Jack Monroe #26 Jack be bitter, Jack be quick, Jack stop being such a dick.

[Saturn.]

 

[Begborrowsteal]

...the cheating was much worse than I thought. Im devastated. Absolutely devastated.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Lads. Im finally facing the cheating partner later today, after a week apart. I feel sick.

 

[Saturn.]

Anyone else getting Anne Hathaway after she's had her hair shaved off in Les Mis vibes?

If discounting the chameleon-like credentials of Michael Sheen, I think Anne could be just right for the lead role if we are storyboarding the biopic.


The 'Young, doe-eyed innocence' years.

The 'If I were a boy' years.

The 'Taking baths with fancy but rather passive-aggressive lemons' years.

The 'Playful and sultry Nigella imitating' years.

The 'Lying in bed at 2 a.m reading Tattle avec a bowl of Ramen noodles with mackerel and eggs whilst trying really hard to be respectful to Mrs J.' years.

The 'Getting my camera angles just right for my appearance on This Morning whilst fine-tuning my scripted banter and sweet family anecdote' years.

The 'I'm being hounded by the most vile cabal of sad and twisted Hausfrauen who refuse to take their feet off my neck for messing up a Bechamel' years.

 

[Flumps]

Can I whinge? I'm going to. My partner has just been told he's lost his job. This fucks up, well, every plan we've been making and is a complete blow, especially to him. And I feel like I've handled it exceptionally badly, because it made me so sad for him that I wasn't at all cheering about it on the phone. And he is miles away, and has the car, and I can't drive anyway, because of weird head-spinny-ness, so I can't see him. And now I feel like an idiot and so sad for him. It just all sucks. He has taken blow after blow over the last few years and I just wish the world would stop taking pot-shots at him. Please.

 

[Andie_H]

She's claiming she's "hit her stride" presenting this Hellmans shitshow, on her latest post.

I've just rewatched the first few mins of yesterday's episode. It is truly diabolical. Muttering to herself, disappearing off screen to tell her son to be quiet, ghostly voice from above "you're on", fiddling around, peering down the camera. I just do not get how anyone can think that was good?!

And the sycophants are there en masse in the IGTV comments WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY WATCHING AND WHAT ARE WE MISSING *rhetorically speaking *.

I've just grunka'd through the last two threads! Still got some way to go but like my recovery, there's still some way to go.

Took a bit of time out as small lapses were happening... butter and cake were morphing into the devil's work (think of the worst JM culinary slop creation ) and I was having several full-on flight or freeze moments a day. I haven't come this far to let the ana bitch back. Just takes a couple of weak moments... one less spoonful, 10g off that, 'forgetting' the mayo and whoosh, she's doing cartwheels as she's got my attention again BUT to get back to the subject matter (and I've got a way to read before I can ), I did a thing... nothing fancy, just showing off my love of a Sharpie, most of which had barely any colour in them . Hope my scrawl is legible and again THANK YOU all for never knowingly disappointing .

 

[colouredlines]

Jack's first ever article on alcoholism:

"It hasn’t been easy. At the time of writing this, I have been sober for exactly a week. The change has been remarkable. My house is tidier than it has ever been. I have reclaimed my evenings, and my early mornings, free from mental fog and headaches and grumps. My creativity has kicked back into action: in a bid to keep busy, I wrote, created, tested and photographed 50 new recipes last week – that’s half a book!"

My dad was an alcoholic. It killed him at the age of 57. Whenever he did kick the habit for a short time, the first days were spent sweating, shaking and vomiting. Doctors were involved, because alcoholics going cold turkey is DANGEROUS.

What Jack is describing is Dry January.

 

[spirals]

Hmmm why choose the grenfell anniversary to announce how many days you have been sober? Why not mention it yesterday? Why not when it was 500 days, why 536? When I quit smoking in 2013 I posted about it at the 3,6,9, and 12 month mark as I didn't think I was going to make it that far, then I did a 500 days post, cause I was bloody amazed at myself, and now I do it yearly but only because it pops up in my Facebook memories and I share that because I'm still bloody surprised to this day that I quit, oops sorry I've only gone and done a jack and made it about me , but I just find it really distasteful she posted about it on the grenfell anniversary, she could have waited, but of course it shouldn't surprise me that she makes it all about her, despite the fact that I don't think this year at all she has mentioned how many days sober she has been to my recollection? She has had 166 days of 2020 to bring up how many days sober she has apparently been....why this day??

