Lydia Millen #185 Two kitchens but she still can’t cook, instead she ‘wrote’ a booky wook.

[Miscanthus]

Thank you to all 51 of you who voted for my thread title

"The Author"

* Yes, the secret personal money grab financial project that Lidl has been ‘working on’ for nine months is a debut book. “Viola!”, as @Rexysmum would say!
* After months of hints we heaved a sigh of relief that it wasn’t a pregnancy…or should I just say we heaved…
* Our country-dwelling, veg-growing, dress-wearing, old money calligrapher is now the author of Evergreen.
* The book is 200 pages of lessons, tips and exercises from slothy Lidl. We suspect there are plenty of blank pages for doodles colouring notes too.
* It’s available from publisher Orion Spring in “hardbook” (sic), paperback, ebook and audio book and can be pre-ordered for the "price guaranteed" sum of £17.99 (hardback).
* Pay now and you can wait months for the launch date of October 12 2023 (March 2024 in the US). Best of all, you can return it within 30 days!

* The book was spotted on Amazon by super sleuth Tattler @Cmkchick a day earlier than Lidl’s announcement. It spoilt Lidl's count down. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!

* Our poll predictions (thread #181) came close to guessing but it was @Al Fresco who guessed correctly back in May…

* Of course it would be remiss to not mention @Oops... Finbar Fanfare of Announcement Furball who predicted it was a book collab with life coach Jacqueline Hurst!

* In her Vlog Lidl spent most of the time talking about the book’s green floral cover - where she appears to have dropped both her middle name and her married name - and how to buy it, without any details of the contents or the writing process. That’s because the only idea she had was the green cover and she didn’t write it!
* This is the woman who plagiarised her monthly word salad musings, then copied her own work the following year!
* She’s encouraging people to buy multiple copies across all formats. We can read it, decorate our homes with it, give it as Christmas presents, pass it down to our children, take notes on it.... but we don’t know what’s in it!
* Plus there’s the audio book, where we can listen to The Author reading it slowly in her best Princess voice.

* The book is “the hug I can’t give you” she smugly states. Who wants a hug from boney, smelly you, Lidl?
* We will be moved by it, she adds. Yes, I'm moving as far away from you as possible #faketan #sweatyfeet #doggyaroma #toomuchperfume
* It’s a self help / wellbeing book (we think) but trending at number one in Amazon’s Gardening and Conservatories section.....or was it the Fashion and Style section? Even they don't know!
* We are puzzled about the reference to "picking herself up from her personal rock bottom". There are so many things it could be - #hairgate/#globygate/#savoygate/#horsegate/homelessness!
* Whatever rock bottom is we are wondering if she will elaborate or play the victim
* We are poised to spot any plagiarism from self help books and antique books purchased for her birthday (Nature Rambles volumes 1-4).

* The proof readers among us are about to have a breakdown at the thought of illiterate idiot going into print. She can't even proof read her posts #bare
* We amused ourselves by thinking up alternative names for the book - Ever Mean, Ever Hopeful, Ever Clever, and ...( thanks @SauceBoy )

* We are annoyed that so many authors can't get publishing deals but then they don't have "£3million followers across all platforms" - well neither do you Lidl.
* We are wondering why her PR agency Belle PR didn't suggest a discount for subscribers or a competition to win a copy. #moneygrab
* She's broken the internet with requests for signed copies...

* The only fangirling has been from Lauren, the l.a. way, and sisters/employees Fi and Cawwie.
* We look forward to the book tour and are stocked up with mini eggs and bananas.
* We realised why she furnished the Wisteria Room with an antique writing desk (not to be confused with the antique table where Diana Princess of Wales did not sign her name). Stand by for a picture of The Author at her desk, calligraphy pen in hand, ready to sign her name with a flourish.


In other news (was there other news?):

*The MGs were at Bicester spending a voucher on clothes by designers they can’t pronounce. Lidl was praised by Loro Piano for her selling power.
* Lidl spend the day laughing nervously with her current Cotswold idol @irenemylife. She wore white linen and gold accessories to pose holding Irene’s chickens and didn’t understand the term 'broody'. Lidl took Irene, who has a huge productive garden, a small bunch of white sweet peas.
* Lidl and Cawwie were at Blenheim Palace for afternoon tea but didn’t visit the exhibitions. Instead they paraded around screeching and drunk yet seemed surprised people recognised Lidl.

