Mumsnet #3

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

Well, to be fair, she does sound thick as mince.

On the subject of ‘thick as mince’, this comment is pretty special

 

[EmilyChambers]

Mumsnet Rules for Life (as laid out in various posts)

You do not have to wait to be proposed to, you can propose to him. Furthermore, you absolutely do not need to take his name, you keep your name and all children have your name, you are not a property to give away

Any said children of the marriage are to be asked to leave the family at home at 18 because they are adults. Unless they pay an equal share of the mortgage, bills, food shopping and carry out an equal proportion of household chores. They should also be doing their own washing and cooking as they are adults. If they complain, challenge them to find a better deal out there

Husbands should do 50% of night feeds, 50% of cooking and preparing dinners, lunches and breakfasts and 50% of housework because looking after a baby IS a full time job. Even if they work full time, they still need to do their 50% when they get home and should not expect a dinner prepared for them. At weekends, they also need to do half of everything and you both must have equal alone time, not a minute less or a minute more. A chart is required in order to keep a tally of Husbands free time in order for you to claim back your exact equal free time too.

All husband hobbies are outing and therefore can't be named. Regardless of what it is, they can no longer do that hobby if you don't get equal time to pursue your outing hobby

If you divorce, go for everything. If he divorces you, hide your assets. Keep a secret account where you squirrel away your share of the family money. However if he does this its financial abuse. All money entering the house is family money unless its come from your wage, in which case, squirrel away what you can and get your ducks in a row

If your husband doesnt do any of the above, he is abusive and you've set your bar way too low. Maybe aim for a higher class of husband?

Finally, don't drink, more than a full bottle of wine a month and you need AA. Dont eat anything other than a massive salad, make a chicken last for 10 meals, lock your front door and dont open it to anyone who hasnt booked the arrival two weeks in advance and if you employ a cleaner, they must not ever leave early and you must not pay them if they do (set up cameras to time their arrival) and finally, if you employ any tradesperspn at your home, they absolutely cannot use your toilet.

 

[flyingfish93]

My people

My personal favourite ever mumsnet thread is the classic competitive undereating - one of my faves involved asking how many people a standard supermarket baguette would serve.

You had your classic - "oh no, one slice would fill me up completely it's so heavy" and "my husband could GREEDILY eat HALF A BAGUETTE TO HIMSELF but I don't eat carbs" to the "oh if it's from a supermarket it will be overly processed I prefer to buy an organic sourdough loaf and spread it with home churned butter and organic garlic"

For what it's worth, I am a greedy bint and I will eat an entire garlic baguette to myself.

And I have a toilet brush.

 

[Gemgemgemgem]

To be honest until I was about 15 I had a really normal life and then it all went off!! I had about 3 years break when it all went quiet and I thought all was normal again but no- there’s the weirdest shit goes off!!! I’ve often said that if I told a stranger my stories they’d think I was some total cuckoo fantasist but unfortunately it’s all true… i have a good laugh but it’s certainly made me triple think “weird” stories.

same same! If someone told me ‘my story’ before it happened to me I’d think stuff like that could never happen. So far fetched. My parents who brought me up weren’t my real parents and I had no idea. However they illegally (?) purchased me (and a brother!) from a Romanian orphanage after I was left on the doorstep at a few days old. No paperwork just a cash transaction! That was quite common back in the early 80’s as contraception and abortion was illegal as Romania was trying to restore their declining population %. Loads of kids were dumped at orphanages and then sold (Romania’s missing children, we even have a FB page!). I was then taken to Russia where I was left with my poor (as in poverty) grandparents who couldn’t get formula milk so gave me cows milk direct from their garden cow! I remember as a toddler being really cold. Then when I was six my ‘parents’ who’d visited seldom previously collected me and took me to New York where we were suddenly really wealthy. Like staff to look after me and caviar instead of milk straight from a cow haha. Then life was ‘normal’ until I was 12 and they sent me to boarding school in England and then Switzerland so I only ever saw them during school breaks at different countries each time unless they had ‘business’ in which I’d be sent to Russia for the school breaks. So bloody weird. During which time they bought a house in England (after sending me to Switzerland?!). Then I had a really normal few years as I went to uni, got married and had children (away from parents who then moved to Iran, back to America and then Russia before moving back to England when I was in my late 20’s). Had one whole year of them being so so so normal when I was 29. They were doting grandparents etc. before two strangers found me claiming to be my biological parents who’d used an investigation service to try and find me for 20+ years. Anyway, DNA tests confirmed my birth mother but the father wasn’t a DNA match. So there’ll be a daddy out there somewhere for me haha! So I thought fuck it all and moved to Australia with my husband and children to get away from the fucked up ness of it all. Because weirdly I don’t even care!!
So now I am far less likely to doubt weird stories. However that post referring to, doesn’t even seem so weird anyway?? Or is that just me

 

[EmilyChambers]

On a thread about a daughter saying her mother was embarrassing. I LOVE it when people share these incredibly banal anecdotes as some kind of tour de force. ‘Had to pick his jaw up from the floor’ is equivalent to ‘everyone in the shop clapped’. View attachment 983643

Fucking hell. She definitely claps when the plane lands.

