One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

[justfortonight]

She is so judgemental. Not everyone can be calm and level headed 24/7. Some people do lose their shit and say stuff to their child that they don’t mean. You dont just go over and give them a book like some of crazy evangelical!

Typical of the sort of person she is. That type act like they’re all peace and love but believe me when the health visitor comes round and gives Nicola some sleep advice she’ll be chastised for being judgemental and how dare they question her expertise

I was in a co-sleeping group Nicola is in and decided it wasn’t for me when I asked a question and was told by 10 or more women that I was selfish and needed to abandon my hope of having an evening with my husband and focus solely on my toddler. I was at breaking point from exhaustion and honestly all they did was make me feel worse. They are the nastiest, most sanctimonious group of parents I’ve ever had the displeasure of interacting with. Anyway I gave them an absolute mouthful being the very non-gentle person I am and promptly left the group

Nicola should maybe consider that parenting is really bloody hard for people who actually discipline their children rather than letting them run totally wild

 

[Serious_Susan]

I’m sorry... what!! She doesn’t know anything about parenting a six year old. What a condescending judgemental bitch.
If someone did this to me I would be horrified.

 

[Peanut0205]

How absolutely pointless was that q/a, every single question ‘yeah there have been some highs and lows, I’ll write a post about it’ why don’t you just answer the question truthfully. Damien hasn’t adapted well and has been a little turd, you haven’t bonded with Ember and your family think you’re a fruit loop.

 

[Cat_scratches]

I saw that when she write it.
She's horrid and judgy.
Kids can be manipulative, it's part of their development, they're testing boundaries, they know how to get what they want.
So far from gentle? How does she know?
How doies she know what's happened in their day or week to make them react how they did?

You would think she would not be so quick to judge people when she doesn't know the burdens they carry with them

 

[BeckBeck]

Didn’t see this shared on last thread, but apologies if I missed it.
So even before Ember was born she was planning on focusing her time, effort and breasts on Queen Raven!!

 

[Peanut0205]

That birth story is pure lolz. ‘I woke up having contractions, went to hospital, had a baby, came home’. So detached the only emotive thing she wrote was ‘she nursed immediately’ and then JUST LIKE HER BIG SISTER. Shut upppppp! I can’t even deal with it

 

[SilverSpoonNotIncluded]

Jesus christ woman. Just stop feeding Queen R

I think she knows that, I actually do feel really sad reading that the aversion is real and awful, and I imagine it’s just hell not wanting to hurt Raven but equally wanting and needing some boundaries.

I’ll be curious to see what the group suggests, it’s almost like she’s seeking permission to wean Raven almost entirely? 2 hourly feeding a newborn and a 3.5 year old is so so much.

 

[Kirsty1234]

I mean I’m glad someone said it (peas tandem feeding post on GP page)

 

[EmilyChambers]

This!


Ahh right. So odd to slate school when you work in them and can see all the hard work and effort that goes into running them.
She sounds narcissistic to me.

She sounds absolutely shit at her job to me.

I just don't her at all. She claims gentle parenting and does this with Queen Raven yet what she does with Ember, goes against the ethos she claims she's all about.

Doesn't support neck when holding baby
Allows the 3.5 year old to feed before the baby
Sends the baby to a seperate room to sleep so she can comfort the 3.5 year old
Leaves the baby in bed to practically sit on top of the 3.5 year old while she eats
Holds baby as far from her has possible and leaves her on the floor in every story.

She's a shocking parent to be fair. She is only capable of loving one child and now has a second whose basic needs she can't meet.

She's an absolute fake. Preaches one thing, does another.

i’ve said this before sorry but i’m gona say it again, so many of her parenting choices seem rooted in grief. almost like she can’t stand to be away from raven in case something happens.
which is fine, apart from it’s not actually fine cos it’s going to (alresdy has?) create a really unhealthy codependency type relationship for them both.
we all want our kids to have healthy attachments to us (obviously the outcomes for insecurely attached children and children with attachment disorders can be horrendous) but healthy attachments are also needed with others. she’s going absolutely the other way with this. this is alresdy a kid who won’t let her dad near her?? and pea seems to just allow it
there seem to be absolutely no boundaries or consequences of certain behaviours for this kid

She's ruined Raven and potentially Dean and Ravens relationship and will ruin her relationship with Ember because she can't leave Raven alone.

Meanwhile Raven thinks she's the Queen of the world and runs that household. She's a brat and the most mind blowing thing is thst she acts a brat and Pea blames everyone for not being gentle too.

She's the parent that comes to the nursery and tells me how I should be doing my job, even though I've 20 plus years professional and personal experience.

She reads one parenting book on one style and sneers at anyone who doesn't agree.

Knob head.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

That Facebook post is really upsetting.
Again there’s no mention of Ember and wanting to be there for her - her determination to have Raven tandem feeding is spoiling the bond she has with her newborn.

And on insta she’s still oddly matter of fact about Ember, it’s all around inconvenience or issues eg cot sheet, gunky eye etc. There’s nothing at all about enjoying cuddles or anything, she’s either in a sling or at a low almost arms length angle. I know much of this is around Pea holding the camera etc but the difference with Raven is stark and I feel really uncomfortable seeing it play out.

If anyone is reaching out to her, is she just refusing help??

