One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

[FraggleRock]

i dont get other peoples obsession about how you are feeding your baby !
i had the checkout woman at Asda ask me are you breastfeeding? when i went in with my few week old daughter...wtf has it got to do with you whether i was or wasnt!

I hate this, it’s nobody’s business how you feed your baby, I feel sometimes people just want an excuse to judge or interject with their own opinions. When I had my Son he refused to latch at all, for weeks I tried in vain to breastfeed trying every single position I could think of every single feed my son was screaming because he was hungry, I would he crying throughout feeling like a failure, I switched him to formula - he was happy I was happy (even though I still developed PND) but I will never forget the judgmental witch of a health visitor bluntly telling me amidst me trying and failing to breastfeed him, that her Daughter breastfed, and if she could do it, everyone could, there were no excuses and I wasn’t trying hard enough! Thankfully I never saw her again, but her words still stuck with me and she fully succeeded in making me feel like a terrible mother.

Jesus christ woman. Just stop feeding Queen R

This is just awful to read, as a mum part of me does feel for her, but the other part doesn’t as she’s created the situation she’s in, she was very naive about Ember coming along and everything being fine, and she’s still projecting this on Instagram - she needs to be honest! I cannot believe that her child is hitting her because she’s not getting her own way, but this is down to the lack of boundaries in that house and Ravens sheer jealousy of Ember - that’s the reason she’s wanting boob. She needs to ask Dean to step in and take Raven and do something with her whilst Ember is being fed, let the little brat kick off, she needs to learn the whole world doesn’t revolve around her, when she kicks off tell her it’s not acceptable for her to behave that way, and tell her she can’t have what she wants, she will learn that hitting and being a little tit will not get her anywhere. That kid needs to stop being prioritised over Ember and Pea as I can seriously see her MH suffering because of this, it’s obviously happening already.

#whereisdean?

 

[CelinaRoger]

She is setting raven up for a life time of believing that she can take take take from anyone she wants, regardless of the effect that has on the other person, if shes not careful raven will grow up to be one very narcissistic adult.

Shes also teaching raven that its okay for people to hit her if she doesnt give them what she wants and also that body autonomy means absolutely nothing.

 

[Peakyblinders]

As much as I think pea is a dick I do feel sorry for her , I think she had a vision in her head that it would be all dreamy and Raven would be fantastic with the new baby etc , but unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be the case .
It is all her own doing though , Raven seems to be a nightmare , she really needs to step up and admit where she has gone wrong with boundaries and get some in place , for everyone’s sake .

more fool her

 

[EmilyChambers]

This is spot on. I feel like if she was family or a friend you could tell the signs. She needs a big hug, someone to tell her everything is going to be ok & she is not alone. Although she needs to be able to accept the help! How she tiptoes around R is not making R any better, it’s just going to get worse!

She doesn't because she isn't that sort of person. She literally believes she is right and that her methods are right.

Every single Facebook post she makes asking for help, she literally dismisses every piece of advice in a smug way. It's like she's only posting so she gets the chance to dismiss them in a "I know best" kind of way.

I struggle finding sympathy for her. I feel sorry for Ember, she's got a whole life of being second best ahead of her.

I myself also reached out to Pea I sadly lost my son at 37 weeks pregnant a few months before she lost winter and I messaged her after I saw her book as I was going through a really bad patch. the way she made me feel like my son wasn’t “nothing” compared to winter was absolutely disgusting. My son was alive, a fully formed baby and actually weighed more than winter when he was born. But he doesn’t matter as much as winter because he wasn’t born breathing

Because nothing matters to Nicola other than her. It's easy to see where Raven gets her narcissistic tenancies from. The apple never falls far from the tree.

And your baby matters. Your baby existed and will always be part of your family. For as long as you speak his name, he will exist xx

 

[rosalierae]

I hate this, it’s nobody’s business how you feed your baby, I feel sometimes people just want an excuse to judge or interject with their own opinions. When I had my Son he refused to latch at all, for weeks I tried in vain to breastfeed trying every single position I could think of every single feed my son was screaming because he was hungry, I would he crying throughout feeling like a failure, I switched him to formula - he was happy I was happy (even though I still developed PND) but I will never forget the judgmental witch of a health visitor bluntly telling me amidst me trying and failing to breastfeed him, that her Daughter breastfed, and if she could do it, everyone could, there were no excuses and I wasn’t trying hard enough! Thankfully I never saw her again, but her words still stuck with me and she fully succeeded in making me feel like a terrible mother.


