Jack Monroe #101 The bubble bursts

[Auntyanchïoade]

Loooong time lurker here. (Joined early but stupidly used a username awfully similar to my own...practically handed myself to Vlad on a Wedgewood plate. Hence the changed moniker)
Origin story much the same as many others...used to admire our Jackie's ethos...then started to question it, my first alarm bells tolled when she was in her severe arthritis/walking stick/ twenty train journeys a day school run phase.
As time has passed I've grown increasingly enraged by her poverty cosplay and sheer duplicity all served up with a helping of naricissim.
I've been poor, really poor. Single mum of four on benefits poor...and yet never felt the need for her histrionics. Head down, worked hard, just about scraped through it. Huge empathy for anyone else in a similar position, it sucks, but things do get better, I promise.
I retrained and became a Train Driver (triangulate that Vlad) so pop in and like things at weird times of day or night..shift work innit. But just wanted to say that joining this thread has been a highlight of this strange year, you lot are so erudite, funny, quick, compassionate and lovely and it's become one of the favourite parts of my day to read here. Eases the stress of driving my train with this new level of heightened risk of large bottomed Mediterranean types wedging themselves to my train.
Anyhow,. Thank you Matt much Matt.
Now fuck off...( You literally have no idea how long I've waited to say that!)

 

[Harrybosch]

Long post alert! Just like Jack gives gracious permission to photograph her recipe to send to a squiggle, I will permit you to ignore all of this.

I often read posts here (and have possibly posted some myself) which discuss the future downfall of JM. There've been a few posts on Twitter recently to that effect, too.

Dear hearts, I don't think it'll happen. The main reason is that no one cares enough. She's not big enough, she's not known enough, most people wouldn't care about a story about her one way or the other.

The vast majority of people who do know of her and even follow her, still don't see who she truly is. We've discussed this before, but it's so easy to see how the average squiggle misses half her chaoses, because she's so quick to delete. How many times have we had the great @Silver Linings , @xoxo , @Marmalade Atkins and others post a screenshot of something that disappeared within seconds?

The Whiter Than Mayo is a great example. She makes a tone-deaf video. Most people don't view it, some do and praise her, some do and ask questions. She says she'll donate proceeds. The video vanishes. Who (other than us) is really going to keep track of that? If anyone were now to call her out on Twitter or YouTube asking where the video is, whether she's donated the proceeds, etc. it's so easy for her to say 'I deleted it because I was getting abuse for supporting BLM and yes, I've donated the money'. If someone then asks for receipts, I can see how it could come across as bullying (for the record, I don't think it is). But it feeds into the narrative of 'I'm just a poor, single mum on the right side of history and people are constantly trying to bring me down'.

The current butter-gate is another good example. She claims she can't afford butter. Anyone here following her closely, reading each and every thought she posts can see that it's not about butter. It's about claiming she's poor when she isn't, it's about pretending you can't be vegan or veggie on a budget, it's about being so hard up you have to constantly dream up maverick ways to eat and ultimately it's about getting Patreons and filling that tip jar. Two minutes later she's making miso butter aubergine (and abomination of a dish). If you now go and query her use of butter, it's easy to see how that sounds mean and petty to someone who hasn't followed along in detail. I mean, for goodness sake, she's just a poor single mum who is cooking with butter - how can that be wrong? Why would you question that?

And on it goes, I'm sure we can all think of eleventybillion examples.

Reading the comments under this comment from her (CBA to screenshot, it's on here already) is enlightening

I don’t know who needs to hear this but people who don’t like you will take every damn thing you do and twist it to their narrative to reinforce why they don’t like you. Their obsessive gaslighting is none of your damn business. Leave em to it. Live your life. They’ll hate it.

It's clear that many people haven't got a clue that she's talking about 'online trolls' or 'tattlers'. Given how many times she talks about here or general trolls, I can only conclude that much of her audience doesn't pay close attention to her. And because of that, they will always think that questioning voices are bullies.

 

[Smeghead]

Don’t want to get all up in her niche, but I’ve been BUSY coming up with some James Bond puns in celebration of the top content today.
Pussy No More (she left)
Patreons are Forever
BadFinger
On her Marcus Rashford’s Secret Service
Never Say ANCHOÏADE Again
(Full)Moonraker
Lie Another Day
Live and Let Lie
PurpleEye

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

A chaos before a job. Because that's never happened before

 

[Alansbigplate]

I assume we’ve had Licence to Shill?
Moonsplinter?

 

[Auntyanchïoade]

... that’s next-level dedication.

Thank you. Took three years as a guard then two long hard years of training but I drove my first train on my 50th birthday. Bloody love it, the railway is a great inclusive friendly place to work. I recommend to anyone.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Thread title surely has to be STOP GETTING BOND WRONG

 

[sarahjay]

Just spotted this comment...

