Jack Monroe #434 The price of jam: Will it be £40 by the end of the year?

[usefullyuseless]

Nigella's lush, delicious, stunning, enchanting over-writing is bad enough, but Jack's writing is like an incompetent imitation of Nigella's. Not to mention that Nigella's recipes actually work.

And when Nigella starts off a recipe with something like "The idea for this velvety concoction came to me as I was returning home from lunch with some delightful friends who had invited me to their summer home. As I strolled along the peaceful country lanes, the scent of freshly-mown hay, full of promise for the brilliant days yet to come, reminded me of [goes on like this for several paragraphs]" I would be willing to bet that something like this actually happened. Unlike Jack's tiresome variations on the theme of "I'm a wacky smol pixie and this unexpected inspiration just popped into my wildly creative mind".

Jack's preambles are far bleaker. 'This recipe came to me as I was feeling highly disgruntled at having to make dinner for myself and small boy. I softly, gently rummaged around the fridge and found some liquified cucumber, fingered a wilting leek and threw in a tin of prunes. It looks awful and doesn't taste much better but here's the recipe anyway...'

 

[kachoochoo]

i see you've all been making your little jokes about being jack, but ahem

(and i know i said to pay this account no heed but whatever - this is kinda funny)

 

[colouredlines]

The weird Korean(?) bots are now linking to her website.

View attachment 1764529

That's not a bot, it's a real account laughing about peach curry.

 

[Pocahontas]

A powerful frau? @Pocahontas, do you have something to tell us dear heart?

Ah went tell.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Her latching onto Marcus, patronising him in that article - 'bashful' , inferring they were working on something, then constantly @ him in tweets but being ignored will never not be funny.
Plus then the GQ article where he and Fingers openly laughed at her meatballs And all this when she was still considered untouchable.

I just went back to this, in which Jack uses AAVE to chastise Marcus

And noticed this was the top reply .....

Jack, a white woman, accusing Marcus, a Black man, of 'caucasity'. So that's nice.

 

[imBUSY]

Have we seen this? The Del Monte gig has gone to someone else now:

Del Monte partners with Lisa Faulkner to promote canned fruit benefits

Del Monte has launched a partnership with cookery author and TV personality, Lisa Faulkner to promote the benefits of eating canned fruit.

www.grocerygazette.co.uk

 

[jenny2603]

Every single time she gets blowback for doing something cringey or dodgy she trots out the I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN excuse. Jack, it's not a mental breakdown it's entirely your character..

I have long standing issues with bad mentals which I have learned to manage by having amazing insights like "remember what happened last time, you did that" and then not doing the thing. Then again, I do have actual issues rather than convenient excuses.

 

[Geetbo]

I think that's a great idea for a show. Let's get all the ensblers of Jack to taste test her slop on live TV. Gordon and Jamie can present it.

I love this - forcefeed Nigella three tin tender and see if she still thinks Jack is a "culinary savant."

 

[jenny2603]

Whilst I don’t want to give credence to the hellsite, apparently Jack walks amongst us and is a powerful frau. Come on then canal, who is it?

I love this. I am going to make the effort to be extra nasty about Jack, now that I know she's here.

GIVE US ANOTHER THREAD 31 YOU SH1TTER.

 

[AnnRKey]

thinks she's the only person in the world to have discovered shagging*

*can be replaced with any of the following:

tattoos
lesbianism
veganism
disabilities
sobriety
tin cans
labia
tits
piano playing
women
t'internet
Scotland
Yorkshire
cock
cats
dogs
children
that people actually leave the house and work for a living
lists
kitchens
singing
boys
hairdressers
soap
shower gel
beans
shutting the fuck up.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

2022 THREAD COUNT UPDATE

Spoiler: Long semi off topic mither- also HAT REQUEST

Thread 236 was the first brand new thread of this year; it started on Jan 1 2022. That is 198 new threads so far this year.

In 2021 in the full year: 106 threads.

Jack’s threads started on NYD 2020, in 2020 125 new threads

SO we only need another 14 threads before the year is out to double the total from 2020.

