Jack Monroe #120 Jack and trace
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I swear she’s said before her oven is a bit crap and takes longer to cook, it would never take 50 mins for big sausages even in mine. And TWO ‘home economists’ re-tested her recipes? Like shite!
Forensically duck off, will you. She’s BUSY pretending to have the ‘RONA. Of COURSE, she could never be wrong....
Also, I have no knowledge on the subject but would the Express test the recipe, let alone twice? Really?
I'm sorry but that tit has been nowhere near any Home Economists.
Genuinely laughing now!
eta But it wasn't written by anyone at the Express. It was a paid for fluff piece by Mel Dinte wasn't it? They paid for 4 pages and the Express couldn't give a tit what was in it let alone test it! It was photoed in her house. It wasn't Express photographers.
Oh the liiiiiiieeeeeees!!!
“Watch out for the gravy” says Squiggle McChallenge-Jack
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE GRAVY FLYING MONKEYS.
Also, those are NOT parboiled roasties. They look like little watery salad potatoes that were briefly shown some heat during the summer of 1976.
The Sloppies were wonderful. I fell asleep in my ball gown on the sofa after attending. And that's just on my phone. Will watch the full works today.
the gravy recipe is rank and went nowhere near any testers. Jack is lying as usual.
Also any common sense zero-waste food blogger would do a Boxing Day leftover recipe list. Not make a
PS.
More ranting. Those aren’t home made Yorkshire puddings. They’re Aunt Bessie’s, I’m 99% sure if it. My mum buys them. Actual home made Yorkshire’s are beautiful puffy hunks. The frozen ones are just okay.
More ranting. Those aren’t home made Yorkshire puddings. They’re Aunt Bessie’s, I’m 99% sure if it. My mum buys them. Actual home made Yorkshire’s are beautiful puffy hunks. The frozen ones are just okay.
My home economics teachers would not who I would be asking for proper tasting recipies. They ( like her) were very basic cooks even to the untrained children they were teaching.
I looked at the back of a pack of sausages in my fridge and nowhere does it say cook for 50 minutes
The are frozen ones because they are nearly all uniform. Homemade ones even restaurant ones are not uniform.
Haha I really got stuck on that mental image and then on a lobster accompanied by cheese in the shape of a tree.
Is it me or is the mask slipping... Jack seems to be being horrible to everyone...
Speaking of affiliated links I'm not sure the bookshop . org link in her bio is totally honest either. I was listening to Alice Slaters book podcast about bookshop . org and the gist was that if you don't go through a specific bookshop 's link it makes more money for the person posting the link than any indie bookshop. I'd need to check the details but pretty sure that's it. Anyway it goes to a 404 page for me!
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If anyone ever criticises me again or asks me to do something I’m just going to howl, “I’m in bed with corona!”
It’s so immature!
It’s so immature!
Of those 130, how many were tattlers? If it wasn’t for us, her numbers with have been even worse400 people voted in the sloppies, meaning it would have honestly been better for Hellman’s to sponsor it over her ~130 viewer lives
If any home economists did test those recipes it must have felt like it was going against every fibre of their being.
This is hilarious. There is no way in hell those are homemade!
How do we report it?
She tripple tested those recipes? My arse. (Also, she truly is a Schroedinger's maverick. She both doesn't need to test recipes because her werid lil brain spunks out great recipes in one go, but she also TRIPPLE tested the willies-in-a-blanket)
No tit James. Not to mention the lard in the gravy!
I did think it was strange that she posted a close-up of every other side dish on twitter, but FOR SOME REASON not the Yorkshire puddings.
another hilarious recap, unsurprised she had corona (if true) what with her constant not following rules and endless trips to the post office and b and qCongratulations to @Hollaaa for the thread title!Your prize: front-row seats and tickets to The Sloppies after party (which is in Southend).
Recap of thread #119
- She got the ‘Rona.
- She’s been ‘practically ~ neurotic ~ about staying safe ... and there’s no point trying to identify where it came from.’
- She wasn’t going to ‘share every gritty detail’ but then ... she just couldn’t help herself.
- Fever Dream Jack listed all of her childhood comfort foods. And I mean all of them. No stone was left unturned by her forensic mind. Head cheese featured. Head cheese.
- She came to the attention of an academic mailing list. Screenshot here, with permission of email author.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
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- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
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- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
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