One Day of Winter #2 Slop for dinner, nips on tap, Dads not allowed to help with naps!

[TheLastLolo]

Dean took Ember into the spare room. Erm, sorry. Anyone else think he should've taken Raven? Brand new baby gets taken out of the sleep space so Raven can resettle... There's something so backwards about all this.

 

[Booboothefool]

I'm sorry but at 3.5 years old she's old enough to be told to go to sleep and settle by herself. She's not a baby. I can't believe what I'm reading tbh! Relatching a toddler so she'll settle whilst your newborn cries downstairs? Ludicrous.

 

[TheLastLolo]

I wondered this. I thought he was a store manager but he always seems to be at work. Though saying that, clothes shops can still open for click and collect and returning Internet orders so that's probably what he's doing.

I reckon he just goes and sits by a lake and contemplates what the fuck happened to his life tbh.

 

[sassmaster3000]

She seems a bit desperate for constant validation from that group.

I can’t really get my head round this group. It’s mostly a load of women posting about their nightmare children and looking for validation that their terror is normal. All the replies always seem to be reinforcing the crunchiness and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a post/reply suggesting that a parent is being too “gentle”

ive just seen so many posts on there like “hi guys my fifteen year old has taken to shitting in the sink and as much as I’ve tried to explain that it’s not a toilet, he still does it. Any tips for gently getting him to use the toilet?”
Then all the pissing replies are like “hey have you ever thought about WHY he’s shitting in the sink? Maybe he’s processing some internal thoughts”

I just don’t ever seem to see any actual help on the threads, it’s just always coming up with a reason to validate the kids shitty behaviour. Surely there’s got to be a point where you’re like, actually no you’re just acting like a little twat.
just feels like a group of enablers.

anyway, have finally left the group after feeling way too much internal anger at it haha. So yeah, please post screenshots on here from now on, so we can see!

 

[Peakyblinders]

Thread suggestion - queen Raven still ruling the roost.... even though pea has reproduced

 

[Peanut0205]

The gentle parenting post about Dean has finished me off completely.
He pays the mortgage, buys all their frozen curried slop, indulges Pea in ravens brilliance by buying learning supplies and devoting his rare days off to wandering round a park letting raven talk pig latin at a tree and then throw some rocks at ducks or whatever else has her fancy and then he’s not even allowed to sit on the sofa
Stick a fork in me, I’m DONE.

As much as I used to really enjoy her account I can’t help but feel her pain and loss for Winter has just translated into over compensating with Raven and wanting to cherish every moment resulting in a very spoilt little girl

 

[SilverSpoonNotIncluded]

Here’s the post if anyone wants a look & one of her replies from the comment section. Raved cried because dean spoke to her?! Ffs. If this was me I would be doing everything in my power to encourage their relationship especially with a new baby on the way! I think half of the problem is pea doesn’t really want dean and her to be close she wants it all to be about her! I think she’s terrified of losing the close bond with Raven & that’s half the reason she’s letting her dry suckle her!! Feel a bit sorry for her really, but this will be detrimental to her and ravens relationship in the long term surely she can see that!

Peas response isn’t very gentle to Dean at all - surely she should be role modelling kindness? I’d be saying ‘oh poor Daddy, he just wants to sit with us! I’m going to give him a big cuddle so he doesn’t feel sad.’ Wouldn’t accept that nonsense from a 3 year old! Gentle does not bloody mean permissive!

 

[Hollyxx]

She liked my post but didn't comment. I just meant that I used to follow her before she had Raven, my eldest is a couple of months older than Raven. I just couldn't understand how she had the energy to constantly play all day and then not put Raven to bed at night. And then all the showing off of what she could do, made me feel like I was a crap mum. I'm all for parents finding their own path but I really don't think you should preach. I also really don't agree with showing so much of Raven online. No idea why you'd expose your child to such an extent unless your desire to seem superior was more than your desire to protect the privacy of your child. Just my opinion though! I probably am a gentle parent (I've said sorry when I've lost my patience and try to respond to my kids needs as best I can). But I've never thought that saying no is a bad thing. The difference for me is a gentle parent might explain why they can't have or do something rather than jist saying do as I say which is what my parents did. I don't think Nicola is a gentle parent xx

I don't think she is a gentle parent either, i am a gentle parent and i take this as... thinking about my children's needs. I try not to shout, i carefully consider what i say and how it makes them feel etc. I did and do still co-sleep when they need me, but they also have their own beds. I will lay on the bed, sing and read until they go to sleep but i will also still have lovely date nights with my husband. I am a part of making sure their relationships with other people especially their dad is an enjoyable one and he is for me (my husband will randomly come in the room and say he is taking mine to the park because he can see i am struggling to work etc). Ultimately as parents we all just want our kids to be happy. Mine are happy when things are relaxed and not stressful. Pea's life seems stressful, from her own doing. Instead of R's dad playing fun games and cuddling up with her and reading a story to bed while pea and E look on and join in with a story, her relationship with her dad is fragmented and stressful.

That isn't gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is teaching your children things in a gentle way. If my kids told my husband he couldn't enter the room i would tell them that that makes him feel sad and we should all sit on the sofa and cuddle and make each other feel nice. She needs to teach her children empathy in order to get on in life and have meaningful relationships. My child is R's age and she absolutely understands the way of the world, its a perfect age to talk about how babies are small and sometimes they need to.... say eat first. She is doing R a disservice in thinking she can't understand this. Just like when we go on a playground and i explain to my child to let the babies go first because they don't understand waiting, but she can as she is 3 and she totally gets it and cheers the babies on when they go down a slide before her.

