Cleaning With Mario #3

[Exhausted Pigeon]

Ever seen those documentaries about cookooing? Where someone moves into a vulnerable person's house and takes over? Derek always looks bewildered, like he let someone sleep on the sofa in 2014 and they never left.

 

[airyfairy76]

Martin my little princess, there are just under 65 million people in the UK. Meaning roughly ONE in EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE follow you.

Or to put into simpler terms, for the equivalent population of Glasgow, seven people follow you.

Stop being such an attention seeking wankpuffin.

 

[Badaboom]

I can guarantee you Martin, you are wasting your time and money on descale products in Scotland. We have soft water. It just shows that he is blindly following what other instagramers do and actually doesn’t have a clue. Never in my life have I used a descale product, never in my life have I witnessed limescale in Scotland.

 

[Bec3007]

Tell you what, if I worked in JD and I seen him storming in, I’d hit him in the puss with a trainer. Entitled cunt

 

[Noname12345]

New thread suggestion: cleaning with Mario 4.


The name should be as boring as he is.

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

Trying to imagine what this meet and greet extravaganza might look like and, as its likely Mario keeps tabs on here, perhaps we can give him some inspiration for the big event's agenda.

1. Welcome, drinks reception - strictly 1 mug of biscuit tea per guest
Mingle with your fellow Mafioso (suggested talking points may include, favourite colour sph2onge cloth, how many wax melts is too many, favourite Mario journey story)

2. Explore the Mario art wall. See for youself the pictorial journey of this icon maturing from bottle-blonde disco-diva to malcontent brunette whinger.

3. TED talk by Mario. "Choices that will make you shine bright like a cubic zirconia". Mario will discuss the merits of Fabulosa v Zoflora, Daisy Blue v Ava May and Onesies v Twosies. Be blown away by his technique for committing his very own postal address to his very own memory.

4. Live demo. Style up a footstool - how to achieve that bougie look using only items gifted from small insta businesses.

Any other ideas folks?

Disclaimer: I am very VERY bored this evening

 

[Frankensooze]

Tell you what, if I worked in JD and I seen him storming in, I’d hit him in the puss with a trainer. Entitled cunt

I'd give a leg to see it. Mario walking in in his pj bottoms, 90s boy band hair don't, all six eyebrows sticking up, ex zeeeeeee ma weeping and flaking like a Greggs steak bake.

 

[menopausalmargrit]

We saw Mario and Derek in a public setting (they were on the same train as us) and they looks like rabbits caught in head lights. Mario walked with his head down and Derek looked like he wasn’t on this planet (probably isn’t tbh).

The best part was, no one went near Mario but not ten minutes after he got off the train he was posting a story saying how good it was to meet so many of his lovelies

 

[Nellyellie]

New thread title-

Marios ego is as big as his head, can he fit any more tat in that one bedroom shed

 

[lipsticktaser]

I’ve been avoiding Glasgow Debenhams whilst Christmas shopping. I just can’t face the hoards of lovelies and pilgrims to see the patron saint of tat.

Do we think he actually has work pals? I just imagine him acting like he runs the joint and rubbing everyone up the wrong way.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

The last thing i would've wanted to see while in labour is Melvin breezing into the room squealing "hallo ma lovelies" and then sticking his hand up my clunge.
It fair makes me shudder

 

[JessicaFletcher]

I personally can't wait to see the next installment with the kerrrraaaazzzzeee glamour gals! Will Barbara lose her glasses? Will Pam accidentally bring out a battenberg in her handbag? Will Carol bring the wrong colour bingo dabber? The suspense is a killer.

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

So he managed to get the REALLY expensive, REALLY gorgeous, NOT cheap trainers in store at JD.

After a quick look on the JD sale they are £40 each pair!

That rant for 80 fucking quid!

Both pairs are fucking rotten, something I’d see my 60 year old Dad wearing!

To be fair and setting aside the incoherence of his rant, i do feel his anger was likely proportionate to what £80 actally means to him in terms of his real disposable income situation, as opposed to the fantasy financial situation he tries to project.

It's economy of scale. £80 can be everything or nothing depending on your own situation. For all the things it's easy to knock him for, I'd never knock him for what £80 means to him.

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

I know I've commented on this in the past but............ DA FUCK?????

Unless you live in a detached house, it is completely anti social to be vacuuming at 5am. Just cos Derek can maybe sleep through that racket doesn't mean the poor sods below, beside or above can. Same goes for a spin cycle that early too.

I'm all for live and let live, but if I was sharing the close with him I'd be at his throat for just how selfish and inconsiderate he is. One chance given to shut that shit down then I'd be on the blower to the cooncil.

Oxygen thieving wee bawbag

 

[Pink4573]

“We took this house on because we could see it’s potential”
Sorry what?! I wasn’t aware you could pick and choose what council house you wanted?!
If he’s in the position to get a mortgage then do it! Give the council that flat back and let them give it to someone who really needs it and can’t afford private rents!!!!

 

[Shivers]

People like him disgust me. He works in retail. He knows the shit people have to take from the public. Yet he has just said that if his ONLINE order doesn’t get sorted soon he’s going to go in store, who probably won’t have any way to help with online orders, and lose his shit at some poor soul working there.

Why ruin someone’s day by being horrible to them about something they can’t control? Also, you’d think he’d have his priories sorted after what his dad has just been through. Is an order from JD really worth getting so worked up about? It’ll get sorted, they’ve obviously had issues but it’s not the end of the world. What a horrible little man.

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

That outfit... The teeth ... The brows... Even the few strands of hair!

 

[Lipsy]

We are waiting in antici.....................................................pation!

Do you still know him now?

Yeah

Has he always referred to going to the dentist as a teef journey?
Has he always had a ginormous ego?
Has he always been a rotten shit?

Yes, yes and yes

Come on Lipsy dish the dirt .......even just a little snippet we won’t tell anyone else promise

He’s been sacked from Next for lying and also sacked for semi cem for stealing

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

When he was going on about taking his make up kit in case the lassies needed some repairs, that he was referring to youngsters in their 20's and they were all going out totally on the lash. I didn't realise he was talking about country dancing with the fucking Beverley Sisters. But don't forget lads, we're the ones who are dull and boring

 

[Frankensooze]

"Now the swan" whit planet are you on son ?View attachment 68999