Jack Monroe #137 NarcLife by Bootstrap Crook

[Soapy Dolphin]

What's for dinner tonight, Mama?
BROWN!

 

[Bwidge]

Ignoring the fact it’s clearly disgusting, you wouldn’t even bother keeping that as leftovers from a takeaway? It’s about 4 spoonfuls of bitty dregs?

That's the problem with her 'portions'. She's always making several portions then going back and wolfing the lot. If it takes four portions of something to fill you up, then there is something very wrong with your portions and therefore the cost per portion.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Lads. Lads, without being too bossy but at the same time, being really bossy...
You won’t Get anywhere with the Guardian. You don’t have a Cooper in a being forcibly brushed chance. me I know how it works.
However, if you do wish to do “something” about the way fostered and adopted kids are described in the press, I urge you to reach out to fostering, adoption and children’s charities. They are probably fed up of this language as well.
In recent years, due to pressure and engagement between charities and the press, papers voluntarily signed up to avoid distressing language around suicide. You might have noticed how different it is lately?
Best outcome would be something similar between kids charities and press. I think they got there with child abuse which used to be “child prostitute”. You may get to describe feral behaviour (still problematic) you may not describe a child as feral.

 

[jenny2603]

Still on previous thread and I'm sure this has already been covered but by others...

But I've just received a response from the ed's team at the Graun. Basically the use of the word 'feral' was justified with 'it makes sense in context of the interview even tho derogatory' but they did agree to remove it from the photo caption as that had no context.

Apparently they received a few complaints so refresh your inboxes, cabal.

ETA - apparently its also OK cos its JM's first hand experience.

If she'd been describing some incident that couldn't be traced back to specific children, for example "I got off the bus early because a crowd of feral schoolchildren got on and starting wrecking the place" that'd be fair enough but people who lived in that house are able to read themselves being described as feral without any right of reply.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Isn't it weird that she can afford cheese, cheese, more cheese, EXTRA cheese but can't afford butter?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I was going to do a very long forensic conspiracy wanker post about how Jack does not now nor has she ever had COVID also known as COVID-19 caused by the novel coronavirus (or the 'rona) like her housemate and known criminal Louisa Compton but I cba. She's a joke. It's despicable of her to use long COVID as a ploy to get attention and have people feel sorry for her when it's a real and frightening thing that people are experiencing, something that nobody knows how to deal with because it's only just come into existence. Do you know what's better than a non-scientific poll? Talking to a scientific doctor. That won't get you the sweet nectar of social media engagement though, will it? Mammoth twat.

Then just when I think self-isolation can't get worse, @colouredlines posts that Nigella article. I can't believe you've done this. I'll be praying for your soul, dear heart.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Recipe It's meat, veg and gravy, ffs

 

[Silver Linings]

A new day, a new bio.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Ffs, Jack what the actual?

(it has taken me this long to do all the ironing, It seems all the items in the house needed ironing.)

Firstly you take fake pictures of yourself pretending to be asleep with your cat. I don’t know where to begin with this but please stop. Like @Walkdengirl Ina is my food crush. To even think of someone like her doing this would be horrific. Get a grip.

Secondly, you continue to stretch the space-time continuum so that what is 4/5 weeks for the rest of us is now a good 6 weeks for you. Be a doll and stretch it to November so we can all have had our vaccine and this shitshow be over.

Then you

Spoiler: ED/Alcoholism

state in your appalling review of Nigella’s book that her opening paragraph did more to make you love food again after anorexia than any doctor or counsellor could. This is dangerous and is extremely misleading. It is along the same lines of you implying that a robot picture is better able to help you stay sober than any formal support. Please stop with this harmful and triggering misinformation.

Finally, you have pissed me off so much that I have taken to watch some dodgy Scottish male cleaning account on insta and now lurk his thread on tattle. Why, Jack , why? Why couldn’t you just stay in your lain ().

(just realised my posts always talk to Jack. Why is that? Maybe because subconsciously I think she reads here so think what I write will have an effect. I am as deluded as she is.)

 

[PoorPatrol]

The woman was on top of the world that she had a voice of her own and Jack shouting about that private school letter on Twitter has humiliated her and made her feel lied to.

Have to quote you again, dear heart, to say I think you’ve got it spot on. Looking back (something like three days ago), she was extremely proud of herself for tackling them and getting them to back down. Deservedly so. Jack has performed such a narc take-down with this ‘oops, I was going to tell you, but...’ letter shit on Twitter. As many victims of narcissists will know, they make noises that send your anger in the wrong direction and you end up alienated, with supposedly only them on your side.

 

[Boyo]

A bit clunky in places but tbf it is the ‘difficult second single’.

