So my dear old mum died last week in hospital. Beeba you old hag there wasn't a single smiling assassin in a white coat anywhere. Just 3 consultants discussing how to make her last days comfortable. No empty wards, no tik tok and no hushed discussions on the depopulation agenda. My wife is a nurse and she tells me how mad it is but if you're not NHS then it comes as a shock when you see it first hand. Plenty of tea, toast and care for all of us in a side room they had somehow found for mum. The final indignation was we didn't have to argue to have covid removed from her death certificate, because it wasn't there. It just says stroke and heart disease which, funnily enough is what killed her. The poem below is for my mum.
Mum
Lots of people have great mums, but I think mine was better.
Like when you searched a dozen shops for a black and red striped sweater.
A present for my 10th birthday, a huge smile on your face.
I probably looked a right nobhead, but you said I looked “ace”
Remember mum, those chemicals you got from your friend Stan?
To make a weakened gunpowder I think that was my plan.
No Google then to help me out, so quantities uncertain.
And I blistered all the paintwork and set fire to a curtain.
You looked at me and shook your head and I thought “this is bad”
You shook your head again and said “I’ll pacify your dad”
Even then when dad came in he just said “oh my god”
“well you can rub the paintwork down you silly little sod”
Calls received at 4 am are often not good news.
I scramble in the darkness for my trousers and my shoes.
I grab my keys, tie my laces and gently stir my wife.
“its mum” I said “the hospital, they think its end of life”
Remember mum in Anglesey we were laughing on the floor.
Because our youngest brother trapped his bottom in the door.
You couldn’t help yourself and laughed, but didn’t let him see.
Just picked him up and kissed him and put him on your knee.
The doctor called us to his room and we knew bad news would follow.
No sugar coating for this pill and the pill was hard to swallow
No talk of depopulation, or doctors financial gain
Just 3 consultants talking to minimise mum’s pain.
“its ok nana, its just the nurse come to check again”
“shes got a small injection to help you with the pain”
My niece is sat beside her, shifting in her chair
Talking gently to her and stroking Nanas hair
Remember us at Christmas mum, perfection was your aim
But as we all got older you said it didn’t feel the same.
Then “13 bloody grandkids” , dad said “what a pain”
But really you both loved it as it was Christmas all again.
A gentle nock, the door opens “its only me again”
“ive got a small injection to help you with your pain”
My niece looks up to her and says “I think my nanas gone”
She slowly nods and quietly leaves and the nurses work is done.
A million happy memories mum, a thousand things to say
We were all beside you as you slowly slipped away
I close my eyes and see that sweater, and the smile upon your face
I probably looked a nobhead mum, but you said I looked “ace”
Mum
Lots of people have great mums, but I think mine was better.
Like when you searched a dozen shops for a black and red striped sweater.
A present for my 10th birthday, a huge smile on your face.
I probably looked a right nobhead, but you said I looked “ace”
Remember mum, those chemicals you got from your friend Stan?
To make a weakened gunpowder I think that was my plan.
No Google then to help me out, so quantities uncertain.
And I blistered all the paintwork and set fire to a curtain.
You looked at me and shook your head and I thought “this is bad”
You shook your head again and said “I’ll pacify your dad”
Even then when dad came in he just said “oh my god”
“well you can rub the paintwork down you silly little sod”
Calls received at 4 am are often not good news.
I scramble in the darkness for my trousers and my shoes.
I grab my keys, tie my laces and gently stir my wife.
“its mum” I said “the hospital, they think its end of life”
Remember mum in Anglesey we were laughing on the floor.
Because our youngest brother trapped his bottom in the door.
You couldn’t help yourself and laughed, but didn’t let him see.
Just picked him up and kissed him and put him on your knee.
The doctor called us to his room and we knew bad news would follow.
No sugar coating for this pill and the pill was hard to swallow
No talk of depopulation, or doctors financial gain
Just 3 consultants talking to minimise mum’s pain.
“its ok nana, its just the nurse come to check again”
“shes got a small injection to help you with the pain”
My niece is sat beside her, shifting in her chair
Talking gently to her and stroking Nanas hair
Remember us at Christmas mum, perfection was your aim
But as we all got older you said it didn’t feel the same.
Then “13 bloody grandkids” , dad said “what a pain”
But really you both loved it as it was Christmas all again.
A gentle nock, the door opens “its only me again”
“ive got a small injection to help you with your pain”
My niece looks up to her and says “I think my nanas gone”
She slowly nods and quietly leaves and the nurses work is done.
A million happy memories mum, a thousand things to say
We were all beside you as you slowly slipped away
I close my eyes and see that sweater, and the smile upon your face
I probably looked a nobhead mum, but you said I looked “ace”