Mumsnet #3

[Daisymai]

Love a crunchie

MN are not even taking the piss with the chocolate thread.
Absolutely wanker of a poster making sure everyone knows she's 'upper class'

I don't even know what Leonidas is ....I must be scum

Come on.....is this poster taking the absolute piss?

I love the faux modesty of some of them
‘I love chocolate that is found on a bed of feathers that is found in the Himalayas range under the careful watch of a unicorn… I don’t know if that’s posh though’

 

[PrincessCharming]

When face masks first become mandatory in England someone posted saying that she was so distressed at wearing one that she vomited all over the counter in Boots.

Another chapter in the book of Things That Did Not Happen

 

[Sunlifeover50]

There seems to be a really odd defence of ALL teachers on mumsnet . like there can be bad lawyers, bad binmen, bad doctors, bad husbands etc but god forbid anyone say a teacher is bad. You know straight away that the responses are it’s either the parent or the child at fault. Having worked in a school and having 2 children going through different stages of education I can honestly say that not all teachers are made the same (how could they be).

 

[Popcorn&Peanuts]

Hallelujah. I have found my people.

I CANNOT stand MN. I used to rage-read but find myself unable to even do that now.

They are:

- As mentioned, obsessed with class. And their stupid use of the words 'naice' and 'vair' to go along with their class talk. And all the little hallmarks of class that they love to throw in too - the old Barbour jackets and the beat-up Land Rover and the muddy wellingtons and their 'very rural' home and their chocolate Labs.

- Misandrists. Everything is a man's fault. Everything! I can write a dissertation on this one.

- Hypocrites. It's family money when earned/inherited by the husband but the woman's money when earned or inherited by her.

- Mum shaming. They always shame other women but they think they're so subtle in doing so. Sugar, fruits, baby formula, screentime, sleep schedules, etc etc...they're all sticks to beat other mums with for their horrific parenting.

- Stupid terms like 'ducks in a row' or 'picky bits' (WTAF?) words like 'chocs' and 'jammies'. Give me strength

- LTB. This is an actual serious one. I can't imagine how many impressionable and emotional women looking for advice or a listening ear at a low point, may have been encouraged and pushed into breaking up with their spouse or partner over some minor infraction or non-issue. If a man has a good female friend, it's an emotional affair. If he spends some money on a hobby, it's financial abuse. If he goes to the pub, he's a deadweight and useless father. If he gets annoyed, he's an abusive narcissist. If he watches porn, he's a misogynistic pervert who wants to harm all women. This is genuinely destructive and malicious behaviour that most of the MN posters would not apply to their own lives but live for the drama of witnessing it in other people's lives.

- Forever inconvenienced by their in-laws and elderly parents. As someone from a South Asian/ West Indian background, I find their attitudes really insensitive.

- Fantasists. I have a professional, average-paid job and I can't find the time to devote 2 hours daily to MN so how, pray tell, can the 100k earners devote upwards of 6 hours daily to arguing on a keyboard? What high-flying job would allow that much free time on a regular basis?

There's so much more but I'll stop now. It's just nice to know I am not the only one who wants to break something when they venture on there.

 

[Samf2020]

Why whenever food is mentioned on there is it always a 'small snack' or a 'light snack' why need to mention the word small? Someone the other day was saying they had a movie night with a 'small bag of popcorn each' what about a fuck load of sweets popcorn and crisps for treat night

Because they are still full from their massive salads and the never ending roast chicken.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Has anyone seen today’s thread from the woman who argued with her colleague about yogurts and then made “owl noises” in her face? I’m so glad they’re not my colleagues. Mumsnet is a wild place.

 

[Blurp]

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The competitive under eaters are flocking to this thread like bees to honey. I mean how disingenuous is the OP: am I missing a trick? If everyone else in the world a fat bastard who eats TWO POTATOES apart from dainty little me?

Predictably the replies are “OMG two would make me feel sick”, “two would be an awful lot of carbohydrates”. Some debate about whether a jacket potato is acceptable as an evening meal (some say it’s lunch only) and one person who says she has hers with beans and broccoli. BROCCOLI.

Well done to these posters though:

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I may be being revolutionary but doesn't it depend on the size of said potato? They do vary somewhat.

 

[Jane Tee]

"Also walking past a busker and worrying that my footsteps will be in time to the music."

This one i dont know why but i cant stop laughing...

 

[FrannyGallops]

This! I’ve had a few good finds from charity shops over the years, but the majority of stuff in the ones near me is crap. Not because the stuff is second hand, but because it’s clearly been worn to death, washed god knows how many times and is threadbare and bobbly. Obviously if you live in London, Manchester, Brighton etc it’s going to be a totally different story though.

