Niomi Smart #34 No mask in sight, can't quarantine right, fake dating forky out of spite

[sitkx]

I got a very cold vibe from their relationship which was from watching her channel, it didn't look believable that they were that into each other.

yeah and also they acted almost like strangers, especially whenever serious questions came up. The thing that comes to mind is their video about moving to India, that entire thing is such a mess. I can't resist pulling it apart lol




The video starts off on a horribly awkward note. Joey says "so this is...this is what you do. This is it."

(Niomi's I AM NOT AN INFLUENCER video coming in 3...2...1...)

Joey then proceeds to say with much chagrin, "this is....nice. Maybe I'll --"

Niomi finishes his sentence with " -- get used to this? No."

(Niomi smiling through the resentment)

Joey then explains what the role in India is, and concludes with: "But most of all, I'm just so thrilled that you're excited for it as well..."
Niomi, in the most insincere tone: "OFCOSSSS"

(the face you make when saying something you really don't mean)


Niomi says that when she told her friends the news, her friends assumed it would be NY, LA, or Sydney, to which Niomi told them "no0o0o...", with the tone of voice that implies "I fucking wish it was"

(Joe realizing he'll never hear the end of it, as Niomi complains about it being India rather than NY, LA, or Sydney)

NiomI: "last year Freddie your brother was in my vlogs rather than you Cause Joey was in India!!!" *crazed look*

Some of you might think I'm reading too much into this, but over time Niomi stopped referring to Freddie as Freddie, and started referring to him as "Joey's brother", which seems to be some weird passive-aggressive choice

Joey tells the viewers why he loves India and Niomi makes this face:

(That's the "Sure Jan" face)

Niomi says she was really surprised there were a lot of vegan places in INDIA. Let that sink in. "I didn't realize veganism was that much of a thing out there. I did A LOT of research".

She shows a map of Mumbai with all the places she wants to visit. "Oh look I tagged a bakery for you, cause you LOVE bread. He loves bread...", she shrugs and says in the most judgmental tone she could muster.

(Niomi confused at how anyone on Earth could love bread. God forbid)

After some more explanations, Niomi says "don't worry, it's not like we're gonna pack our bags and move to India forever. We'll be back here for the summers.......RIGHT????...I don't know..."

(Niomi panicking that she'll be in India "forever")

(Joe realizing he's gonna have to propose)

Niomi then panics and turns to Joey and AGAIN asks pleadingly "I don't know. RIGHT?" (about coming back to UK for the summers)
To which Joey bravely and cockily says "I don't know."

(Legend says Joey lost all his bread rations for that week, and also his peanut butter privileges)

Imagine sitting down to film a video about moving to India, never once having discussed the terms of their move with one another.

The video ends with Joe saying "I'm excited", Niomi replies "I'm excited too", after which the camera cuts, and she repeats "No...it will be great...", like a mantra that she doesn't believe in.

 

[Lovemeabitoftea]

Good grief. Her narcissism knows no bounds.

 

[LolitaBlah]

So while my litcherally pawfect non vegan non sustainable non sponsored cake is being baked.. I came here to check on you guys and how you're doing and then I had this stupid idea.. but why not

I made a new mood scale!! so how are you ladies today on a scale of Nimkay to Nimcall911?? I personally feel Nimeh

 

[LolitaBlah]

A new pawfect thread you guys, like litcherally!

Thank you to @DeviantMuch for the thread title and the recap because it sums it all up really

All right, seriously, let's try and do a proper recap of the most boring week yet in the life of Liomi. So..
Niomi had Covid > she isolated for the strict minimum of days > out of isolation and straight to a breakfast indoor with Granny Tea indoors without a mask > then off to Costwald to fork with what’s his name > and then a shopping spree in extra fancy boutiques because sustainability! ok!

Shameful wealth display when the world is trying to survive a global economic crisis and a deadly pandemic but who the fork cares?

She posted a video that I couldn't, didn't and wouldn't watch. Here's a recap made by @all.things.blue (thank you for taking one for the team!):

- She goes on to say that being single and decorating the tree is, quote 'tragic'. Then proceeds to decorate it
- She makes granola but doesn't have it because she had soup and bread and she is licherally not hungry. Then has some salad
- She is lucky to be quarantined and she is listening to her body and sleeps in (probably the first time she spent so many days in a row in her house)
- And a bunch of other crap that we be all seen and heard in licherally every vlog

Need any Christmas love story's romance movies? here is our recommendation, litcherally:

Why Joey WHY? Oh Mooon!

 

[QueenBW]

So she’s with a guy who flashes and now is wearing and advertising a necklace. When the white supremacists tell you who they are, believe them.

Sorry to defend Niomi but this is extremely ignorant and blatantly wrong. That's a gyan mudra, not the "ok" sign associated with white supremacy. The gyan mudra is practiced by yogis and meditators and has zero to do with white supremacy.

If it was completely out of context, I'd understand, but a quick google to the jeweler shows she has a ton of mudra necklaces. Also, Niomi is, at least according to herself, a hard core yogi, so it fits. Context matters.

ETA: I'm part Italian, so we use hand gestures a lot, including the "ok"/perfection sign. If you want to tell my Nonna whose family literally fled fascism in Italy that she's a white supremacist, be my guest, but you might get a pot of boiling pasta on your head.

 

[Hannah Banana]

Saw this on Twitter and thought of our Nims. Except she’s not happier.