 

[Chunkeylaydee]

The title is brats but wtf is the OP on about.

 

[HockyRorror]

Slightly O/T but why did so many people (me included) think Centre Parcs was under a giant dome so you’d never get wet if it rained? Is it some sort of Mandela Effect?

 

[sailorcherries]

Ah penis beaker, a classic.

What I don't understand is how you go about planning sex in such a way. Does her husband come in to the bedroom and see the dedicated bin/beaker/wipes and know he's getting some? Or does the cum tissue filled bin just live next to the bed permanently?

 

[hollywood]

It was the clarification of leafy in brackets that started my day with a snigger. I read through to see if there was a point to mentioning it but of course there wasn’t . Do we start describing things this way? ‘ x lives in a block of flats (concretey) ‘ ‘ x lives in cave (hobbity) ‘ ‘ x lives in the sea (watery) . Speaking for myself I lived in the Middle East (sandy)

 

[BellaRose.X89]

So glad I found this thread.

I went on Mumsnet once about a year ago to ask for advice on my (at the time) stepdaughter. Nobody actually gave me any advice, I just seemed to attract all the bitter baby mothers who just slagged off the fact I was with a man who already had kids.

They all (wrongly) assumed I was the ‘other woman’ and the ‘home wrecker’ and were completely and utterly vile.

I’d mentioned in my post that I was pregnant and that my stepdaughter was really struggling to come to terms with it and was asking what I could do to try and help her. One of them said ( this is direct quote) ‘I don’t know if it’s your pregnancy hormones, but you sound like a complete fucking twat’. That was it, nothing else.

I reported it to the mods and they did fuck all so I started arguing back with them. 15 minutes later, I was banned.

It’s an absolute cesspool of nastiness. Yet we are the ones who get the bad rep

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Is that a characteristic of people on Mumsnet? How would you know how their laughter sounds?

A “tinkly laugh” is a Mumsnet classic - usually used when explaining how a situation played out with a difficult person, e.g. “she tried to get the better of me but I simply gave a tinkly laugh and reminded her I could get her fired and she would never work in Santa’s Grotto again, even if she was Mrs Claus.”

 

[Hollaaa]

Desperate to post saying my husband is great because he has a massive c**k and gives the best orgasms

Now I'm desperate to post saying my friend's husband is great because he has a massive c**k and gives the best orgasms.
That would go over well, I'm sure.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

God I wish I was having lasagne, chips and garlic bread tomorrow instead of turkey and veg

 

[Renegadedancer]

Some people are crackers honestly. This was a response under the ‘ Things you do without’ thread

 

[SpindleWhorl]

I've been banned again after asking for genuine advice after my step son brought covid into the house where i have a poorly newborn.. because I'm a 'previously banned poster'

Fucking arseholes. I was in a right panic aswell.

I was banned for speculating about celebrity affairs. I created a new post to ask a gardening question and was banned again straight away. Yet the amount of passive aggressiveness and cattiness between members that goes unchecked is unreal. Yet we at Tattle are supposed to be the nasty ones I think if you've been banned from Mumsnet it's probably just a sign that you're reasonable and sane.

 

[Sunlifeover50]

that

On a thread about a daughter saying her mother was embarrassing. I LOVE it when people share these incredibly banal anecdotes as some kind of tour de force. ‘Had to pick his jaw up from the floor’ is equivalent to ‘everyone in the shop clapped’. View attachment 983643

Oooof necking a picnic bottle of M&S wine she’s wild!!! And the poor man with his jaw on the floor…. Honestly do these people live in some alternate universe

 

[Inforapenny]

I think a lot of posts are made up, click bait, trolling. Well I hope they are, I hope most of them are not actually true.

Did anyone see the fucking awful woman who was moaning about her MIL using glitter and wrapping paper that couldn't be recycled the poster was fucking fuming that her kids would get presents wrapped in such offensive paper.

Cue the 50% telling her to get a grip and the other 50% trying to out compete saying how they use brown paper to wrap their presents.

The best response pointed out that her kids have a far more damaging effect on the environment than some paper

 

[YoungHollywood]

I reported their shady affiliate links to the ASA

 

[Inforapenny]

I've just been on the 'Ask me anything'
What the fuck?!!!!

 

[Gym&Tonic]

When face masks first become mandatory in England someone posted saying that she was so distressed at wearing one that she vomited all over the counter in Boots.