Jack Monroe #124 Jack Monroe has and had covid, coronavirus, rona, covid-19 and long covid

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PoorPatrol

PoorPatrol

Send soup?! She must have stopped halfway through making the pastitsio when she remembered that she can’t make bechamel. Jack, look at me! I’ve got two words to say to you after that pathetic fake sick selfie - LIP FILLER!
 
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People-huv-tae-know

People-huv-tae-know

Fruitjack said:
sorry for quoting myself but I had a reply already emphatically saying that they are NOT collaborating with her and to let them know if she tweets about them again.
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Whoa there, did Jack tweet and delete about a Veganuary collab? How could I have missed that, I read these threads forensically and am neurotic about details. Or was that the reply to a tweeter who asked if she was doing veganuary and Jack replied with probably?
 
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Fruitjack

Fruitjack

People-huv-tae-know said:
Whoa there, did Jack tweet and delete about a Veganuary collab? How could I have missed that, I read these threads forensically and am neurotic about details. Or was that the reply to a tweeter who asked if she was doing veganuary and Jack replied with probably?
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She very quickly deleted a tweet saying she was making a vegan pastitsio in collab with them
 
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T

Toastandjam

Droosie123 said:
Christ, that headscarf ...I have a friend dealing with cancer at the moment who is coping with hair loss and the crappy fatigue which comes with chemo.

Seeing Jack cosplay such tit pisses me off no end.

Get that bleeping scarf off your head Jack...you don't need it . Perfectly acceptable to wear it as a style but not when you are doing so to cosplay sickness . Just duck off.
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I was thinking the same thing. So manipulative. 🤬
 
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ChickenPorridge

ChickenPorridge

Um...my god. What the actual f is she playing at? This 'sick' selfie is a new low for obvious reasons that nobody will be allowed to point out. She's absolute knob end.
 
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Ladderedtights

Ladderedtights

The selfie is vile.
This is how I imagine Jack when she’s online creating all these multi-Jack universes. From an episode of Buffy.
D681928E-15D7-49AA-9D7C-18DA914EC454.jpeg
 
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E

emm

Pocahontas said:
Congratulations to @Incywincy for the thread title! 🎉


Recap of thread #123



  1. Here are some forensic timelines of Jack’s covid origin story, thanks to @Harrybosch @Veronicaaa and @TheDragonWithAFlagon.
  2. We need to accept that long covid Jack a-cometh.
  3. She’s been having fever dreams and apples don’t taste right. One of her dreams was a ‘revisit of the time [she] was abducted from a playground as a child and was subsequently selectively mute for days afterwards.’ WHUT?
  4. She’s not sure of the timelines and Diet Coke tastes chemical now that someone else said it did.
  5. Long covid Jack wants to ‘gently, slowly! help people navigate through food tasting weird’. She ‘can’t even do her frigging job now’. Hahaha.
  6. She’s had no taste but she also has had taste.
  7. She got blocked by a food writer for her trifle dissing.
  8. She went on a mass delete spree and deleted all tweets up until the time of her presenting as ill. Nothing to see here but covid.
  9. However, her covid / long covid story is being questioned.
  10. Jack, are you feeling better? Nope.
  11. Better enough to put yourself forward for a TV pitch tho.

    [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ‘Babe, same’
    ‘I did a chaos’
    ‘My maverick brain’
    ‘My sad little face’
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    ‘I laughed up a lung’

    ** NEW **
    ‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.

    She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a ÂŁ4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
    [*][*][*]
    Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*][*][*][*]
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omg point number 3.... she is becoming (is?) worse than jameela jamil
 
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