She shares stories of her playing and showing how amazing she is at phonics etc, but the pure basic skills like loving her dad, going to sleep upstairs and letting her sister have a feed first is going to be the most stressful thing ever. I feel for her i really do. But i think what she will do is grind herself down to dig her heels in for those tandem feeds photos.

We are all just trying to get by and be happy as mums, she doesn't look happy. Her children will look to her to see how she models relationships and how she models self esteem, self nourishment and happiness. She should concentrate more on this than phonics and how amazingly talented she is at counting etc.

Sorry for the essay ha ha

also being a gentle parent means being a gentle parents for all of your kids, not one. This is a hard thing to say but i don't think she is being a gentle parent to E. Would she have left R to cry in another room and sat on the bed when R was a few days old? nope. E doesn't understand why she isn't there, she doesn't know she is feeding R. E just thinks she is away from her. She 100% wouldn't have done that too R.

 

[Clementine]

You know what I’d be doing also, making Raven aware of Ember’s needs and explaining that Ember is crying because she NEEDS Mummy. Empathy etc. can all be taught/experienced in this situation, but Raven really needs to know that her baby sister is first in the line when it comes to feeding. Give Raven a cup of milk if she really has to have milk (which we know she doesn’t) and prioritise.

 

[Peanut0205]

That post is ridiculous. What the hell does she expect people to say? She point blank shouldn’t be leaving her newborn crying for food in another part of the house so she can settle her nearly 4 year old ‘back to sleep’. It’s neglect. Has she never thought oh maybe if Raven went to sleep initially in a bed ‘the sleep space’ whatever, she would stay asleep and not be woken during a pointless transfer? If I didn’t know better it seems to me Nicola loves all the ‘mamas I need your help, here’s a photo of my norks’ and the ‘you do you mama’ validation. It makes my teeth itch, she’s making problems where there don’t need to be any. Stevie wonder could see how to solve this - TELL YOUR 3.5 YEAR OLD NO AND GO TO SLEEP.

 

[Me&My]

Wait, let me get this straight, so R needs the tit to ‘resettle’ whilst leaving the newborn screaming out for milk? How the fuck is that gentle parenting, thats favouritism and a brat in the making wanting her mum 24:7 I’m sorry to say but all her own doing! She’s her own worst enemy by making things 5938 times more difficult than they should be. And Deans a pussy for sitting on the fence all this time and letting it get this ridiculous. Sorry rant over just can’t believe the stuff she openly comes out with!? Blows my mind

 

[Squidward]

Nah that Facebook post has done my head in. Before Ember, she banged on and on about motherly animal instincts, about mum needing to be forever close to their ‘Cub’ - so why is it just queen bloody Raven that gets that, how HOW can she leave a newborn CRYING so she can settle a child who is damn old enough to wait whilst she sees to the newborn - or better still, have her DAD settle her. Blown my mind. If she doesn’t sort these issues with raven (which to be fair, isn’t Raven’s fault because it’s all she’s known) then she’s going to be in for a hellish ride.

 

[BethanyGilbert]

I heard her milk is the main ingredient in the covid vaccine

 

[sassmaster3000]

Thread suggestion: honk hat, raising a brat, seeking validation in the Facebook group chat

 

[EmilyChambers]

So far everyone is just telling her that she’s amazing, no one has suggested prioritising the newborn. Very very frustrating. Most replies are “I don’t have the answer but you’re amazing!” And the very few who have “answers” have suggested that she feeds Raven to sleep in her own (ravens) bed, so she can then get a good sleep...pea just replies with “ooh maybe!” Aka fuck off my venom lookalike isn’t allowed her own space for fear of being more than 2 feet from my vagina.
I really do worry about ember at this stage. She is such a second-thought, it’s horrible. Hopefully dean is at least bonding with her.

She's no intention of accepting any advice. She's an absolute martyr and just wants the praise for tandem feeding.

She's failing to meet her new born babies basic needs. She's prioritising feeding and comfort and bonding and giving it all to her 3.5 year old instead of a 5 say old.

Absolute shambles. I'm surprised she hasn't handed the baby over to Dean with formula so that Queen Raven can remain the Queen of everything

 

[Peanut0205]

Thread suggestion: crunchy points for the tandem feeding, stop it please my eyes are bleeding.

 

[Booboothefool]

I feel like after Winter, they tried to conceive quickly (im not judging just stating facts) then had a miscarriage (or two I'm not 100% sure), then Raven was conceived and born healthy and well. So all of those mixed feelings were all projected onto this miracle baby Raven who was born well and taken home.
But it's like she's almost become this holy grail that's become untouchable, and everyone and everything comes second to her.
I understand wanting to give your child the world, I've also lost a child so I know how that feels, but there comes a point where you have to realise that you're absolutely smothering your child with the way you're raising her and keeping her as close to you as possible all the time and not letting her grow up. It's got to the point that it's at the detriment of others, including her brand new baby sister and thats really not fair.

 

[Ht1234]

View attachment 423336View attachment 423337

The post on Facebook for those who can’t see. Sounds like ember is still the second thought, makes me so sad.

(thought I’d left the group but turns out I just had it on mute)

This all just sounds like chaos. If it’s not working a stressing her out surely that’s a sign to stop feeding R. Feeding the newborn should be priority! Raven eats plenty of food she doesn’t NEED milk at this age She can be settled in other ways at this age. If the newborn is crying for milk then feed her! What if E is going through a leap and wants to feed continuously... And she carried the 3 1/2 year old up to bed just days after giving birth Surely Dean would say wise up I’ll carry her Would love to see what people replied to her post with...

 

[Serious_Susan]

Those videos of R feeding should not be shared on Instagram. Full stop.

 

[Belulah]

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again- people would not call it gentle parenting if Pea wasn’t a middle class white women.