Yeah, I saw someone on IG who has given up fast fashion and now only shops in charity shops. She looks fabulous but lives in Bristol or Brighton (can’t remember which one). I’d love to do that, but I live in a run down ex mining town in Yorkshire and the majority of clothes in the charity shops are polyester old lady clothes that smell like a cross between disinfectant and wee. I’m not going to be lectured to about my shopping ethics by someone who lives in a trendy town like Brighton and has 50 times the choice, thanks

 

[Gloria Rostron]

I always though penis beaker is made up by some troll

I think the Admin on MN make up some of the threads and pose as OPs to attract traffic to the site, which BTW is crap. The 1990s want their interface back.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Don‘t forget Whistles, Hobbs and Uniqlo. Unless you are going someone really posh and then it’s always Mint Velvet.

Uniqlo is good for affordable basics but all the others on that list are pretty frumpy. Mumsnetters also seem to love Joules, Fat Face, White Stuff and Seasalt Cornwall

There was a thread not too long ago from someone who wanted a formal ballgown for a New Year party but said it had to be from the high street, she refused to shop online. The responses were about 25% suggestions, 25% making fun of her/calling her a snob because she didn't want to buy it online, 25% asking what kind of party she needed a ballgown for, and 25% saying that going to any party risked spreading COVID and killing people. That was a fun one

 

[Gemgemgemgem]

Haha yes! I never understand the a&e ones! DS1 (14) Tarquin just bit off DS2 (12) Thomas’ foot. Would I be unreasonable to go to a&e.
Cue answers like

- call 111 that’s what they’re for
- YABU to have more than one child. I’m calling the police.
- this happened to my mum’s aunt’s friend’s daughter’s child, they sent her home from a&e because the foot wasn’t a necessary limb.
- YANBU but give it some time as they’re very busy right now in a&e maybe go in an hour or so
- YABVVU - Covid is rife right now and you feel your son’s foot takes priority over the pandemic. I despair.
YANBU - call an ambulance *followed by a million responses about ambulances not being for emergencies like this and OP will make people get dead if she calls for an ambo.

- LTB. Yes your son! One less male in this patriarchal word is for the best.

- Have you been sniffing glue OP *head tilt and smirky giggle*

 

[PrincessCharming]

I wasn’t well on Saturday and the only thing I fancied was a quarter pounder and cheese - large meal with a milkshake. I inhaled it and was still a couple of lbs down on Monday.

I think I’ve discovered a new weight loss miracle. I would post my discovery on Mumsnet if I was able to

 

[CyanideKiss]

The only acceptable menz on Mumsnet are totally emasculated ones. The ones who work a 12 hour day then come home and meekly start scrubbing the bathroom whilst simultaneously cooking turbot & dust for dinner. Because, you know, the Mumsnetter is shattered having taken Viola to Toddler French AND Pre-School Meditation.

 

[maytoseptember]

Who are these bonkers milk people now? Only the over 40s drink cows' milk? Allllrighty then.

That can’t be true, most Mumsnetter’s kids only drink water and milk well into their teens. I think some are allowed a sip of lemonade on their 16th birthdays.

 

[FrannyGallops]

This has to be peak Mumsnet! Fucking pathetic!

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I saw that this morning. The OP needs to go to the doctor for her anxiety ASAP, but instead the thread is 70% full of posters telling her she’s right about Primark and what other ‘small changes’ she can make to help the environment Climate change is the new competitive underrating on there. There was a thread the other day about someone who made the switch from fast fashion to buying exclusively from charity shops and now ‘feels ill and overwhelmed’ whenever they go into a chain store. Fuck off. Buying all your clothes from Oxfam is great if you live in a big city like York or Bristol and the quality of clothing that’s been donated is off the scale, but for the majority of people who aren’t on the mythical Mumsnet ‘six figure income’, it’s not going to cut the mustard. They don’t have a £600 coat and £500 boots in the wardrobe already that’s going to last them for the next 20 winters. Some people have no choice but to shop at Primark and I wish shops like that had been around when I was a kid.

 

[Becclo44]

They’re all so fucking weird and clueless on there. There’s a thread today with the question ‘can I use the play park on a council estate even though I don’t live there’. Erm... what?! of course you can!

No idea why we needed to know it was on a council estate either, but I guess the OP had to get in a post that she’s not from a council house somehow, as is the law on Mumsnet

 

[ChampagneBox]

Mumsnet is about to RIOT…

 

[FrannyGallops]

Just checked. Yes, Cherry Pavlova is definitely Crumbs. This was in response to what hobbies do you have

Makes a change from ‘cycling’ or ‘running’ I guess.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Is that a characteristic of people on Mumsnet? How would you know how their laughter sounds?

A tinkly laugh is one of their shit comebacks, along with ‘head tilt’ and ‘did you mean to be so rude?’