The advice thread for random problems #2

[littlepup]

I've said my view upthread, but I still think that commenting on what people are eating/ the smell comes across negatively and will make the guest feel awkward.
We don't know exactly what was said bit it clearly wasn't just a what did you have for dinner or your dinner smells nice question/ comment. Probably more a what's that bad garlic smell? Your dinner smells bad or something like that.

I come back to my original point, what was to be gained by asking, as it clearly wasn't just done in a neutral way. If they said we ordered a roasted bulb of garlic the answer isn't going to suddenly change the smell. Just open a window, or light a candle if it's that bad.

I agree with this because my mum is sensitive to food smells and would always do this. You’ve just finished a nice meal that you enjoyed and she’d come in ‘eww, what’s that smell’ with a screwed up face. ‘It’s my dinner I’ve really enjoyed consuming, clearly’.
It’s the same as someone doing the old “Eugh, prawns (or whatever), disgusting. I could never eat that, they’re so weird” whilst you’re eating and enjoying them. No need fo comment. It’s bad manners. No one’s asking you to eat it.
I imagine OP said it with a negative undertone - no need to comment, it is annoying.

Having said that, Her response was unacceptable. They were in Mum’s home, she went over the top. The bloke’s an arsehole if he’s bothered. I don’t know any grown men that are impressed by disrespecting your Mum, she was the one who showed herself up. Hardly a mature response.
Was she showing off, trying to act like you were housemates and she has more authority than she does because she’s embarrassed to live at home?
Unless she pays half the bills, I would tell her next time he or anyone comes she stays in her room and you downstairs until she can learn to respect you and your right to speak in your home.

 

[TheGlossy]

Very first world problem but I’m starting a new job in a few days and wonder if I should place an order for new work clothes because I don’t want to wear the clothes I used to wear in my horrendous soon to be old job. I don’t want to carry that energy with me into the new role.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Luckily your not my brother nor are they still together. He is now married to somebody else who is universally hated by the whole family. And I’ve only met her at their wedding so this one can’t be blamed on me

Wow, clearly you guys as a family sound so lovely

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I often want to ask for advice on something but don't want to start a new thread or don't feel it warrants its own thread. , I thought maybe we could have one thread where we can try to help each other with life's random problems and woes.

Old thread

https://tattle.life/threads/the-advice-thread-for-random-problems.27290/page-51

 

[bookworm1210]

Guys the loneliness is real! I hardly see anyone and mostly it's just my company. It's making me sooo sad! Even my fro called friends when I ask to meet for brew don't bother to respond.

how can I start making new friends! It's getting me down so much

 

[LaBlonde]

I'll be honest if he;s not listening to you and you are getting the ick it might be time to part ways. I wouldn't mind so much but if it's all the time and whilst I'm trying to have my dinner then I'd be getting pissed off as well.

I suggest you sit him down and tell him how it's pissing you off and if he doesn't start respecting you then you want him to leave. Things like sexual acts can be very divisive and one doesn't have to like everything your partner does but there must be a level of respect about it

exactly what i was going to say. the act itself is disgusting really, OP, especially when you’re in your shared space, but the fact that you’ve told him you don’t like it and he’s just carrying on doing it is really disrespectful imo.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I don't know if the poster is an honest one or not but have given my advice as those they are as its not hurting me to do so ,but might harm them to accuse them.

I once went without changing my clothes, my bedclothes or washing for over 18 months. I was so far down that dark hole about two years after my sister died I could not climb out, ( I also in crises suffer from dissociation (childhood trauma) so time passed by much faster at this time ) this is why I suggested breaking each problem down into smaller problems. and dealing with them as separate issues. as we sound like crazed lunatics when trying to say everything at once

In the end, I just emailed many places explaining what was going on and that I was seriously unwell and they took over from there. I cant remember who I emailed but it was a number of places that deal with this type of thing.

 

[Rxt156]

Lol thanks! It was definitely the food not him ha ha.. I can't believe such a strong smell was from chicken strips! I honestly thought it must be kebabs ha ha.
I didn't greet him when he arrived.. Because daughter wants me upstairs out the way.. I did say hello to him earlier though then we were both in the kitchen.
Iam feeling a bit shit tbh.. Wondering if iam going to face her wrath tomorrow when he leaves.


