Lydia Millen #185 Two kitchens but she still can’t cook, instead she ‘wrote’ a booky wook.

[Miscanthus]

Thank you to all 51 of you who voted for my thread title

"The Author"

* Yes, the secret personal money grab financial project that Lidl has been ‘working on’ for nine months is a debut book. “Viola!”, as @Rexysmum would say!
* After months of hints we heaved a sigh of relief that it wasn’t a pregnancy…or should I just say we heaved…
* Our country-dwelling, veg-growing, dress-wearing, old money calligrapher is now the author of Evergreen.
* The book is 200 pages of lessons, tips and exercises from slothy Lidl. We suspect there are plenty of blank pages for doodles colouring notes too.
* It’s available from publisher Orion Spring in “hardbook” (sic), paperback, ebook and audio book and can be pre-ordered for the "price guaranteed" sum of £17.99 (hardback).
* Pay now and you can wait months for the launch date of October 12 2023 (March 2024 in the US). Best of all, you can return it within 30 days!

* The book was spotted on Amazon by super sleuth Tattler @Cmkchick a day earlier than Lidl’s announcement. It spoilt Lidl's count down. Oh dear, how sad, never mind!

* Our poll predictions (thread #181) came close to guessing but it was @Al Fresco who guessed correctly back in May…

* Of course it would be remiss to not mention @Oops... Finbar Fanfare of Announcement Furball who predicted it was a book collab with life coach Jacqueline Hurst!

* In her Vlog Lidl spent most of the time talking about the book’s green floral cover - where she appears to have dropped both her middle name and her married name - and how to buy it, without any details of the contents or the writing process. That’s because the only idea she had was the green cover and she didn’t write it!
* This is the woman who plagiarised her monthly word salad musings, then copied her own work the following year!
* She’s encouraging people to buy multiple copies across all formats. We can read it, decorate our homes with it, give it as Christmas presents, pass it down to our children, take notes on it.... but we don’t know what’s in it!
* Plus there’s the audio book, where we can listen to The Author reading it slowly in her best Princess voice.

* The book is “the hug I can’t give you” she smugly states. Who wants a hug from boney, smelly you, Lidl?
* We will be moved by it, she adds. Yes, I'm moving as far away from you as possible #faketan #sweatyfeet #doggyaroma #toomuchperfume
* It’s a self help / wellbeing book (we think) but trending at number one in Amazon’s Gardening and Conservatories section.....or was it the Fashion and Style section? Even they don't know!
* We are puzzled about the reference to "picking herself up from her personal rock bottom". There are so many things it could be - #hairgate/#globygate/#savoygate/#horsegate/homelessness!
* Whatever rock bottom is we are wondering if she will elaborate or play the victim
* We are poised to spot any plagiarism from self help books and antique books purchased for her birthday (Nature Rambles volumes 1-4).

* The proof readers among us are about to have a breakdown at the thought of illiterate idiot going into print. She can't even proof read her posts #bare
* We amused ourselves by thinking up alternative names for the book - Ever Mean, Ever Hopeful, Ever Clever, and ...( thanks @SauceBoy )

* We are annoyed that so many authors can't get publishing deals but then they don't have "£3million followers across all platforms" - well neither do you Lidl.
* We are wondering why her PR agency Belle PR didn't suggest a discount for subscribers or a competition to win a copy. #moneygrab
* She's broken the internet with requests for signed copies...

* The only fangirling has been from Lauren, the l.a. way, and sisters/employees Fi and Cawwie.
* We look forward to the book tour and are stocked up with mini eggs and bananas.
* We realised why she furnished the Wisteria Room with an antique writing desk (not to be confused with the antique table where Diana Princess of Wales did not sign her name). Stand by for a picture of The Author at her desk, calligraphy pen in hand, ready to sign her name with a flourish.


In other news (was there other news?):

*The MGs were at Bicester spending a voucher on clothes by designers they can’t pronounce. Lidl was praised by Loro Piano for her selling power.
* Lidl spend the day laughing nervously with her current Cotswold idol @irenemylife. She wore white linen and gold accessories to pose holding Irene’s chickens and didn’t understand the term 'broody'. Lidl took Irene, who has a huge productive garden, a small bunch of white sweet peas.
* Lidl and Cawwie were at Blenheim Palace for afternoon tea but didn’t visit the exhibitions. Instead they paraded around screeching and drunk yet seemed surprised people recognised Lidl.

* Lidl was pictured front and centre in her “perfect for Ibiza”, mismatched pattern dress at an Elizabeth Arden Retinol Residency event. Most of the other influencers were in trousers.
* At 4am she asked to move hotel rooms for the rest of the night as she saw a spider!!!


Thanks to @BrookeDavis, @Allexie01 @Namima @Peppypoopar @Al Fresco @Julia123 for the screenshots

 

[Catlady1234]

Rectum is having a meltdown. She is patrolling in the comment section almost hourly it seems. To defend someone who doesn’t give a tit about her.

 

[Oops...]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! So many of us were waiting for this one and it didn’t disappoint!

 

[mmmmmmk]

Did you all notice in the Elizabeth Arden flog she attempted to show gratitude and failed? Obviously she was trying to take on our feedback. But she forgot to thank the audience for supporting her all these years. She forgot to say, "without all of you, I wouldn't have these amazing opportunities." Keep trying Lydia...maybe one day you can fake appreciation for your audience to whom you owe everything that you have

 

[Upintheair83]

Rectum is having a meltdown. She is patrolling in the comment section almost hourly it seems. To defend someone who doesn’t give a tit about her.