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Cabal, I had a great honour today. Jack Monroe was recommended as a cheap and good cook in one of my vegan groups today. Naturally I had to step in and inform the group about kittengate, bollock sausages and stealing benefits. Tattle was mentioned and another group member outed Jack as consuming meat again. Hopefully this means more people becoming aware of her truly nasty character.

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to MY bubble buddy, also known as Mrs P, @Silver Linings, for the thread title! Not just at the coal face everyday, tirelessly bringing us those screenshots, you’re also not bad with words. All the pickled radishes for you.

Recap of thread #100

1. She’s moving her bubble buddy in. She Came Back.
2. Give her a round of applause, she went to the Post Office and posted some stuff.
3. Don’t worry about your Thrifty Shades postcards, the Milky Bars are on Jack! She’s currently wedge up thanks to her bubble buddy royalty cheque.
4. She was taken aback by the presence of fireworks on bonfire night. Cooper left. It also brought back memories of her time in the fire service.
5. We possibly need a new bitcoin daddy.
6. Cooper came back from his tea party with the Redwall mice. Through the cat flap made of ... air?
7. Lockdown larder’s sweeping the nation Doesn’t matter if people are losing interest, she slept through it, and it was all Cooper’s fault for making her stay up all night.
8. She’s going to teach her bubble buddy how to cook. Hahahahaha.
9. Her and her bubble buddy are both ‘workaholics’. Hahahahaha.
10. She sure likes to publicly jibe her bubble buddy.
11. Her first cooking lesson resulted in the literal representation of a hot mess.
12. #saltyjack
13. Spoiler: Jack for Dummies

    [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
    
    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
    
    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
    
    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
    
    *** JACKISMS ***
    
    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
    
    Yes, absolutely x
    
    Some other favourite Jack quotes:
    
    ‘Babe, same’
    
    ‘I did a chaos’
    
    ‘My maverick brain’
    
    ‘My sad little face’
    
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    
    ‘I laughed up a lung’
    
    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
    
    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
    
    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
    
    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
    
    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
    
    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
    
    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
    
    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
    
    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
    
    Also:
    

    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

    
    Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
    
    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
    
    

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.

    [*]

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Lol.

 

[HarderFaster]

Today she has already used the phrases “chat shit get banned innit” and “fam”, and I’ve cringed so hard I’m looking at my large intestine.

YOU ARE A MIDDLE CLASS WHITE GIRL WITH PROFESSIONAL PARENTS, BROUGHT UP IN A DETACHED FIVE BED IN SEASIDE SUBURBIA. Stop using black vernacular, you embarrassing little scrotum.

ETA - according the the 2011 census Southend is 91.6% white. I assume an even higher percentage in the retirement haven of Thorpe Bay. Get to absolute fuck, Jackie.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

How cheeky too talking about us as if we didn’t make up over 50% of her Hellman’s Insta live audience?

As if we’re not 60% of her top google search terms?

As if we’re not her core audience now, don’t do us down like this

 

[Montrachet]

Well, well, well - A lady doctor with over 10,000 followers. Add her to a well-connected journalist & an increasing number of very smart people on Twitter.


Buckle up, Jack, an incredibly interesting few months lie ahead. This is happening.






https://twitter.com/Chaotic_Null/status/1324965922461790209

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Montrachet]

LMAO - Thank you, Marcus, for thanking ME!!!

Anyway, enough of all that ..... back to the big issues of our times.

 

[JuliaGulia]

I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable with some of the comments about Louisa being stupid to go back to Jack, that she knows what she's like, that she is an intelligent woman with a high powered job so it's her own fault.
I realise that this is because I have been in a similar situation (though my narc was way more covert and I wasted 6 years trying to help him) so it is triggering to me. It may not be what is going on in this situation at all, but it does look very similar.
I hope this link works, as it's the best information I have found on the subject to explain it to people.
Trauma Bonding

 

[HarderFaster]

View attachment 302765

lol ok, hun: you’ve been bleating about burnout and loneliness and not being able to afford butter while very evidently experiencing a dearth of media work and missing the deadline for your shit book for months now, but you’re obviously living your best life in the four days since you’ve got your principal pay pig back in your clutches.

FAO Jack - if your entire happiness is reliant on how much cash and attention you can leach from others, it’s not real happiness. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to cook dinner with my fiancé as we dance around the kitchen to our wedding playlist. Obsessive loveless troll I am, and all that.

 

[Emmapism]

The situation with JM and her BB reminds me of this quote from the wonderful BoJack Horseman

(Paraphrasing)

'When you're looking through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like flags'