Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[pinkmug]

Someone at work has just told me they assumed I ‘wouldn’t be into Christmas as I don’t have kids, and if they didn’t have kids then they just wouldn’t bother’ these people are so bloody miserable

Bold of you to assume childfree people feel joy. I go home, plug myself into my charging device and just shut down until it's time to get up for work again.

 

[theweekend]

Hardest thing I've ever had to do but just broken up with the love of my life as he wants kids and I just don't. I love him so much but I feel relief.

I thought that true desire for kids and readiness for that stage of life would eventually come, and I'm only in my late 20's but even though my peers are noticeably settling down/moving away/getting more boring it just made me feel like the walls were closing in. The no sleep, responsibility, overstimulation, no money, no nice holidays I just don't want any of it.

 

[xxAprilxx]

So I've had a recent cancer diagnosis (luckily caught very early and now having radiotherapy and hopefully surgery early next year) so I've been reading and watching a lot of cancer forums, blogs, vlogs, articles etc for education and advice.

Some comments I've come across quite frequently re more advanced cancers than mine, is people saying that if they didn't have children, they wouldn't bother having treatment or surgery. This really upsets me -- does this mean my life is not worth fighting for because I don't have children!? I don't have much family either, so I consider my close friends family, but even if I didn't have them I would still want to fight for my life, because... it's my life. If my cancer had been more advanced and I needed more gruelling treatment, would these people look at me and think "why the f is she bothering"?

Sorry for the depressing rant, but it's been annoying me and had to get it out!!

 

[shadowcat5]

Unpopular and probably controversial but I do think some of these people like babies and the fuss you get when you have a baby but not the actual child they become

 

[aidil]

Still baffled by people coming into this thread when it’s not relevant to them? Having our own space to talk in is co-existing happily because we’re not encroaching on your space?

 

[judgejohndeed]

 

[Gem_woody]

A martyr mum posted this on Instagram this morning

 

[JoeBloggs]

View attachment 1794044
A martyr mum posted this on Instagram this morning

Erg, to all the mothers you brought this on yourself.

I hate this attitude that mothers as some sort of superior being who are so selfless.

 

[Anne1448]

Another beautiful comment regarding why being childfree is a problem for so many people :

 

[Jane Porcupine]

Came across this while searching for our new baby/toddler group because ironically people from this thread were venturing over there and then analysing it all in more depth than we ever had time for Funnily enough the baby threads on here are full of the most loveliest supportive people I’ve come across on the internet.

@Pebbleybeach not aiming the animosity at you, just a general on this thread. I completely support anyone child free by choice. The world is over populated and there are undeniable benefits to being child free but there are some really bitter and hateful comments on here from some others towards mums and that’s not a healthy way to live imo.

Have you considered that this thread exists BECAUSE childfree people regularly experience hate and animosity simply because they are childfree? And you still think it's appropriate to come here and lecture us. Girl, bye.

 

[mdizzl3]

Ugh, I got into a debate with my manager’s manager about how one of the (many) reasons I don’t want kids is that it’s sexist from start to finish - the woman has to go through massive physical trauma, always seems to develop a stronger bond with the kid because of 1 year v.s. 2 weeks maternity leave and breastfeeding, and usually seems to end up the primary caregiver and sacrificing their career more. For example I know dozens of women part time, who gave up work or never worked, with rubbish pensions and no promotion in 10 years. Every big company has a senior board of mainly old men. I don’t know any men who work part time or don’t work at all. I know dozens of women who run themselves ragged while their husbands are deadbeat dads who spend more time at work, with the lads and pick up new weekend hobbies. He basically said it’s a figment of my imagination, I’m projecting my own emotional damage from my bad parents (fucking rude) and it’s “their choice” to go part time and for his wife it “made sense”. Yes but if that choice is driven partly by hormones, societal messaging and expected gender roles then it’s not much of a choice is it? Like when people say it’s their choice to get lip filler - it is, but if you lived in a society that didn’t place a woman’s value on looks and didn’t constantly bombard you with messages saying thin lips are ugly/mean/a problem to fix, you likely would not have made that choice. Choices aren’t made in a vacuum.

Nice to be mansplained by an old white man that sexism doesn’t exist and I’ve made it up!

Oh and on breastfeeding and women being tied to the baby, he said it’s fine because you can pump if you want to go out. Using a machine to suck out bodily fluid from yourself so you can go to a party for a few hours, while your partner can live exactly how they were before? I’m sorry but I’m going to give all that a swerve. Maybe I should have been born as a man lol, these things you’re expected to do as a woman and “get on with” (like ripping your vagina in half without pain relief in order to become a carer) just sound horrendous to me.

