Jack Monroe #329 Pooroboros

[Pocahontas]

Mega lolz, makes the Westminster palace story look legit
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How weird, just the other day I was stood behind Dostoevsky in the queue at Morrisons, and he was asked to spell HIS last name. Cor, Jack’s up there with the greats, isn’t she.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

What?
...

ETA

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Yikes, deleting photos of an animal clearly in distress because horrible meanies on the internet are pointing it out. Haven't we been here before?

 

[Jelly Bean]

Actually I am surprised she didn't go. The sort of pretentious unhelpful nonsense she thrives on. If coming out with startling analysis like 'Labour needs to get its shit together' to accompanying whoops is anything to go by.

And it must've been mooted before so apologies but
Thread title 'Boo, I guess' so there is always a reminder of that most cringe anecdote ever.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Famous writer lol. Yeah, she's up there with J K Rowling. Potatoes is second only to The Great Gatsby in terms of the greatest things ever written in the English language as perceived by the general public.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I wonder if she'll be attending via webcam ? I still wouldn't bet a jar of cold tea mixed with flat lemonade that she'd turn up for even that.

Omg can you imagine Jack on one of those giant screens, “thank you bury Glaston much” booming over the speakers.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Full house

 

[colouredlines]

Sorry if someone grabbed this already, but I think we missed it:

Given that her most notable foray into kids' cooking so far involved carefully balancing a very hot vessel on upturned teaspoons, steaming a pudding full of allergens for hours, and ending up with something named for its resemblance to a turd, I SHAN'T be holding my breath.

(Not even touching the autism bit, that's for more knowledgeable Frauen!)

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

The dog isn't called Canada, dickwad x

 

[colouredlines]

About the UHT milk more, she could have replied to the follower calling her a monster for buying UHT milk that for some people UHT milk is a great sollution (I always have some UHT plant milk for emergencies and buy the 'fresh' plant milk for daily use).

Instead, she went allong with the snobbery and 'confessed' she pretends it's fresh milk to her boy and 'sneaks it past him'.

She is such a wanker.

Exactly! UHT milk is standard here, far more readily available than fresh (which most supermarkets don't stock, or if they do, they will have about 5 bottles out at the bottom of a cabinet - it's clearly not a big seller).

If you're a tea/coffee drinker, you might not want UHT (I guess? I don't drink either!) but you can use it in smoothies, and it's great for baking or cooking. Not everyone lives rurally and has easy access to stallions, so UHT milk is a good option for béchamel, for example.

All information that would be useful from a literal food expert, no?

BTW who the fuck does a 5-step shopping list without a meal plan? She's planning to batch cook this weekend, but has no idea what she's batch cooking? Train the dog to do the groceries, Jack, she'll do a better job than you!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Btw I think after not really caring for 2 years I've finally completed the triangulation. Once you google 'what does a eucalyptus tree look like' it's not that hard. Honestly never beheld such scenes of deprivation, or mock Tudor frontages.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

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Does Jack not understand that this person is talking about Laurie being uncomfortable because of Cooper? She’s not commenting on the dog’s general disposition, you absolute idiot. Honestly, I just despair.

 

[Lazarus]

Never a tampon, mouthwash, loo roll, kitchen paper or glass cleaner on her list. Also never treats for the cat, or cat litter or a wee treat for SB either.

she said before it’s impossible to eat healthily on such a minuscule budget, then she said her meals are nutritionally balanced and she’s met nutritionists and dieticians who have told her so.

she’s also had a pop at Waitrose for adding avocados to their essential range and now shes buying avocados.

and now we have the curious incident of the unwanted meat in the night time.

none of it makes sense.

 

[veronica71]

View attachment 1370638What the actual fuck, squigs?

You know I watched Glastonbury last night and felt a bit sad that I’d never done all that wonderful partying and living life to the fullest like the people there due to various health and other reasons and that my life is a bit sad and small…. But the squigs always make me feel I’ve not hit rock bottom yet

 

[LennyBriscoe]

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Dear Chums

I feel my involvement in the dearest canal may have to come to an abrupt end unless you all start putting that orange fucking monstrosity of a hairdo behind a spoiler.

Yours, Lenny (accidental detective/creator of the #saltylenny hashtag/lover of all the Georgias)

 

[JombleWomble]

I've just been reading the infamous thread 31 because I wasn't a tattler back then.

One of the first posts in response to Jack's arrival (on 24th June 2020) was a suggestion that she should enjoy the sunshine and grow her own herbs. Yesterday (24th June 2022) Jack tweeted that she's going to start growing her own herbs.

Hi Jack, I hope you had fun yesterday while you were celebrating your tattle anniversary by re-reading your old posts on this website that you definitely don't visit anymore.

(Dear paralegals, this is a joke not a serious libel. Please don't sue me, thanks huns)

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Jelly Bean]

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What?
...

ETA
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'I don't expect anyone to have this in stock'.
So why use it as an example of what is desirable and achievable then? She presents herself as 'one of us' when it comes to budgeting but all of a sudden she is a cookery writer so just ignore her as it is a cheffy thing we wouldn't understand.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Does anyone else get the feeling that Spaniel Friend knows what's up..

 

[Orphan_Black]

Wtf is she gonna do with Quark? I remember before I embraced being a fat bastard I went on slimming world and made mashed potato using quark. It truly tasted like depression.

Quark is like someone took a look at cottage cheese and went 'how can I make it worse'.