 

[sitkx]

While she's posting weird mirror things on instagram, making it look like she's kissing herself. I'm sorry, but that is the weirdest thing Niomi has ever posted BY FAR.
Also, why does Forky look like he's constipated in that Huawei shot?

are you sure?

this was when I knew she absolutely lost it

 

[judgejohndeed]

No she cannot ‘work as a solicitor’. The law LLB degree does not qualify you to do anything other than sit either the LPC to be a solicitor or the BPTC (or whatever it’s called now, its changed since I did it) to be a barrister. She would need to have done another year at uni and also found a firm that would take her with a degree from one of the worst unis in England for law. Not to mention she has zero work ethic and has filmed herself having a breakdown over doing one hour of work, she would never be able to hack having to show her billing for every single day by the minute!

 

[sitkx]

Her roots fucking hell. Also it's painful how much she wants to be Anna (3rd pic for example). And the dress looks really cheap like it could be from Boohoo.

#neverforget

 

[bumblebee212]

Re: driving in a river - maybe the GPS told her to?

 

[Mable912]

I genuinely think Forky looks about 36. I licherally cannot compute that he is in his 20s

 

[LolitaBlah]

Don't tell me you typed this up on your laptop under your dinner table! Thank you!!!!!

I love how the picture looks like a magazine cover, they are finally famous!!

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Started typing the recap on my way home in the metro station and now I'm half asleep in my bed but still waiting for the reactions My dedication to this thread is litcherally crazy

 

[Shutterbug99]

Guys, I want us to look at Forky and Nims from a different point of view...One where Forky has always been in love with Nims. Lol!

So. Forky said he first saw Nims on public transport and saw an opportunity for 'collaboration.' OK, at the time she was in a relationship with the pahhhfect man, so obviously Forky didn't make any moves. In actual fact, though, he was attracted to Nims right from the start. He kept her in his life, but also kept it 'profesh.' He was her personal trainer - nothing more than that. Fast-forward to Joey dumping Nims. Forky was a friend. He was there to pick her up and make her feel good about herself when she was so down. They stayed in contact over lockdown (#2 #3 can't remember which) and all the while Forky maintained his crush. He knew it was still too soon to make a move. Nims was heartbroken, and anyway, it was lockdown, there wasn't a whole lot he could do. But he told Nims she looked hot when she posted ten thousand photos in the bath. They flirted a little. Soon, Forky thought that maybe Nims was showing signs of interest. She laughed at every single thing he said, for one. And if she ever needed any help, say with changing a light bulb, he was the one she called. Eventually, at Soho Farmhouse (natch!) he made his move. He was pretty sure Nims wasn't over Joey (and maybe never would be), but it had been almost a year, and Forky thought the time was right. After all, if he didn't act now, maybe his perfect female Nims, who he had been in love with ever since he first saw her on the tube, would be snapped up by another man. A lesser man than him. He could live with not being her handsome prince, he could live with not being her dreamy Joe, but he could not live without his perfect female. He was now even thinking of her and texting her whilst in the company of other females in a social situation. Forky made his move and, guess what, Nims was interested, well, maybe. She's playing in cool and Forky's not really sure if she's interested in getting serious with him. For one, she keeps posting 'sad songs to Joey' on her IG. Forky's cool with that. It's all good. He got the girl. They went to Paris, the land of Mona, Lisa and vegan croissants, and thus a beautiful love story began.

 

[irvinelane]

I glanced over the SmartSkin Instagram account for the very first time and saw this:

Haven’t realized how the products were amazingly efficient that you can see results by one single application did Niomi send this message again?

 

[judgejohndeed]

I feel like Dior has dropped a bollock with the overuse of influencers tbh, to me their brand just looks cheap now and I avoid it like the plague. My Mum used to use their make up religiously and I’ve got her off it No way I’m ever giving hard earned money to a brand that will drop a 2.4K bag to a rich influencer.

 

[Nitfey]

Dear tattlers darlings ( daaaaahlrings) ! I'm signing off for christmas from the nimbecile doom to not get furious while being with family so wanted to wish you a happy holidays whenever you are !! You are real stars the wisdom of interwebs and the beacon of hope in this influenzaaaa youchube madness !

 

[judgejohndeed]

Bradley uses it to mean ‘okay’/pahfect and that’s very very obvious. As does literally every person I’ve ever known. They’re trash people but to keep saying they’re white supremacists is just weird.

Necklace aside can we talk about that hat she’s wearing?! Santa, please bring Nimbo a personal stylist stat

 

[irvinelane]

A little bit off-topic, but look at how he’s spreading his legs! He’s spreading so much that the two guys next to him can’t even cross their legs properly #stopspreading #itdoesnotmakeyoumoreAlpha

 

[coriander]

« Stalks Joe on Instagram »

8am-12pm be like
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2pm-5pm be like
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8am-12pm be like:

2pm-5pm be like:

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

People on here seem to have some serious issues with Nimbobs family having money and hence being well connected.
Most likely, Nimbobs grew up in their massive house which based in Brighton is ridiculously expensive. We can assume that they have money. People with money surround themselves with people who have similar lifestyles and hence are ‘well connected’ as these people tend to have their own businesses which usually includes meeting successful people. And no, no one is referring to aristocrats or lottery winners.. but knowing wealthy people comes in very handy. Should Nimbobs stop being a YouTuber / influencer I am sure she can easily just get a very well paid job through her family and friends

Ok Terrina