Since I inadvertently found his hideous tree post, I'm now kind of in some sort of hypnotic fascination. Hes so cringey and tacky but I cant look away!
his sisters kitchen looks like 99% of the other kitchens out there... wow inspirational hen 
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his sisters kitchen looks like 99% of the other kitchens out there... wow inspirational hen 
Mazza was saying he's not had chance to clean his house because of work etc but it was only last month he was saying he deep cleans before work every day.
Whyyyyyyyy youuuuuuu lyyyyyyyying
Whyyyyyyyy youuuuuuu lyyyyyyyying
He's probably hinting to cleaning companies AGAIN to sponsor him full time so he can sack work off.
I've no doubt he'd love to do insta fulltime, but I think he's missed the boat completely on that score. Hinch has pretty much cornered the market on cleaning, so what are you left with with Melvin?
Home account - His flat is already stuffed to the ceiling with the ugliest tat known to man, so not really possible.
Make up and skin care - hahahahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahahahhahahahhahahaahhaah no!
Drunken shenanigans - Possibly, I'm not sure how he could monetise that content, although Tesco might sponsor him with a weekly bottle of blue nun.
There really isn't anywhere else he can take his account, I think the decline will start soon and I am totally here for the whining and wailing from our Melv weeping that he's not being asked to help small businesses with his platform anymore (aka gimmie freebies you cunts).I think we could see a lot more profanity from him down the line as the rot sets in.
Home account - His flat is already stuffed to the ceiling with the ugliest tat known to man, so not really possible.
Make up and skin care - hahahahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahahahhahahahhahahaahhaah no!
Drunken shenanigans - Possibly, I'm not sure how he could monetise that content, although Tesco might sponsor him with a weekly bottle of blue nun.
There really isn't anywhere else he can take his account, I think the decline will start soon and I am totally here for the whining and wailing from our Melv weeping that he's not being asked to help small businesses with his platform anymore (aka gimmie freebies you cunts).I think we could see a lot more profanity from him down the line as the rot sets in.
OMG! I have spent the last 3 hours reading the Mario threads! Thought I was the only one who thought he was a self absorbed fanny with zero taste and also Derek... few packs short of a 6 pack there.
He has "watered down the fabric softener" The same fabric softener which goes into a washing machine which then fills with .... water 
No words....
No words....If he had a brain he'd be dangerous!
Head (points to his feet) to toe (points to his head) and then several dots talking about his precious, super sensitive skin.
Oh lord. He itched fae head tae foot.....
Waking Derek to strip the bed in the middle of the night? I'd have told him to get on the fookin sofa!
How Derek puts up with him is beyond me. I used to think it was a shame that Martin spent so long on his 'platform' when he could have spent time with Derek, but when I thought about it it's probably the only chance Derek gets any peace to do his word searches.
Ever seen those documentaries about cookooing? Where someone moves into a vulnerable person's house and takes over? Derek always looks bewildered, like he let someone sleep on the sofa in 2014 and they never left.
If he's got such sensitive skin why the hell is he still using fabric softener at all? And he's used half the bottle and just decided he's itchy? I have sensitive skin and can't tolerate it, I hate staying away from home because I itch all night because other people use softener on bedding. He tops that up with febreeze daily then has the cheek to moan his skin is bad! Stop covering your clothes and home in crappy scented chemicals if it's that bad!
Exactly this 
, there's no need to use softener at all these days. It just coats your clothes in waxy chemicals and fragrance that are known irritants and increases how flammable they are.
, there's no need to use softener at all these days. It just coats your clothes in waxy chemicals and fragrance that are known irritants and increases how flammable they are.
Hmmmmm, I dunno, I might be jumping to conclusions, but do you think Martin is on the beg for Daz powder, by any chance?
Does anyone else notice how much he looks at himself when he’s banging on...I mean, doing his stories? His eyes are rarely off himself. twit!
Does anyone else notice how much he looks at himself when he’s banging on...I mean, doing his stories? His eyes are rarely off himself. twit!
He looks like he's wearing tights. Also, why is half of his head shaved?
I would love to go round his gaff and chuck all his bleeping zoflora and absolute crap he uses to clean out of the window. I'd then wash all his stuff using ecover non bio and a vinegar rinse, that would sort his exxxxxeeeeeeeemmmmmmmaaaaa out, along with him using aqueous cream as a soap & body lotion. He is so stupid he cannot see that he brings it on himself with the stuff he subjects them both too.Exactly this
And how that cat is still alive living in that chemical fog I will never know!
I believe the answer to that question is that he is a bleeping gobshite
I literally cried with laughter at your messages about his night out. I don't know why I found it so funny, but I couldn't breathe 
Never liked him. Always bored me. Nothing interesting about him. Can’t believe how many accounts try to get praise or likes or comments off him like he’s some amazing person.
I think he’s give Trident a run for its money the amount of cleaning products he squirts about that flat.... mind blowing.
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