#whereisdean?

that’s awful, I’m a healthcare professional and also very pro breastfeeding but no way on earth would I dream of trying to intervene in the way a mother fed her child in a way that made her feel guilty. Gives health visitors a bad name

 

[RLdeletedme]

"No, Raven. Mummy's milk is for babies. You're not a baby any more and look, you get to have your milk in a special new cup I bought you! How exciting!"

It's not rocket science.

 

[Macmama]

While I truly do want to feel sympathy for Pea, she has literally made this bed of her own accord and she needs to learn that boundaries are not a bad thing. I’d consider myself a gentle parent and Pea would probably agree with a lot of what we did. I tandem fed my middle two with 10 months between them, and mine all fed until about 2. I used cloth. I co-slept. I’m a big supporter of attachment parenting.

Difference is, our house has a fairly strict routine. My kids have a bedtime and it’s not optional. We discipline them. They don’t get to hit. They don’t have a choice when we say no. This idea that gentle parenting involves never saying no, never disciplining your children, allowing them to have free reign is so far off. Kids need structure. They need guidance from the adults in their lives. The point of gentle parenting is modelling and directing behaviours you want your child to grow up with. All Pea is modelling is how to have no personal boundaries, no routine in your life and how not to look after your own mental health. She is doing Rae zero favours.

Side note - her relationship with Ember is clearly not there yet, and she is struggling with having her and ‘golden child’ Rae. You need to reach out for help, Pea, for your own mental health as well as the future. This is a poor foundation for any sibling relationship.

 

[justfortonight]

What are the comments like on her post? Please tell me she’s been given some actual useful advice not just the usual ‘you got this mama’

 

[Cubalibra]

So basically 60% of the comments were about setting boundaries, teaching her the importance of consent that its pea’s body etc.

The other 40% is just the whole ‘you got this mama’ rubbish.

After 40 ish comments on her ‘desperate’ plea for advice. Pea has decided not to follow and to carrying on...

 

[missmarmighty]

It's unlikely I'd be able to also! Before I got pregnant I was already a H cup, I'm estimated at a J cup now. Midwife says it will be far too painful and uncomfortable for me to breastfeed purely for the size of my chest. But still Nicola would have me shot

@missmarmighty I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I think there are some good baby loss advocates on Instagram and Pea is not one of them. I haven't lost a baby and I still find the images and captions about her son very upsetting. Which is fine, of course, she is entitled to talk about her son in any way she sees fit - but I don't think you can do that and call yourself a responsible advocate for loss, particularly when you never share any helpful resources or sources of support. What has been said with regards to her considering her loss greater than anyone else pretty much confirms what I have thought - she is interested exclusively in her loss and her children, which again is fine - but you can't do that and position yourself as a loss / parenting expert.

I follow a lovely lady who is pregnant following infertility and she always makes a point of flashing up a warning before talking about baby stuff. I think that's so thoughtful, it must only take a few seconds but shows she understands how upsetting even positive talk about a baby can be.

For someone who calls herself a 'lover of children' it is interesting that she never talks about issues affecting children, besides nasty non-gentle parents. It's almost as if the sanctimonious parenting talk is just a way to feel superior rather than an actual desire to improve the lives of children - kinda like how the breast is best bullies will scream themselves silly about how formula is damaging babies but don't have a peep to say about the wider socioeconomic issues that REALLY affect child development.

Thanks for your kind message I agree with you about her interest in loss and I don’t really think her account should be baby loss focused anymore with her lack of empathy in censoring content.

‘Lover of children’ makes me want to vomit too

It's unlikely I'd be able to also! Before I got pregnant I was already a H cup, I'm estimated at a J cup now. Midwife says it will be far too painful and uncomfortable for me to breastfeed purely for the size of my chest. But still Nicola would have me shot

My body went through so much trauma when we lost our first baby and my milk came in then and then in subsequent pregnancies I’ve just not produced it. I’m at peace with that now but I very much believe #fedisbest and that nobody should be judged for how they feed their baby even if it’s just choice. Can’t stand preachy parents or people in general! You’d sometimes think that babies physically tit gold because they’re breast fed

Jesus christ woman. Just stop feeding Queen R

You buy Raven a special cup and tell her this is her special cup and then let her have milk in it any time she wants. Jesus, blend it with some strawberries and make it pink so it’s SUPER special. There might be a few tantrums here and there but no parent gets through toddlerhood without a tantrum it’s how they learn how to feel and cope with emotions and we can support them through it to have a healthy mind.

