Axatogrind
VIP Member
Fixed it for them 
- Notice
judsmum
Chatty Member
The bush headed cunt has really got my back up today. 25 isn’t insanely young to be having a child.
At 25 years old I was knee deep in buserelin and hormone stimulating injections, I was shoving progesterone pessaries up my arse, I was taking prednisolone steroids to suppress my immune system whilst simultaneously injecting myself with anti-coagulants to thin my blood every fucking day just to have a sniff at having a baby.
I had already lost 2 babies by 25 years of age and would lose another 4. I would have to have 6 cycles, all self funded (that bastard would probably have gone on the beg for it) of IVF with immune therapy just to get my ONE baby. That affects your mental health you greedy fucker.
Don’t dare cry your showman’s tears because you had to ‘endure’ a beautiful baby at 25 years old. I had to hold my husbands head in my lap while he sobbed because he had held it in for so long trying to support me and he had reached the end of his strength and he didn’t need to run away on his fucking Push Iron to do so.
While my child sits in his colourful bedroom, that we paid for, with his colourful toys and his colourful books that we paid for, eagerly awaiting the return of his extra curricular activities and mind enhancing trips, breaks & holidays, that we pay for, I know that his young life (that we paid over £60k for) is so much better than the materialistic, bland, grabby, shameful and humiliating existence that you offer up for your poor children. Imagine reading on the internet that your mum and dad dreaded the thought of your arrival at first. FOD, you are first class twat but you have arrived at a new destination in twattery for me today.
At 25 years old I was knee deep in buserelin and hormone stimulating injections, I was shoving progesterone pessaries up my arse, I was taking prednisolone steroids to suppress my immune system whilst simultaneously injecting myself with anti-coagulants to thin my blood every fucking day just to have a sniff at having a baby.
I had already lost 2 babies by 25 years of age and would lose another 4. I would have to have 6 cycles, all self funded (that bastard would probably have gone on the beg for it) of IVF with immune therapy just to get my ONE baby. That affects your mental health you greedy fucker.
Don’t dare cry your showman’s tears because you had to ‘endure’ a beautiful baby at 25 years old. I had to hold my husbands head in my lap while he sobbed because he had held it in for so long trying to support me and he had reached the end of his strength and he didn’t need to run away on his fucking Push Iron to do so.
While my child sits in his colourful bedroom, that we paid for, with his colourful toys and his colourful books that we paid for, eagerly awaiting the return of his extra curricular activities and mind enhancing trips, breaks & holidays, that we pay for, I know that his young life (that we paid over £60k for) is so much better than the materialistic, bland, grabby, shameful and humiliating existence that you offer up for your poor children. Imagine reading on the internet that your mum and dad dreaded the thought of your arrival at first. FOD, you are first class twat but you have arrived at a new destination in twattery for me today.
AbsolutelyFine
Member
looool it’ll paint itself onto your walls, hang up some overpriced prints on itself and cooks you dinner.
Unfortunate known side effects are: it makes you unable to pluralise footwear, causes excessive teeth and lip smacking & also you’re a bit racist.
Axatogrind
VIP Member
I put those responses from Clemmie Simon into an "English to Influencer" auto translator, and it came up with this:
Axatogrind
VIP Member
The stairs make such a good visual metaphor though, don't you think? 
Dogmuck
VIP Member
Hello and welcome House clunge - always loved the word clunge and look at you using “non” and “de la” in your name. Fancy French. I knew this influencer once who did this post about dog shit...she did it in French, yeah, well not really, she used a bit of French, like basic stuff, you know the stuff you learn when you’re 10...”Where is the...door/window/blackboard”, but hers was DEAD funny because she was asking, in French, Where is the shit! OMG how we laughed she was hilarious! Ou est le shit? Or did she use La? Did she use merde? Can’t remember exactly but it was fucking hilarious. So where is it I often ask myself? Where is that Shit?
Anyway, I digress, how do you know about the rugby player? Do tell. I mean, we didn’t think that was true here because basically Sly and Clemmie are #couplegoals and whoever started that rumour vanished off our lovely site faster than a racist child-selling troll loses her sponsorships. So can you shed any light on this for us? Merci beaucoup.
Tattlingpineapple
Chatty Member
Hey from Texashun. Mother, wife and Christian. Sadly, I got blocked by Clemmie 
. Love from Texas. You really have to try Bavarian Pretzels xoxo.
. Love from Texas. You really have to try Bavarian Pretzels xoxo.Attachments
CakeQueen
Active member
All those ‘we miss Clemmie and her fringe and her monotonous voice’ posts have gone to her head and she can’t resist. Nobody can prove it’s her and not Simon so it’s an easy way in.
Also, I’m thrilled tonight as I was under the impression that in the 10 years I’ve been a homeowner I’ve just decorated, but turns out I’ve done a full renovation of a Victorian home
My Reno account is on the way, I will declare all ads/gifts (most will be gifts from my mum). I know you can’t wait!
Also, I’m thrilled tonight as I was under the impression that in the 10 years I’ve been a homeowner I’ve just decorated, but turns out I’ve done a full renovation of a Victorian home
My Reno account is on the way, I will declare all ads/gifts (most will be gifts from my mum). I know you can’t wait!
