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traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Thank you everyone for the condolences. My family is quite small so I've been fortunate enough to be relatively untouched by death up until this point. It's been hard to take. Both my granddads died some years ago now but they both had dementia so in a sense they were already gone. I've not been sleeping well, I feel incredibly guilty especially as I'd made a dusty relatives joke on Tuesday evening not knowing that she'd died earlier that day. She'd sent me a cheque at Christmas that I hadn't got round to putting in the bank so my mum told me to do it before the account got frozen. I felt like I'd sold my soul when I realised that I'd just fed the last thing I had from her into a machine for money.
You know it's been a bad week when forensically combing for a few hours through the same few minutes of JM warbling is not the worst thing you've heard!
You know it's been a bad week when forensically combing for a few hours through the same few minutes of JM warbling is not the worst thing you've heard!
Falkor
VIP Member
Yes, we walked out a couple of days ago to check on the rest and the Ewerhythmics decided to come for a walk with us to see their mates. Here they are following Mr F, even though I'm the one carrying the food bucket! From left to right, 406, Nibbles, Loppy and Mr FHi @Falkor any sign of the girls lately?
there are some sheep living down the way from me and I just realised. They look quite grumpy though (possibly because they live on a city farm in the middle of the city?)
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
I wasn't joking about a COVID fever dream on the MT, I have genuinely caught the fucker and got a fever. My hands are literally red raw from washing and sanitising them and I never touch my face with my hands, the only shop I go to is a supermarket a couple of times a week (can't carry everything by myself in one trip), I keep minimum 1.5 metres away from other people, wear a face covering and somehow I've still got it. Makes me angry that people are being so blasé about it. I've now potentially exposed my mother in her early sixties (she's my support bubble and I saw her before I was symptomatic) to it and she does shopping for my unvaccinated 90-year-old grandma so now I'm worried about the chain of transmission. In the info the NHS sent me they said pets can catch it so I'm also worried that my cat is going to catch it as well, what a mare.
The craving for kippers and the need to take a picture of myself in a dressing gown for Twitter haven't appeared yet, I assume that comes later.
The craving for kippers and the need to take a picture of myself in a dressing gown for Twitter haven't appeared yet, I assume that comes later.
Falkor
VIP Member
Don't worry about it, they still needed checking
They got the last of the stock mix I was feeding them when the tup was here (which smells gorgeous and if it was in a bowl with some cold milk splashed over it, I'd dig in myself!) which I topped up with a couple of scoops of ewe rolls - about 6kg of feed altogether.If I've done this correctly, this should be a video of them coming out of the rocks...
Flumps
VIP Member
I've just mini-grunkaed myself up to date with you all. I feel like I've hearted a lot of messages and just wanted to say that where I have I'm sending love rather than loving the various situations described IYSWIM. This is really tough isn't it?
Sorry, I'm going to whinge now. I've spent a few days in my social bubble with my partner and we've been doing last stuff to get his house on the market and we've worked all weekend to get everything done and I'm exhausted and sore and in so much pain from my knees that I keep bursting into tears from tiredness and pain. Then I was snappy with him this morning before I left because he stayed up nearly all night to finish everything off (we are poor at deadlines) and I felt I couldn't say I was feeling bad because I went to bed at midnight and had 6 hours sleep (ish, I kept waking up from the pain) but he'd had it much worse than me, so how could I complain, but that just made me a bit of a harridan and now I'm worried he will think 'Who wants to go to all this effort to ready and sell a house to live with someone that miserable?'. Plus he was all grumpy at things (not me) last night because he was tired too, and it made me go all weird because him being angry at everything around me set off my bad thoughts about the past, and makes me a ball of anxiety, which isn't fair because he should be able to feel his feelings without having to worry about me collapsing. And I can't keep going like he can, I physically can't. I know he knows that, but it makes me feel so guilty. Sigh.
Right. After all that gloom. I promised @crystaleyesd some Soviet era bric-a-brac. It's all space/sci fi related I think because lots is in storage and these are the few bits left out, but as promised, an mini-avalanche of them attached. x
ETA: Sorry, massive pics, put them under a spoiler now for those who want to scroll on by.