* Lidl was pictured front and centre in her “perfect for Ibiza”, mismatched pattern dress at an Elizabeth Arden Retinol Residency event. Most of the other influencers were in trousers.
* At 4am she asked to move hotel rooms for the rest of the night as she saw a spider!!!


Thanks to @BrookeDavis, @Allexie01 @Namima @Peppypoopar @Al Fresco @Julia123 for the screenshots

 

[Catcher_In_The_Lie]

… close enough

 

[happyforest]

Her hair is perfection. We are nothing but jealous haters.

 

[Peppypoopar]

Reminds me of Jurassic Park

 

[jenmarks]

I love that she's actually misspelled the name of her beloved independent bookshop! It's JAFFE not JAFFA, you dunce!

 

[Fluffy81]

I genuinely don’t remember, did her dress go viral?

View attachment 2350903

Absolute joke. THE VIRAL WEDDING DRESS. I’ve never come across a human so incredibly narcissistic as this woman. Sorry Lydia.. your wedding dress is actually nothing spectacular to rave about. If you want something spectacular then look at Kitty Spencer’s wedding dress when she got married. Now.. that is phenomenal.

In her usual antics she has to keep going on about weddings so soon after Josie. It is utterly pathetic and the woman needs to grow up, stop deluding her minions.. and get a grip. I just can’t with her anymore. She’s a chaotic mess

 

[Catcher_In_The_Lie]

Crufts 2024 showdown

 

[Peppypoopar]

Apparently no photoshopping was involved in the making of this photograph View attachment 2357614

Noddy rang and wants his hat and scarf back

 

[K18]

Lydia changes her name to go along with each new personality.

Lydia Elise Millen - laughing gas seller/Ibiza promo girl turned into fitness and fashion blogger.

Lydia Elise Millen-Gordon - abuser and seasoned bully of pregnant hairdressers among others.

Lydia Millen - holier than though, Hermes connesiur and PoW wannabe.

She has dropped both Elise and Gordon from her name in an attempt to distance herself from her shitty actions as LEMG.

 

[Por Que?]

Lydia had planned to wean herself off the hair extensions but she’s gone cold turkey (i.e. she hated them) so she’s going to need some time to adjust - what a brave woman, she’s an inspiration.

Breaking news, Lydia’s hair has grown a little bit since she had it cut - she’s a medical marvel

 

[happyforest]

Good morning and welcome to today

Well Whadderya‘ think? Front, middle or back? Naturally, I am speaking of where a best selling author may insert the Acknowledgements in her best selling book that clearly isn’t written yet but IS getting written in 20 minute spurts in between Karen Millen meetings (at home ) and unboxing soooo much in one episode! Gosh, wasn’t that a long sentence?

I don’t have to concern myself too much with grammar and spelling (oh for the day when someone invents a spell check function or indeed a grammar function which corrects as you write - but I digress - which means I make a department from the subject I was speaking about in the first place) because my Editor (yes I now have a personal person who sorts all my writing out for me leaving me free to do the important things like thinking things up and things like that) does all that for me.

I now also have a Head of Department. My departments have grown in line with my unpopularity. I make a lot of departments so I thought I need a Head for them. I won’t expand on that because I like keeping you hanging on a cliff edge having wound you up for ages about something I’m actually not that fussed about. I will just say that I might be having a Head of Department tiny house delivered. I thought it would look nice next to my golf course. Whadderya’ think?

Heads will roll if my Head of Department doesn’t come up with some good ideas. I am determined to carry on with my interminable unboxing of free stuff. It takes people’s minds off the austerity of a global financial crisis I always find and it’s good for my carbon foot thingy which is clearly in dire need of new shoes. You will never see any of those frocks again because I simply don’t have room for them in my classics only wardrobes in my tiny dressing room up here in Eve’s eaves.

My Head of Department is having a good look at all my potted plants at the moment. They’re all about to depart again. I will mourn them you know.

Has anyone noticed I have new hair again? My old hair left home. Better go and departmentalise that. It’s important. More of that very soon. Much, much more…

Peace, Piece, Peas

I've not watched her content in ages, mainly because it enrages me too much lately. But had to acknowledge this incredible post. @Oops... you are so good!! Love love love this post! How right you were about that kitchen door! And now poor innocent chickens will pay the price with their own lives. I can't bear to think about it.

