Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself
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Jack's only gift is generously
Tragically (for me) I missed thread 31 but it’s worth a reread. Happy Jackaversary cabal. You have all made this pandemic a lot more bearable.
Why has she always got her arse on her food prep surfaces?!
Because she thinks she’s a cat? See also ridiculous socks.Why has she always got her arse on her food prep surfaces?!
I can remember what I was wearing, what I was doing, exactly one year ago. A glorious day...
For me, I shall not find peace until every beige postcard has been sent, for every week that was promised.
The cards are my... granola recipe.....
For me, I shall not find peace until every beige postcard has been sent, for every week that was promised.
The cards are my... granola recipe.....
There is no escape once these threads have their hooks in you 
even an innocent glove/pigeon reminds me of you all
[/QUOTE]
Dear hearts, I had my own glove/pigeon incident today. I was walking with a friend when I stumbled across this poor being. I laughed out loud and had to come up with a ludicrous backstory as to why I needed to take a photo of it.
So much love for the cabal. Back to the grunk.
even an innocent glove/pigeon reminds me of you all[/QUOTE]
Dear hearts, I had my own glove/pigeon incident today. I was walking with a friend when I stumbled across this poor being. I laughed out loud and had to come up with a ludicrous backstory as to why I needed to take a photo of it.
So much love for the cabal. Back to the grunk.
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I can remember what I was wearing, what I was doing, exactly one year ago. A glorious day...
For me, I shall not find peace until every beige postcard has been sent, for every week that was promised.
The cards are my... granola recipe.....
babe, same x
I was all alone in my sweltering office, wearing my yellow dress, happily chuckling my lurky self through thread 31 and
BAM!
"hi (nonnymouse). jack here. this is libel"
i jumped out of my skin and before I knew it, I'd texted my dad her to-do list
Dear hearts, I had my own glove/pigeon incident today. I was walking with a friend when I stumbled across this poor being. I laughed out loud and had to come up with a ludicrous backstory as to why I needed to take a photo of it.There is no escape once these threads have their hooks in you
So much love for the cabal. Back to the grunk.
[/QUOTE]
Babe, same x
I also took a walk with a friend and came up with a maverick way of explaining my taking the picture by saying: "it is an insider joke", which made me sound like a 14 y old.
In order to not to be
, I squiggled about every pixel that was not the poor glovegeon.
Why would she think anyone would want her half drunk wine anyway? Would you take an open drink from a total random at a festival? Could be a flagon of piss, could be spiked with goodness knows what. I bet if they did take it because she pestered them into it, it got poured straight on the ground when she'd gone.
Honestly, I couldn't recommend it, the swim to Asda for the weekly £20 shop is a nightmare, and my neighbour won't stop talking about Meghan Markle and his £150k salary and trying to cook me slop
I hear there's an opening at the North pole for a new taxi driver to pull Santa's smol little elfy sleigh
Or, more likely, it just didn’t happen
But yeah imagine being the fire service for Glastonbury at Glastonbury, and over familiar former firemanlady call handler Jack pops up trying to give you leftover wine
Full League of Gentlemen Les McQueen vibes, hanging round spitting out Fire lingo and asking about appliances.
There are many ...who have fallen...along the way, in this past year. I mean you, dear Flumps, Grunkalunka and countless others who have defended the unrinsed bean.
But still we remain.
Also ... when's the anniversary of Jack's trip to Edinburgh? Do I need to be aware, in case of a return trip?
But still we remain.
Also ... when's the anniversary of Jack's trip to Edinburgh? Do I need to be aware, in case of a return trip?
I was a mean girl and made fun of Jack's old crappy poems after posting them in here, I redeem myself by writing a new crappy poem for you, Dear Heart Jackie, hope your recovery of whatever is going well!
One fine day The Cabal was conspiring,
Against our Hero; Jack Monroe,
Whose food is anything but inspiring.
There was laughter, there was joy,
Until a dark cloud appeared,
A denim shirt and a cap saying 'boy'
@Jack_M had entered the chat.
They wanted to bully Nonny.
They were screaming about libel.
They were being anything but bonny,
And they needed a piss and a sandwich.
They proclaimed to be oh so busy,
And to have never been a smack head,
The cabal were hooting and fizzing,
whilst ignoring the Smol Pixie.
Jack wanted apologies.
And the Cabal said; 'No'
But Jack had the technologies
To triangulate us all.
'The Cabal are mendacious, ninnies!'
Our wannabe chef cried,
'I'll kicky them in the shinnies,
For not taking my words seriously.
The Cabal couldn't care less,
And discussed ice lollies instead.
Causing Our Jackie to gather distress,
So on and on they went.
They found themself with a ban,
And ousted out of the Cabal.
No fans here, nor a tin can,
Jack was gone for good.
Oh! Thread 31! A year ago today,
I've planted a sunflower for each hour,
Our Dear Jackie went away.
Now, duck Off.
One fine day The Cabal was conspiring,
Against our Hero; Jack Monroe,
Whose food is anything but inspiring.
There was laughter, there was joy,
Until a dark cloud appeared,
A denim shirt and a cap saying 'boy'
@Jack_M had entered the chat.
They wanted to bully Nonny.
They were screaming about libel.
They were being anything but bonny,
And they needed a piss and a sandwich.
They proclaimed to be oh so busy,
And to have never been a smack head,
The cabal were hooting and fizzing,
whilst ignoring the Smol Pixie.
Jack wanted apologies.
And the Cabal said; 'No'
But Jack had the technologies
To triangulate us all.
'The Cabal are mendacious, ninnies!'
Our wannabe chef cried,
'I'll kicky them in the shinnies,
For not taking my words seriously.
The Cabal couldn't care less,
And discussed ice lollies instead.
Causing Our Jackie to gather distress,
So on and on they went.
They found themself with a ban,
And ousted out of the Cabal.
No fans here, nor a tin can,
Jack was gone for good.
Oh! Thread 31! A year ago today,
I've planted a sunflower for each hour,
Our Dear Jackie went away.
Now, duck Off.
I was still grunking my through the threads trying to catch up (remember when that was a realistic goal!) there's some posts from me in one of the early thirties threads naively spouting off like "wow thread 20-whatever was wild, I don't possibly see how it can get crazier than this"
And the OG coven are just like
"no one tell her"
So glad no one hit me with a spoiler, so I got to experience the shock of Jack's sudden appearance and I rushed to the newest thread at the time to be like "WHAT?! SHE'S HERE?!"
Aaaaaa I'm genuinely nostalgic for last summer on here now.
You lot literally made the pandemic bearable and even hilarious. Love to you all Frauen & Herrs x
Cabal Calendar
24 June - thread 31aversary
16 July - Celery, Edinburgh. The canal sends commiserations to ........Sturgeon, leader of the SNP and First Minister of Scotland
29 November - Slopmass, the One True Bot was revealed to the cable
Mid December - the Annual Sloppies award ceremony
January - chaos month, a month long remembrance of when we had to tell each other to have time off, and organise shifts to cover the 24/7 crazy
24 June - thread 31aversary
16 July - Celery, Edinburgh. The canal sends commiserations to ........Sturgeon, leader of the SNP and First Minister of Scotland
29 November - Slopmass, the One True Bot was revealed to the cable
Mid December - the Annual Sloppies award ceremony
January - chaos month, a month long remembrance of when we had to tell each other to have time off, and organise shifts to cover the 24/7 crazy
haha has it really been a year? What fun we had that day!
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