The advice thread for random problems #2

[TheGlossy]

Not quite sure why you would want to set up a account if you have no interest, tbh wouldn't you just be wasting whoevers time if they messaged you?

Not to be offensive but 32 seems to be a bit old to be messing with people, I can't see someone that age being particularly happy they are being messed with just because you want the app but dont care about dating if you are talking with them I'd think the majority that that's age that's on these apps are probably hoping to get serious

You completely misunderstood my post and extrapolated it to give it a whole new meaning it didn’t have. It’s nothing to do with “messing with people”. I don’t know where you got that from. Your post is very rude and offensive if I’m very honest and particularly calling me “old”. You’re way off base and it’s not the kind of advice I was seeking at all.

I often post on this forum and those who know my posts know I’m quite a serious person. If I go into the dating game, it’s to meet someone on a serious basis, not to “mess around” or whatever it idyour post insinuated. I’ve better things to do with my time. Don’t project your personal experiences onto other people who are just candidly seeking advice.

To make it very clear, my post was about wondering if I should just follow my “intuition” which is perhaps telling me to set up an account because I’m about to meet a serious connection or if I should just ignore my thoughts is all.

 

[LaBlonde]

For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about joining an online dating app. I’ve zero interest in dating as I’ve a lot going on, but something in me keeps telling me to set up an account.

I’m not interested in meeting anyone through an app to be fair, so I don’t know why I suddenly feel the urge to go on some app. It doesn’t help I keep seeing ads for this same app everywhere (buses, TV etc).

I’m 32 and perhaps I should think about widening my horizons to meet someone but to be fair, I’ve no interest. I’m conflicted. Besides, I’ve already been on apps (6 years ago or so), and it wasn’t great.

if you have no genuine interest then it really isn’t worth it - the apps are hard going. they will sap your self esteem and can be seriously exhausting. you have to be in the right frame of mind for them. you mention a number of times in your post that you have zero interest in dating right now, you’re not interested in meeting someone through an app, you’ve done it before and it wasn’t great…. what is making you want to give it a try now?

all i can reiterate is that they’re tricky and you have to be prepared to invest time into them for sometimes not much reward. if you’re not in the right space to want to meet someone right now then that’s cool, but it means the apps probably aren’t the right thing for you.

 

[TheGlossy]

if you have no genuine interest then it really isn’t worth it - the apps are hard going. they will sap your self esteem and can be seriously exhausting. you have to be in the right frame of mind for them. you mention a number of times in your post that you have zero interest in dating right now, you’re not interested in meeting someone through an app, you’ve done it before and it wasn’t great…. what is making you want to give it a try now?

all i can reiterate is that they’re tricky and you have to be prepared to invest time into them for sometimes not much reward. if you’re not in the right space to want to meet someone right now then that’s cool, but it means the apps probably aren’t the right thing for you.

I agree. Dating apps are an investment. You have to sit down and swipe then engage in a conversation which may or may not lead to anything. It’s taxing and I’m not sure I have the energy for that. It’s all about mind frame.

My self-esteem is quite good so a dating app won’t change that but I hear your point.

I don’t think apps are right for me. I want to meet someone the old fashioned way but it hasn’t happened and I don’t have a lot of options as to where to meet someone. I think your post raises good points. Online dating requires investment.

 

[Snippysnips]

You completely misunderstood my post and extrapolated it to give it a whole new meaning it didn’t have. It’s nothing to do with “messing with people”. I don’t know where you got that from. Your post is very rude and offensive if I’m very honest and particularly calling me “old”. You’re way off base and it’s not the kind of advice I was seeking at all.

I often post on this forum and those who know my posts know I’m quite a serious person. If I go into the dating game, it’s to meet someone on a serious basis, not to “mess around” or whatever it idyour post insinuated. I’ve better things to do with my time. Don’t project your personal experiences onto other people who are just candidly seeking advice.

To make it very clear, my post was about wondering if I should just follow my “intuition” which is perhaps telling me to set up an account because I’m about to meet a serious connection or if I should just ignore my thoughts is all.