Axatogrind
VIP Member
Fixed their bio for them today
OhMyWord
Chatty Member
Instead of “Stay alert —> Control the virus —> Save lives,” FOD’s would read;”:It's called "Being Alert"
Stay alert —> Delete the comments —> Save the sponsorships
Let’s have a moment of silence to recognise the sheer indignity of Clems having to impersonate The Twat: SHE had the first IG account, SHE gave birth to the twins, and SHE wanted the house in Ramsgate.This account could be just what we need, no doubt it’s Clemmie tapping away on her phone pretending to be Simon
And now she has to pretend she isn’t behind the new account. That must chap her arse.
Dogmuck
VIP Member
Ok gonna just jump in and say something really controversial here. I’m so fcuking glad they’ve opened up HOH. I was getting so bored with critiquing Slys dull af same same posts and the comedy was not flowing. HOH is like a tonic, it’s like someone just slipped an e into all your drinks and you’ve started bouncing around being fucking hilarious- I LOVE IT, you nasty trolls give my stomach muscles much needed exercise. So thank you all and thank you Clemmie for your massive ego that meant you brought this thread back to life 
Axatogrind
VIP Member
Oh good grief, the festering monotone defensive replies are so Clemmie that they might as well have spouted oversized teeth and donned a fugly jumpsuit paired with a chunky boot 
deleted and blocked.... 
Titfer
Chatty Member
It's called "Being Alert"
Dogmuck
VIP Member
Evening all 
Not been on here or insta today so just done a quick catch up on both. It was a lot of hard work. So please, someone tell me, how does one, run a “of daughters” account, a “of horrors” account, read comments on those accounts, then respond where necessary and delete...continually, work a full time job, parent 4 girls, care for a dog, go on 40km bike rides, do a fuck off massive renovation AND read here? Honestly that just knackered me out typing it! Something isn’t happening, obvs they aren’t renovating but I’m guessing the dog and the kids are getting kicked to the curb in order to police their Instagram accounts and read here (for expert reno account and drilling tips). Seriously if I don’t come on here 5-10 times a day to check what you funny bitch trolls are writing I’m pages behind and that’s without commenting. The way the Hoopers are patrolling their HOH account I’m guessing nobody has eaten in a week in that house and there’s dog shit everywhere!
Not been on here or insta today so just done a quick catch up on both. It was a lot of hard work. So please, someone tell me, how does one, run a “of daughters” account, a “of horrors” account, read comments on those accounts, then respond where necessary and delete...continually, work a full time job, parent 4 girls, care for a dog, go on 40km bike rides, do a fuck off massive renovation AND read here? Honestly that just knackered me out typing it! Something isn’t happening, obvs they aren’t renovating but I’m guessing the dog and the kids are getting kicked to the curb in order to police their Instagram accounts and read here (for expert reno account and drilling tips). Seriously if I don’t come on here 5-10 times a day to check what you funny bitch trolls are writing I’m pages behind and that’s without commenting. The way the Hoopers are patrolling their HOH account I’m guessing nobody has eaten in a week in that house and there’s dog shit everywhere!
Dogmuck
VIP Member
Hi Sly hi Clams - I see you took my advice and followed ahousebythetrees. Good to know you’re both reading here and taking our advice. So here’s another top tip, now you’ve got the hang of this kids privacy thing (covering their faces), how about you take down your “of daughters” site so any future photos with emojis over their faces won’t look absolutely ridiculous because their images are plastered all over that site, one swallow and all that! And while you’re at it take down the photos of your kids room...remember you said you’d “never show their room” it was your rule! You can just focus on your house account, together, coming up with those inspirational ideas and plans and then rolling up your sleeves and...begging someone to do the hard graft for you...or just continue pretending you’re capable of some DIY, I don’t mind either way, it’s a win win for the girls. You’re welcome! #gifted
Sly hi Clams - I see you took my advice and followed ahousebythetrees. Good to know you’re both reading here and taking our advice. So here’s another top tip, now you’ve got the hang of this kids privacy thing (covering their faces), how about you take down your “of daughters” site so any future photos with emojis over their faces won’t look absolutely ridiculous because their images are plastered all over that site, one swallow and all that! And while you’re at it take down the photos of your kids room...remember you said you’d “never show their room” it was your rule! You can just focus on your house account, together, coming up with those inspirational ideas and plans and then rolling up your sleeves and...begging someone to do the hard graft for you...or just continue pretending you’re capable of some DIY, I don’t mind either way, it’s a win win for the girls. You’re welcome! #gifted
I’m going to bestow on them the age-old patronising put down from influencer to critical commenter:
‘You’ve obviously got a lot of time on your hands’
She’s reading the comments underneath each photo, she’s checking here to see who’s posted a joke / critical post. She’s deleting, she’s blocking. She’s even stepping into the mind of FOD, with the whole ‘I’ll just go and ask Clemmie’ Such commitment to the cause!
I’m imagining Clembot with multiple screens in front of her, flask of black coffee, and repetitive strain injury in her clicking finger. It’s a beautiful day.
‘You’ve obviously got a lot of time on your hands’
She’s reading the comments underneath each photo, she’s checking here to see who’s posted a joke / critical post. She’s deleting, she’s blocking. She’s even stepping into the mind of FOD, with the whole ‘I’ll just go and ask Clemmie’
Such commitment to the cause!I’m imagining Clembot with multiple screens in front of her, flask of black coffee, and repetitive strain injury in her clicking finger. It’s a beautiful day.
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blurstoftimes
VIP Member
I see Simon has incorporated the old 'lego really hurts for parents to stand on' classic into his stand up routine. Always providing that fresh, edgy and original content. Darlene in Wisconsin must be keeping her hubby awake trying to repress her silent laughing in bed.