New thread title thanks to
@Nebbymoo 
fluffy clouds on their way to you! Edited to fit and for swear, full version was "the kids are feral and her husbands a boring tit, her Instasham life is falling to shit"
Last thread recap:
- Raychaellleee is a cunt.
- They were away at a spa hotel in Bath for Joyce's birthday. The decoration in the hotel is probably best described as "squat chic" as the walls don't look finished
Rach went out looking like Crack Head Barbie, apparently styled by Stabby Jo.
- Happy 43rd birth to Joyce! You don't look a day over 50 mate
- Birthday gifts included a book about birds (giving Raq an opportunity to take the piss out of his hobby), a Japanese loopwheel hoodie, and a wad of £20 notes.
- Rachey uploaded some cringey videos of her singing Happy Birthday to Josh, asking him if she looks like Marilyn Monroe. Poor Ratchet, who doesn't like alcohol, managed to force herself to get pissed. What a trooper she is.
- Awwww, they went home early because they're homesick. More likely Rach is scared of bumping into a local Tattler while out in Bath, and was fed up of it being a day where the attention isn't on her. Looks like they didn't even use any of the spa facilities, as no doubt we'd have had our eyeballs assaulted by the sight of Joyce in budgie smugglers if they had. Tattlers are thankful for small mercies!
- They arrived back to find nobody gave a shit, Wilby almost looked excited but it turned out he'd found an episode of Paw Patrol that he hasn't seen six million times.
- Tallulah revealed on her Q&A (on the Insta account she shouldn't have) that they had to get rid some chickens to make way for Josh's aviary. The same chickens that Raq made a big song and dance about last year because she did a VERY GOOD THING by rescuing them, and even got gifted a coop for.
- instead of looking after her own kids, Raq had to muscle in and hold Jordan's new baby
- left to his own devices, Wilbert got hold of a bottle of talc and emptied it over the gifted sofa. Then he climbed up onto the kitchen table and destroyed a bag of burger buns. Tattlers can't decide which is the worst option - either Raq set it all up just for the 'gram, or he was left unsupervised long enough to do these things, both of which could be dangerous.
- W then booted Josh on the sofa, probably because he was blocking the view of his real parents, the Cbeebies presenters. Nobody stopped him or tried to tell him no.
- Betsy wanted to take out Jordan's daughter, and Edie had to tag along. Excellent idea to broadcast that your teenager will be out alone with two young children.
- A bird has crapped on the kitchen worktop
whether it was Steven Seagull (who made a nest and had babies on the roof) remains to be seen, PC Titwank will probably be carrying out DNA analysis on the faeces to identify the culprit.
- A bit low on content, so she's reshared some old content from last October. Spoiler alert: it wasn't funny the first time, Rachey.
- Betsy had a spider in her shed in the middle of the night, so obviously Rancid had to film and shout at her out of the window
then she went down the hobbit stepladder, down the normal stairs and out across the garden, to film and laugh at Betsy while she was upset. Then got Betsy to film her looking for the spider.
- Seb has cut his hand. Of course it's all his own fault, and him having to go to hospital to have it stitched was a massive inconvenience to Rachey. Despite loving her stepkids "so hard" she called him an awful human as he got out of the car. He responded by giving her the finger, go Seb!
- Raq shared a text from Lula, saying that Betsy had ransacked her room and left it in a mess, Rachey's response was "I'm not getting involved". Later on, Lula wanted to borrow a bikini off Betsy, who made her kneel on the floor and beg for it, along with their cousin Evie. Joyce walked off and Rach filmed and laughed.
- Nearly 2 and Wilby is still having a bottle. Ideal
- Betsy gets to take anything she wants from anyone in the house without asking, but Seb wants to borrow Betsy's earpods and Raq spoke to him like shit, telling him he couldn't have them because they're not his and he'll lose them (just like Queen B lost your lip liner on the beach, eh Rach?)
- Seb has lost his bank card and bus pass. Is he trolling her and doing it on purpose? We fucking hope so! Of course she has to bring money in to the argument "there was £20 on that" (apparently not, as she topped it up on Monday and he's using it all week)
- Wilberforce the wonder toddler has apparently pulled all the cushions off the sofa, without spilling a single one of his dry chocolate cheerios and not missing a second of Paw Patrol.
- Betsy has bought a car seat so she can take Wilbert out with her mates who have cars. Because every parent wants their 2 year old being driven around by a teenager who's just passed their test
- poor Raq has had an extra month of school holidays due to covid bubbles dispersing (whatever that means). She's already cried over having to entertain the kids that she wanted/stole.
- Double Sunday Times Bestselling Author Ratchet doesn't know the difference between 'reincarnate' and 'recreate'
- Rachey wanted to go for an Insta-perfect bike ride. Apparently it was horiffic, Wilbert hated every second, Betsy and Josh had to swap bikes, of course Joyce accidentally took them on the advanced trail, nobody could work the gears, Rancid fell off, Wilbur cut his foot in the wheel, and they only lasted 14 minutes. Joyce told Rach she looked "really cute, like a little boy" in her specs and cycling helmet, Rach asked if she looks sexy
- Josh prefers other people's kids, maybe that's because they have been parented properly and have manners
- Rachey is trying to get in with Rosie Ramsay, but got hammered for a comment about a kid's missing teeth (apparently knocked out a while ago and anyone who's followed RR for a while would know that).
- Arsetrid uploaded a pic of herself in a bikini, Raq commented that she fancies her
poor Arsetrid didn't know what to say!
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