Yes she said it was me asking what they had ordered and saying it smelt bad. She says this was rude and embarrassing and I should be ashamed of myself.

I don’t think your daughter should speak to you like that at all. I never spoke to my parents like that EVER.

 

[littlepup]

You posted about this before in this thread and also in another thread. The advice from here won't change Block him, and tell family and friends to block him.

The advice thread for random problems

So I was speaking to a guy for five years long story short 2 years of that five years he was dating/ had a girlfriend and was still sexting me I found the girlfriend and told her everything. He blocked me on everything and they stayed together. Last September he unblocked me 5 months after I...

tattle.life

Exactly, this keeps coming up. She claims she doesn’t care about him and isn’t interested but obsesses over it. I wouldn’t even know if I was blocked or unblocked to they’re obviously checking 18 months later.
The advice is, over all of the posts, from everyone, a resounding block him yourself and get over it! He has a girlfriend, he’s a known cheat and he’s an arsehole, it’s been 18 months, move the fuck on.

 

[Lalla]

I question how the OP is financing their lifestyle if they apparently have no job, no family, no income in the form of any benefits etc - where are they getting money for food/bills/the mobile phone or device they are using to access tattle?!!

I'm pretty sure the same person used to post on Mumsnet (living rurally in Wales, unable to travel, couldn't wash or change clothes, no one to help, no money/ severely limited benefits, rare medical condition - all of which is pretty specific and unique it would be surprising if it was 2 entirely different people). Any solution anyone provided was never workable.

I don't know whether it's all a fiction (there were references to the MN poster having, or being accused of having Munchausens) or actually someone who is very mentally unwell . But either way, sadly I don't think any advice given here is going to help, just like it didn't help on MN.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’ve not directly said to her that she can’t stay, I get what you are saying though and like I said i would
never want to make her feel pushed out as I know
I wouldn’t want my own children to feel that way. She doesn’t disturb the baby, no. She does at times think she can pick him up when she wants, which can get frustrating but at the same time I don’t want to be the one telling her not, my other half does deal with that. No she isn’t loud or making noise.



I probably am being a bit out of order there by saying it’s down to her mum, think that stems from what I’m used to with my own kids, they go to their dads every other weekend and tea during the week so maybe it’s a case of what I’m used to. Think he does need to take more of it on too, I do majority for her when she’s here which i don’t mind but it can get a bit much at the same time. My house also isn’t very big and when my daughter isn’t at her boyfriend’s or dads then his daughter has to sleep on the sofa which I feel isn’t very good for and better off in her own bed.

If your daughters older enough to stay at her boyfriends/dads could you not work with her so his daughter gets a bed during the week?

Sorry to be blunt but you can see why she may feel left out, he dads remarried, taken on two kids and now had a baby and the when she does come to stay she doesn’t get a bed or space of her own.

 

[Tommyb]

True, I had not thought of it like that. That’s why I feel so bad because I am very conscious of making sure that she is not left out. I just feel school days should be down to her mum but maybe I am wrong.

He's her dad and school days should be as much his responsibility. If you use that line he may turn that on you one day.. "well your the mum so school days are on you". I think he just has to reassure you he's going to step up and take care of her on that day so that you are not dealing with extra stress. I think you really need to let her stay, think of the long term goals here.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Hi
So a guy who’s blocked me on WhatsApp 18 months ago has suddenly started to block and unblock me but the past two weeks he’s been adding my friends on Snapchat and Instagram and messaging them asking if they know me when it’s clear they do and I’ve even mentioned these friends to him when we were talking. The weird thing is his Instagram use to be private and public now and he’s clearly with his girlfriend but his posts his him devoting his love to her.
I don’t know I find this odd as I told him when we were talking that I don’t want a relationship with him and I’ll oviously always care for him but won’t let him get as close again.
I don’t know what I want from this maybe just a vent but me and my friends are confused over this situation

You posted about this before in this thread and also in another thread. The advice from here won't change Block him, and tell family and friends to block him.