Lydia is fascinating. Fascinating in her consistent lazy mediocrity and refusal to actually better herself. Her poor grammar, refusal of actually reading varied topics, learning about other cultures, the list is endless. But slap on some aging sister wives dresses and musty accessories, remove her multiple piercings (and yet she is still orange, which I've never seen on real old money posh peeps), speaking S L O W L Y and faux clipped, and she thinks she has bettered herself. She thinks it doesn't matter if you're using the wrong terminology, as long as you're droning on with the right plummy voice. Total shitpuffin.

Feels like she looked around and picked the one "persona" the other UK Influencers weren't going after (modest, waspy, boring AF style) and thought this was her ticket to undoing her infamy. Add in the twee manifestation yapping, raving about British Craftsmanship this and that, performative gentle kindness and oh, lest we forget, claiming to now be a delicate empath. She's ticking all the boxes of a different type of Influencer. The type that never gets invited to the high ticket launches and sponsorships! LOL She is perfect fodder for the likes of Shabazz, which still brings her loads of attention and engagement even if it is the negative kind.

I'd imagine she is a hate watch now for most of the people that put themselves through her content. Ali's change is dramatic too, IMO. He is kinder than she is (to animals anyways), but whoa Nelly, has he started leaning into his dandy phase. It would be comical if only they didn't harm others. Yet her refusal to own up to her abusive actions shows me she hasn't really bettered herself. Sorry, driving a RR and AM, having all the Hermés bags and belts, PP watches, and twirling slowly and whimsically in ugly "modest" dresses and destroyed shoes, doesn't change the fact that she is a mean asshole incapable of truly bettering herself. Having more money doesn't mean you've bettered yourself. Realizing you're a dickhead, and making active changes to stop being a dickhead is bettering yourself. (Apologize to Nicky already, FFS!)

#EverCringe

 

[JoCort4]

A book to pass down to your children, grand-children and great, great grandchildren?!?!?? Seriously?!?? I guess she thinks her masterpiece is akin to War and Peace, Les Miserables, or To Kill a Mockingbird. I’m sure she will mention that she’d like it to be required reading for all English Literature classes and a must read for psychiatrists/life coaches ??? She thinks her silly book should share a space on the shelf with the many greats such as Victor Hugo, Ernest Hemingway, William Shakespeare??? What a narcissistic, crazy woman she is - she is really lost.

 

[Milking Keynes]

Well, for those of us who have not made the bestseller list like our Elsie - at least we were spared this monstrosity .. and when all style is lost - pull out the Chanel brooch

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Oh how, how, would you put this together?

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1. 
   
   4

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Ah yes -the hat - transformative

 

[Here-For-The-Dresses]

I find it bizarre that she JUST got a writing desk, but she’s got a manuscript already into her publisher. Where did she write this magnum opus? And no comments about where she worked. All writers have spaces where they work, even if it’s just a recliner, Starbucks or seated at the kitchen counter. She talks about sitting at her new writing desk, and makes not one comment about where she wrote the book she just finished…? I call bullshit. She did NOT write that book in any real sense of that word.

 

[Miscanthus]

Late to the announcement, and I hate myself for saying it, but I love the cover.. If it was a notebook or a diary, I'd buy it in a heartbeat. (Not if it she was the one selling it obviously)

Let me remind you that there are other covers like that #neveroriginal

The last one is a journal!

 

[Catlady1234]

Rectum is having a meltdown. She is patrolling in the comment section almost hourly it seems. To defend someone who doesn’t give a shit about her.

 

[Namima]

Love this comment

Are chicken eggs, which have just fallen out of a chicken's bottom, usually so clean ???
Showing my ignorance, but this is a genuine question.

 

[mmmmmmk]

So I have discovered who Rexysmum is. It's definitely not one of Lydia's people.
I would seriously urge Rexysmum to please private all her accounts with her real name if she's going to be an active troll.
Rexy is a cute smaller dog, but not a crusty white dog.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

Fucking hell, just skipped through her latest bullshit. Seriously, is she banging on about her FUCKING HAIR AGAIN.

“Cultivating” her hair. I nearly fell off my sofa.
Removes damaging hair extensions

“Sits with foils in”

“I’ve just blow dried using my GHD’s”

I’m using my magic oil and I do this as much as possible”

“I’ve also got the leave in conditioner on my hair”

“I used the hair burst shampoo”

“i did a hair masque”

Fingers her hair CONSTANTLY.

JUST LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE!

 

[Allexie01]

Oh Aldi!!!! The humungous bag, the fake Breton sweater, the formal trousers, the Orans....tee hee hee