One Day of Winter #3 Queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even the Pea has reproduced.

[Booboothefool]

It really does come across that Raven is the holy grail who came at the right time (P's words) and helped ease the pain etc. Then with Ember it's "well I guess we will have another child and give Raven the gift of a sister".
I want to understand being a loss mum myself but I just can't. My heart hurts for poor Ember, she's as much a blessing as Raven and she deserves to be her own person and P's world without having all this guilt and angst put onto her.
Can you imagine if she was to read her mothers posts in the future? It would break my heart personally.

 

[Clementine]

The detachment from Ember makes it look like PND. The thing that’s stuck with me is what she wrote about Ember looking like Winter. I hope something shifts for everyone’s sake.

 

[FraggleRock]

Looking at her post last night, it really does feel like they had Ember ‘for the sake of it’ if everyone gets what I mean, she does t seem to have the same feelings towards ‘the baby’ as she did/does with Raven. If R is her everything and she can’t open herself up to another child, I really don’t understand why she had Ember to be honest, it just feels like she’s a bit of an inconvenience thus far, and an interference in Peas precious relationship with Raven. Makes me so sad! I really do hope that things get better, and she realises how precious Ember is.

 

[missmarmighty]

It really does come across that Raven is the holy grail who came at the right time (P's words) and helped ease the pain etc. Then with Ember it's "well I guess we will have another child and give Raven the gift of a sister".
I want to understand being a loss mum myself but I just can't. My heart hurts for poor Ember, she's as much a blessing as Raven and she deserves to be her own person and P's world without having all this guilt and angst put onto her.
Can you imagine if she was to read her mothers posts in the future? It would break my heart personally.

(From a loss mum) I think although people can empathise, you’re right in saying people who haven’t experienced losing a baby can’t understand. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. However, I cannot understand Pea, I think her mental health issues are deeper than in direct relation to her loss.

We lost our first and then when we bought our next baby home alive the overwhelming notion of still being able to lose her plagued me. I’d never thought about it really until we bought her home. I’ve had some therapy and I parent my children normally-with boundaries and love. They’re not my emotional crutch. They have bedtimes

Fast forward to bringing our next baby home and a lot of those anxieties settled because I knew what I was doing but I did feel a sense of guilt over my older child being in her own room and I missed being close to her, but none the less we made the transition while I was pregnant for HER sake and it worked wonderfully once my new little girl arrived and the guilt soon eased once we found our new happy routine and I lapped up those baby snuggles with zero guilt and my older daughter joined in and loved being involved with her new baby sister.

I love them both equally, they’re both so happy and they have an amazing bond with each other. When we have our next baby the same will happen again, this time I know it will be ok so I think the mum guilt will be much less. But I have to say I don’t think a lot of Peas issues aren’t related to being a loss mum, they’re related to attention seeking and wanting to do things differently rather than for both of her children’s benefit.

Sometimes I have to take a step back and ask myself if I’m feeling a certain way because my first baby died or is this a normal way to feel. The fear of losing my children is heavily present for me due to my experience but that’s also any parents fear. I perhaps just think about it more because of my experiences but to put it simply but I would never project this onto my girls. They deserve to grow up strong and happy without the projection of my anxieties.

 

[sunchaser19]

What will she do when Raven makes friends and wants to go and play at their houses? Or gets a boyfriend or wants to go to university or travel the world? I don’t think she’ll want her mum going with her!

 

[Mrspowell]

I think people who label their parenting are so damaging. Just be you. I follow a lot of attachment parenting but I also throw in some dodgy 90s style parenting and some total Winging it. It works for us. I think trying to keep yourself inside a parenting box is impossible and is doing way more harm than good

 

[missmarmighty]

I think people who label their parenting are so damaging. Just be you. I follow a lot of attachment parenting but I also throw in some dodgy 90s style parenting and some total Winging it. It works for us. I think trying to keep yourself inside a parenting box is impossible and is doing way more harm than good

This is so true! I never really thought of it as labelling. Actually quite constrictive for someone who promotes being ‘free’. It really doesn’t need to be as hard as she makes it, I enjoy being a parent. I feel like people label things in hope of making something they personally find difficult easier.

 

[Peakyblinders]

I think it will be really interesting to see what Pea is like with ember when she is a toddler. Will she be following her round every minute of the day with 7399339 different activities and filming her do it? Somehow I don’t think she will. She be too busy breastfeeding a 10 year old Raven and hiding in the school bushes.