It’s clear that as Raven had nearly weaned previously she’s now doing it to compete with new baby. The new baby phase is hard but it doesn’t have to be this hard. What’s Raven doing at nursery for milk?

So basically 60% of the comments were about setting boundaries, teaching her the importance of consent that its pea’s body etc.

The other 40% is just the whole ‘you got this mama’ rubbish.

After 40 ish comments on her ‘desperate’ plea for advice. Pea has decided not to follow and to carrying on...

Here we go again with the ‘I’m superior, none of you understand, only I’ve ever had an aversion to breast feeding let alone an aversion to anything ever’ sorry I’m getting pissy but she’s such a wet fart.

 

[FraggleRock]

So basically 60% of the comments were about setting boundaries, teaching her the importance of consent that its pea’s body etc.

The other 40% is just the whole ‘you got this mama’ rubbish.

After 40 ish comments on her ‘desperate’ plea for advice. Pea has decided not to follow and to carrying on...

What is the bloody point of posting if she’s just going to ignore what people are suggesting and she’s just going to do what she wants. Selfish, foolish, and bleeping ignorant!

 

[missmarmighty]

I'm sorry but I have zero sympathy for her. She's made this (family) bed and is now realising that it was the wrong choice.
Queen R needs some discipline and routine, but we all know that will never happen because discipline is a dirty word.

In regards to her book and reaching out to her: I have said this before but, I had an ectopic at 11 weeks, I was seriously ill, the hospital had messed me around and I ended up having emergency surgery, loosing a tube and now have secondary infertility as a result. I reached out to her and I got a reply of, 'that's a bummer' yes really.
I read her book and did actually find it very useful, it covers all types of loss and is actually like it's written by an empathic human.
I also bought it for someone who suffered a 36 week loss and she also found it helpful.

I’m so sorry that you got that response Lots of people including myself have too and it’s been mentioned a lot that she finds only her own loss important. I hope you’ve found some peace in your difficult situation

 

[Kirsty1234]

She doesn't because she isn't that sort of person. She literally believes she is right and that her methods are right.

Every single Facebook post she makes asking for help, she literally dismisses every piece of advice in a smug way. It's like she's only posting so she gets the chance to dismiss them in a "I know best" kind of way.

I struggle finding sympathy for her. I feel sorry for Ember, she's got a whole life of being second best ahead of her.


Because nothing matters to Nicola other than her. It's easy to see where Raven gets her narcissistic tenancies from. The apple never falls far from the tree.

And your baby matters. Your baby existed and will always be part of your family. For as long as you speak his name, he will exist xx

We always speak his name and include him in family photos

 

[missmarmighty]

I myself also reached out to Pea I sadly lost my son at 37 weeks pregnant a few months before she lost winter and I messaged her after I saw her book as I was going through a really bad patch. the way she made me feel like my son wasn’t “nothing” compared to winter was absolutely disgusting. My son was alive, a fully formed baby and actually weighed more than winter when he was born. But he doesn’t matter as much as winter because he wasn’t born breathing

I feel this, I’m so sorry for your loss. My baby was born at 30 weeks living and breathing but unwell and consequently passed away a few hours later and when I spoke to her through knowing her through Dean she too made me feel this way. I really think advocating baby loss through her insta is a stretch and that it’s more of a memorial page for her loss only.

I hate this, it’s nobody’s business how you feed your baby, I feel sometimes people just want an excuse to judge or interject with their own opinions. When I had my Son he refused to latch at all, for weeks I tried in vain to breastfeed trying every single position I could think of every single feed my son was screaming because he was hungry, I would he crying throughout feeling like a failure, I switched him to formula - he was happy I was happy (even though I still developed PND) but I will never forget the judgmental witch of a health visitor bluntly telling me amidst me trying and failing to breastfeed him, that her Daughter breastfed, and if she could do it, everyone could, there were no excuses and I wasn’t trying hard enough! Thankfully I never saw her again, but her words still stuck with me and she fully succeeded in making me feel like a terrible mother.




