Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[Joan of Narc]

Lads, just realised I'm going to be in Scotland during the Edinburgh anniversary!!!🔺️ What do you think is the best way to celebrate?
1. By eating all of my meals at Dishoom/Five Guys/other generic chain restaurant
2. By packing all of my kitchen appliances in my suitcase then forcing a local charity to drive miles out of their way take them off my hands
3. Cooking slop in my aparthotel kitchen then forcing it on some unsuspecting homeless people (or just some poor guy who happens to be sitting on a nearby park bench).

 

[MancBee]

Lads, just realised I'm going to be in Scotland during the Edinburgh anniversary!!!🔺️ What do you think is the best way to celebrate?
1. By eating all of my meals at Dishoom/Five Guys/other generic chain restaurant
2. By packing all of my kitchen appliances in my suitcase then forcing a local charity to drive miles out of their way take them off my hands
3. Cooking slop in my aparthotel kitchen then forcing it on some unsuspecting homeless people (or just some poor guy who happens to be sitting on a nearby park bench).

4. Go to the local Sainsbury's, buy up all the yellow sticker items. Cook them into slop, photograph them using your tongue, chuck it all in the bin and go out to 5 Guys.

 

[Vanelope]

4. Go to the local Sainsbury's, buy up all the yellow sticker items. Cook them into slop, photograph them using your tongue, chuck it all in the bin and go out to 5 Guys.

 

[PortiaControl]

Edinburgh was when I started lurking.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I know it’s not Jack but I have to share this as it’s so Jack....two cheeks of the same arse!
Oh, and yes - no longer private.

On topic - I wonder what momentous political event will bring Jack back, candyman style. After all she did politics BEFORE she did food! Will Hancock being the absolute sleaze many already suspected be enough? I half expected Politic Jack to come out to play when Cummins was having his moment.

Yeah, duck it, I'll put together 500 words of absolute shite for £85. Judging by the quality of their articles, I'll just have to regurgitate articles from other websites, chuck in some stuff I've seen on Twitter, and somehow flog some scented candles/self-care subscription boxes/yoga mats as being the cure to all ills.

Doesn't seem like any editing or even spellchecking is required so I could bosh that out in an hour.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I was rather hoping that the anniversary of hallowed Thread 31 would be kind of like the cabal version of Easter and Jack would be resurrected, returning to us in all her peripatetic glory. We would raise our Russell Brands, perform a ritual dance in six inch heels and sing our praises to Lord Slop for restoring our saviour to life so that she may bestow the answers to all of our most pressing spiritual questions such as 'what can I do with leftover chippy chips?'.

 

[MancBee]

Have you all seen the new Plenty advert? Love is stronger than drain hair!

So many things now remind me of you mithering ninnies.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Edinversary should be celebrated with all the traditional foods - celery, 8 pints of past best skimmed milk, two packs of expired 90% carnivore chicken, and we cook a vat of bolorneaise to distribute to the destitute, leaving it in lunchboxes with melamine cutlery in doorways for them before heading to five guys. Traditional gifts of paperchase kawaii plushies are bought (for ourselves)

 

[Orphan_Black]

Have you all seen the new Plenty advert? Love is stronger than drain hair!

So many things now remind me of you mithering ninnies.

I always think of of our Dear Jackie during the Hellman's ad, 'Making something outta nothing', could have been a top ten hit as well as an ad campaign for them!

 

[Pocahontas]

Edinversary should be celebrated with all the traditional foods - celery, 8 pints of past best skimmed milk, two packs of expired 90% carnivore chicken, and we cook a vat of bolorneaise to distribute to the destitute, leaving it in lunchboxes with melamine cutlery in doorways for them before heading to five guys. Traditional gifts of paperchase kawaii plushies are bought (for ourselves)

Plus a cod fillet baked to Chernobyl and back.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Plus a cod fillet baked to Chernobyl and back.

I forgot the thrice cooked fish

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Pocahontas]

I forgot the thrice cooked fish

Sadly, it remembers and has joined all of the other maltreated and aggrieved fish in the freezer stairway to heaven.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Few pages behind so if the convo has moved on apologies! This time last year I was watching the drama unfold whilst on a call, i was asked a question and had no idea what was going on so slammed my laptop shut and texted a colleague to say i was having Internet issues

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 634624

For an award winning cook book writer her hygiene standards are the absolute worst. God knows what germs are on that phone. Then there was the picking at the train floor to get her filthy tile off whilst not having any sanitizer. Not to mention the nails......

 

[Switchstreetz]

I've figured out Jack's radio silence - she's moving to America to be a contestant in this show

(All of my cooking skill insecurities have been cured by this show lol)

 

[maytoseptember]

4. Go to the local Sainsbury's, buy up all the yellow sticker items. Cook them into slop, photograph them using your tongue, chuck it all in the bin and go out to 5 Guys.

5. Accidentally upload a photo of yourself taking a photo of your food with your tongue.

 

[Eurgh]

6. Go to Harvey Nicks and buy many new versions of clothes you already own.

7. Post thirsty bra selfies.

 

[Hollaaa]

8. Remain within a 200m radius of Waverley Station at all times.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I've figured out Jack's radio silence - she's moving to America to be a contestant in this show

(All of my cooking skill insecurities have been cured by this show lol)

Nailed It! on Netflix is pretty funny too, if quite obviously fake. They get a load of terrible bakers and challenge them to make ridiculously OTT cakes. There's a lot of very Jack-esque mistakes, like forgetting baking powder or icing a cake while its still warm.

Despite all the quality TV shows on nowadays, I can't stop watching shows about cakes and hoarders.