The advice thread for random problems

So I was speaking to a guy for five years long story short 2 years of that five years he was dating/ had a girlfriend and was still sexting me I found the girlfriend and told her everything. He blocked me on everything and they stayed together. Last September he unblocked me 5 months after I...

tattle.life

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Hi everyone. Had no idea this thread existed but im hoping or some work related advice....

I have been band 5 (NHS) for 10 years now and have an interview next week for band 6 post. I feel like I'm already trying to talk myself out of it. I do like my current job, it's a 5 min drive from my house and the hours are great. 3 days and I can pick up a 4th day as and when I want. Its also patient facing but without being too heavy on the clinical side I.e I'm not doing any hard physical work.

The band 6 role is not a fixed base of work so I'd be expected to drive to several locations throughout my area, the longest ones away being about a 50 minute drive each way and potentially the struggle to park at health centres. There is however the option to potentially work from home 1 day per week.

I'm undecided as my head tells me I should progress (for financial reasons mainly) but my heart says stay in the job that is close to home... better the devil you know kind of thing.

I think I put unnecessary pressure on myself thinking I should climb the ladder and better myself but perhaps less stress and mental health out weighs that? I can survive on my current band 5 salary as I have a partner too but obviously increase in pay is always welcomed.

Any thoughts?

Less stress and mental health are worth more than any job. In the world. Ever. Do the interview for the experience, so when the right job comes you feel more prepared. But being happy/settled in your job impacts more than just work and you deserve that happiness

 

[rainbowlemon]

Update: They said it wasn’t a problem and cancelled it for her!

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you all! Iam feeling much better. I didn't do anything wrong.. I asked a simple normal question in my own house. No harm was meant.

Is she paying half all the bills an rent etc if not then I'd remind her she's in your house, you were kind enough to go to your room in the first place so she could have the living room (none of the parents in my family would have done that) an there's no need to be so rude an maybe next time you won't be so kind as to sit in your room

 

[Tommyb]

Not really a big dilemma, can talk to family & friends etc however am curious to hear complete outsider advice. Am I being unreasonable for saying my other half’s daughter can’t stay on a school night?Just a bit of background - I’ve just had a baby, he’s 10 weeks old and I have two other children (previous relationship)

Honestly I think so. Don't get me wrong.. understand your baby is young and you dont need the added stress but your other children are there everyday. As the child in this scenario i think it would be unfair. What's his childcare agreement with their mother?

 

[JoeBloggs]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. But if I see my family only every 2-3 years then I feel I can be selfish with my time.
Do I care if she felt left out? Not really. Did I spit my dummy out? Why, because I was honest about how I felt.
Not everybody is the same and how boring would the world be if we were all like you

But she’s your brother’s family, at what point would you be willing to accept her? I take it you didn’t take a partner or spouse with you. What a way to bring your family together. If I was your brother I wouldn’t have come.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I have a weird one for you guys. For the next few weeks, I'm based in the London office of the company I work for. I'm here with 2 of my other coworkers from home. There's this guy who's always making me feel uncomfortable. He constantly talks about Brexit, and how people are trying to sneak into the UK to find jobs. He even called me "one of them Europeans" and idk, it didn't sit right with me. I tried to brush it off, but he wouldn't stop. Then I asked him to stop and he called me a 'paddy' and told me I can't be that sensitive. I'm going back home to Dublin in 4 weeks and I can't wait to see the back of him!

Should I report him to HR? I can't say that's he's being racist as he's not really saying anything racist. I'm white & Irish and I never really considered myself to be a foreigner in the UK. It's a strange one.

Also, and this is more of a question that I'm just interested in hearing a British perspective on, do you consider Irish people to be foreigners in the UK? Or just people like you with a different accent?

He just sounds like an absolute prick who thinks what he says doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t say it’s racist but certainly cam be offensive.
But for me it’s more the fact that you told him it’s not on/upsetting/offensive to you and then instead of saying “ok, sorry” he carried on.
I would first have a word with your manager and if that don’t work complain to HR

 

[Snowjoke]

Does anyone take gut supplements? I hear people rave about Symprove but I’m not paying that would an everyday BioAcidophilus suffice? I drink a daily can of Remedy kombucha.

A probiotic from the likes of biocult is just as good as symprove and nowhere near the price. Symprove is way over priced for what it is