Sorry, I'm going to whinge now. I've spent a few days in my social bubble with my partner and we've been doing last stuff to get his house on the market and we've worked all weekend to get everything done and I'm exhausted and sore and in so much pain from my knees that I keep bursting into tears from tiredness and pain. Then I was snappy with him this morning before I left because he stayed up nearly all night to finish everything off (we are poor at deadlines) and I felt I couldn't say I was feeling bad because I went to bed at midnight and had 6 hours sleep (ish, I kept waking up from the pain) but he'd had it much worse than me, so how could I complain, but that just made me a bit of a harridan and now I'm worried he will think 'Who wants to go to all this effort to ready and sell a house to live with someone that miserable?'. Plus he was all grumpy at things (not me) last night because he was tired too, and it made me go all weird because him being angry at everything around me set off my bad thoughts about the past, and makes me a ball of anxiety, which isn't fair because he should be able to feel his feelings without having to worry about me collapsing. And I can't keep going like he can, I physically can't. I know he knows that, but it makes me feel so guilty. Sigh.
The weight thing is so hard isn't it? I have a lot of trouble with the fat acceptance community because *reasons*, but one thing I think they are spot on about is how all weight loss is seen as a good thing and how damaged that thinking is. I'm even hesitant to write what I'm about to write as I fear it's triggering. I've always struggled with my weight (in that I've yo-yoed between being *very* heavy and a normal-ish weight since I was a teenager and my mum put me on a diet). To be fair, I asked her to, and that's not the only reason I've struggled - I used to use food as a comfort and weight as a shield from being *visible* in an attractive way.
Anyway, I've banged on tediously before about my C-PTSD and my eventual breakdown. During my breakdown and recovery, I couldn't eat. I mean, I couldn't bring myself to put food in my mouth, chew it and swallow it, for days at a time. I was at my heaviest when I had my breakdown (over 20 stone). During the time I was off work I lost over a 1/3 of my body weight. Sorry for numbers, I've tried to leave them a bit vague, but I'm using them to illustrate the gravity. When I went back to work people congratulated me on my weight loss, even though the vast majority knew I'd been off sick for 6 months. What kind of world is it where the trauma I had gone through was writ large on my body, and that was a reason to congratulate me? Plus, if it had gone the other way and I'd dealt with my trauma by eating instead of not eating, then that would have been seen as awful instead of 'Well done you'. And, I can't even be cross with those people, because even I, even now, I know I look back at that period and there is a little bit of 'Well, it was fucking awful and I came close to something very final, but heck, I can buy jeans from normal shops now.' I know how damaged that thinking is, yet I can't not think it a little bit.
It's also interesting that this switch from comfort eating to not eating has stuck and I still find it incredibly hard to eat when I'm stressed or anxious and it's really dangerous, because it starts a spiral that I find really hard to see. My partner has to make me eat, because it makes everything so much worse to not eat, but it's incredibly hard.
Anyway, I've banged on tediously before about my C-PTSD and my eventual breakdown. During my breakdown and recovery, I couldn't eat. I mean, I couldn't bring myself to put food in my mouth, chew it and swallow it, for days at a time. I was at my heaviest when I had my breakdown (over 20 stone). During the time I was off work I lost over a 1/3 of my body weight. Sorry for numbers, I've tried to leave them a bit vague, but I'm using them to illustrate the gravity. When I went back to work people congratulated me on my weight loss, even though the vast majority knew I'd been off sick for 6 months. What kind of world is it where the trauma I had gone through was writ large on my body, and that was a reason to congratulate me? Plus, if it had gone the other way and I'd dealt with my trauma by eating instead of not eating, then that would have been seen as awful instead of 'Well done you'. And, I can't even be cross with those people, because even I, even now, I know I look back at that period and there is a little bit of 'Well, it was fucking awful and I came close to something very final, but heck, I can buy jeans from normal shops now.' I know how damaged that thinking is, yet I can't not think it a little bit.
It's also interesting that this switch from comfort eating to not eating has stuck and I still find it incredibly hard to eat when I'm stressed or anxious and it's really dangerous, because it starts a spiral that I find really hard to see. My partner has to make me eat, because it makes everything so much worse to not eat, but it's incredibly hard.
Right. After all that gloom. I promised @crystaleyesd some Soviet era bric-a-brac. It's all space/sci fi related I think because lots is in storage and these are the few bits left out, but as promised, an mini-avalanche of them attached. x
ETA: Sorry, massive pics, put them under a spoiler now for those who want to scroll on by.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
I've been unexpectedly offered the COVID jab (didn't realise I was classed as having an underlying health condition) so I've booked it for early March. Feeling quite guilty that I'm going to have mine before my parents who are in their sixties, especially as I will still have some level of immunity from having had COVID less than two months ago.
