Jack Monroe #329 Pooroboros

[colouredlines]

It's the *long pause* that makes it great.

🔺️ My mother once stood at a train station next to Heston Blumenthal. She looked at him. He gave her a smug look like, yes, that's right, it's really me, are you impressed? So she asked if he was Harry Hill.

Same energy here.

 

[Yel]

Mega lolz, makes the Westminster palace story look legit

 

[colouredlines]

I made my fantasy shopping list, what now? The sheer number of steps is confusing me.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[colouredlines]

This shopping list nonsense has (unwittingly, I assume) exposed what a farce the 20£ shops are.

Most people make a list with the starting point of what do I need/want to eat. Jack makes hers with the starting point of I must spend exactly 20£ and works from there.

Realistically, if you had every foodstuff known to man stashed away in your massive kitchen - and you were actively trying to save - you'd only buy a handful of perishables, while slowly working your way through the pasta factory in the pantry and the aquarium in the freezer. You would spend significantly LESS than 20£, because it's not necessary.

Jack has 3x fish fingers in stock. She bought fish fingers. She has baked beans in stock. She bought baked beans. She has nuts, frozen bacon, instant mash, (sad) lemons, celery...all of which she bought. She's buying shit she ALREADY has in stock, creating duplicates, because she's not trying to save money, she's trying to hit a spending target.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[OhhBacon]

It’s not saved Jack money though, she’s got hundreds of pounds of unused food at home! Silly cow.

On the same principle…I managed to do my shop today for only £7.25…a bottle of wine and a bag of crisps. (Already had food in!)

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I have written a book about Jack and had it published. It's a brilliant expomoleee about the grift and full of journalistic integrity. I thought I'd share it here.

Spoiler: The book

 

[MushyBeans]

 

[NightFeeds]

I’m a lurker as not fast or witty enough to become a full time Frau but noticed this reply…

edited, as forgot to squiggle!

 

[colouredlines]

The best comment from Reddit:

 

[Pocahontas]

Congrats to @BlendedSlop for the words and @jenny2603 for nominating the thread title! A framed, signed print of Jack being as heckin adorable as her puppy is winging its way to you both as we speak.

Recap of last thread:

Full throttle last night with photos of Laurie, complete with every dog mama cliche and Jack joke under the sun for captions. Bork bork. One of the photos contained her *shock, horror* work number on the puppy’s tag, but what her worry - she never answers it despite it being aflame every night with friends asking for help with their dinner ideas. Hahaha.

Jack has stated that she is planning on staying for the next two years in her bungalow of dreams / nightmares (depending on what day it is) and she’ll be working like a demon to fix her credit score and buy her forever home. In the meantime, she’s going to line her 2-3 car driveway with troughs to plant herbs and veg in. What’s that, I hear you cry? Compost is very expensive, Jack! Fear not, she has endless supplies from under her nails, of which she is very proud. Seeing as she likes to photograph her fingernails ALL THE DANG TIME (2.5 on WikiNails at last check).

She’s written some more big shopping lists and photographed them for Twitter to marvel at. Who could even be arsed.

Please use the words ‘thread title’ when nominating one and no bad words while you’re at it.

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

The Ego soars!

(no she wasn't tagged in this, glad she's not BUSY for a change)

 

[Mr Krabs]

I am so slow on the uptake. I didn't realise she was probably doing a joint application
Bloody hell no wonder Harold left.

Mortgage advisor: Right, so it’s a joint application is it? OK, Mr Harold you’ll be putting up the entire deposit and you’ve got an income from your hat shop? All good. Mx Monroe, you’ll be contributing £34, have no stable income income, haven’t done a tax return in three years, CCJs, and you keep kicking my shins under the table.
Jack: perhaps this will change your mind *slides envelope over table*
Mortgage advisor: *opening envelope* oh sweet Jesus, what are those?

 

[Mrs Peel]

When a dog explores a new surrounding their tail is up because they are excited.

When they are frightened they keep their tail between their legs and a close eye on the danger (extremely large cat stalking them)

But she knows everything. Because she has owned a designer dog for a couple of days.

 

[Fruitjack]

What the actual fuck, squigs?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Always raging when I am grunking and have a hot take figuring out spaniel friend must be dog sitting then finding out as I go through the pages all of the fraus have already figured it out.

I get the feeling Spaniel friend is maybe not overly impressed by the dog acquisition but is doing a good turn by looking after the dog for the love of animals.

And bloody hell, what a complicated shopping list! If I was going for a weekend away to Glastonbury I wouldn’t be getting a shop in, particularly if I had mountains of food in the house!

See I don't read it as Spaniel Friend is the dog sitter, more like she's saying "Jack, you know you can't leave the pup alone to go to Asda, right?" and Jack's sarky wee reply with the upside down smiley face saying yes and I've got lots of volunteers now fuck off or you'll be blocked, Spaniel tits

 

[NomDeGuerre]

Posted in response to her picture of a receipt

 

[Yel]

Ninnies you missed it, she was there last night!

 

[colouredlines]

More proof that it's just about hitting an arbitrary spending target, not anything else.