It went so well that after it she decided to take 6 months off from doing any TV?
Paging Matt Tebbutt! Remember our cheeky little duo? Well just calling to let you know the light has returned to my visage so I'm finally ready for my close up on Saturday Kitchen! Can't wait to show you my new recipe for blended fish egg mayo! Matt? You there Matt? MATTTTTTT?!!!
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She left a tv presenter
As I have said I cannot follow this thread anymore, but every time I read these recaps they are more and more bizarre and random. Loving it, never change Jack, never changeCongratulations to @Satisfying Click for your first thread title! 107 reactionsBumper pack of colouring pens in the post to you (but Jack’s posting them, so I wouldn’t hold my breath).
Special mention to @Terrible for: ‘Upstaged by a sheep - move over Sloppy, it’s Nibbles and Loppy’.
Recap of thread #106
- It seems she has the starring role in some fan fiction written by Lestat himself.
- She coloured in her desk planner. So bright! So busy. Don’t touch her work pens! Not even for a second.
- She does a lot for charidee.
- She did some filming work. It went well. ‘Gorgeous wholesome cheeky fun’ with a ‘familiar face - DKL!’ Oh, the intrigue! Will the cheeky little duo of her and Matt ‘The Forearms’ Tebbutt-that-won’t-quit be reunited?
- No.
- Not at all.
- She is no longer a ‘haunted husk of dead-eyed nothingness’. Hold you to that, Jack.
- Also, don’t be forgetting she has a tough deal, despite her day of filming with Dr Rupy. Ouchy mouth lives on.
- Watch your back, Jack - you’ve been usurped by some sheep.
- Anyone after a secondhand denim shirt? May have some wear and tear from previous owner and smell like Penhaligon’s and cooking bacon.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
[*]
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
[*][*]
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Gave me space to talk about areas of passion and expertise!Paging Matt Tebbutt! Remember our cheeky little duo? Well just calling to let you know the light has returned to my visage so I'm finally ready for my close up on Saturday Kitchen! Can't wait to show you my new recipe for blended fish egg mayo! Matt? You there Matt? MATTTTTTT?!!!
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She still taking time off from doing TVIt went so well that after it she decided to take 6 months off from doing any TV?
The TVShe left a tv presenter
Notice how, conveniently and true to form, how she's deftly spun the narrative that her world was 'falling apart' including her home life, to explain away her terrible, fucking useless performance.It went so well that after it she decided to take 6 months off from doing any TV?
thats exactly what I did too
so her personal life falling apart already? Perhaps it wasn't the best time to publicly blame Louisa for all your tech problems then!Notice how, conveniently and true to form, how she's deftly spun the narrative that her world was 'falling apart' including her home life, to explain away her terrible, fucking useless performance.
Nail on the head, there's a reason the films a are better than the books. On a grunk after a nightshiftShe’d 100% be Tom Bombadill. The worst book character in all of fiction.
Right well that’s all a lie isn’t it because she’s not a tv presenter. She’s a quavery chooch.Paging Matt Tebbutt! Remember our cheeky little duo? Well just calling to let you know the light has returned to my visage so I'm finally ready for my close up on Saturday Kitchen! Can't wait to show you my new recipe for blended fish egg mayo! Matt? You there Matt? MATTTTTTT?!!!
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So she kicked the fuck off about THAT MAN getting all up in HER niche knowing full well that she was too inexperienced to carry a show on her own? Nice.Paging Matt Tebbutt! Remember our cheeky little duo? Well just calling to let you know the light has returned to my visage so I'm finally ready for my close up on Saturday Kitchen! Can't wait to show you my new recipe for blended fish egg mayo! Matt? You there Matt? MATTTTTTT?!!!
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Paging Matt Tebbutt! Remember our cheeky little duo? Well just calling to let you know the light has returned to my visage so I'm finally ready for my close up on Saturday Kitchen! Can't wait to show you my new recipe for blended fish egg mayo! Matt? You there Matt? MATTTTTTT?!!!
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