Oh honestly calm down, you are younger than me

I didn't think you were going to make a account for the whole purpose just to ignore everyone on it, it just seems a bit pointless to have the app if you aren't going to be serious on it, so I assumed maybe you would message them back which to me would be messing with someone if you are actively talking with them only to not be intrested

 

[CoffeeMamma]

For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about joining an online dating app. I’ve zero interest in dating as I’ve a lot going on, but something in me keeps telling me to set up an account.

I’m not interested in meeting anyone through an app to be fair, so I don’t know why I suddenly feel the urge to go on some app. It doesn’t help I keep seeing ads for this same app everywhere (buses, TV etc).

I’m 32 and perhaps I should think about widening my horizons to meet someone but to be fair, I’ve no interest. I’m conflicted. Besides, I’ve already been on apps (6 years ago or so), and it wasn’t great.

Is it free? In which case the only thing you have to lose is some time. Apps have changed a lot in the last 6 years and my friends have met some nice people (no successful relationships though, sorry!) so it might be fun from that perspective?

 

[choccyhazelnut]

hi hope this is allowed here. basically i live in a 3 story house and currently my bedroom is in the converted loft area but for various reasons i want to moove into a regular smaller room on the 2nd floor, and this would involve alot of moving heavy furniture arround so was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to hire someone to do the heavy lifting and moving things arround. i know obviously removal companies move furniture but usually from one house to another not just between rooms. a double bed and a king sized bed would both have to be dismantled and moved, pluss a book shelf, draws and other things. so what sort of company would i contact for this sort of thing. i couldn't really find anything online

 

[Rockin' Robin]

hi hope this is allowed here. basically i live in a 3 story house and currently my bedroom is in the converted loft area but for various reasons i want to moove into a regular smaller room on the 2nd floor, and this would involve alot of moving heavy furniture arround so was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to hire someone to do the heavy lifting and moving things arround. i know obviously removal companies move furniture but usually from one house to another not just between rooms. a double bed and a king sized bed would both have to be dismantled and moved, pluss a book shelf, draws and other things. so what sort of company would i contact for this sort of thing. i couldn't really find anything online

Could your family and friends help you to move your possessions? It might be cheaper than hiring a firm, to move your stuff into another room.

 

[Snippysnips]

hi hope this is allowed here. basically i live in a 3 story house and currently my bedroom is in the converted loft area but for various reasons i want to moove into a regular smaller room on the 2nd floor, and this would involve alot of moving heavy furniture arround so was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to hire someone to do the heavy lifting and moving things arround. i know obviously removal companies move furniture but usually from one house to another not just between rooms. a double bed and a king sized bed would both have to be dismantled and moved, pluss a book shelf, draws and other things. so what sort of company would i contact for this sort of thing. i couldn't really find anything online

Have you tried advertising on Facebook or gumtree? You might find a carpenter who's looking for a bit of extra work that might do it for a reasonable price if you don't know anyone personally that can help

 

[WeHadFunRight]

hi hope this is allowed here. basically i live in a 3 story house and currently my bedroom is in the converted loft area but for various reasons i want to moove into a regular smaller room on the 2nd floor, and this would involve alot of moving heavy furniture arround so was wondering if anyone knows if it's possible to hire someone to do the heavy lifting and moving things arround. i know obviously removal companies move furniture but usually from one house to another not just between rooms. a double bed and a king sized bed would both have to be dismantled and moved, pluss a book shelf, draws and other things. so what sort of company would i contact for this sort of thing. i couldn't really find anything online

I think you just need to approach a local handy man, they’ll have done all sorts of odd and sods jobs for people so best people to talk to.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Not quite sure why you would want to set up a account if you have no interest, tbh wouldn't you just be wasting whoevers time if they messaged you?

