Jack Monroe #132 Leader of the Slopposition

Status
Thread locked. We lock threads when they have 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:

Pocahontas

VIP Member
Congratulations to @Terrible for the thread title! 🎉 Your prize: one used, slightly soiled Mary Poppins costume.

Recap of thread #131

  1. Inserting herself into Roadside Mum’s story made her so BUSY. She stayed up until 3am, had ‘hundreds’ of messages in her inbox and gained over 20,000 new followers on Twitter.
  2. She spent the day tweeting pictures of lunch provisions and urging people to stay angry.
  3. Apparently she will be working with Marcus Rashford and Tom Kerridge.
  4. She shared some DMs (with permission) like all good activists do.
  5. She said the fee for whatever work she receives from this coverage will be donated to Magic Breakfast.
  6. She made appearances on LBC, BBC News and Channel 5 News. Good for the showreel! She’s exhausted.
  7. She showed photos of her tech-filled kitchen and collection of expensive make-up.
  8. An excellent post from @HarderFaster.
  9. [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ‘Babe, same’
    ‘I did a chaos’
    ‘My maverick brain’
    ‘My sad little face’
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    ‘I laughed up a lung’

    ** NEW **
    ‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.

    She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
    [*]
    Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*][*]
 
Last edited:

Blurp

VIP Member
Gods, that's minging. Apart from the filthy brushes, make-up goes off after a while and needs to be chucked out. Think of all those lovely little bacteria multiplying in her mascara and eye shadow.... She has as much knowledge of make-up hygiene as she does of food hygiene.

Anyway, Aldi and Asda's own brands are perfectly acceptable (especially for someone who rarely wears it as there's less money wasted to throw out when expired and needs replacing) and far better on the subject of animal cruelty than MAC; I've some from Aldi that is actually vegan. You'd think that would matter to someone who claims to be 90% vegan, wouldn't you?

Just a small point, Jack 👋, being vegan or vegetarian doesn't involve only food.
 

HarderFaster

VIP Member
View attachment 386660

(Edit: changed screenshot for one easier to read)
Such an abuser tactic to try and deflect from legitimate questioning by throwing out some minor misdemeanours under the guise of honesty.

The press don’t give a fuck that you were occasionally a tearaway when you were in year 9, Jack, they care that you use other people’s uncredited work to get media traction and take donations from people much poorer than you by glossing over the particulars of your very comfortable financial situation.

Cunt.

She’s fucking desperate to leak those cursed bikini photos isn’t she. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THEM YOU EXHIBITIONIST DEMON.
 
Last edited:
Gods, that's minging. Apart from the filthy brushes, make-up goes off after a while and needs to be chucked out. Think of all those lovely little bacteria multiplying in her mascara and eye shadow.... She has as much knowledge of make-up hygiene as she does of food hygiene.

Anyway, Aldi and Asda's own brands are perfectly acceptable (especially for someone who rarely wears it as there's less money wasted to throw out when expired and needs replacing) and far better on the subject of animal cruelty than MAC; I've some from Aldi that is actually vegan. You'd think that would matter to someone who claims to be 90% vegan, wouldn't you?

Just a small point, Jack 👋, being vegan or vegetarian doesn't involve only food.
Maybe she'll come out with a fermented make up line.
 

Limey

Active member
Yes Jack the year is 1985 and we're all scandalised by women in bikinis. Fucks sake I don't even think an exposed minge would make the papers. They'll be out to get you on your hypocrisy.
*waves to any passing hack or hackette reading these threads*

Also, if you are a journo looking for the skinny on Monroe, might want to slide into the DMs of Kirsty Strickland or Laura Waddell, as they seem to have her number, and probably all the dirt.
 

Jelly Bean

VIP Member
'I don't need to be liked'.


Seriously I think she is shitting it a bit now. Only the tiniest effort of 'muck raking' will bring journos here. Probably the first Google search 'Jack Monroe Gossip' will be Tattle***. Stealing sandwiches? I think the £68k Kickstarter might be *slightly* more the sort of thing they are after.

*** Just checked - 'Jack Monroe Gossip' fills almost first Google page including the Lime Goss breakdown of the Jamie Oliver baiting.
 
Status
Thread locked. We lock threads when they have 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
Top
AdBlock Detected

Please disable your adblocker to use tattle

I've Disabled AdBlock    No Thanks