First, I'm not paul from the disney couple, I have a very small YT channel and know many of the vloggers featured in some channels here. Most are nice, others cringe, a lot are just cut-throat. I did try to follow a lot of the drama (like anyone, i was just intrigued how these characters operate) but as soon as I realised what it takes to be a decent vlogger, I realised 2 things... 1. Authenticity (and credibility i guess) it NEEDS to be natural. There's no finer example than mr david and mr ian. In fact (and argue this if you need) these two are the only ones who do what they do that good. Numbers are going to be on your side providing you have tenacity and drive etc - but to be THAT GOOD, it has to be from the fucking heart. David and Ian deliver everything from deep down and it's a joy.
2. Everyone else falls into scale of:
- Trying - actually in it for because, like me, i just love filming and editing
- Trying at any cost - this includes selling your soul for, like Get Binky (as i said initially, it's more Del) freebies, click, views whatever is possible by whatever means
I dont dislike Paul, he's an insufferable bell-end but all that lot are insane. I thought they perhaps enjoyed the status and elite group side of things - both of which are made up... maybe they just liked the idea of a little society. The fall out they had was (i think) based on Paul assuming his idea was stolen... I don't know what part of a panel show made up of friends on you tube talking about their hobby and interest could be seen as copying but i sort of see what his frustration was.
my frustration with Del began a short while before I stopped speaking to him. I was getting these odd vibes and had to check myself to understand why but it was initially all based on the fact that everything was just too fucking sickly. I love positivity but he was acting like he was the mayor of positivity. I didnt think this was right somehow... not real... and that's what started to piss me off. What else isnt real. so I just concentrated.
Back when i wrote that initial post I was at the end of doing a few bits of work for him, some thumbnails for their YT and quizzes - side note, I love doing what I do and payment wasnt in question, it was my pleasure and happy to offer time. But i noticed that other people were getting thanked for stuff... i'll say it over and over, i do loads of work for others if i can. thank yous are nor what I'm after... but i realised that the people getting shoutouts were generally folk who were in a position to offer more than just a few graphics every now and then.
I forget dates, but I was starting to get bothered and then there were some dramas over in twitter - Gareth and Sean was one - and i just couldnt bear to be in this so called community which felt so fucking false. I stopped youtubing (not forever, but after being part of these groups, i still really dont know how I'm meant to do what i love doing on my terms)
The last straw was when i was doing a set on Twitter of the A-Z of disney and decided to not post anything other than a cartoon and a little poem - that's sort of irrelevant but there is a point - I was at day 7 or 8 or something and saw a post from another vlogger... it was describing his (and Del's) new podcast that they were working on. for the last 2 years
WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE... rewind
In jan/feb of 2020, I was chatting to Del about doing a podcast - I do 3 so was in the mood to do another about more of my interests. It'd be an orlando thing about the parks and vloggers and whatnot. I invited this other guy into the convo and did logos, explained the set up and equipment for remote recordings - working on the schedule best host and then PANDEMIC.
I think i did the right thing by suggesting we all get out houses in order. the other two said fine and waited. In the meantime that topic seemed to go quiet. I was aware but we all had shit to deal with and as we were chatting, i just assumed it was on the back burner. fast forward and i'm reading this post.
I remember more posts about it being a secret they wanted to share but couldnt until they had everything in place etc and that was it for me... so why was the A - Z of disney story important... well, i still had 18 fucking days to go didnt i?
.
So i cracked on and the last post from me for the next year was that.
I was done and questioned EVERYTHING about that lot. They're all the same but the subliminal scrounging to get somewhere or something is just so obvious. I don't think he's evil ok... i think its a one track mind. nothing malicious... just knows the goal and happy to get there by whatever means.
THE DELAY:
i'm sorry... i genuinely forgot to come back and post. one reason was that I wrote it at the time and deleted the note by accident, another reason is that I was made redundant about 2 or 3 weeks after posting, so looking for jobs, dealing with it mentally etc, got the covid too... and probably most important, I was second guessing whether I should do this to someone at all... it's not nice. But I lost faith in someone that is continuously lauded and consistently after something.
Finally, I kept seeing the notification and realised that this is do or die - if he is reading, he knows it's me and i wanted to avoid drama at all costs... time to face (or more than likely ignore) the music i guess
sorry tattlers, it's petty but that's why I'm pissed off. My podcast. my idea stolen. so as much as Paul is an idiot, i'm a) not him and b) understand why he'd be pissed off with Binky too.