- Notice
SweetTransvestite
VIP Member
Just the one in that room, if that's alright with you?
Can you all stop bullying me? Have I no right to privacy? Have you ALL looked at my picture, seen my ONE radio? Am I not allowed nice things?
How very dare you.
Absolutely get to fuck.
Congratulations to @Satisfying Click for your first thread title! 107 reactions 
Bumper pack of colouring pens in the post to you (but Jack’s posting them, so I wouldn’t hold my breath).
Special mention to @Terrible for: ‘Upstaged by a sheep - move over Sloppy, it’s Nibbles and Loppy’.
Recap of thread #106
Bumper pack of colouring pens in the post to you (but Jack’s posting them, so I wouldn’t hold my breath).Special mention to @Terrible for: ‘Upstaged by a sheep - move over Sloppy, it’s Nibbles and Loppy’.
Recap of thread #106
- It seems she has the starring role in some fan fiction written by Lestat himself.
- She coloured in her desk planner. So bright! So busy. Don’t touch her work pens! Not even for a second.
- She does a lot for charidee.
- She did some filming work. It went well. ‘Gorgeous wholesome cheeky fun’ with a ‘familiar face - DKL!’ Oh, the intrigue! Will the cheeky little duo of her and Matt ‘The Forearms’ Tebbutt-that-won’t-quit be reunited?
- No.
- Not at all.
- She is no longer a ‘haunted husk of dead-eyed nothingness’. Hold you to that, Jack.
- Also, don’t be forgetting she has a tough deal, despite her day of filming with Dr Rupy. Ouchy mouth lives on.
- Watch your back, Jack - you’ve been usurped by some sheep.
- Anyone after a secondhand denim shirt? May have some wear and tear from previous owner and smell like Penhaligon’s and cooking bacon.
-
[*]
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
kachoochoo
VIP Member
hello to the people who may be reading this now after googling "jack monroe gossip site" and have been brought straight here
read the recap and jack for dummies on page 1, maybe read the wiki. browse our commentary, definitely check most liked comments, check out our receipts
then tell us we're the baddies
read the recap and jack for dummies on page 1, maybe read the wiki. browse our commentary, definitely check most liked comments, check out our receipts
then tell us we're the baddies
Silver Linings
VIP Member
I’m cringing.
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
Good God squiggle, I'd rather go for a mammogram than this tea party of histrionics
HarderFaster
VIP Member
Oh my god those screenshots of her various “glowing feedback” (read: text from a barely literate lighting intern, text from frazzled assistant producer, email from one-off tiny festival booking, email from foodbank) are hardly a story of her suitability for screen success, are they? How absolutely mortifying that she thinks it’s some kind of “gotcha” moment to post that...
Also I don’t know why she thinks the mere act of writing fast is a good thing (and I speak here as an ADD-er who has just panic written 9000 words in two days because I’ve been faffing about on other projects for two weeks)?
1) She’s a horrible writer - her work is formless, verbose and she mis-uses words almost every piece she writes. Just because she uses 2000 words to say what 200 could doesn’t mean that her work is good quality.
2) Writing fast is so far from ideal. When I’m on my better game I write and re-draft and re-draft, and being able to take the time to check my sources and the thread of meaning is so much better than flinging something out [and makes me sad that I need to be medicated to achieve even half of what normal people can].
The fast writing is a coping mechanism to deal with the fear-based procrastination caused by ADHD, it is not a good thing that she’s having to employ it while supposedly medicated. There are some ADHD positives. Hyper focus? Maybe. Creative thinking? Certainly. But alas, the latter only applies to Jack’s grifting strategies and where she plagiarises her recipes from, rather than her own creations.
ETA - sorry, I do in fact recognise the irony of saying that she’s verbose while posting an absolute fucking essay of my own...
Also I don’t know why she thinks the mere act of writing fast is a good thing (and I speak here as an ADD-er who has just panic written 9000 words in two days because I’ve been faffing about on other projects for two weeks)?
1) She’s a horrible writer - her work is formless, verbose and she mis-uses words almost every piece she writes. Just because she uses 2000 words to say what 200 could doesn’t mean that her work is good quality.
2) Writing fast is so far from ideal. When I’m on my better game I write and re-draft and re-draft, and being able to take the time to check my sources and the thread of meaning is so much better than flinging something out [and makes me sad that I need to be medicated to achieve even half of what normal people can].
The fast writing is a coping mechanism to deal with the fear-based procrastination caused by ADHD, it is not a good thing that she’s having to employ it while supposedly medicated. There are some ADHD positives. Hyper focus? Maybe. Creative thinking? Certainly. But alas, the latter only applies to Jack’s grifting strategies and where she plagiarises her recipes from, rather than her own creations.
ETA - sorry, I do in fact recognise the irony of saying that she’s verbose while posting an absolute fucking essay of my own...
crystaleyesd
VIP Member
I love this guy's comics and today's is really Jack in a nutshell (although she mostly never even tries to empathise...)
TVC15
Member
I feel queasy here. I’m actually autistic. Sia took a huge shit on the autistic community this morning, calling us worked up haters and centring it all around how upset she was and how unfair we’re being by telling her what the community thinks. Honestly, good on JM for having a go. Honestly, people should have a right to self-diagnosis autism, too.
But boy oh boy and hey does “describe my particular brand of chaos” rub me the wrong way. Christ. Is she aware non-“famous” people get attacked on Twitter for saying things about autism? Is she aware of how much overall hate and ableism has been on display over the last 24 hours with this bullshit Sia “special abilities” movie? Why she moving the spotlight back to herself? Why delete tweets and then announce it? It doesn’t make sense. She just doubled down on those tweets.
