NomDeGuerre
VIP Member
This current drama feels very much like season 8 of a US political series where there’s too many characters and not enough plot.
- Notice
Pixieboots
Chatty Member
Thanks to @colouredlines, @SoulRebel and @jenny2603 for the title components!
Edit: And now @CabalofBolorneaise too! Mods changed the thread title
In our last thread...
- Jack told the Guardian that The Letter was a bit shit really
- Letter-writing campaigns are only good when Jack thinks of them, you see
- Jack and Roadside Mum did a joint chaos
- Bae (Jack) caught me (also Jack) sleeping
- Cooper was bothered on the internet
- Dr Rupy saved his show by not letting Jack cook
Edit: And now @CabalofBolorneaise too! Mods changed the thread title
In our last thread...
- Jack told the Guardian that The Letter was a bit shit really
- Letter-writing campaigns are only good when Jack thinks of them, you see
- Jack and Roadside Mum did a joint chaos
- Bae (Jack) caught me (also Jack) sleeping
- Cooper was bothered on the internet
- Dr Rupy saved his show by not letting Jack cook
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Last edited:
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
I’m agreeing with you Alan, despite me probably also punching down at various stages. Your post gave me pause, and I think you’re absolutely right that there’s a limit to what we should be aiming at RM. Unfortunately I feel like she’s going to be as disappointed with Jack as she is with Chartwells quite soon.
What I love about these threads is that we tend to self-regulate. Someone will neatly point something out, and it makes me reevaluate my thoughts. It’s like Lord of the Flies but without the murder
colouredlines
VIP Member
Don't worry Jack, I wrote the recipe for you, now you can get back to saving the children!
Chicken, Veg and Potatoes: A Recipe
First, place your chicken tenderly into a pan. It can be frozen or not - the chicken, not the pan, haha! What am I like?! Some so-called "chefs" have strict rules that they insist you follow. But personally I like to throw caution to the wind and do what feels good. So defrost your chicken, leave it...life's too short.
Add a smear of lard to the pan with the chicken. Other fats are available, but I live on a very strict budget and can't afford them. In fact, I added the merest sliver of lard, so as not to waste a penny of precious ingredients. This means that someday, my son and I may have our Forever Home. If you are fortunate enough to already own a home, rather than living in precarious rented accommodation, you may use more.
Turn on the heat and let the lard melt, caressing the chicken with its winsome porky touch. While this is going on, chop your vegetables. If you have problems with knives, why not try this handy vegetable chopper, available here from Amazon? Yes, I'll get a few p tossed my way if you buy it, but I really believe in and heartily endorse this product!
Add your vegetables to the pan and stir firmly. I find this is best achieved with a spoon, although if you have sold all your kitchenware in a Yard Sale, a rare Mary Poppins replica umbrella makes a good substitute.
Meanwhile, carefully peel your potatoes. This is a simple task, so easy that the average 44-year-old can manage it with minimal supervision. Keep the potato peelings - if you have a vegan in the family, they can mix them with some Del Monte pineapple chunks for a delicious vegan alternative.
Add the potatoes to the pan and cook everything for three hours, or until softy softy soft soft.
This serves four - if you don't guzzle it greedily straight from the pan, like I did! This site, with its millions of delicious recipes, will always be free to use but does incur running costs. To help offset them, you can always chuck a pound or two my way. As a former foodbank user, your donations are much appreciated. Thankyou.
Chicken, Veg and Potatoes: A Recipe
First, place your chicken tenderly into a pan. It can be frozen or not - the chicken, not the pan, haha! What am I like?! Some so-called "chefs" have strict rules that they insist you follow. But personally I like to throw caution to the wind and do what feels good. So defrost your chicken, leave it...life's too short.
Add a smear of lard to the pan with the chicken. Other fats are available, but I live on a very strict budget and can't afford them. In fact, I added the merest sliver of lard, so as not to waste a penny of precious ingredients. This means that someday, my son and I may have our Forever Home. If you are fortunate enough to already own a home, rather than living in precarious rented accommodation, you may use more.
Turn on the heat and let the lard melt, caressing the chicken with its winsome porky touch. While this is going on, chop your vegetables. If you have problems with knives, why not try this handy vegetable chopper, available here from Amazon? Yes, I'll get a few p tossed my way if you buy it, but I really believe in and heartily endorse this product!
Add your vegetables to the pan and stir firmly. I find this is best achieved with a spoon, although if you have sold all your kitchenware in a Yard Sale, a rare Mary Poppins replica umbrella makes a good substitute.
Meanwhile, carefully peel your potatoes. This is a simple task, so easy that the average 44-year-old can manage it with minimal supervision. Keep the potato peelings - if you have a vegan in the family, they can mix them with some Del Monte pineapple chunks for a delicious vegan alternative.
