vitriol

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Recap of thread #62


Non-edible flowers on cakes? Get outta town, says Jack.

Jackie the cleaning lady has been to town and offered inspired cleaning hacks that include mopping floors with boiling water and cleaning microwaves with vinegar.


She bemoaned her lack of inspiration on what to screen-word with her hand-sausages, proclaiming that not even posting a flattering selfie would cut the mustard. However, the next night, she got wiggy with it and posted some ‘dopamine boost’ selfies. They have since been deleted.

She likes to belt out a bit of Lulu and is a dab hand at Celine Dion - perhaps she’ll accompany herself one day on the piano.

She’s been shredding on her water rower and she feels strong.

Last additions: It seems she was Ruby Rose’s stand-in for a music video appearance.

The ‘crappy bungalow’ may not be either (a) a bungalow or (b) crappy, after all.

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.

For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’
🥴
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
 
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She followed Vie Aesthetics on Instagram yesterday morning, just before she posted her new 'I'm fit and healthy' photo, what's the betting she went and had some work done?!
 
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So, her brother used to call out her lies on Twitter? I wonder why he stopped doing that? Why doesn't anyone from her past call her out?

 
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So, her brother used to call out her lies on Twitter? I wonder why he stopped doing that? Why doesn't anyone from her past call her out?
I reckon that it’s one of life’s great mysteries. It really is, genuinely very strange.
Although, imagine if someone did, the flack would be terrible.
 
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For the 6 Music fans, Mark Radcliffe is talking about the tin can festival and quoting Miguel Barclay. Apparently there is a ‘yolk porn trend’ on Facebook.

Our Jackie misses out again...
 
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I can't quote your post now @sarahjay but thanks for the intel! It's amazing, just when you thought you knew every last thing about Jack, there's some new, hideously embarrassing fact waiting to emerge, she truly is the gift which keeps on giving. So is Jack suggesting that Ruby Rose was up for that coveted blink-and-you'll-miss it appearance in a ... Stooshe video, and she for some reason couldn't make it, so Jack valiantly stood in at the last minute? Because, AHAHAHAHAAAAA.
 
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I don't know who ruby rose is so that little nugget from her means nothing to me and also if she knew anything about martial arts the rules clearly stated in any dojo handbook says that any you should not use it in the real world. I sincerely doubt she was round kicking the man on the train though.
 
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Picking up on the "Ha! Funny you should say that - I randomly stood in for her in a music video some years ago!!" Let us dig a little deeper.

Now the prison scenes were filmed in HM Prison Kingston in Portsmouth in 2016. Ruby Rose did not appear in the video, was not referred to in the video, and appears to have had absolutely nothing to do with it. If someone states that they "stood in" for someone - they are surely seeking to give an impression that the other person was involved to some significant degree, and maybe post-production needed a back or head shot retaken in their absence. This is not the case here - it is from the body of work of a serial fantasist. The basis of this latest lie is simply that Ruby Rose (IMDb) had appeared in 'Orange Is The New Black' prior to this video, and only in Jack's mind had she "stood in" for this person when they had no involvement.

Ruby also went on to star in 'Batwoman' - maybe Jack is now standing in for her as Bat "ShitCrazy' Woman but only she knows this. Just a theory.
 
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The basis of this latest lie is simply that Ruby Rose (IMDb) had appeared in 'Orange Is The New Black' prior to this video, and only in Jack's mind had she "stood in" for this person when they had no involvement.
Ahhhh, I see! So because part of the video is obviously inspired by OITNB, Jack has made up in her head that she's the 'stand in' for the programme's most beautiful actress. Yes yes, that makes sense! Jack sense, at any rate!
 
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Congratulations to @ClarenceBeakes on your first thread title! 61 reactions 🎉 well done!


Recap of thread #62


Non-edible flowers on cakes? Get outta town, says Jack.

Jackie the cleaning lady has been to town and offered inspired cleaning hacks that include mopping floors with boiling water and cleaning microwaves with vinegar.


She bemoaned her lack of inspiration on what to screen-word with her hand-sausages, proclaiming that not even posting a flattering selfie would cut the mustard. However, the next night, she got wiggy with it and posted some ‘dopamine boost’ selfies. They have since been deleted.

She likes to belt out a bit of Lulu and is a dab hand at Celine Dion - perhaps she’ll accompany herself one day on the piano.

She’s been shredding on her water rower and she feels strong.

Last additions: It seems she was Ruby Rose’s stand-in for a music video appearance.

The ‘crappy bungalow’ may not be either (a) a bungalow or (b) crappy, after all.

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.

For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’
🥴
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thanks @Pocahontas . Normally don't need recap but have just returned from camping and missed out on loads!!!
re the 'rowing for 4 weeks' is this during the 'Burnout' when she couldn't move?

So, her brother used to call out her lies on Twitter? I wonder why he stopped doing that? Why doesn't anyone from her past call her out?
They have done over the years but it all gets deleted.
SBs dad (or his partner) posted on Mumsnet about how he is actually a really good dad who has the kid at least 4 days a week and pays maintenance as well as providing food and clothing for him. This goes against her whole schtick of a Dickensian poverty tale. Apparently if he says/does anything to stand up for himself JM causes him all kinds of trouble and kicks off, causing grief for the kid.
The brother has been blocked and has no contact with her. Her mother only appears to contact her via SM, which she replies to with snippy and sarcastic tweets.
 
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Apparently if he says/does anything to stand up for himself JM causes him all kinds of trouble and kicks off, causing grief for the kid.
This is disgraceful, and the biggest indicator as to the real Jack Monroe.
 
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This is disgraceful, and the biggest indicator as to the real Jack Monroe.
yup.
You only have to look at the DW blow up.
That whole tirade was against the Dad.
Kid comes to her for a visit and probably was too positive about his life with his Dad. Probably raving about his new DW book. She couldn't hack it and in jealous rage started going after the book/object that made the kid happy.
During that (now deleted) tirade she referred to the Dad/his household several times. How SHE was raising him better in HER house he would never read such garbage.
She's got absolutely no comeback on the dad, just pure jealousy and went into a rage.
Poor kid
 
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Ooh a shiny new thread full of possibilities!

I wanted to mention something Jack said that was posted in the last thread about not having time to go out for a run as a single parent.

1) She doesn't have time for a 30 min run but she can 'scamper' off to Edinburgh for a long weekend?

2) You aren't a single parent, you've praised your child's father numerous times and he is very much in the picture.

3) How old is SB now? Can he not use his legs if he's too young to be home alone? Why don't you run together?

What. A. Crock. Of. tit.
 
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yup.
You only have to look at the DW blow up.
That whole tirade was against the Dad.
Kid comes to her for a visit and probably was too positive about his life with his Dad. Probably raving about his new DW book. She couldn't hack it and in jealous rage started going after the book/object that made the kid happy.
During that (now deleted) tirade she referred to the Dad/his household several times. How SHE was raising him better in HER house he would never read such garbage.
She's got absolutely no comeback on the dad, just pure jealousy and went into a rage.
Poor kid
Kinda missed that link throughout that whole affair, it’s really quite shocking. One reads about ‘nightmare’ ex’s/co-parents but here, before our very eyes, we are witnessing an alpha example and how she works. Awful.
 
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Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.