 

[ceecee454]

i know ravens a bit of
an annoying nob sometimes (if it’s nasty to call a 3 year old that then i’ll
take that title of nasty) however,
first thahs not her own making she’s a product
of her environment and she’s like this cos of how she’s parented by nicola. second, whilst also being concerned about ember, this whole relationship between nicola
and raven concerns me/ she’s a child and a very young
child at that, being the emotional crutch for a parent has the potential to cause untold
emotional damage to her!
it’s not ravens responsibly to
make
nicola feel “whole” or whatever bullshit she’s been spouting today. putting that much responsibility on a child (i’m sure she doesn’t say it to her but
the feeling will be there) is horrendous

 

[Spider12]

Still can’t get over her calling that beautiful little baby a toad she’s never called Raven anything like that even when she’s being Damien! Yet newborn E is called a little toad for waking up in the night?! God it’s really pissed me off

 

[rosalierae]

this is why i had to leave that group!!
all so “follow the child’s lead” “child’s feelings come first” which is super when you have one kid but when you had two and one is battering the other u gota draw the line and sometimes let them know that no matter how they’re feeling hurting other people is NOT acceptable!

I want a thread about sarah COCKwell-Smith and the gentle parenting group I love aspects of gentle parenting and truthfully it’s been so valuable to me in reshaping my mindset in parenting etc. I enjoy the group equally for advice and also jaw dropping incredulity. GENTLE PARENTING IS NOT PERMISSIVE So many of those kids discussed in the group are gonna grow up to be narcissistic little bellends. Your kid hits someone, they need to be told it’s wrong. There are so many parents coming on and posting scenarios hoping for reassurance that their kid isn’t Satan reincarnated when actually they as a parent have caused their psychopathic child to behave in such a way.

and don’t even get me started on the refusal to allow kids to believe in Father Christmas/ the tooth fairy / childhood magic and hope for fear of lying to little Springtime PissyFlower

 

[EmilyChambers]

This is spot on. I feel like if she was family or a friend you could tell the signs. She needs a big hug, someone to tell her everything is going to be ok & she is not alone. Although she needs to be able to accept the help! How she tiptoes around R is not making R any better, it’s just going to get worse!

She doesn't because she isn't that sort of person. She literally believes she is right and that her methods are right.

Every single Facebook post she makes asking for help, she literally dismisses every piece of advice in a smug way. It's like she's only posting so she gets the chance to dismiss them in a "I know best" kind of way.

I struggle finding sympathy for her. I feel sorry for Ember, she's got a whole life of being second best ahead of her.

I myself also reached out to Pea I sadly lost my son at 37 weeks pregnant a few months before she lost winter and I messaged her after I saw her book as I was going through a really bad patch. the way she made me feel like my son wasn’t “nothing” compared to winter was absolutely disgusting. My son was alive, a fully formed baby and actually weighed more than winter when he was born. But he doesn’t matter as much as winter because he wasn’t born breathing

Because nothing matters to Nicola other than her. It's easy to see where Raven gets her narcissistic tenancies from. The apple never falls far from the tree.

And your baby matters. Your baby existed and will always be part of your family. For as long as you speak his name, he will exist xx

 

[Clementine]

The detachment from Ember makes it look like PND. The thing that’s stuck with me is what she wrote about Ember looking like Winter. I hope something shifts for everyone’s sake.

 

[Me&My]

Another thing that winds me up is how she’s so ‘we’ve got this’ crap on insta so she thinks all mums will be like wow! And then clearly a completely different story on her fb?? Why lie to everyone. I can’t stand ppl who fake their lives for insta, nothing is ever as perfect as people make out.

 

[AfroCircus]

Holy shit that post

She clearly doesn't want to feed R anymore. WHY is she okay with not having bodily autonomy? I know R is only a child but it almost reads to me like a controlling, coercive relationship. Really, really, really unhealthy. How does she not see that R isn't hungry or in need of BF - she is jealous. It actually gave me shivers reading that post, it sounds absolutely appaling. What a horrendous start to the life of a newborn.

 

[Peanut0205]

It’s all so false? Why post a photo of them both feeding with her best serial killer ‘I want to wear your skin’ smile, and be all ‘hashtag blessed’ and then post that utter shit show on Facebook?

She needs to get herself to the doctors and explain exactly what is going on in their home, she sacked off some of her other beliefs when Raven came along (what happened to being a devout Buddhist?) so I don’t see why she can’t be a bit less gentle and a bit more realistic?

Her post is very emotive and in all honestly nobody I’ve ever met liked admitting they’re struggling so I do feel for her in that sense, but as others have pointed out this is all of her own doing, and STILL no mention of her husband? If I saw my own daughter struggling like this I would stage some sort of intervention, I would have her and the new baby come and stay with me for a couple of nights, wean Raven and go back with a new routine.

 

[FraggleRock]

She is so judgemental. Not everyone can be calm and level headed 24/7. Some people do lose their shit and say stuff to their child that they don’t mean. You dont just go over and give them a book like some of crazy evangelical!

Parenting advice coming from someone who’s own child hits other children and adults when she doesn’t get her own fucking way! Unbelievable.
The gall on this woman to go and tell someone else, a complete stranger how to parent their child. She wants to concern herself with her own shitty parenting instead of spending time criticising others.

 

[TheLastLolo]

I think a lot of us are basically saying that we wish she'd just enjoy being a mother. Not feel obliged to do 18 different activities before breakfast, not feel obliged to tandem feed, not force herself to co-sleep if it's not working, or to never say no. Not to push her family and friends away because she's in over her head with these ideals she's put out there for thousands to see. It's like she daren't hold her hands up and say 'followers, 99% of which I do not know personally and should not care the opinions of, I got some of it wrong.' not all of it. She is a good mother in that her children (well, at least Raven...) matter the most to her. She tries so hard she is destroying every other aspect of her life and herself in the process. We get it, you want to be superwoman. But it isn't always possible. It's rarely possible. And that's before the grief and before the gentle approach and before the newborn. She needs a break. A good meal, a long bath, an episode or two of some trashy TV or a few chapters of a book and a good night's sleep but also time to contemplate what she's doing to herself and Dean and her children.

And with that, I'm off to print out a life coach certificate... But you all know what I mean, right?