 

[missmarmighty]

I think it will be really interesting to see what Pea is like with ember when she is a toddler. Will she be following her round every minute of the day with 7399339 different activities and filming her do it? Somehow I don’t think she will. She be too busy breastfeeding a 10 year old Raven and hiding in the school bushes.

There will be a lot on independent play for Ember I think. I also think Raven will grow up to rebel as a teen if this style of ‘parenting’ carries on

 

[Sven]

I think people who label their parenting are so damaging. Just be you. I follow a lot of attachment parenting but I also throw in some dodgy 90s style parenting and some total Winging it. It works for us. I think trying to keep yourself inside a parenting box is impossible and is doing way more harm than good

You’re definitely right. And I think as a parent it’s impossible to be one ‘type’ of parent all the time. I have days where I literally cannot cope with playing barbies one more time and just need to get on with getting the house straight. Other days I’m down on the floor, doing activities and not caring about the work that needs doing. Others I am irritated and grumpy. And she has her own too!

 

[Bex1504]

There's a good post by Sarah Oakwell Smith who i know Pea loves (and who i think speaks a lot of sense) saying that its not true that gentle parenting means letting your kid so what they want. Because as parents we know what's best for them and basically that should come first. I wonder what Pea makes of it. That post last night was crazy. I've just had my third and of course I miss just having time with my others (mainly the fact that they go to bed!) But I couldn't imagine seeing thr baby like that. All babies are a blessing x

 

[EmilyChambers]

Aye, the poor kid's probably screaming coz she's got a sore neck!

I think people who label their parenting are so damaging. Just be you. I follow a lot of attachment parenting but I also throw in some dodgy 90s style parenting and some total Winging it. It works for us. I think trying to keep yourself inside a parenting box is impossible and is doing way more harm than good

I don't have an issue with people labelling their parenting, do whatever works for you.

What I do have an issue with are parents like Nicola who decide on a parenting method and then it take it too far to the extreme and therefore anything connected with it becomes thought of as dangerous or unsafe or ridiculous etc.

I used a sling and co slept and a bit of gentle parenting and I work in a childcare setting where I can also be gentle and discipline where necessary. My child hasn't grown up to be a knob (he's 13, he has his moments mind)

But now with the extremes and unsafe practices Nicola has, it continues to give all those things a bad name.

It sounds like she's pushed her entire family away, she's about to push Dean away and she's definitely going to damage her relationship with Ember and I reckon at some point Queen Raven will eventually spread her wings and go as she will have been suffocated all her life.

It's fine to her when she's 3 but won't be so great when she's 16 and Nicola still wants to be involved in everything she does.

 

[ceecee454]

I don't have an issue with people labelling their parenting, do whatever works for you.

What I do have an issue with are parents like Nicola who decide on a parenting method and then it take it too far to the extreme and therefore anything connected with it becomes thought of as dangerous or unsafe or ridiculous etc.

I used a sling and co slept and a bit of gentle parenting and I work in a childcare setting where I can also be gentle and discipline where necessary. My child hasn't grown up to be a knob (he's 13, he has his moments mind)

But now with the extremes and unsafe practices Nicola has, it continues to give all those things a bad name.

It sounds like she's pushed her entire family away, she's about to push Dean away and she's definitely going to damage her relationship with Ember and I reckon at some point Queen Raven will eventually spread her wings and go as she will have been suffocated all her life.

It's fine to her when she's 3 but won't be so great when she's 16 and Nicola still wants to be involved in everything she does.

have to disagree that it’s fine when she’s three. so many of the things nicola does are creating foundations for (if not already) really unhealthy emotional behaviours in their child-parent relationship.
they call conception - 2 years 1001 critical days and there is lots of information about how this time is most essential in forming early relationships, a template for future relationships and emotional and social
behaviours

 

[Hunztheword]

I think people who label their parenting are so damaging. Just be you. I follow a lot of attachment parenting but I also throw in some dodgy 90s style parenting and some total Winging it. It works for us. I think trying to keep yourself inside a parenting box is impossible and is doing way more harm than good

I love this. I was naturally quite a “gentle parent” before I’d actually heard of gentle parenting. Then I came across the Facebook group and for a while I felt like I had to follow that parenting style to the letter. I’d beat myself up if I ever did anything “ungentle”, and I actually became less gentle than I was in the first place because I felt so guilty and angry with myself! I’m still a member of the gentle parenting group but take everything in there with a pinch of salt, and add in my own parenting tactics which include bribes, saying “because I said so” and muttering swear words under my breath! And I’m a much better parent now I don’t put those expectations on myself.