 

[Anne1448]

I just finished a video from The Financial Diet about the workload taken by women with children then I saw this pearl of a comment :

I don't understand why in God's name women marry or have children with spineless men who don't help them.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Someone at work has just told me they assumed I ‘wouldn’t be into Christmas as I don’t have kids, and if they didn’t have kids then they just wouldn’t bother’ these people are so bloody miserable

 

[littlewonder]

another to add to the list - child free people need reminding what love and peace are because we’re just full of hate

I love this thread and connecting with other people who are child free. 95% of my friends either have children or are pregnant and I have a disability and really struggle with my energy. An hour with children is enough to knock me out and sometimes I just want a child free catch up so that things aren’t so exhausting. It doesn’t mean I hate their children!

I find that parents are often lovely and supportive to each other, but all that empathy vanishes when it comes to making accommodations for me, which I need as a very ill person. No they can’t organise somewhere closer to me because X has a kid and doesn’t want to drive - so I have to drive further than anyone else (which means I often have to cancel cos I physically can’t do it - that would be fine if they then didn’t get cross with me!) I can’t visit them if their child is snotty as I can’t risk catching anything, I can’t physically help with your children, but I am a person too who deserves meaningful connections with my friends. But often, it’s all about children and I’m treated as someone lacking because I can’t join in that conversation fully. And I’m treated as a bad person for cancelling. The worst ableism I’ve experienced has been with ‘friends’ who are parents - mostly because I’ve asked for a tiny bit of flexibility!

I don’t say anything I put on this thread to parents because that’d be really rude and I’m not devoid of basic social skills, but god I need to talk about it somewhere or it feels so lonely - and it’s nice to talk about it in a place where I know people won’t be offended… but then people barge in and try to insinuate that we are just nasty and miserable! acting like we’re spitting on toddlers is there no escape

 

[sushimama]

The last friend from our friend group is pregnant. We’re a group of 6, all friends since high school. Three of them have little babies (all under 2) and my best friend got pregnant this summer. Today my other best friend also told me her news.
I am so so very happy for all of them. But I cried my entire way home. Because no matter what it will never be the same again. I know it’s selfish.

I hate that everything’s changing for me too.

 

[littlewonder]

tbh if someone says to me that I don’t have any responsibility because I’m child free I’m going to proudly announce that I don’t because the money I save on childcare means I can afford a cleaner, deliveroo my shopping to my door, and send my clothes out to be washed and ironed professionally

yeah what is the obsession with ‘responsibility’??? I don’t want responsibility!! I don’t like responsibility! I just want an easy life and to do what I want, when I want, fucking sue me

it feels like more toxic productivity for social media - everyone just wants to show off that they’re the busiest, work the hardest and have the nicest things.

mumfluencers are basically like this:

have a baby > make a family Instagram > buy everything beige and aesthetic only > slide into DMs with a ‘hey girlie’ to shill some wax melts > become a superhero girlboss MILF > post stories about self care not being selfish > have a breakdown and post about the ‘raw, honest side of parenthood’ because they’ve been deluding themselves for years that everything is wonderful > share #adgifted mindfulness meditation sessions via aff link

 

[aidil]

Imagine the uproar if we ventured into the mum threads and started throwing smug pass-ag comments at them about their opinions/life choices

 

[Millais]

My friend has taken to posting daily baby and toddler photos in the group chat and is umming and ahhing about taking up her work’s informal offer to eventually up her hours to full time because she’ll see the kids less.

These aren’t her kids.

They’re her niece and nephew.

 

[malibu skies]

My friend spent a good 15 minutes at lunch telling us how awful motherhood is and how much she hates it. And then finished off by announcing “we’ll be trying for another in the new year”

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Mild tangent, but just reading about that vile misogynist who has been arrested and I went down a rabbit hole of reading how its influenced a lot of young boys attitudes towards women.

i know this isn’t a new problem, there’s been hate towards women for centuries, from different countries and cultures and honestly it makes me fearful as a woman a lot of the time.

I hate how we can be objectified, treated like dirt on a shoe, told that our place is having babies and cooking for our husband. That our bodies aren’t own. It makes me feel sick. I already fear going so many places alone.

im lucky to be married to a good man who respects me, but it’s scary how many men out there would do me harm if they got the chance, all because I’m female.

I couldn’t imagine bringing a child into this world. I couldn’t imagine having a daughter and her growing up to feel the fear and hate I’ve felt in my short 27 years. It’s sickening.