I love when people say ‘he should’ve got a vasectomy’ ‘she should’ve got her tubes tied’ as if it’s that easy! Bloke I used to work with had 5 kids and he and his wife didn’t want any more, he was still told he would have to wait until he was 35 to have it incase he changed his mind. Loads of similar/worse stories all over the internet about people struggling to get abortions/tubes tied/vasectomy etc. In an ideal world he’d have a vasectomy AND his partner wouldn’t have sabotaged the contraception TWICE but we don’t live in a perfect world. Shame that woman didn’t care about her future kids enough to at least try and make sure they would have a loving and involved father either.
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And yet we are told we are the selfish ones?! That woman has done something so self centred and selfish!
I have quite a few with child friends, that does not in anyway make it okay for me to post in threads about kids and parenting.
Yeah it was an article that had no need to be rewritten by a parent to childfree people. We know how we feel and frankly imo this thread is not for anyone with kids or who want kids.
I think a lot of women see it as justifiable as they are the ones that do the 'work' in pregnancy and labour.
There was a girl in school with me who told everyone that her mum did that. Her mum was quite young (i think 19 or something?) and her dad was about 10 years older. Mum came off the pill but didn't tell dad until baby was about a month old because by then (I quote) 'he loved her'. This girl was laughing telling this story and wasn't happy when I brought up the fact that she was literally made through the deception and that her father was basically stuck with her.
ETA: In hindsight (i was about 15), I probably should have been a bit nicer to her cause it wasn't her fault but the way she was laughing about it like that wasn't essentially SA and I just remember being so outraged by it. Obviously now I'd approach it differently.
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So I've had a recent cancer diagnosis (luckily caught very early and now having radiotherapy and hopefully surgery early next year) so I've been reading and watching a lot of cancer forums, blogs, vlogs, articles etc for education and advice.
Some comments I've come across quite frequently re more advanced cancers than mine, is people saying that if they didn't have children, they wouldn't bother having treatment or surgery. This really upsets me -- does this mean my life is not worth fighting for because I don't have children!? I don't have much family either, so I consider my close friends family, but even if I didn't have them I would still want to fight for my life, because... it's my life. If my cancer had been more advanced and I needed more gruelling treatment, would these people look at me and think "why the f is she bothering"?
Sorry for the depressing rant, but it's been annoying me and had to get it out!!
Some comments I've come across quite frequently re more advanced cancers than mine, is people saying that if they didn't have children, they wouldn't bother having treatment or surgery. This really upsets me -- does this mean my life is not worth fighting for because I don't have children!? I don't have much family either, so I consider my close friends family, but even if I didn't have them I would still want to fight for my life, because... it's my life. If my cancer had been more advanced and I needed more gruelling treatment, would these people look at me and think "why the f is she bothering"?
Sorry for the depressing rant, but it's been annoying me and had to get it out!!
duck them!
Your life is important not only for your family members but for yourself too. People feel way too comfortable saying awful things online because they think that they are anonymous.
Fight throughout this and know that there are people online who support you
I totally see your point but I do think some people put themselves through multiple rounds of treatment that has minimal chance of success just because they feel they would be letting children down if they didn't.
I know a few people whose last year or two of life were absolutely miserable with no quality of life (multiple rounds of chemo and resulting illnesses, being bed bound etc.) but they kept trying new things "for the kids" and when they eventually said enough is enough their kids (in their 40s and 50s) got very angry at them "giving up". I think if there isn't children with their own opinions it's possibly easier to be more objective about treatment? And maybe accept that treatment isn't always the best option?
That being said a childfree life is in no way less valuable than one with children. So duck them.
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. The thing is, parent may well say that but in regality if they were childfree would they say the same. I don't think so. Parent seem to think their life is purely for their children, I get it is supposed to be evolutions aim (I am not convinced by this theory) but this does not take away from your life or anyone elses.
To people who say such things I also wonder do they think the same about those who may be childless, are their lives worthless because they could not have a child but wanted one. It is such a toxic view that because you did not sporn a human you are not worthy.
Had a nightmare experience in Boots yesterday where I got stuck in a very long aisle behind a mother with a baby (11 months or so?) and a wide pram blowing a whistle, she gave me a filthy look for sticking my fingers in my ears when I got a chance to wrestle by (it really hurt!!!). Can honestly say I've never been so inconsiderate in public, wtf goes through their heads?!
Baby: shriek, whinge, waaah
Mum: ok, I'll do it (puts whistle in her mouth and makes a god-awful noise with it) - now you try!
Baby: blows an ear-splitting note on the whistle, then screams
Mum: oh dear, I'll do it then (walks down the aisle tooting this high-pitched whistle)
Baby: continues screaming
Mum: toot-shriek-toot-shriek-shriek-toot-shriek
Baby: screams competing with whistle
Baby: shriek, whinge, waaah
Mum: ok, I'll do it (puts whistle in her mouth and makes a god-awful noise with it) - now you try!
