Jack Monroe #117 Exit through the grift slop

[Mel Donte]

I'm reading through the article again and whilst Jack doesn't specify that every ingredient is the cheapest possible I think it's very much implied. I think The Express are breaking ASA rule 2.1 - marketing communications must be obviously identifiable as such and 2.4 - marketers and publishers must make clear that advertorials are marketing communications; for example, by heading them "advertisement feature".

PS. Yes, I am VERY fun at parties

 

[maytoseptember]

Now that she's knitting a square for each sober day, how long before she gets bored of the tediousness of having to join them, and blames Cooper for running off with her stash?

I give it three days max.

Why the hell Jack would decide to make this grand statement of sobriety some seven hundred days in is crazy enough (yes, I know she said she relapsed a while ago ) but there’s no way this crazy ADHD maverick will have the self discipline to knit a square every single day.

Still, it’s a GREAT way to bring the conversation back to her 200 units a week days, isn’t it? She hasn’t talked about alcoholism for ages...

 

[Boyo]

THAT MAN is currently on Ch4 doing “Keep cooking at Xmas”. I swear he just made reference to a ‘standard’ turkey. Shade?

 

[Mel Donte]

View attachment 344438View attachment 344440View attachment 344441View attachment 344443View attachment 344444View attachment 344445

Don't know if that will do. I'm not very good with technology.

Amazing, thank you!

 

[BlendedSlop]

I love, LOVE prawns. 200g would do me just fine. I hate prawn cocktail though. Any prawn starter ideas that aren’t prawn cocktail dear hearts? Answers on a beige postcard please.

 

[Raydog]

Enormous hands, size h ring fingerView attachment 344267

Spoiler: Jack's hand close up

View attachment 344271

I thought she had teeny tiny pixie hands

 

[Boyo]

I thought she had teeny tiny pixie hands

That was THEN, not NOW when they need to be huuuuge to emphasise how knit-tastic she is.

 

[MancBee]

Can @MancBee or anyone else with the paper please upload full page photos if possible? I'm putting together a complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority.

My last effort was awful, let's try again.

Front cover

Page 2 and 3. All about Jack.

Page 3 and 4. The meal plan.

Shopping list and final part of menus.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I'm reading through the article again and whilst Jack doesn't specify that every ingredient is the cheapest possible I think it's very much implied. I think The Express are breaking ASA rule 2.1 - marketing communications must be obviously identifiable as such and 2.4 - marketers and publishers must make clear that advertorials are marketing communications; for example, by heading them "advertisement feature".

PS. Yes, I am VERY fun at parties

For full size versions click here:

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I know I said I hoped glass-blowing or basket-weaving Jack would appear but now that knitting Jack is here I regret saying anything.

That article had me snorting like one of the unfortunate pigs that became entombed in cheap bacon and turned into charcoal briquettes in the oven as a sacrifice to the Dark Slop Lord. Absolutely obscene display of Christmas-ruining incompetence. Our finest satirists couldn't possibly have written anything better than that introductory origin story spiel. Also if you're going to keep hoarding mushrooms, why not use them to make mushroom gravy so the poor vegan at your dinner table doesn't have to choke down a weird sloppy yet dry as duck mandarin bread loaf?

Actually, on the subject of that 'packed with protein' stuffing roast: if it's split between six, that's about 6g protein per serving. For reference, the average sedentary woman requires about 46g of protein per day. If you're doing pescatarian bodybuilding, it's closer to 100g. A fine example of her not having a clue about macronutrients. Or micronutrients. Any kind of nutrients, really.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Now that she's knitting a square for each sober day, how long before she gets bored of the tediousness of having to join them, and blames Cooper for running off with her stash?

She won't get as far as joining them together

 

[Mel Donte]

Complaint submitted. I'll report back if I hear anything!

 

[Silver Linings]

This is the front view of the chunky trainers.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

View attachment 344511
This is the front view of the chunky trainers.

 

[Nippybippy]

Why?
Prawns die.
I cry.
Why?

Omg this has ended me.

Also this whole article is ridiculous. I wonder how much any adults in her life (father?) may have reveled in a “gifted” diagnosis? Her grandiosity is embarrassing.

In parenting circles you definitely have some parents who go on and on about how gifted their kids are (newsflash, they never actually are—it’s a fuel for the parent’s ego).

Also—she can’t properly cook and complicates everything!

And furthermore you’re telling me her incredibly sweet and generous mother wouldn’t have helped her hungry child. Absolute bleeping bullshit. There are some people who can’t ask help from parents—I don’t believe for a second that was the case here.

Urggggghhh!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

View attachment 344511
This is the front view of the chunky trainers.

First I was like....


I‘d somehow forgotten this photoshoot preview! Herman Munster Day right?!

View attachment 344521

 

[Hollaaa]

View attachment 344511
This is the front view of the chunky trainers.

Why can she not use the right size crockery from her enormocollection for anything? You want a plentiful almost overflowing stack of potatoes, it's bloody Christmas. She might as well say "enjoy your scanty potatoes, povvos", and have done with it.

 

[ScamSandwich]

Except that it does NOT contain unnecessary details- they are all in it for a reason..to establish a weird bond and narrative and fake inside look.
Strange only that with such a lovely and close-knit family she suffered from poverty and did not have enough to eat.

To be clear for non-coven readers: People should not have to rely on their families, everyone should be able to feed themselves based on benefit, no exceptions allowed.

Oh, and I think the very tiring long trek to Asda was because she wants to get a deal with them. Why would she mention them so often?

Quoting my own post to say that I was not lecturing you, @NoseyParkour , I hope it did not come across that way. Just a shouty, rambling, angry Scamsandwich.
Not necessary to ever tell a Frau something they could not figure out for themselves.

A tattoo explanation. Of course it was to do with an ex and probably a passive aggressive way of provoking them into contacting her. She is such a narcissist, I don’t know how the squiggles can’t put two and two together

View attachment 344299

Ps. Except some passive aggressive tweet about the state of her nails at some point - as soon as she Grunka’s.

she does not have to explain she is no Alpha.

 

[Nippybippy]

The star jumper was one of the first things triangulated way back in a very early thread.

It's this one, but in a different colour, I think.

[ATTACH type="full" alt="Screenshot_20201212-
142717_Opera.jpg"]344120[/ATTACH]

Wtf!!!!!

 

[ScamSandwich]

To be fair I thought it was some sort of horseshoe.
A nod to her Traveller heritage or whatever she claims she is today.

ETA.. But now she is with The Express, that'll be sanitised from her timelines.

Babe, same x
And whatever it is, it is so bloody tacky.