Not to be offensive but 32 seems to be a bit old to be messing with people, I can't see someone that age being particularly happy they are being messed with just because you want the app but dont care about dating if you are talking with them I'd think the majority that that's age that's on these apps are probably hoping to get serious

Have you been on the apps? There are plenty on men on there that waste your time that aren’t interested at all different ages. They just want the ego boost.
It’s painful. (I’m not having a go, incase it comes across that way)
Yesterday I matched with a 36 year old. He extended the match so I had 48 hours to send the message. I messaged him, he replied. I replied back to him and this morning he’s deleted the match

 

[elena22]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

 

[Snippysnips]

Have you been on the apps? There are plenty on men on there that waste your time that aren’t interested at all different ages. They just want the ego boost.
It’s painful. (I’m not having a go, incase it comes across that way)
Yesterday I matched with a 36 year old. He extended the match so I had 48 hours to send the message. I messaged him, he replied. I replied back to him and this morning he’s deleted the match

I know, that's why am not sure why someone would want a app to do just that but who knows maybe people just enjoy that sort of thing I like you wouldn't be happy having my time wasted

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

I agree it would be disrespectful, especially if you have asked him to stop, I know guys have the odd scratch down there but I've never known any guy to do that so I doupt it's a "most men" problem, I wouldn't be happy either

Is it just out of boredom he's doing it? Or to wind you up? Or another reason, maybe sit him down an talk an find out why he's doing it, but unfortunately if he's not going to listen can you maybe have dinner in the kitchen? It's maybe not ideal but maybe if you keep walking out the room he will get the message

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

I'll be honest if he;s not listening to you and you are getting the ick it might be time to part ways. I wouldn't mind so much but if it's all the time and whilst I'm trying to have my dinner then I'd be getting pissed off as well.

I suggest you sit him down and tell him how it's pissing you off and if he doesn't start respecting you then you want him to leave. Things like sexual acts can be very divisive and one doesn't have to like everything your partner does but there must be a level of respect about it

 

[LaBlonde]

I'll be honest if he;s not listening to you and you are getting the ick it might be time to part ways. I wouldn't mind so much but if it's all the time and whilst I'm trying to have my dinner then I'd be getting pissed off as well.

I suggest you sit him down and tell him how it's pissing you off and if he doesn't start respecting you then you want him to leave. Things like sexual acts can be very divisive and one doesn't have to like everything your partner does but there must be a level of respect about it

exactly what i was going to say. the act itself is disgusting really, OP, especially when you’re in your shared space, but the fact that you’ve told him you don’t like it and he’s just carrying on doing it is really disrespectful imo.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

I am in my 60s and have never known a man to just keep doing this in front of me maybe a couple of times for a giggle but otherwise nope
This is something an exhibitionist would do IMO

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

It’s not normal, my husband wouldn’t dream of doing that. I’d honestly refuse to touch or talk to him until he apologised and stopped! It’s gross behaviour.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

Yeah I don’t know any man who does that. And I come from a family with a lot of uncouth men in it. They’ll put their hands in their pants, sure but that’s it. I’d be disgusted if my OH started pulling the whole lot out on the sofa. I think from now on just take your trousers off and sit on the couch in your bare crotch and see if he thinks it’s acceptable! Clearly talking hasn’t worked so maybe shock tactics will!

 

[Emmelina Ball]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

This is absolutely gross.
If you don’t mind me asking, how old is he? Sounds like he’s very immature. Either that or has a weird fetish of some sort. If anyone whipped out their penis and or testicles while I’m eating my dinner they’d get the boot. If you’ve told him about it upsetting you and he’s still doing it then ask yourself do you want to just accept it and put up with it or end the relationship and enjoy your own company!

 

[tootootoot]

After a bit advice and recommendations.

Has anyone tried to re-waterproof a coat? I've got one that used to be water resistant but it's been washed a few times and I get wet straight away. It's a insulated one with synthetic wadding.

I've a similar kind and used a waterproofing spray from decathlon as I was concerned about washing it with the wadding. It's not incredible but it's definitely helped!

 

[Gymhoned]

Is it free? In which case the only thing you have to lose is some time. Apps have changed a lot in the last 6 years and my friends have met some nice people (no successful relationships though, sorry!) so it might be fun from that perspective?

Firstly i agree that person clearly has had a few bad experiences and was unnecessarily rude to you.

From my exp..i tried apps on and off was ok..but i do think to meet someone you need to be quite invested but also be light hearted and dont let bad dates put you off. You will meet someone eventually if you want to i really believe in putting signals out, putting it out to the universe. Even saying out loud want you want from life and a person. I eventually met my partner on a walking holiday but i know i was just happy having fun and enjoying my life and he walked in to it. I was 42 so took some time to meet!! Dont give up there are good men out there..i really believe in telling the universe what you want and it comes back to you.