We need another 33 to equal the past two years’ total combined. We are slowing down from the height of summer chaos, so if we want to do this, we need Jack to come back and do a full on chaos. I don’t really want that as between you and me, if I’m being really honest, I find her a little bit annoying. So I’m ok with letting that one go.

Also, mods, CAN WE PLEASE HAVE HATTOS FOR THREAD 436 to celebrate the creation of the TWO HUNDREDTH NEW THREAD OF 2022?!

*(If we don’t, can we try a DIY version where just for that one thread everyone tries to find a pic of their avi ~or another avi~ in a hat?!) Alternative suggestion: everyone comes as their favourite slop or Jack pic.

 

[Nonah]

The best macaroon. Left over mashed potato,
Metric tonne of icing sugar. Leave it to set, cover it in chocolate and coconut

IT’S JACK. I FOUND HER!

 

[hoopdedoo]

Even her word salads are pish

Nigella's lush, delicious, stunning, enchanting over-writing is bad enough, but Jack's writing is like an incompetent imitation of Nigella's. Not to mention that Nigella's recipes actually work.

And when Nigella starts off a recipe with something like "The idea for this velvety concoction came to me as I was returning home from lunch with some delightful friends who had invited me to their summer home. As I strolled along the peaceful country lanes, the scent of freshly-mown hay, full of promise for the brilliant days yet to come, reminded me of [goes on like this for several paragraphs]" I would be willing to bet that something like this actually happened. Unlike Jack's tiresome variations on the theme of "I'm a wacky smol pixie and this unexpected inspiration just popped into my wildly creative mind".

 

[Nurseali]

Ahh Jack's mums fucked it then.

 

[Cheekymonk3y]

Lads - Out for dinner and this made me think of all youse…..xxx

 

[Hold my beans]

Who would you say is heavier? Liz or Camilla?

I'd say Camilla now for sure

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

We haven't seen figures like this since 2020.

The -2,333 must be the followers who jumped ship while she was deactivated - so Sunday to Thursday combined (note the gap between dates).

She gains them back easily enough, though, so

ETA: these numbers will include accounts Jack has blocked.

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

Nigella's lush, delicious, stunning, enchanting over-writing is bad enough, but Jack's writing is like an incompetent imitation of Nigella's. Not to mention that Nigella's recipes actually work.

And when Nigella starts off a recipe with something like "The idea for this velvety concoction came to me as I was returning home from lunch with some delightful friends who had invited me to their summer home. As I strolled along the peaceful country lanes, the scent of freshly-mown hay, full of promise for the brilliant days yet to come, reminded me of [goes on like this for several paragraphs]" I would be willing to bet that something like this actually happened. Unlike Jack's tiresome variations on the theme of "I'm a wacky smol pixie and this unexpected inspiration just popped into my wildly creative mind".

Totally agree Dear Hoopdee,
It was this bit about the eggs that grated my mushrooms the most....

I mean wtaf is she talking about?

'Not do your eggs any fear nor foul?'
Your eggs should be 'luxuriating nearby awaiting their fate'?

Utter, utter bullshit.... my tender brain can not compute, It hurts... gahaghaaa....

ETA... because no, I haven't finished ranting....
She thinks she is some sort of Jilly Cooper/Shakespeare wordsmith.... and, yes Dearhearts, I am aware that combination is as odd as one of her recipes.... So go well pals, and fuck off

 

[Emmapism]

I enjoy seeing you all out in the wild in other threads. It's like seeing someone you know in a pub near you. Odd but strangely comforting

 

[Foxvint]

@DinosaurSenior I often fog my partner (never knew there was a name for it) is he is lying behind me as the big spoon, with me as the smaller spoon. It means farting on his bits, I also often stink the place out so much I have to get out of bed to open the window.

Im not fancy, I fart a lot but its better than the other option of trapped wind. The pain

Can I just inform you dear heart that if you as the smaller spoon were to lie behind your larger spoon it is called jet packing. Now dont tell me this thread isn't filling the niche emptied by OU programming no longer shown.