Jack Monroe #355 rinses poor people better than she rinses spaghetti hoops

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I’ve got to step away before I spend all day on here!

pray that by the time I come back:
1. Awfully Molly does the cancerbaiting reveal
2. Tom Kerridge kicks the fuck off
 
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The honorary doctorate Jack may well be my granola. I am actually a DrFrau and it’s bloody hard work, requiring consistency, tenacity, patience and forensic level of attention to detail and logic. Nine of which I see evidenced by our anti- heroine. Grrrrrrr.
 
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All this "sifting through coroner's reports" thing reminds me of the moment I first called bullshit on her years ago. It was not long after her and LC got together (2017?) and before I knew any of the grim stuff about their relationship. There was a major incident in London (London Bridge terror attack? not sure) and she did this ghoulish post about having breakfast with LC and she got an alert saying there had been an event and they both just set to work, knowing what needed to be done, not expecting to get to bed before dawn, because that's what journalists do. It was vile. She honestly was making out she was important, needed, AN ACTUAL JOURNALIST. Oh people have been killed? Better ring the sardine lasagne woman then.

I remember reading it and thinking she was like some sort of narcissistic Mr Ben, going into the dressing up shop coming out as a journalist! A chef! A fireman! An astronaut!

Anyway I've tried finding that tweet but can't, but I remember it very clearly. Does anyone else?
I’ve found this.
 

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Yep, that was always the one part of Jack's alcoholic one year Guardian story I did believe
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Imagine if Jack did start working for McDonalds. They could make a limited edition McPumble in her honour.
 
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Hasn’t she sent off loads of job applications? So surely she’s waiting for one of them to come through. Or she could spend her Saturday taking her CV round local cafes and restaurants. I’m sure one of them would give her a job.
Imagine Jack writing a CV (on her phone?)

Dr Dr Jack Monroe
Author, writer, celebrity, poet, journalist, former fire fighter (ish), former food bank user.
Specialist skills include face tune, photoshop, social media, marketing, hoop rinsing.
Great communication skills, team worker, thrives under pressure.
 
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The doctorate thing grates my mushrooms. I’ve just seen my son graduate (2 years late due to covid) with a maths PhD and he worked so hard for 4 years while also giving lectures to maths under grads and here she is boasting about being a doctor when she did fuck all for it. I’m sure the resident Dr Fraus in here (I think we have some) feel the same way.
I have a real one. I’m grateful to Jack this morning because from now on, whenever I’ll questioned about anything I will use her as a template. Example:

Mr V: “Hey, V have you put the bins out or shall i?”
Me: “Well I hate to pull rank here, pal but seeing as you mentioned it, I DO have a Doctorate and the right to use the title if I choose to”
Mr V: “What are you going on about? I only asked you about the bins”
Me: “I can never respond with a light hearted or mildly sarcastic rebuttal. Ever so sorry. I forgot the rules there for a second. Do you want me to DIE?”

It’s not solely because of her treatment of her animals and her own son that I don’t feel sorry for her, but also days like this where she’s just unrelentingly rude, unpleasant, argumentative-and a massive fucking snob without even realizing it. A job in LIDL or MCDONALD’S?! God, your two fucking fake doctorates and Patreon save you from such a terrible fate. She just drips with utter disdain for so many people (including today, unfathomably, Tom Kerridge) and despite anointing herself as their savior, this is especially true for The Poors. Her loathing is barely concealed much of the time.

I don’t really give a fuck about her wheeling out her fake doctorates, it’s more pathetic than anything, and let’s face it, in the grand scheme of things (other than weaponizing it as here) it’s one the more benign things she does compared to most of the egregious shit she pulls.

Jack Monroe can fuck right off. I am struggling to think of one redeeming quality she has right now.
 
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The (now hidden) account that tweeted the hoop thing also didn't actually mention or tag her... It had Jack M*nore so has she been searching for herself...?
I think this is probably one the rare times she didn’t have to vanity search her name. She’s following so many people that it was probably retweeted onto her time line multiple times, and that’s without the memes, and the snitches tagging her in the original tweet.
 
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I remember at my graduation we had a famous war journalist getting an honorary doctorate. She’d been to Afghanistan and Iraq and really seen some shit. It was inspiring and she seemed genuinely pleased with the honour.

Imagine it’s your graduation, you’re 50k in debt to get your degree, and Jack wanders on stage in her fucking ridiculous little puffy hat and gown to get a doctorate for rinsing hoops.
 
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I AM HAVING A LOVELY DAY

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I also have Plans For A Lovely Day and your chaos has made me Late. I’m going to a real life BBQ and there is a blow up swimming pool for the kids and the ADULTS will not be mucking about in it. I also won’t feel the need to post about it on any SM. I’m only telling the Fraus who I will miss after the 6 hours we’re spent together today. I hope that when I check back tomorrow Molly will have posted again and Tom will have responded to your libellous claims
 
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