Mumsnet #26 Fanny wafts and meany pegs, what goes on in mumsnetters heads?

[Kikini Bamalam]

Maureen is a terrible name. Sorry to any Maureens out there, but there is just nothing nice about it!

How very dare you! My son, who is 6'7" and plays rugby for the county is called Maureen and so is my husband, Maureen senior, who has a very important 6 figure job!

 

[girlinbrum]

I'm gonna start using that in real life

"Good morning"
"Not if you're in a refugee camp"

"My train was late this morning"
"People in refugee camps would be glad to even have trains"

"It's cold today"
"People in refugee camps are always cold"

"Shall I bring the washing in?"
"People in refugee camps don't have washing".

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I had to endure a church hall ‘farewell autumn’ party last night (I was there in a work capacity, as a nanny) and it was full to the BRIM of Mumsnet activity. There was a big hoo ha about how deep the bucket was for apple bobbing, because children can drown in a puddle you know. IN SECONDS. And worse, what if two children who weren’t siblings bit the same apple? It was also noted that they were ‘just those cheap gala ones’ and many of the children wouldn’t eat them and two definitely wouldn’t because they can only appreciate the taste of a sharp Braeburn from granny’s orchard in the ‘Cots’ (wolds?!!)

At a craft table you could decorate a little mask with glitter etc, and that was quite awful because the glitter would travel back with them in their costumes like bedbugs from Paris and remain in the carpets for 68 years, no matter how hard Dora the housekeeper tried to Hoover it out. Also there was no FOCUS on the activity due to the consumption of sweets and there’s just NO POINT doing an artistic activity if you’re just going to shove glue and feathers at it without a CARE.

I was assured there would be wine but when I went to look it was just sicky mulled stuff and the lady trilled at me that the alcohol would all be burned off so I didn’t need to worry about getting tipsy, although I might want to watch the sugar.


I bought a bottle of actual wine on the way home and consumed it all along with all the trick or treat sweets that my charges aren’t allowed to eat. If I have to go to that again I’ll bloody drown myself in the apple bobbing bucket.

 

[AllTheGinJoints]

Ah, the Crumbsnet winter strikes again…

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I’m spending £48 on a silver cabin (chalet?) at Butlins next week and I need that like a hole in the head to be honest. But my toddler is going to have the time of his life and we’re poor

If I posted that on Mumsnet they’d probably say ‘is there NO way you could at least stretch to a chalet at the VERY back of the woods at Centre Parcs? It would be £475 but at least you’d not expose your child to crackheads and contract diphtheria from the restaurant’

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Why why why do people start threads like 'how much to spend on a holiday?'
You just know there will be the ' we've spent £40k this year on a couple - of course we only go first class and have to take nanny', down to 'Well, I went camping in 1998 with dh and the kids and it cost us £4.50. No-one NEEDS a holiday'.
It's .....bonkers!

The ultimate bitch plop will be someone going into that thread and saying "well you should be glad to be able to spend anything on a holiday. I bet all the Palestinians and Ukrainians would love to be able to go on holiday but they just have to stay home and get bombed!11!!" or the classic "Both my parents have just spontaneously combusted while leaving the house to go on holiday, how insensitive to people like me with fiery parents who would love to go on holiday, I hope your tent blows away OP"

 

[DollyPlops]

I ventured into Mumsnet today to find out that if I eat more than two fish fingers I am a gross monster who will have to be removed from the house by crane.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

It’s the ‘kindly’ that’s getting on my wick at the moment

‘kindly OP, you’re being completely ridiculous.

‘KINDLY OP, might you be intellectually challenged?’

SAYING KINDLY DOES NOT NEGATE A CUNT STATEMENT

 

[moldwarp]

Hello lovely Tattlers! I'm barging in here and haven't read all the threads, but I feel like I've said all I've got to say about Jack Monroe, true crime and secret celeb gossip so am hoping to hang around here for a bit with you lovely Frauen!

I've dipped in and out of MN a fair bit throughout the years, probably last really active around 2015 when I noticed a change in tone, went back in a year or so ago and have since been shocked at how much darker and more malicious it's got? It used to be quite light hearted and usually women supporting women, OK AIBU was always a bit of a bear pit but back in the day people genuinely gave good faith advice, they just didn't mince their words. But now it's like "I was serving up my toddler DS's chicken nuggets when my DH lurched drunkenly through the door screaming that he'd spent all our savings on cocaine and OnlyFans and then he punched me upside the head, I think I may need to LTB but he says I'm being hysterical, AIBU?" First response: "You gave your DS chicken nuggets? TBF I'm not surprised your DH hit you, you deserved it. You're setting DS up for a lifetime of unhealthy eating. We've lost sight of what a normal weight is."

Just feels like people are desperate to make themselves feel better by tearing others down now which is not how it used to be. CoL crisis or something deeper?

Also the number of clearly trolling OP posts are....off the scale. I've read so many in the past year that are clearly either a random bloke posting something vaguely sex related to get off on, or bored teenagers looking to wind up their mums (who they're not getting any attention from as Mum is too busy slagging off other mums on MN). Seriously. Do all the mods have strawberry yoghurt for brains or what?

Apologies if all of this has been raked over in previous threads and I'll see myself out if so or try to find something more relevant to post!

 

[HotDawg]

I ventured into Mumsnet today to find out that if I eat more than two fish fingers I am a gross monster who will have to be removed from the house by crane.