Seaside House

Seaside dweller
Book’s not doing stellar
Thought to herself, “Oops, I need a lot of money”
Mind like a maverick phoney

She’s a professional trickster
But her heart's like the liver
We’re paying the price, she’s living life at the limit
Playing out the fictional anxiety

Yes, she preys on them
She's looking grim
Try the grifter life

She lives in a house, a very big house by the seaside
Watching chaotic repeats
About the slop she tweets
By the seaside
She takes all manner of shills
To help her pay the bills
By the seaside
Oh, there’s tattooed arms and
Lots of changeable charm
By the seaside

She's got morning glory
There’s now a different story
Everything's going Jackanory
Helped by her own duplicity
She can’t read Balzac
It’s too complex for our Cack
A dismissive hand
Unless you’re blue-ticker brand
Oh it's her usual remedy

For the faint at heart
Better not start
Try the tip jar

She lives in a house, a very big house by the seaside
She's got a floof on her chest
So she needs a dino rest
By the seaside

She doesn't drink smoke laugh
Takes anyone’s cash
By the seaside
But you could come to harm
If you don’t keep up the smarm
By the seaside

By the seaside, by the seaside, by the seaside

Help, help me out
I am so tired, I don't know why
Help, help me out
I am so poor, I don't know why

She lives in a house, a very big house by the seaside
Watching chaotic repeats
About the food she tweets
By the seaside
She takes all manner of shills
To pay the bills
By the seaside
Oh, there’s tattooed arms and
Lots of changeable charm
By the Seaside

 

[blurstoftimes]

So glad she’s finally shared her opinion on the tortilla Tik Tok craze that’s been going round for weeks. Can’t to hear her views on the Harlem Shake and the Mannequin Challenga

Maybe the weird sleeping photo was her entry for the Planking Challenge? it was popular in 2011 so seems about right on time for Jack to be catching up now

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 392409

The disability benefits system is in this country is a long standing disgrace made worse by IDS and successive Tory governments. What it is not is genocide. Would someone please buy that moronic, offensive cow a dictionary.

 

[Joan of Narc]

I know this was about 5 threads ago, but I still can't get over the Mary Poppins dress up thing. I'm sure we've all had moments when we've done embarrassing things to try and reach out to an ex after a breakup/ show them what they're missing type thing, like posting thot shots, cryptic social media statuses, going to places where we might bump into them or their friends etc. (Hopefully not just me)!!! But dressing up as your exe's 'first crush' Mary Poppins on nearly the year anniversary of when you went to see it at the theatre together is just so obvious it is cringeworthy! And this is from someone who is in their early 30s. Not to mention the excuse of doing it for SB which is, yet again, something which could be used by mean kids to take the piss out of him.

 

[HarderFaster]

I know people need some levity in dark and horrible times but looking at the idiotic replies about 'floofles' and the wanky 'floofbot' illustration actually makes me feel worse about inhabiting a world that seems to be half-full of alt-right dickheads, because the majority of the rest are too busy infantilising themselves on the internet to do anything about it.

Jack: "STAY ANGRY!"
Also Jack: wuk at da cutes wickle floof it is so smol just like me here is the link to my smol Patreon

 

[colouredlines]

Morning frauen...

On the subject of lactose intolerance - it is possible to be intolerant and still be absolutely fine. I am a living example of this! The production process for making most cheese generally removes the lactose that causes the gut issues.

I cannot go near milk, cream or ice cream (nor can I touch non-cow-milk substitutes because one look at anything resembling milk makes me want to boak) but I love cheese.

As a child of the 70s / 80s I spent quite a lot of time religiously throwing up after being forced to drink the warm milk bottles at school (I know many of us did because they were never properly stored) and being given hot milk by my grandparents...I had not idea it was an actual thing and I just refused to consume it from age 7...before I knew I was intolerant.

Obviously that doesn't negate the fact that SHE MAY BE LYING but I do have to just stand up for the old factettes here .

So...cheese is okay but you probably wouldn't buy, say, a few litres of yellow sticker milk while on holiday in Edinburgh?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

It looks like it's been put down on the floor for the dog.

 

[MooBelle]

I wonder if you served one of my former colleagues. Made a big fuss about going to a particular Indian because it was trusted for nut free as she had a peanut allergy, which was fair enough until someone from her department told us all she frequently sat at her desk eating a snickers(!).

Not fake allergy, but fake veggie..

When my brother got married they asked everyone for food allergies/avoidance etc. A couple came in and alterations to menu were made.
Two days before wedding the Best Man's wife, we will call her K, suddenly said she was vegan but would accept a Vegetarian alternative ()
My now SIL's mother went apeshit because they were paying for the reception. It was too late to change the individual dish and the venue charged them for a whole new dinner (£60) It wasn't just the cost, it was the inconvenience and the fact that, as the Best Man's wife, she had had a good 18months to mention she was Vegan. Plus she had actually been to 'wedding planning' meet ups AFTER the food requests had been sent out and menu planning meetings. K was really vocal too and caused a huge drama by having a tantrum about it all.
Morning of the wedding, we're all getting ready at SIL's mum's house (my girls were bridesmaids so I was there) SIL's mum had put on a really lovely day. Prosecco, snacks and a really cute slide show thing of SIL growing up, very sweet. She also did a tonne of bacon rolls.
K was there because her kid was bridesmaid too, although SIL's mum ignored her.
K asked if the bacon in the rolls was 'real meat' told yes it was, then ate one of the bacon rolls and everyone just stopped and stared.
SIL's mum lost her shit. I've not seen her even raise her voice but she just exploded.
That was 10 years ago and I still giggle.
Turns out K 'forgot' she was a vegan because she was so excited about the wedding.......ffs

 

[Emmapism]

It's funny how Jack never forgets to turn up to a paid media appearance, never forgets to promote herself at every turn but then 'forgets' to send her Patreon backers anything at all and steadfastly ignores them.

I didn't realise that ADHD was selective.

 

[Mogmog]

View attachment 391366
A new day, a new bio.

"Not a chef" is the most accurate thing she's ever written tbh