In that article that was published for her “one year” sober anniversary, she says clearly that she had relapsed a few times and L had to pick up the pieces. Which means she wasn’t one year sober at all, and isn’t 536 days sober now. (Not to mention her bullshit about being harassed by her AA sponsor which sounded completely drama llama made up.)

I am 302 days sober and also struggling right now but proud that 302 days is an actual number of days since my last drop of alcohol. She exaggerates and lies about everything and doesn’t care that she might put someone else off trying AA or that it’s okay to have a relapse now and then but not admit it. AA call this being a dry drunk, Jack.

 

[Britney Spiers Morgan]

My title suggestion (Just Jack! Two sandwiches short of a decent TV show) got 42 likes (I’m the artist formerly known as Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, in case anyone is confused) and was correctly and painstakingly labelled to make sure it was in contention.

As a result of this outrageous and egregious outcome, I have instructed my lawyer to take action against you cabal of trolls. He’s currently GrunkaLunka-ing through the threads to pinpoint the exact moment I was conned out of my moment of glory.

I have been left with no option but to leave Tattle as it’s such a hell state*





*only joking. I’m just off to make breakfast - smoked salmon and scrambled eggs - fancy!

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Slightly off topic but as a fairly infrequent poster (though that seems to be changing) I just wanted to let you hausfraus know how wonderful I think you all are - as someone who struggles with MH issues (I actually think it's quite telling that a lot of us on this thread suffer, and were originally fans of Jack but got disillusioned) it's really helped me to see people from all walks of life come together online and be so supportive. I genuinely think if Jack looked a bit deeper rather than just screaming 'TROLLS!' she would really benefit from being part of such a lovely community. Big love to everyone! X

 

[HarderFaster]

Jack's insistence on inserting herself into any narrative about the fire service after working as a call handler for about six weeks a decade ago is akin to me offering my opinions on retail as though I'm Mary fucking Portas because I worked on the tills at Asda one Christmas circa 2008.

 

[NorthernSoul]

Oh Lord No

 

[Starsanddaggers]

"I’m autistic, that means I’m a bit odd – not all autistic people are odd – but I’m a bit socially awkward, not very good at feelings. But I’m a fantastic cook, so come over and let me cook for you but don’t try and talk to me too much about how your day is going.’”




Oh god here comes my rage. Sorry haus fraus.....


Autism isn't a trend Jack, you massive dick.

It's actually a disability.

Not a quirk.


Wanna come for a walk round my sons school?

You could cook for the kids.

Oh wait. Maybe not.

Not only is your food shit. But half are tube fed due to their constant stimming and sensory issues. Some have prader willi as part of their umbrella of diagnosis and are on limited food intake and the rest only eat a handle (maximum) of foods.

Now piss off. Stop trivialising autism.....

From me.


Also an autistic woman

 

[Raker]

I don’t know, having caught up Grunka’d on last nights shenanigans now, I really feel that this is getting more and more uncomfortable — all seems to be heading to a massive crash. The dead eye pictures, the unsavoury photo shoots, the dodgy th*nspo photoshopping, the piss poor promotion work on the latest book during MH week, the absolute car crash IG lives/TV appearances, the Mr Benn-ing into all national situations, the supposed sobriety, the tweet/delete rampages, the multiple immunocompromised shopping extravaganzas, the obvious end of a relationship, the shadowy cabal bullying her paranoia, the legal actions threatened, the unlisted missing post, the easily disproved by her own published words lies, the vague booking vs spilling unnecessary life stuff all over the place, the myriad illnesses, the compliment fishing, the late night nonsense, the obvious fragility and anxiety...

She. Is. Clearly. Not. Well.

But who’s looking out for her? Where is her support? Is her mum commenting on any of these posts or tweets? Rest of her family? Any friends? Her 3 shrinks on speed dial? PR/legal team? Furloughed PA? Agent? SB’s dad? Exes? Tech support? Fucking Jude Law or other Groucho mates? Why is nobody close to her apparently stepping in to stop this public unraveling?

She needs to get off everything. If she is still contracted to do this Hellmans Hellscape for a few more weeks, why not just pre-record and edit a couple of segments. Remove the pressure/anxiety of doing the live appearances that clearly terrify her and make it such uncomfortable viewing —all that terror for only 180 views. Have a few auto tweet promotion things, get the PA off furlough to manage this admin. And then just stop. Take proper time away to reconsider her options, in what’s left of her career. The world doesn’t need her claims about downloading Grenfell plans, or becoming an MP, or thirst trapping, or whatever shit the jacolytes lap up. It’s just unnecessary noise while the rest of the world is on fire.