Baby: blows an ear-splitting note on the whistle, then screams
Mum: oh dear, I'll do it then (walks down the aisle tooting this high-pitched whistle)
Baby: continues screaming
Mum: toot-shriek-toot-shriek-shriek-toot-shriek
Baby: screams competing with whistle
This reminds me of an experience I had in subway the other day. Lunchtime so a long queue, there is a family of 4 stood in the queue and about 4 people in front of them. Get to the counter and they're asking the little one what he wants. Kid is about 5/6. He kept asking for stuff they wouldn't let him have (which i guess is fair enough cause some of it is spicy but like 
) and then they went through the whole process with the other kid who was about 3. over 5 minutes later they're still stood there and haven't even told them what bread they want yet. I am all for kids having a choice but you have been in the queue for ages which is plenty of time to explain what is on offer for him or failing that, just decide for him but you're holding the rest of us up who only have an hour for lunch!
) and then they went through the whole process with the other kid who was about 3. over 5 minutes later they're still stood there and haven't even told them what bread they want yet. I am all for kids having a choice but you have been in the queue for ages which is plenty of time to explain what is on offer for him or failing that, just decide for him but you're holding the rest of us up who only have an hour for lunch!Yeah, I totally get that cancer treatments can be awful , especially as you say if you are bed bound and there is no quality of life. But a lot of the comments I've heard and read have been said so flippantly. I think it's just a really unnecessary thing to say as they've no idea how they would react if they didn't have children.
I know it's not the same thing, but it reminds me of when multi-millionaires say things like "money doesn't buy you happiness"
Yeh it is pretty tone deaf. Like Molly Mae with her 24 hours in a day comments.
It reminds me of when someone who is suicidal gets asked 'what about your family?'
These people never stopped to think that my family may have actually been the reason I had mental health issues in the first place
These people never stopped to think that my family may have actually been the reason I had mental health issues in the first place
Literally can’t stand this!This reminds me of an experience I had in subway the other day. Lunchtime so a long queue, there is a family of 4 stood in the queue and about 4 people in front of them. Get to the counter and they're asking the little one what he wants. Kid is about 5/6. He kept asking for stuff they wouldn't let him have (which i guess is fair enough cause some of it is spicy but like
Why can’t they ask the child before they get in the queue like a normal person? I’ve been in subway a few times where this has happened and it drives me insane!
I used to work in McDonald’s and you’d have parents get to the till and then ask the kid what they want. Usually the kid would want a nugget happy meal & a burger on the side and of course, what I want gets these days.
Yes! Especially when it's like a lot of option. I get overwhelmed with choices sometimes (perks of veganism is that there is only a few for me now) but a kid doesn't even know what half the stuff is in those tray things. They don't know what they fancy, they're just pointing at anything.
I also used to work at mcdonald's and the worst was when a grandparent who had quite obviously never been to mcdonald's before would bring the kid and I would have to try to decipher what they were asking for morse code style because the kid had a funny word for the thing they wanted. I absolutely did not get paid enough to stand there, queue forming, screen filling up, trying to figure out that the kid wanted fish fingers because they called them pingies and grandma didn't know what that meant. I have got the rage again just thinking about it
how did you not manage to go mad??? That would drive me absolutely insane!!This reminds me of an experience I had in subway the other day. Lunchtime so a long queue, there is a family of 4 stood in the queue and about 4 people in front of them. Get to the counter and they're asking the little one what he wants. Kid is about 5/6. He kept asking for stuff they wouldn't let him have (which i guess is fair enough cause some of it is spicy but like
Yeah exactly. It’s annoying when grown adults do it as well “oo what bread? Hmm? What are my options?” Just duck off and choose what you want!Yes! Especially when it's like a lot of option. I get overwhelmed with choices sometimes (perks of veganism is that there is only a few for me now) but a kid doesn't even know what half the stuff is in those tray things. They don't know what they fancy, they're just pointing at anything.
I also used to work at mcdonald's and the worst was when a grandparent who had quite obviously never been to mcdonald's before would bring the kid and I would have to try to decipher what they were asking for morse code style because the kid had a funny word for the thing they wanted. I absolutely did not get paid enough to stand there, queue forming, screen filling up, trying to figure out that the kid wanted fish fingers because they called them pingies and grandma didn't know what that meant. I have got the rage again just thinking about it
McDonald’s was the worst. I swear that place put me off kids for life! I used to get kids kicking off because we didn’t do smoothies with happy meals and all sorts of stupid stuff like that. One girl started kicking and head butting the counter and the mum did nothing!
I actually had a kid spill a drink once and they got on the floor to clean it and the mum shouted at them and told them that the cleaner would do it. Kids like that don’t stand a chance of being decent when they’ve got parents like that!
just commenting here to send you lots of love
i hope everything goes okay with your radiotherapy in the new year xedit: also, to add, this only proves to me that dull people have children because it will give their otherwise empty lives some kind of meaning. they then cannot compute that people have things outside of children because they never did themselves, but you would think people in cancer forums would have more compassion.
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I did the classic british thing of being annoyed but too polite to say anything.
Also not going to lie, I felt a bit bad for the kid. It was stressing me out just listening to it and it wasn't my sandwich
His mum and dad kept asking him if he wanted different things at the same time and he kept pointing at stuff and they'd say 'no you can't have that, do you want xyz?' Then they settled on chicken so then they kept asking if he wanted cheese but then the kid would point to something else he wanted so they'd go 'no you can't have that, do you want cheese?' It was just a disaster. Not the kid's fault obviously.
Although I'm still not sure a 3 and 6 year old are going to eat a whole 6inch sub either given I'm 26 and struggle. I don't think they bothered looking at the menu for the kids meals.
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