Add the potatoes to the pan and cook everything for three hours, or until softy softy soft soft.
This serves four - if you don't guzzle it greedily straight from the pan, like I did! This site, with its millions of delicious recipes, will always be free to use but does incur running costs. To help offset them, you can always chuck a pound or two my way. As a former foodbank user, your donations are much appreciated. Thankyou.
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
why does this matter?
Thing about Roadside Mum is she’s someone who’s relying on these free school meals and has been shafted. Even if she’s problematic, in whichever way, I feel uncomfortable with a lot of the posts being made about her because she’s not the focus of this thread and is someone who took delivery of a couple of warm frubes and a carrot etc to feed her child/ren with, whether that was for 5/10 days it’s not a space you come from with a sense of self respect and dignity so if she’s fire in her belly I don’t blame her. Jack getting in her head yeah we have a legitimate cause to rail against that, but the rest? I feel like we are punching down.
Silver Linings
VIP Member
Putting floofle aside, and how this absolutely did not happen, why tf is she downstairs again?!
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
A vegan insta account with 27.7k followers has posted this on the Linda McCartney butter sausages recipe.
Switchstreetz
VIP Member
Think I might be Jacktose intolerant as I literally can't stand her.
Joan of Narc
Active member
First time poster here! I've been lurking since the days of DKL and the 'That Man' chaos..I don't use Twitter so first became aware of Jack when I noticed their name kept being mentioned in the comments section of the Guardian whenever there was an article on storecupboard ingredients..I looked up her recipes and they all seemed fairly grim. My top 3 Jack moments so far are Viv (RIP), Brenda's Bangers and the horror film type voice whispering 'you're on, you're on' ( I think during the shed cooking?). Big thanks to the cabal for keeping me hooting over these last few difficult months. Will probably go back to lurking now!
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Me, laughing along at the jokes about how outdated Jack's references are despite never having seen a quesadilla tiktok myself.
discokebab
Well-known member
Just popping in to say I haven't replied to it but will plan on doing so.
Also - insert big red alarming triangle (or essential fancy wooden one) but my line of work is actually in upholding rights and voices including those of children so I'll certainly be bringing that into future correspondence.
OT: but I had a thought the other night that the cabal are some of the people I would most like to sit around a table with, and unless we really do end up in court, it will never happen and sometimes it makes me wistful. You're all so insightful and everyones experiences e.g @colouredlines and her time in SA and all the other countless heartfelt responses just make me *feel* things. Not in a pants way, but in a unified way. Also, one of the few places were people can have differing opinions without all hell breaking loose and I really respect that.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Slop Jack is hands down my favourite. She's not hurting anyone, she's just showing how dreadful she is at cooking and I live for it. Her putting words in her son's mouth just to impress her followers is fucking stupid, I'm not now nor have ever been a ten-year-old boy but they ring so hollow.
"Hey mum remember when that man at the pub said hello politely to you and you glassed him because you're so hard? And that other man who asked how you were and you broke his arm in six places and he went to A&E and they said it was so bad they couldn't do anything about it and now he has an arm like a bendy straw? And that man who offered to buy you a pint and you said I AM AN ALCOHOLIC YOU FUCKING NINNY and headbutted him so hard he fell into the fruit machine and then everyone clapped?"
"Hey mum remember when that man at the pub said hello politely to you and you glassed him because you're so hard? And that other man who asked how you were and you broke his arm in six places and he went to A&E and they said it was so bad they couldn't do anything about it and now he has an arm like a bendy straw? And that man who offered to buy you a pint and you said I AM AN ALCOHOLIC YOU FUCKING NINNY and headbutted him so hard he fell into the fruit machine and then everyone clapped?"
The fried curry rice ‘took all of six minutes’.
1. Go outside.
2. Get a spade from the shed.
3. Drag it along the gravel.
4. Serve it on a bed of tin.
Job done.
1. Go outside.
2. Get a spade from the shed.
3. Drag it along the gravel.
4. Serve it on a bed of tin.
Job done.
colouredlines
VIP Member
My personal conspiracy theory is that @Silver Linings IS Jack. Those receipts are always super fast, and no one has ever seen them in the same room at the same time...
jenny2603
VIP Member
Wah apologies Dragon. Got the completely wrong end of the stick. I have never been so startled in my life. Can't believe I have caused a Jack style chaos- she must be getting to me! Sorry for dragging you in.
As for the point you were actually making. Yes she is curiously selective about her causes, though I am slightly surprised she hasn't added being of travelling stock to her origin story because just about everything else is in there. I wonder if her origin story is now approaching it's complete and final form?
colouredlines
VIP Member
Could this be the veganning of the end?