I honestly think it's Lydia!

 

[Milking Keynes]

Wonderful recap and poll, @Miscanthus. It seems that the cost of the book at Jaffé & Neale is £20 as opposed to Amazon’s £17.99. That signature is going to cost you!

 

[Miscanthus]

Wonderful recap and poll, @Miscanthus. It seems that the cost of the book at Jaffé & Neale is £20 as opposed to Amazon’s £17.99. That signature is going to cost you!



View attachment 2341460

Thank you
I saw that! I hope it's a calligraphy signature. I want a flourish for my £2.01!!!

 

[Uninfluenced observer]

I think her book will be hugely successful…..here on tattle because likely will give us a whole load of laughs just like she does with her non-tent her inability to pronounce brand names, inability to cook, entertain guests etc.

Ultimately this is just another book by yet another influencer, with little skill in writing nor credible knowledge about anything. Likely her first and last book. Whoever she holds counsel with is clearly not counselling her! This I predict will be almost as god as Globy.

 

[Luna252]

Rectum is having a meltdown. She is patrolling in the comment section almost hourly it seems. To defend someone who doesn’t give a tit about her.

Wow Rectum’s Mum really is deranged - why did that last comment need her ‘So???’response? It was a harmless comment about the price of the book. They clearly have way too much time on their hands

 

[jenmarks]

I love that she's actually misspelled the name of her beloved independent bookshop! It's JAFFE not JAFFA, you dunce!

 

[Kittycat86]

Wow Rectum’s Mum really is deranged - why did that last comment need her ‘So???’response? It was a harmless comment about the price of the book. They clearly have way too much time on their hands

She’s a rather weird stalker who’s too scared to come out of hiding on here to pipe up with her vitriol but is happy to answer us in the comments.
At least we all stick to the rules and keep it to Tattle!
You can just tell if she could get away with it she would be hiding out in Lydsiepoo’s ‘wild garden’ bushes just to get close enough to smell her.

Strange strange individual.

 

[Oops...]

Inspired entirely by @Al Fresco and her ‘Everdim‘ …

Have been trying to think of the title of Lips’ debut book, which will no doubt be hot on the coat-tails of his wife who doesn’t want his name.
After all he’s already well set up in the study department in order to become a vibrant member of the Literati and Inteligencia!

Progress so far;

Everclever

Never-ready

Shortspell

Gingerbinger

Sockless In Me Prattle

Loro Loro Laffs

Reigning Daxon Dogs


Let us know in the comments below what you think his debut book should be called…

 

[katiesmith81]

These made me laugh a bit

The 1st reply rather and then the 3rd she doesn't at all just rambles on about nothing but the cover and the back and that's it!

How they came up with that conclusions bizarre!

 

[IrishName]

Two points on the book:

1. Most of these YouTubers (such as Louise Pentland, Zoella etc.) were made to go on things like Loose Women, Lorraine Kelly, Jeremy Vine, R4’s Women’s Hour and The One Show to promote their books. I would pay money to see the faux Lady of the manor on the chav express that is Loose Women.

2. I would be VERY surprised if the publishing house didn’t use a dust jacket on the hardback. And that is more than likely to be something with an image of her and her greenhouse. I have lots of books about gardening or crafting which have beautiful hardback covers under the glossy paper dust jacket. I very rarely see a modern day hard book published without a dust jacket.

 

[Allexie01]

Inspired entirely by @Al Fresco and her ‘Everdim‘ …

Have been trying to think of the title of Lips’ debut book, which will no doubt be hot on the coat-tails of his wife who doesn’t want his name.
After all he’s already well set up in the study department in order to become a vibrant member of the Literati and Inteligencia!

Progress so far;

Everclever

Never-ready

Shortspell

Gingerbinger

Sockless In Me Prattle

Loro Loro Laffs

Reigning Daxon Dogs


Let us know in the comments below what you think his debut book should be called…

"Walls I have leant against" - a picture book obvs!

 

[Lola Faith]

She will become a Life Coach soon - not joking!

 

[becky bloomwood]

Inspired entirely by @Al Fresco and her ‘Everdim‘ …

Have been trying to think of the title of Lips’ debut book, which will no doubt be hot on the coat-tails of his wife who doesn’t want his name.
After all he’s already well set up in the study department in order to become a vibrant member of the Literati and Inteligencia!

Progress so far;

Everclever

Never-ready

Shortspell

Gingerbinger

Sockless In Me Prattle

Loro Loro Laffs

Reigning Daxon Dogs


Let us know in the comments below what you think his debut book should be called…

Everard at work. iykyk

 

[Catlady1234]

Not sure what kind of reaction she expected, but it’s quite sad, that out of her 1.2 million followers, only 17k liked and 245 commented on her last post on insta about the book. Even on her YouTube video, only 80k views.
And on Amazon, it’s not even in the top 20anymore.
she didn’t exactly break the internet, did she?

 

[Allexie01]

"Walls I have leant against" - a picture book obvs!

......and its sequel:-
"Doorways I have lurked in"

and his autobiography:-
"Living with a narcissist - my journrey"

 

[K18]

Thank you
I saw that! I hope it's a calligraphy signature. I want a flourish for my £2.01!!!

Screaming!!!! Do you think learning how to do an autograph is why she has taken up calligraphy