I’m partially non-speaking. I’m some nobody with a few dozen followers on Twitter and even I’m incredibly careful about discussing autism to not centre issues around just my experience. Because I occupy a huge position of privilege within the autistic community. I can write and communicate. I can even speak very well (in short spurts). That is why I’m so keen to listen to others.
Christ, I’m just blown away at this childishness. Autism suits your brand? We can’t question it because it is too like your special, whimsical chaos? I could give a fuck whether JM’s actually autistic or not. It’s the way she’s discussing it. As if she isn’t claiming status in a highly marginalized group, with substantial barriers to society, that is constantly being talked over and dismissed. Whatever, the gall, etc. Yikes.
But boy oh boy and hey does “describe my particular brand of chaos” rub me the wrong way. Christ. Is she aware non-“famous” people get attacked on Twitter for saying things about autism? Is she aware of how much overall hate and ableism has been on display over the last 24 hours with this bullshit Sia “special abilities” movie? Why she moving the spotlight back to herself? Why delete tweets and then announce it? It doesn’t make sense. She just doubled down on those tweets.
I’m partially non-speaking. I’m some nobody with a few dozen followers on Twitter and even I’m incredibly careful about discussing autism to not centre issues around just my experience. Because I occupy a huge position of privilege within the autistic community. I can write and communicate. I can even speak very well (in short spurts). That is why I’m so keen to listen to others.
Christ, I’m just blown away at this childishness. Autism suits your brand? We can’t question it because it is too like your special, whimsical chaos? I could give a fuck whether JM’s actually autistic or not. It’s the way she’s discussing it. As if she isn’t claiming status in a highly marginalized group, with substantial barriers to society, that is constantly being talked over and dismissed. Whatever, the gall, etc. Yikes.
NomDeGuerre
VIP Member
It must be like the Folk of the Faraway Tree at her house. Every time you go upstairs, there’s a completely different set up.
Peeky_Mink
Well-known member
So which of Jack's conditions are responsible for the massive pile ons that she instigates (and never apologises for?)
Which of her conditions are responsible for her begging for money from those less well off than her?
Which of her conditions mean that she couldn't possibly try and live within her means by downsizing to a more affordable house (which everyone else has to do, "conditions" or otherwise)?
Which of her conditions are responsible for her torturing a poorly kitten and not doing the right thing and having her put to sleep for Twitter engagement/her own happiness?
I am autistic and feel very cross about these accusations of ableism.
Which of her conditions are responsible for her begging for money from those less well off than her?
Which of her conditions mean that she couldn't possibly try and live within her means by downsizing to a more affordable house (which everyone else has to do, "conditions" or otherwise)?
Which of her conditions are responsible for her torturing a poorly kitten and not doing the right thing and having her put to sleep for Twitter engagement/her own happiness?
I am autistic and feel very cross about these accusations of ableism.
moglits
Active member
Okay despite my flippant comment earlier I’m actually progressively cheesed off.
Jack literally listing conditions as excuses for her behaviour really, really grips my shit. I have complex PTSD - the kind that gives me nightmares that my poor husband has to cuddle and comfort me through, the kind that up until embarrassingly late on in life had me wetting the bed when the nightmares got especially bad, the kind that left me with horrible self-doubt and anxiety - and not once have I ever used that as an excuse for my failings.
My failings are my failings. They are because of me. Sometimes they may genuinely be rooted in my traumas, but that doesn’t excuse them. Maybe explain, but never excuse.
We’re all human. We all balls up. But not all of us do so from a place of manipulation, a place of deception, a place of excuse-making.
I don’t want to be a dick. But I achieve more in a working week, fuck, a day, than Jack, and there’s no call for celebration there. I don’t want a round of applause and a smack on the bum for doing what we’re all really supposed to do. Function when we can, be kind where we can, make a difference where we can.
Jack literally listing conditions as excuses for her behaviour really, really grips my shit. I have complex PTSD - the kind that gives me nightmares that my poor husband has to cuddle and comfort me through, the kind that up until embarrassingly late on in life had me wetting the bed when the nightmares got especially bad, the kind that left me with horrible self-doubt and anxiety - and not once have I ever used that as an excuse for my failings.
My failings are my failings. They are because of me. Sometimes they may genuinely be rooted in my traumas, but that doesn’t excuse them. Maybe explain, but never excuse.
We’re all human. We all balls up. But not all of us do so from a place of manipulation, a place of deception, a place of excuse-making.
I don’t want to be a dick. But I achieve more in a working week, fuck, a day, than Jack, and there’s no call for celebration there. I don’t want a round of applause and a smack on the bum for doing what we’re all really supposed to do. Function when we can, be kind where we can, make a difference where we can.
HarderFaster
VIP Member
Didn’t know ADHD was an excuse for acting like a twatty, sugared-up toddler who lies, steals from poor people and sleeps in until lunchtime most days.
BRB, just off to tell my boss that she can expect me online at 2pm next week with a bindle of stolen pension books over my shoulder and recently topped up lip filler.
ETA @LavaFlake - it’s not normal, believe me. Medication should stop most of these things (to an almost miraculous extent). She doesn’t have ADHD which is why it doesn’t work.
BRB, just off to tell my boss that she can expect me online at 2pm next week with a bindle of stolen pension books over my shoulder and recently topped up lip filler.
ETA @LavaFlake - it’s not normal, believe me. Medication should stop most of these things (to an almost miraculous extent). She doesn’t have ADHD which is why it doesn’t work.
Reading that first post again, ‘letters after our names the way MBEs and academics do...’
What little girl sour grapes! She doesn’t have an MBE (Marcus does) and her double doctorates are honorary.
It’s the equivalent of her making a cardboard box car with jam jar lid wheels and driving it around making vroom vroom sounds because Marcus bought himself a Porsche.