This is just awful to read, as a mum part of me does feel for her, but the other part doesn’t as she’s created the situation she’s in, she was very naive about Ember coming along and everything being fine, and she’s still projecting this on Instagram - she needs to be honest! I cannot believe that her child is hitting her because she’s not getting her own way, but this is down to the lack of boundaries in that house and Ravens sheer jealousy of Ember - that’s the reason she’s wanting boob. She needs to ask Dean to step in and take Raven and do something with her whilst Ember is being fed, let the little brat kick off, she needs to learn the whole world doesn’t revolve around her, when she kicks off tell her it’s not acceptable for her to behave that way, and tell her she can’t have what she wants, she will learn that hitting and being a little tit will not get her anywhere. That kid needs to stop being prioritised over Ember and Pea as I can seriously see her MH suffering because of this, it’s obviously happening already.

#whereisdean?

I too had this experience with a health visitor

 

[Peakyblinders]

I feel this, I’m so sorry for your loss. My baby was born at 30 weeks living and breathing but unwell and consequently passed away a few hours later and when I spoke to her through knowing her through Dean she too made me feel this way. I really think advocating baby loss through her insta is a stretch and that it’s more of a memorial page for her loss only.




I too had this experience with a health visitor

sorry for your loss. So do you know her and dean personally? What are they like in real life?

 

[Kirsty1234]

born

Sorry for your loss

 

[missmarmighty]

sorry for your loss. So do you know her and dean personally? What are they like in real life?

Thank you- I do, I knew Dean first from quite a young age and then met Pea through him. Ended up being around pea a bit at uni and stuff so got to know her a bit better and then and sort of lost touch with Dean and knew Pea more then when she lost winter we stayed in touch a bit as I offered a lot of support but it then wasn’t reciprocated when I lost my baby later down the line so we definitely lost touch at that point as I felt hurt.

Dean is a lovely lovely guy but I can see why he wouldn’t want to be all over insta as he was a fairly private person anyway. His appearance has changed so so much since I knew him, he was always so clean looking, had dyed blonde hair! & was a bit kind of preppy. He’s so funny too. Pea always seemed nice but has always pretty much talked about herself and been a bit condescending so I can see from the responses that she’s given why she would come across like that...

 

[Peakyblinders]

Thank you- I do, I knew Dean first from quite a young age and then met Pea through him. Ended up being around pea a bit at uni and stuff so got to know her a bit better and then and sort of lost touch with Dean and knew Pea more then when she lost winter we stayed in touch a bit as I offered a lot of support but it then wasn’t reciprocated when I lost my baby later down the line so we definitely lost touch at that point as I felt hurt.

Dean is a lovely lovely guy but I can see why he wouldn’t want to be all over insta as he was a fairly private person anyway. His appearance has changed so so much since I knew him, he was always so clean looking, had dyed blonde hair! & was a bit kind of preppy. He’s so funny too. Pea always seemed nice but has always pretty much talked about herself and been a bit condescending so I can see from the responses that she’s given why she would come across like that...

what did she say when you lost your baby? I cannot believe how much peas appearance has changed! I wonder if dean agrees with the whole “gentle” parenting kind of thing

 

[Spider12]

i dont get other peoples obsession about how you are feeding your baby !
i had the checkout woman at Asda ask me are you breastfeeding? when i went in with my few week old daughter...wtf has it got to do with you whether i was or wasnt!

Omg that is so inappropriate of a stranger to ask you that! God it’s made me angry on your behalf

 

[missmarmighty]

what did she say when you lost your baby? I cannot believe how much peas appearance has changed! I wonder if dean agrees with the whole “gentle” parenting kind of thing

He’s quite ‘go with the flow’ tbh so I don’t think he’d have an awful lot to say but I can imagine that he feels hurt by Ravens rejections.

She just said ‘oh mate, it’s tit isn’t it’ and then went on to recommend that I seek support on other insta accounts. There was none of the ‘if you need to talk to someone that understands’ etc with knowing her. She then went into her loss again and what seemed like a oneupmanship of why her loss was more hurtful. I think I was just looking for an ‘I’m so sorry for your loss, let’s chat when you feel up to it’ or even ‘what’s her name’ ‘how much did she weigh’ the usual questions are so comforting for me because I still had a baby. I’ve had kinder comments from people I’ve never met...including on here!

She’s changed loads and I know we all change a bit when we have kids but it’s a huge shift in her.