While it is nice to think that with the vaccination roll-out we are that much closer to getting back to a total end to lockdown, I'm caught up in the fact it's come too late for my grandma who died suddenly a week ago. She lived in a care home and we hadn't been able to see her for over a year. Another couple of months and we'd have been able to visit, we were that close. I just can't believe that the last year of her life was a fucking pandemic. Sorry to be terribly depressing. At least my other grandma has had her first jab, that is a great relief. I'm glad other people here are having theirs too.
While it is nice to think that with the vaccination roll-out we are that much closer to getting back to a total end to lockdown, I'm caught up in the fact it's come too late for my grandma who died suddenly a week ago. She lived in a care home and we hadn't been able to see her for over a year. Another couple of months and we'd have been able to visit, we were that close. I just can't believe that the last year of her life was a fucking pandemic. Sorry to be terribly depressing. At least my other grandma has had her first jab, that is a great relief. I'm glad other people here are having theirs too.
Sideboard Bob
VIP Member
I have not caught up here, so sorry, but I just wanted to ramble about a kind of nice thing, I’ll put it behind a spoiler because I’ve had a drink, it might not make sense, and it’s a bit long!
ok so I’ve been struggling with depression, I know I’m not the only one here, I wish I was, you’re all so lovely. Anyway, it’s getting a bit better! I LIVE for music, seriously, it’s my obsession, its like the screensaver for my brain. So I know I’m really not doing well mentally when I can’t listen to or enjoy music. Towards the end of last year I knew it was bad because I listened to Midnight In a Perfect World by DJ Shadow, and it left me cold. I LOVE that song, I can’t expalin it, sometimes it haunts me, but in a good way, but I just love it. So when that didn’t even hit me I knew it was bad.
anyway, I’ve just listened to it and FELT it again! That is huge, I’ve maybe got a bit of a long way to go but thank fuck I’ve got music again. I just wanted to share this to prove there is hope, for anyone else struggling. Long story short, for me its been depression, grief, more depression, fucking covid *on top of that, then more grief. Not feeling sorry for myself, but of course that hit me hard, and I’m just amazed to see this little glimmer of happiness
*edited to add, I have not had covid, just the whole situation is shit!
anyway, I’ve just listened to it and FELT it again! That is huge, I’ve maybe got a bit of a long way to go but thank fuck I’ve got music again. I just wanted to share this to prove there is hope, for anyone else struggling. Long story short, for me its been depression, grief, more depression, fucking covid *on top of that, then more grief. Not feeling sorry for myself, but of course that hit me hard, and I’m just amazed to see this little glimmer of happiness
*edited to add, I have not had covid, just the whole situation is shit!
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crystaleyesd
VIP Member
There's a lovely app called Window Swap where you can look out of someone's window for 10 minutes - https://window-swap.com/
I uploaded one of my own from Istanbul when the muezzins were calling to prayer - still haven't managed to stumble across it though
Falkor
VIP Member
Belated happy birthday, @EddieBeds!
Loppy, Nibbles and 406 have been retrieved - they came in with a neighbour's small flock, she'd misread their flock mark and thought they belonged to a different neighbour and were in lamb, so has been feeding them. The are the size of chicken houses and I put them out there to lose weight! Fortunately (or less fortunately for the terrible trio) she has got a grant for a place on a sheepdog training course for her and her young dog and needs some not in lamb sheep to do her homework with - I have volunteered their services, so they're off to boot camp later this week, as if I don't get some weight off them before spring they're going to have health issues.
We did make everyone laugh though- as two neighbours were debating the best way to move sheep around the pens to get my 3 out without everyone getting mixed up, I just opened the gate to the pen they were in, shook a bucket, called 'Come on ladies' and mine extracted themselves immediately and followed me off down the road!
Scanning guy is running late and my 15 are in the back pen, so it's going to be a long cold afternoon, but at least it's dry and no wind.
Loppy, Nibbles and 406 have been retrieved - they came in with a neighbour's small flock, she'd misread their flock mark and thought they belonged to a different neighbour and were in lamb, so has been feeding them. The are the size of chicken houses and I put them out there to lose weight! Fortunately (or less fortunately for the terrible trio) she has got a grant for a place on a sheepdog training course for her and her young dog and needs some not in lamb sheep to do her homework with - I have volunteered their services, so they're off to boot camp later this week, as if I don't get some weight off them before spring they're going to have health issues.