I wish Pea would lower her expectations too. She reminds me a lot of me when I had my second, and I had terrible PND. I didn’t tandem feed, position myself as a GP guru or sit and do activities with my eldest all day, but there are many similarities, especially those consuming feelings of guilt. I’ve never posted here before because I worry for her MH and didn’t want to contribute to that, but if she does read here I hope she seeks some help (or accepts offers from family which I would certainly have been grateful for if I had them!)

Not sure if anyone has seen but on the GP group she’s replied to somebody else’s post saying that she regrets not weaning R down to just a bedtime feed before E arrived and that cosleeping/tandem feeding is not what she imagined. I know this is no surprise to us from the outside, and a tiny part of me is pleased she’s realised that she knew nothing when preaching about gentle parenting one young child when she had no other commitments, but I do feel sorry for her too. The whole set up must be such a nightmare!

 

[EmilyChambers]

have to disagree that it’s fine when she’s three. so many of the things nicola does are creating foundations for (if not already) really unhealthy emotional behaviours in their child-parent relationship.
they call conception - 2 years 1001 critical days and there is lots of information about how this time is most essential in forming early relationships, a template for future relationships and emotional and social
behaviours

When I said it was fine at 3, my brain whirled ahead and what I meant to say was it's fine to give her undivided attention while she was able to.

But I can't get my head around having all those months to prepare Raven and she did nothing. Barely got anything ready for the baby.

She made a crappy photo book that excluded Dean I think.

Now, rather than upset Raven, shes going to get what she wants and in payment for that, she's going to be smothered by Nicola for the rest of time.

I can't wait to see how Raven turns out. We will get the fake on Insta and the reality on Facebook!!

Now she's sharing a video of baby sick between her boobs?

Why?

 

[sunchaser19]

I really don’t think she views her boobs as something that belong to her and apart from when breastfeeding, should be kept private or for the eyes of her and Dean. She sees them as Raven’s property, something that Raven needs and therefore she has no ownership over them.

 

[maytoseptember]

The detachment from Ember makes it look like PND. The thing that’s stuck with me is what she wrote about Ember looking like Winter. I hope something shifts for everyone’s sake.

I agree. I’ve been there. She needs help.

The thing is, Raven was always magical and perfect. The baby that saved her from her grief. She’s poured every ounce of herself into Raven it’s bordering on codependency.

Ember, being the third child, could never be as wonderful as Raven. She just prevents Pea from giving her all to Raven. And to make matters worse, she looks like her brother.

Pea really needs help. She’s either going to have a breakdown or she’s going to have a shaky relationship with her second daughter for life.

 

[TheLastLolo]

Hold. Ember's. Head. Properly. You. Moron.

 

[Cubalibra]

Hold. Ember's. Head. Properly. You. Moron.

That would mean putting down the phone...she is fair too busy recording Raven playing. Not sure if she is ready to hear this but No.one.wants.to.watch.your.child.play.

 

[Peanut0205]

This thread gets me so internally conflicted I feel like James McAvoy in that film 23.

There are so many things I strongly dislike about the girl but then having read some of these comments on the thread from loss parents and having never experienced a late term loss like she and some of you sadly have, it must just be unthinkable. As in, my brain can’t even compute how awful that would be, so I do feel sympathy towards her as well, especially as Ember is the image of little Winter, it must be so bitter sweet.

I also think she must 100% have a form of PTSD and probably PND, in which case she needs a support system around her to point her in the right direction.

But then on the other hand she makes everything so bloody hard for herself and she has created a monster in Raven, and it’s not even ravens fault as she has been raised to believe she is the axis the world revolves around.

I used to know this girl who was mixed race and I remember once when I was younger I fell out with her over something super petty and she said a throwaway ‘oh your just being racist’ and went home and told her black father about it, who basically told her that not everyone who doesn’t like you is a racist, you can still be an hole regardless of skin colour, she took this on board and we were back to normal the next day.

I think pea is the same in the way she makes me feel, she wears the loss of winter as a shield against people having a negative opinion of her, but the way she parents and preaches and the feelings it generates in people (namely us on the thread) have nothing to do with that?

What a ramble. Hopefully it made sense