2 fish fingers serves my family of 4 and that includes by 6ft 5 rugby playing husband and 2 teenage boys who are both 6ft, very skinny and have hollow legs. If we have them with a MASSIVE salad, there’s even leftovers to make a nice fish finger soup for dinner the next day.

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

New thread title suggestion...

If all you want is to be goady, you won't get a Tattle codey.

Although I am very grateful to the MNer who gave me mine. I hope she doesn't regret it.

 

[maytoseptember]

There’s a thread running at the moment from a mum who’s worried that her six year old is struggling to make friends. So far, so normal.

This response though? Peak Mumsnet.

My advice is to get her playing an orchestral instrument in a local conservatoire as quickly as possible

What the FUCK is a conservatoire? I just love the assumption that the OP is equally as upper class as her! She’s not suggesting setting up the odd play date, or befriending a couple of other mums to meet up in the local park… no, this child needs to start learning an instrument. But not a basic one, oh no, an orchestral instrument

AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

 

[a.pain]

I do love a good wedding or hen do thread! Bonus points for a "Well I got married in a portaloo in a layby of the A3. We served bbq rat on a stick and we drank pond water and everyone still says it was the best wedding they have ever been to"

Well we didn’t eat or drink at all at ours, we don’t tend to at home really and none of our guests would have expected any different. We don’t know any morbidly obese people. The majority of us are alarmingly sedentary these days, food and drink just aren’t needed unless you are burning large numbers of calories through exercise. People have lost sight of what an active lifestyle should look like. Most people can get by simply on the water content of the air they breathe, and the subsistence from spiders accidentally swallowed in one’s sleep.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

'Husband won't call grandchild by his name' in aibu is a good one. OP has used Starry-Skye and Misty-Bridge as examples, then says it can't be shortened as the shortened version sounds like a rude word. The only example I could come up with is Cunty-Mccuntchops, I can see why you wouldn't want to shorten that

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

The university offers one annoy me, specifically the ones based on predicted grades. Your kid hasn’t actually achieved anything yet, pipe down with the boasting until they actually get in.

My boss once told me with a totally straight face that she was so worried about her friend whose daughter hadn’t done enough to get the predicted grades for an oxbridge interview. I said oh dear. ‘Yes,’ said my boss, and dropped her voice to a thin whisper and looked about to check weren’t being overheard.

‘We’re afraid she might have to consider….

(I’m thinking what? The military? Repeating a year? Getting a job?)

THE UNIVERSITY OF BRISTOL

At which point I burst out laughing. I just can’t with these types. Do they not realise what an utter privilege it is to go to university at all?! And Bristol is a really good one!!!

 

[ishaggedhughjackman]

She said "Shaggy Bear" and "Teddy Bear" were very close, so I'm almost convinced the child's name is Pooh Bear. It fits the "rude shortening" criteria and it actually would be difficult to keep a straight face.

This may not be popular but I actually think it's a form of child abuse to give a child an utterly ridiculous name. The OP and her husband are being slated but they seem like the only sensible poeople around the baby at the minute.

But of course, they're all wringing their hands and talking about racist grandparents and asking if everyone is neurodiverse to care about that.

Update: the name as been revealed as Dixie-Moon-Beam.

 

[jackieweavericestorm]

I posted this on the Popsy thread - to appreciate this you have to know that Popsy dresses are in the main frumpy, made of sweat inducing plastic fabrics with zany prints and much loved and worn by men!

a 50 something woman posted looking for advice on buying a dress to help her pull a works colleague at their Christmas do. These responses…

 

[Maisie842]

Someone has posted to say their husband has just died today. Why would your first thoightbe to post on Mumsnet?

My dad passed suddenly, and of course when that happens it’s quite a long process what with police involvement etc, and so by the time my husband and I got home it was around 9pm, after arriving at my dads at 1pm. We were both in shock, devastated and totally exhausted and so decided that we would make the phone calls we needed to in the morning. However one person I needed to contact straight away as I knew he was due to meet my dad early the next day. What I didn’t expect is that he would decide to take straight to Facebook and announce my dads passing in a post that simply read “(dads name) died today”. So of course that’s how a lot of my dads friends and extended family members found out, cue lots of phone calls (understandably) which I felt I just couldn’t deal with right then. It was also so unfair that people had to learn that from a bloody Facebook post! Maybe I should have told him that we haven’t told anyone yet, but it never even crossed my mind that he would take it upon himself to announce it like that.

 

[ToxicPony]

There's a hen do one unfolding atm and obviously they're all in there bragging about how cheap and unspecial their hen dos were. They're so averse to doing anything nice or joyous I don't know why they didn't just get a meal deal and eat it in a car park next to some bins.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

They are all such joysuckers.

Halloween should be a fun Autumn evening, getting dressed up (my little boy was a zombie astronaut), knocking on neighbours' doors, getting sweeties handed out, seeing all the ghosts and werewolves and spider webs and beautifully carved pumpkin lanterns everywhere. Not in Mumsnetland though, think of the E numbers, think of the potential paedophiles waiting to entice your small child indoors, think of the riff raff from the big estate encroaching on your middle-class turf

It will be the same next weekend with Bonfire Night. We will be going to the local park to watch the firework display, and it will be a great evening out, with toffee apples and hot chocolate for the child and Irish coffees for us - but Mumsnetters will complain about the noise, the pollution, the crowds, the poor people enjoying themselves on a chilly November evening.

Irish coffees in the park? Do you think you could have a drink problem Serena? How many units do you consume a week? Do you know that Irish coffees are 47 units of alcohol? What will you tell the surgeon when they are replacing your exploded liver?