We did make everyone laugh though- as two neighbours were debating the best way to move sheep around the pens to get my 3 out without everyone getting mixed up, I just opened the gate to the pen they were in, shook a bucket, called 'Come on ladies' and mine extracted themselves immediately and followed me off down the road!
Scanning guy is running late and my 15 are in the back pen, so it's going to be a long cold afternoon, but at least it's dry and no wind.
Flumps
VIP Member
Hello fraus. Hope you're all doing ok.
Loving the sheep and new (or not so new) man stories.
In exciting news here, though I can't remember what exciting news I've already related, we now have multiple offers on the house we're selling. It's a surprisingly hard decision to make, especially for MrF whose lived there a long time and has lots of memories in the house. I've also made the mistake of absolutely falling in love with a house that's been on the market for ages and that is completely ridiculous and impractical. Well, not completely, but it's a 'character property' and has countryside features that make it less straightforward than, you know, a new build in town.
Both MrF and I are not fans of house moving and so are sort of planning to try and buy somewhere that will suit us now, but also will suit when we get older. This is making me feel very old (I'm *only* 42!), but it does make sense, but it's making the decision v hard as both of us want something 'different' and this is our one chance to find it.
I am aware of how first world problem this all is, sorry, it's awful really isn't it? We're incredibly lucky to be in a position that's going to let us choose something very lovely, but this is the first time in my life I am going to be able to do this, and both of us have fought incredibly hard to get to a happy place in our lives and while we aren't there yet, it's getting closer, and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions that aren't quite the ones I thought I would have.
My word that was a ramble, sorry for making you read my diary entry.
Loving the sheep and new (or not so new) man stories.
In exciting news here, though I can't remember what exciting news I've already related, we now have multiple offers on the house we're selling. It's a surprisingly hard decision to make, especially for MrF whose lived there a long time and has lots of memories in the house. I've also made the mistake of absolutely falling in love with a house that's been on the market for ages and that is completely ridiculous and impractical. Well, not completely, but it's a 'character property' and has countryside features that make it less straightforward than, you know, a new build in town.
Both MrF and I are not fans of house moving and so are sort of planning to try and buy somewhere that will suit us now, but also will suit when we get older. This is making me feel very old (I'm *only* 42!), but it does make sense, but it's making the decision v hard as both of us want something 'different' and this is our one chance to find it.
I am aware of how first world problem this all is, sorry, it's awful really isn't it? We're incredibly lucky to be in a position that's going to let us choose something very lovely, but this is the first time in my life I am going to be able to do this, and both of us have fought incredibly hard to get to a happy place in our lives and while we aren't there yet, it's getting closer, and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions that aren't quite the ones I thought I would have.
My word that was a ramble, sorry for making you read my diary entry.
Welcome to the new Food and Drink (translation: life, the universe and everything) thread!
There were no thread title suggestions, so I have named this one in honour of @Alansbigplate patent pending #alansliedownlarder. When sailing the rocky seas of lockdown, we all need a lie down from
time to time.
All welcome
There were no thread title suggestions, so I have named this one in honour of @Alansbigplate patent pending #alansliedownlarder. When sailing the rocky seas of lockdown, we all need a lie down from
time to time.
All welcome
Some words we use on here and what they mean
Lots of us on here originate from the Jack Monroe threads, and because of this we use some in-joke words and phrases. Everyone is welcome, of course, so here is a post from Switch that might help:
I love that we've organically basically created our own phrases and words – it’s like the internet equivalent of a regional accent!
All are welcome here! Please do feel free to talk about food/drink/life in general! To avoid any confusion some common things/words you might see:
Fraus / frauen – the witty ladies and gentlemen of the Jack Monroe threads were once referred to as a ‘a cabal of sad little hausfraus’ or something like it and we all loved it and adopted it as a term of endearment (so you may see someone say ‘hey fraus!’ Or ‘how are the cabal today?’ Or sometimes bastardised to 'canal')
🔺️ – triangulation warning! (as in to make yourself potentially locatable/identifiable to a washed up food blogger with a 100% success rate in court and an obsession with tattlers)
Grunking/having a grunka/a grunka lunka – to catch up on lots of posts (named after the wonderful @GrunkaLunka )
'Now fuck off xx' – you might see us put this at the end of our posts, but we're just joking around don't worry!
‘I’M BUSY/something about a piss and a sandwich’ again mocking Jack Monroe who on #31 of her threads joined Tattle and tried to turn it into her bloody diary with a bunch of long self pitying posts, but had the nerve to ask if she ‘could go now’ for a piss and a sandwich to which the cabal were like ... ‘Yes please. Go. We have been telling you to leave for hours.’