She may claim sobriety, but her addiction to validation and ego-stroking from strangers on social media has taken over her life.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

What she calls creativity just sounds like mania.

200 units a week is the equivalent of 14 cans of lager a day or about 2.5 litres of wine.

It's more than 6 cans of Tennents Extra a day. Doable in terms of volume, but one of my exes, a stockily built man, was both completely dependent and paralytic 24 hours a day on less than that. If she'd been doing that much, not only would she have been bright yellow and have cirrhosis already (as he did), SB would have been in care/with his father or grandparents for his own safety. It was an absolutely bloody waste, as he was relatively intelligent and was kind when sober, but turned into an abusive, controlling prick with the sole intention of making sure he had unlimited access to the tramp juice. He did two stints in hospital detox, as he had already sustained brain damage (on scan) from unscheduled withdrawals and one residential rehab for 12 weeks - by the time I'd finally extricated myself from the pathetic Woe is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and his ability to make me feel as though I was kicking a puppy after a couple of years, he'd managed to;-

Make himself homeless, as he gave notice on his flat, thinking it would force me to let him move in
Put a 94 year old man in hospital from driving aggressively towards him at speed, so the poor man fell over when trying to get across the road
Alienate family permanently
Practically put me under house arrest because I was apparently going to pick up men if I left the house to buy milk
Steal, steal, steal
Pass out when babysitting his sister's kids when she was at a hospital appointment, leaving a 3 and 4 year old in charge of a baby
Get me fired from work
Steal my prescription painkillers so I had nothing for six months until the expected period had elapsed
Lose his licence (that he shouldn't have had anyway)
Threaten to throw me out of a moving vehicle when I realised he'd been drinking
Written off three cars
Rape me in my sleep, probably on multiple occasions
Smash or sell anything I had that was nice
Hassle me constantly
Break into my new house that I moved to precisely because I didn't want him around
Pretend to attempt suicide in front of me when ostensibly collecting the last of his stuff - I caught him rehearsing the scene I'd find coming down the stairs because he didn't hear me. The plan was I'd see the attempt and stop it in panic, there would be tears, he'd get to move in - I picked him up and threw him out, telling him he wasn't going to ruin my new carpet

And I daresay his 'story' is that the big bad ex bullied him, made him homeless and was out every day picking up strange men.


There's no way a week of cleaning would have resulted in a symptom free abstinence on 200 units a week. It would have resulted in an emergency hospital admission.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hugs to everyone having crap to deal with today.

that woman’s hair loss stories annoy me. I’ve had two types of alopecia and til she’s got a sticky patch of scalp (one was once palm sized) she’s not got bloody hair loss it’s maybe thinned a bit but there is no visible scalp. It’s terrifying and gut wrenching as a woman to lose hair and claiming to have it when you can visibly see she bloody hasn’t is just ugh I can’t with her

I need the hug! Just had my sixth month of ‘not pregnant’ today and I’m absolutely having my own little pity party. I’m two days late and felt queasy for days. Didn’t have my regular period cramps - had little short sharp pains. But no. My womb just really likes having a shit fit each month and throwing a itself outside of my body instead.

so sorry to derail - just sitting here blubbing like a dickhead because I feel like I’m a failure.

Maybe I’ll try a depressipe to help - oh no wait - I don’t want to be even more fucking pathetic.

 

[PennyLoafer]

 

[lilamay]

A couple of years ago, JM was on the podcast Talking Tastebuds (great podcast btw), which I just listened to. OMG it is hilarious, hausfraus. One bit that I particularly HOOTED at was when she talks about how she dismissed an expensive diploma she'd been offered at a well-known cookery school. She says, and I quote, "I looked through the curriculum and I was like, 'Well I can do all that! Like, what am I missing?' Alright, I can't make a soufflé, but I bet I could if I tried - I don't know that I can't, I've just never tried! And there was a lot of stuff that I'm just like, 'But I learnt all that, I know it!' I don't need someone else showing me how to make a white sauce or a rue, or knead a bread or whatever, because I taught myself how to do it and I can do it, and now I teach other people how to do it!"

 

[HarderFaster]

Imagine writing preachy articles about the conditions animals face in abattoirs and making money from releasing a vegan cookbook, and then shamelessly posting a recipe idea for deep fried flesh balls.

Only Jack.

 

[skronkywildcat]

Couldn't resist.