ALSO:
Lots of us on here originate from the Jack Monroe threads, and because of this we use some in-joke words and phrases. Everyone is welcome, of course, so here is a post from Switch that might help:
I love that we've organically basically created our own phrases and words – it’s like the internet equivalent of a regional accent!
All are welcome here! Please do feel free to talk about food/drink/life in general! To avoid any confusion some common things/words you might see:
Fraus / frauen – the witty ladies and gentlemen of the Jack Monroe threads were once referred to as a ‘a cabal of sad little hausfraus’ or something like it and we all loved it and adopted it as a term of endearment (so you may see someone say ‘hey fraus!’ Or ‘how are the cabal today?’ Or sometimes bastardised to 'canal')
🔺️ – triangulation warning! (as in to make yourself potentially locatable/identifiable to a washed up food blogger with a 100% success rate in court and an obsession with tattlers)
Grunking/having a grunka/a grunka lunka – to catch up on lots of posts (named after the wonderful @GrunkaLunka )
'Now fuck off xx' – you might see us put this at the end of our posts, but we're just joking around don't worry!
‘I’M BUSY/something about a piss and a sandwich’ again mocking Jack Monroe who on #31 of her threads joined Tattle and tried to turn it into her bloody diary with a bunch of long self pitying posts, but had the nerve to ask if she ‘could go now’ for a piss and a sandwich to which the cabal were like ... ‘Yes please. Go. We have been telling you to leave for hours.’
ALSO:
- MT or Mother Thread means the Jack Monroe thread.
- We might mention Vladimir Putin / ‘Vlad’ and be paid with bitcoin.
- Please feel welcome to join in - the thread is about food and drink, but also everything and anything else.
Nottonightbabe
VIP Member
Guys, we have water! Super proud of myself right now! 
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traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Thank you for the well-wishes and advice, I genuinely do appreciate it. I've been talking to my sister about it and when she said she'd normally (as in pre-lockdown) go and see one of her friends to talk it through I realised that I don't have a single person outside the family I would tell. On the money front I'm probably going to put it towards a tattoo. She was always interested to hear about what I'd got recently and what I was getting next so I'm pretty sure she was thinking that's what I'd spend it on! I want to get something for her but I'm not big on memorial tattoos in the traditional sense i.e. portraits, names or dates (not that there's anything wrong with those, it's just not my style). I'll think a bit more laterally, e.g. my granddad was obsessed with railways so I got some railroad spikes for him. It'll probably be something floral, there are a lot of different flowers in bloom at the moment and I'm already working on a floral part of a sleeve where it'd fit in nicely.
The good news is that I had a cracking burger with onion rings and fries for dinner from a new vegan place that's recently opened up near me. They had chocolate brownies as well so I got one, it would have been rude not to. I wish I could recommend it by name but I would massively triangulate myself. You can even request they replace the burger buns with doughnuts; I think I'm getting old because that sounds awful
The good news is that I had a cracking burger with onion rings and fries for dinner from a new vegan place that's recently opened up near me. They had chocolate brownies as well so I got one, it would have been rude not to. I wish I could recommend it by name but I would massively triangulate myself. You can even request they replace the burger buns with doughnuts; I think I'm getting old because that sounds awful
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Thank you my loves, I’ll try to catch up a little sometime on the MT I was just flirting with the tea on Vonny’s thread instead as it’s so much easier to keep up with 
crystaleyesd
VIP Member
Hi all. So glad so many of you are enjoying window swap 
- in case you are on the look out for mine, it looks like this:
What a place that was!
I can also reveal I'll be doing another season of CRISP REVIEWS very soon. Vlad FINALLY granted me my visa (he was keen I put more legwork in on the Monroe file) so in a few weeks I'll be snarfing down all manner of Russian treats.
In the meantime, I got a bunch of Soviet era food socks. Today's comes courtesy of every Russian's favorite stodge - гречка (buckwheat)
- in case you are on the look out for mine, it looks like this:
What a place that was!
I can also reveal I'll be doing another season of CRISP REVIEWS very soon. Vlad FINALLY granted me my visa (he was keen I put more legwork in on the Monroe file) so in a few weeks I'll be snarfing down all manner of Russian treats.
In the meantime, I got a bunch of Soviet era food socks. Today's comes courtesy of every Russian's favorite stodge - гречка (buckwheat)